A list of thoughts

I had when I realized my ex-husband has a child with the woman he was (probably) cheating on me with before we split up.

Of course he was cheating on me. Why did I ignore the signs? How could I have been so stupid?
Was I stupid for the entire thing? Do I suddenly regret everything?
How can she think being with him is a good idea?
Why do they look so happy? Are they really?
Don’t I deserve happiness?
Why wasn’t I worth working it out with?
Was it all my fault? Maybe he’s not as bad as I think he was?
Perhaps he suddenly changed? Was I holding him back?
She’s cute.. and not as thin as I would have expected.
I wonder if I would like her if I met her in another situation.
I do hope he’s happy at least.
Their relationship will probably end anyway, statistically speaking.
What a terrible name for a child.
What have I been doing these last five years? Is everything really awesome? Or does it amount to nothing?
How much does his mother like her?
Was there any way I could have succeeded in her eyes?
Why did this have to happen on a day when I’m so emotional about the bartender?
At least I’m upset about the situation and not hung up on him.
But why do I keep picking cowardly people who aren’t honest with me? Or is it just that most people are cowards?
How will I ever sleep again?
Why do I even care? It doesn’t matter. I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with another asshole, in fact. And it doesn’t change anything. We’d still be split up for almost five years.

And a million other thoughts. Ugh!

They’re not healthy or secure for the most part.

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