Becoming Cliterate

June 11th, 2018

Becoming Cliterate
$11.99 from Amazon

Becoming Cliterate is a book that I read a while back and intended to get around to reviewing much before now. Arg. But here I am, with my thoughts on the book that was graciously provided to me by the author herself to review.

So, who wrote Becoming Cliterate? Laurie Mintz is a Ph.D. author and therapist who is also a professor at the University of Florida. She’s about as qualified as they come to write this book, and the only reason she didn’t wind up on my post dedicated to the women of sexology is that I didn’t discover her until just after I posted it.  Had I known of her and Becoming Cliterate, I certainly would have wanted to include her on that list.

The subtitle of Becoming Cliterate explains exactly what the book is about: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How To Get It. Dr. Mintz wants to crush that orgasm gap and bring more pleasure to women. To do so, we’ve got to think about sex differently as the description explains.

We’ve been thinking about sex all wrong. Mainstream media, movies, and porn have taught us that sex = penis + vagina, and everything else is just secondary. Standard penetration is how men most reliably achieve orgasm. The problem is, women don’t orgasm this way. We’ve separated our most reliable route to orgasm—clitoral stimulation—from how we feel we should orgasm—penetration. As a result, we’ve created a pleasure gap between women and men.

I cannot say that I argue just reading thus far. In fact, these are some of the very same things that I try to teach my readers, so I was excited to see how Dr. Mintz tackles the issue in Becoming Cliterate. I frequently found myself nodding along as Dr. Mintz explained how many women require clitoral stimulation and that our traditional idea of sex misses the mark. I followed as she explained female anatomy, a subject I’ve even written on myself, felt fire rising within as Dr. Mintz discussed our difficult and shame recognizing female sexuality, and nodded approval when she provided suggested “Scripts” for sexual encounters that would leave both partners orgasmic and ecstatic (these three sections make up the bulk of the book).

I also found myself surprised at the new information that I gleaned from this book (a response that seems pretty common in anyone who has learned something from the good doctor!). I’ve read many books that I am more apt to recommend to people who are less familiar with sex than I am. I’ve seen a lot of repeated information, and, sure, there is some of that in Becoming Cliterate. But I was still pleasantly surprised while reading Becoming Cliterate. Bits of new-to-me information include:

  • the fact that doctors have injected collagen into the G-spot
  • that the upper two-thirds of the vagina may lack sensation enough to perform surgery without anesthetic,
  • that many women experience easier and better orgasms solo than with partners
  • that antihistamines can dry up vaginal lubrication, that vibration may increase the number of nerve endings on the clitoris
  • that some water-based lube is not compatible with polyisoprene condoms

Dr. Mintz really did her work, and this was especially apparent when she discusses searching for information about the clitoris and where/how it attaches to the inner lips. Dr. Mintz reports sources that state it attaches in one, two or either one or two spaces. In her search for the truth, Dr. Mintz even wound up contacting them, and one source updated their information. I suppose what I am saying is that even if you think you might know it all already, you don’t (neither I nor a so-called expert did!), and Becoming Cliterate might be a good resource.

While I learned a lot from Becoming Cliterate, one of Dr. Mintz’s main goals is to change the way we think about sex, a manner of thinking that leads to orgasm and pleasure disparities and pain or worse at worst. She touches on how we define sex, casual sex, and masturbation. After setting the groundwork for thinking about sex in a healthy way, Dr. Mintz proceeds to tell the reader how to actually change their actions to follow. She writes as though she’s directing a play with options for the plot; although, she precedes the four play options with “Act 1,” which can be a bit confusing.

Dr. Mintz follows this with a crucial chapter about communication, which can help readers discuss their needs for orgasm with their partners and to have better sex in general. She makes arguments against faking it, for scheduling/orchestrating sex and asking for what you need. In short, Dr. Mintz talks the real talk that will help readers have realistic sex that provides the pleasure they seek.

Her real talk continues as she closes the section of the book for female readers and segues into more practical advice for their partners. As you can tell, I feel pretty good about recommending Becoming Cliterate as it wrapped up.

Now, I have seen complaints that Becoming Cliterate does not talk about G-spot pleasure, but I do not think this is a valid critique, at least not the way that I saw it. I am not sure what readers expect: it’s right there in the name. Furthermore, Dr. Mintz explains early and frequently that both published surveys and her own experience show that most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, including a portion of women who prefer clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously to get off. The book also challenges the idea that vaginal orgasms are better in any way, so this angle is not only to be expected but completely understandable!

At best, this complaint stands only because Dr. Mintz could have used the opportunity to explain how the G-spot is simply the internal portion of the clitoris and that orgasms achieved through G-spot stimulation are just another type of clitoral orgasm.

In fact, if I have a criticism of Becoming Cliterate, it’s that the focus is on orgasm (Dr. Mintz says at one point that “quality sex means orgasm equality”) when we all know very much that is it not the only vehicle of pleasure and sometimes focusing on orgasm as a means to pleasure can be shooting yourself in the foot. To be fair. Dr. Mintz does touch on this, explaining that she wants to close the orgasm gap while recognizing the very point I just made. I understand that this may be the only way you can write a book like Becoming Cliterate. But her point comes near the end of the book where attention may have waned and after people may have already gotten the wrong idea. I would simply like to see her reiterate it toward the beginning while keeping the notes toward the end just to ensure that readers understand that this emphasis doesn’t intend to exclude non-orgasm-based pleasure.

But my critiques are few and far between. Dr. Mintz wrote a book that’s approachable and easily digested. It’s not intimidating. Dr. Mintz is personable and, at times, funny. She includes a chapter for (male) partners to read to increase their own cliteracy and help their female partners become more orgasmic. Although the focus is on heterosexual partners, Becoming Cliterate doesn’t exclude any other pairing.

Perhaps best of all is that the advice in this book is both actionable and fun. I’ve read books that erred too far on the “fun” side, resulting in a loss of information. I’ve also read books that were informative but lacked ways for readers to incorporate that information into their lives. With Becoming Cliterate, I think Dr. Laurie Mintz succeeds at both, and I feel confident in recommending this books to my readers.

Get it now on Amazon for your Kindle in hardcover or in the newly-released paperback version!

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Categories: Books

Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo

June 4th, 2018

Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo
$38.99 from SheVibe

If you’ve been around a while, you probably know that silicone dildos are really hit or miss with me. Few have stolen my heart, and the ones that have done so in a big way.

I feel a bit like Goldilocks when it comes down to it. While velvety textures work well for vibrators, I am not as enthused about them for my dildos. So, too, have I enjoyed large vibrators, but I wasn’t sold by Tantus’ Goliath. Speaking of that dildo, the silicone was nearly rigid, something I like in glass, but apparently not in silicone. It wasn’t until I tried VixSkin that I really fell in love with silicone – and then had my heart broken when I accidentally used silicone lube with my Spur and ruined it.

One of the more recent silicone dildos to earn my whole-hearted (whole-vagina’ed?) approval was the Unicorn Horn Dildo by Split Peaches, which comes in both iridescent white and two Pride-appropriate rainbows. Several years before then, I appreciated the Tantus Faerie; although, I rarely use it.

So it was about time for me to try a new dildo, and the Real Nude Helio Silicone Suction Cup Dildo is it. SheVibe sent me this dildo to review, and I must admit that I am behind the times. I hadn’t realized how many companies were making dual-density dildos, which I seem to enjoy more than traditional single-density silicone. Nor did I realize that Ducky Doolittle had joined the company, a large part of their overall improvement, I am sure.

So you have dual-density silicone in fun and realistic designs with fanciful colors. Sounds like a good deal, right? And I do like several things about the Real Nude Helio]. First, the dual-density silicone is the shiny type (yup, it’s going to attract any hair, fur or piece of lint within arm’s length) with a squishy outer layer. To be honest, I think the core is softer than other dual-density, but it still manages a steady thrust. If, however, you’re the type who uses your dildos more vigorously, then the Helio might not cut it for you.

Real Nude Helio Dildo

Helio has some serious give

I enjoyed the squish and think I could take a larger toy in diameter than the Helio because of it. It’s only [measurements], so it doesn’t seem intimidating. A good middle-of-the-road dildo.

I am hesitant to recommend it as a G-spotter because while I was able to achieve some G-spot stimulation, mine is quite easily reached and it was the pressure from insertion more than the size or angle that helped me do so. Helio does have a very slight curve of the shaft as well as a contoured head, but I am not sure that the design of these two makes that much sense. You see, if you insert this dildo so that the curve is facing your G-spot or P-spot, the contoured head is not. You’re making contact with the smoother side. For someone who requires that hook or bulb to get the job done, Helio is probably not going to be the right toy.

There is another perk, however, as you can see in you see in my photos. It does have a suction cup base, so you can stick it on our shower wall or even a window to use as you see fit. It’s not a feature that I make much use of other than for taking photos, but I know some of my readers will like it.

Overall, my opinion of the Real Nude Helio Dildo is hotter than lukewarm. I think it feels nice, but the shape isn’t as specialized for G-spot stimulation as I or many of my readers might prefer. A more curved shaft and a head that contours to stimulate your G-spot would make more sense. Otherwise, I think a larger shaft might make this a winner for someone who fancies themselves a size king/queen.

My first impressions with blush’s real nude line were enticing enough that I would try another in the line, and I’ll certainly keep my eye out for pieces in the line that have more interesting shapes. But it’ll take more than what Real Nude offers to dethrone my favorite VixSkin toys. But at less than $40, they’re not really in competition.

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Categories: Dildos, Reviews

lingerie

Science of Sex: Female Sexual Dysfunction

May 19th, 2018

Welcome to my latest installment of Science of Sex. I’ve officially be doing these for more than a year and have more planned! If you want to check out my archives, click here. Otherwise, enjoy this month’s post!science of sex - female sexual dysfunction

Today we’re venturing into the realm of female sexual dysfunction, just what it is, and why that title might not actually be helpful.

At its heart, female sexual dysfunction is an issue with sexual functioning in a woman. This can include a number of conditions and concerns, but four of the main ones are:

  • Desire : Many women and sometimes their partners describe their lack of spontaneous desire as a dysfunction. However, studies show that women are more likely to have responsive desire than men. This is not a dysfunction as much as it is a difference in sexual function. Furthermore, some have suggested that the traditional stages of arousal may not apply as well to women whose arousal process is more cyclical. It’s also important to understand that a woman’s sexual brakes are often quite touchy (learn more about this). Finally, low desire often corresponds to relationship issues, so it’s not so much a sign of sexual dysfunction as it is one of relationship dysfunction.
  • Arousal: Female sexual dysfunction can also present as a lack of physical arousal. This highlights further incorrect assumptions or beliefs about female sexuality. First, it doesn’t take into consideration that women are much less likely to experience concordance – an alignment between mental desire and physical arousal – than men and, secondly, it ignores the variance in a woman’s natural lubrication.
  • Orgasm: Some women may describe their inability to orgasm through sexual intercourse as dysfunction, but multiple surveys have found that the majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and very few achieving orgasm solely through penetration. At least one study reports a group of women who prefer penetration/sex with their clit stim as a way to get off.
  • Pain: Too many women experience pain during intercourse (in fact, at least one study has found that the bar for good sex for women is so low that they simply describe it as sex that is not painful). This is often remedied by increasing foreplay to encourage arousal, using lube and improved sexual communication. While conditions such as vaginismus and endometriosis can lead to pain during sex, painful sex can also be a symptom of poor technique and can often be ameliorated by changing the script.

Of course, there are other types of dysfunction, including those that center on physical issues and are not rooted in psychological or romantic distress. But the solution or treatment to any one of these “dysfunctions” may not be at all alike to the treatment for any other dysfunction.

The problem is that the term sexual dysfunction itself is not well-defined, and female sexual dysfunction is even more poorly defined because the umbrella term lumps together so many potential issues, including those that may be easily rectified by a better understanding of female sexuality. Furthermore, having a stronger grasp on female sexuality would show that some so-called dysfunctions are simply functions of sexuality in women that do not need to be pathologized. Of course, it’s not like men don’t suffer from this. It’s not a dysfunction if men ejaculate within ten minutes — it’s the norm — but the deep-seated misunderstanding of female sexual function had led to a lot of suffering.

Fortunately, doctors have devised questionnaires such as the aptly-named Sexual Function Questionnaire, and other tools to more readily diagnose sexual dysfunctions and focus on the root of the problem, whether it may be physical, relational, or a combination of factors. Sex therapists and educators are also making great strides in adjusting public and personal views of normal and healthy sexual function. For example, Dr. Emily Nagoski has written about desire and arousal in her book Come As You Are, Dr. Laurie Mintz shed light on clitoral stimulation in her own book Becoming Cliterate, and Dr. Lori Brotto helps women experience greater sexual function in her recently-released book Better Sex Through Mindfulness.

It should come as no surprise that women working on sexual research and providing sex therapy offer unique insight into female sexuality and what truly is dysfunction. If you’re interested in that topic, check out my post on  about the Women of Sexology

Further Reading

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Categories: Science of Sex

Celebrating #MasturbationMonth and Solo Sex

May 10th, 2018

We’re less than halfway through Masturbation Month, and I am quick enough to write a post celebrating it! Inconceivable!

I can’t remember the first time I masturbated. I know that I was making my Barbies have sex and contemplated my own pleasure when I was in the single digits. I thought of my vagina as the place that was supposed to give me pleasure, but I enjoyed clitoral friction. Like so many girls, my young masturbating often involved humping a pillow or blanket to sate this desire.

Nor do I recall the first time I masturbated with a toy. I know that I was 18 and living on my own for the first time. I purchased a vibrator online and soon followed this with a Rabbit Habit and then a second when that one broke because of the way that I liked to bend the toy during use.

Sometime between these two firsts, I had masturbated for the first time in someone else’s house. In fact, I think I have masturbated in nearly every home I’ve ever had the opportunity to sleep in, not to mention several hotels.

The first time I tried anal masturbation was shortly after I got my first vibrator, a purple behemoth that was likely made from jelly. I wanted to try anal insertion in the shower, so snuck it in the bathroom without my roommate seeing. I don’t know if I even owned lube at the time, and I certainly didn’t realize that jelly toys shouldn’t be swapped between orifices like that. In hindsight, it’s embarrassing but also a testament to my willingness to experiment.

I used those toys when I masturbated vociferously over the phone with my fiance (a naturally leap from our previous cyber sex) with whom I had partnered sex for the first time. He was also the first person I masturbated in front of, both on purpose and accidentally.

I was living overseas when I masturbated in public for the first time. Although, it was a limited definition of “public.” I was in the very last row of an otherwise empty bus and quickly rubbed one out through my jeans. I would not do that again.

The first time I squirted was during masturbation. My then-husband was deployed once more, and I was alone. I had inserted Ophoria’s K-balls and pressed a vibrator (the Miracle Massager). against them. This created intense G-spot stimulated thanks to the size of the balls. And the inner balls bounced around as the K-balls vibrated.

I remember the first time that I cried during masturbation. Things had recently ended with The Bartender. Every time I masturbated, I missed him and our amazing sex. I wasn’t ready to be back to doing it solo. I would often come or ejaculate and sometimes cry. I also recall the first time that I cried during masturbation that didn’t make me feel distressed. I was using the Unicorn dildo, and it seemed to pull an emotional catharsis as well as ejaculate out of me.

More recently, I tried my hand at bringing myself to orgasm as many times as possible in a single session (I typically advise that the number of orgasms doesn’t count). I typically get off three or so times during any session but this time, I wasn’t going to call it quits until I actually couldn’t stand it anymore. I had ten or eleven orgasms before the muscles in my forearm were sore and stiff and needed relief.

It was only several months ago when I used my right hand to masturbate for the first time. It had taken me over thirty years to try it, mostly because I am so laterally-handed. Since then, I’ve tried right-handed masturbating a few more time, but I will never be an ambidextrous masturbator.

I am an avid fan of masturbating. Whether single or in a relationship. In fact, I might even jerk off more when I have someone to send sexy messages to or with whom to have phone sex.

At any given time, I’d prefer to masturbate over having sex if I am unsure of the quality of the sex. If I was positive that partner play would be satisfying, I would prefer it. I occasionally miss a sensual or erotic massage where my partner lightly tickles my upper back. But having sex for the sake of having sex? Doesn’t cut it. I am not so enthralled by novelty that it’s enough to make up for the quality of sex that most straight guys seem to bring to the table.

In fact, I am not really swayed by novelty much at all at this point in my life. Although people like Epiphora have discussed how sex toy reviewers must sometimes force ourselves to use subpar toys when we’ve rather be playing with anything than else, I mean something more than that. More often than not, I do not want to use any toy. I started an orgasm spreadsheet earlier this year, which is now collecting dust because I almost always rub on out manually through my underwear, usually getting off two or three times. It’s so routine. I certainly don’t want to use multiple toys. It all just sounds like so much work.

Of course, I do try new toys and partners. I do sometimes crave toys specifically — often only to realize they have dead batteries because it’s been so long since I last reached for them. I do wonder whether another person or another toy can do it better. I usually write about them on this blog. I wouldn’t be much of a sex toy reviewer if I didn’t!

But sometimes it’s nice to return to my old standby. To get off without needing to prepare or worry about a partner’s pleasure. And isn’t the one of the great joys of masturbating?

This is a sponsored post but all words are my own.

Psst, if you’re looking to pick up some new toys to celebrate Masturbation Month, check out my list of sex toy sales!

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Categories: Articles

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Sex Toy Sales + Coupons

April 28th, 2018

Below you’ll find the best deals on sex toys from all the shops that I work with and support. I’ll earn a commission if you click and shop. Thanks for supporting me!

Check back frequently for new sales on sex toys, lingerie and BDSM goodies — not to mention freebies!

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Science of Sex: Female Ejaculation

April 28th, 2018

Guess what guys?! I’ve been writing the Science of Sex once a month for over a year. That’s pretty awesome! I am definitely glad to take suggestions like I did with this post. Just leave a comment, and it could become next month’s topic!

science of sex female ejaculation

To be honest, I didn’t really want to write a post about female ejaculation, but this is a request from a friend, so I decided to dip a toe into the water — if that’s what it even is.

Therein really lies the issue with female ejaculation, FE for short. Researchers have yet to prove what exactly is it; although, at least one study have claimed it’s just pee. Whenever a science team makes this claim, however, women are not so happy about it. It’s similar to when reports arise claiming that no G-spot exists.

Let’s start with what we do know:

  • All women are able to squirt a small amount of liquid, prostatic secretion, which contains prostate-specific antigen, that’s created in the Skene’s glands, also known as the paraurethral glands. The fluid is milky and white.
  • Some women are able to ejaculate a larger amount of liquid. It also comes from the urethra but is much greater in volume. This liquid is stored in the bladder before ejaculation.
  • Some women may be able to ejaculate but do not, so the liquid moves backward. This is known as retrograde ejaculation.

Here’s something else we know: FE in porn is often fakes. A woman’s vagina is filled with water, and she pushes it out. It looks good from the camera, but it’s not coming from the urethra.

But let’s back up. There’s one survey that I cannot ignore when talking about female ejaculation. In this survey, researchers used ultrasounds to view bladders. The women used the bathrooms to empty their bladders, and this was verified by the ultrasound. The women began stimulating themselves. After these women had orgasms, researchers collected samples from the liquid. Researchers used the ultrasound to show that the bladder was again empty. Although, we aren’t aware of how long it was between scans.

Some of the liquid contained PSA, but researchers determined there was also urine by looking for urea, creatinine, and uric acid (although, there were no trends between levels measured before, during and after FE). They concluded that squirting prostatic fluid and gushing were two different activities. This was not the first study to come to this conclusion.

However, at least five previous studies have also looked for these chemical markers and found no sign of creatinine in FE.

The one thing that struck me, assuming the newer French study is accurate, was that perhaps any fluid in the bladder would contain trace amounts of the chemicals that scientists tested for in the FE. Could it be not that this means these chemicals are markers of urine but simply markers of fluid that has been contained in the bladder? If that were the case, how would we absolutely define what is urine and what isn’t?

According to Dr. Debby Hebernick, female ejaculate is very diluted urine. This is backed up by anecdotal evidence that FE has a different smell/taste from urine. Dr. Grafenberg also described FE as having “no urinary character.”

I’ve also read from medical professionals that this diluted urine has not been filtered by the kidneys and perhaps could not be due to the volume of fluid.

I don’t know of any studies have that tested the following claim, but it’s worth mentioning. Medications that affect urine do not necessarily affect FE, perhaps because it’s not filtered by the kidneys.

The only thing that remains for sure after the 2015 study is that more research must be done, especially with a control group larger than seven women. And scientists must ask more specific questions than “Does FE contain these chemical markers?”.

Some studies have asked better questions than this one. For example, the writers ponder whether FE might serve an antimicrobial purpose, which could spell good news for people who struggle with UTIs from sex.

Other papers remind us that female ejaculation was readily accepted as a sexual function thousands of years ago, but society seems to have forgotten this a time or two.

But as it the case with so many aspects of female sexuality, we need to spend more money and time to learn more.

More information about female ejaculation

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Categories: Science of Sex

Touch your partner online with KIIROO

Gballs 2

April 19th, 2018

Gvibe Gballs 2
$109.99 from Of Sex and Love Store

I first got in contact with Gvibe because I like that they create a smart Kegel exerciser. Now, if you remember my issues with Minna’s kGoal (tl;dr: it hurt like hell and connection was shoddy), you might be surprised that I’d be willing to try another one of this device. I’m a god damn hero, am I right?

But I could immediately tell that Gballs (technically Gballs 2) were smaller, and I counted on this being more comfortable. I was right (duh!). The vaguely hourglass-shape is definitely smaller (both more narrow and shorter) than the kGoal as well as most traditional Keg

el balls. It’s definitely manageable in a way that I don’t have a ton of experience with. My pubic bone just seems to get in the way. Gballs are simply a better fit.

One way this impacts my experience is that I only need one hand to insert Gballs. I needed to fucking wrestling kGoal into my vagina with both hands. This meant I had to touch my phone to connect, wash hands, insert, wash my hands, then waddle my way into my bedroom where I could lie down, relax and control the device. With Gballs, I pop them in with one hand, meaning I can keep one hand on my phone and use the other, if necessary, to adjust the toy. I don’t get bacteria from my phone near my vagina, and my phone stays lube-free. I far prefer this to all the obnoxious sex toys that rely on apps and two hands.

Gvibe makes up for this small size by making the retrieval chord also function as an antenna (it’s coated in silicone as is the device itself). It’s fairly long, and I think this is why. This is pretty smart IMO. Where I had issues with initial connectivity, turning on the kGoal and getting it to connect, Gballs connected nearly immediately and the connection is more stable (but imperfect, which I will touch on in a while).

Another difference comes by way of the mechanism that measures the strength of your PC muscles. Minna decided on a sort of inflatable-ballon that your muscles squeeze. With Gballs, there’s a small, pressure-sensitive dimple above the power button. I can easily feel and stimulate it (and sometimes accidentally hit it when I am simply holding the toy) with my fingers. I’ve had little issue with it reading pressure from my vag muscles, either. Although, I spent the first few times adjusting the position a bit – insert more, tug on the cord just a bit – to find the right fit. Now, it seems to slide more easily into place.

I’d like to move away from the comparisons between these two devices, however. This isn’t a scathing review of kGoal. I’ve already written one of those. But neither are the Gballs perfect. My issues are pretty much all with the app, Magic Kegel, so let’s go down that rabbit hole.

My first complaint is probably just that there’s so much going on. After launching it, I’m greeted by prompts to set up my account and go through a tutorial. There’s actually a medal for this tutorial that I’ve somehow not earned because it disconnected fairly quickly. I didn’t realize this immediately, however.

When disconnected, the app shows a redheaded avatar, ostensibly to match the voice that walks you through your training. I suggest you keep this one the first time you use Magic Kegel with your Gballs – but only the first time!

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If you want to get a move on, select the training tab. There’s a “Courses” button in the top left that lets you select one of six categories: Entry Level, Honeymoon, Planning a Baby, New Mom, Muscle Recovery, and Hot Lover. Yea, the ones that are relationship-centric are a little icky, but I get it. Now, all of these icons are grey, which is honestly a weird UI choice. Greyed-out options indicate “Locked” to me, and I’d imagine many others. What it actually means in Magic Kegel is “Not Selected.” Once you select a course and an intensity level (entry through master), the icon will become colored. And when a course and level is selected, you can simply hit the Play button from the Training screen before subsequent workouts without having to select a course again.

Each level has descriptions to help you decide what to go with but, they’re not great. A lot of the text in Magic Kegel feels as though it’s written by someone to who is not quite fluent in English. I understand it, but it’s awkward. And it’s potentially offensive. The Honeymoon category is described as follows;

For women who have average sexual experience, sit long hours (for example, in the office), don’t do sports or overweight. This course can help to overcome vaginal and pelvic floor muscles sag. Daily exercises can strengthen and tone muscles of vaginal canal and increase the blood flow to the genital area.

Like I said.. awkward. And equating body size to the strength of your PC muscles makes little sense. Kegels aren’t going to slim your body, and you can do them sitting??? Plus, athletic might give zero fucks about the tone of their PC muscles before using this app.

Aside from that, Magic Kegel relies on sexual experience as a metric for choosing your course too much. “Hot Lover” describes having three years of sexual experience, but I just can’t buy this. Even assuming that sexual experience means penetration (as if there can only be one, rigid definition of sex – ha!), does this affect the tone of your PC muscles? I shouldn’t think so, but I will gladly be proven wrong. And over the course of that time, sex can be inconsistent, anyway. This isn’t really a helpful descriptor, IMO.

Anyway, I recommend using the voice controls for the first time because you’ll hear the woman’s voice telling you when to contract and relax. There’s an on-screen bar that fills in green when you should contract, but this wasn’t initially clear because there’s also an overall timer for each set (between 60 and 90 seconds usually), but there’s a lot of padding around the sets. The timer also occasionally lags. Once you understand this, sound is totally unnecessary.

Each workout has four sets. These sets can vary in length and reps between the courses, but they’re the same within a specific level of specific course, but the reps are always repeated four times per each course. You’ll also have both long and short contractions. There’s are several three-second breaks in each set to give your muscles time to relax, but it bothers the hell out of me that these come at irregular intervals according to the timer.

An example workout might be 3 long squeezes, 3-second break, 5 short squeezes, 3-second break, 3 long squeezes. Repeat three more times. Four reps are required for the app to consider your workout for that course complete, and the sets are counted after they’re finished.

As you complete those workouts, a green circle will begin building around the workout icon, measuring your goal to completion. The progress bar moves slowly. I’ve stuck to Entry Level just to push it further, and I’m about 1/8th of the way around the circle after five or so sessions.

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I’ve mentioned before that you can earn medals, and this progress bar is one of them. You’ll see achievements under the Me tab, and there are a few beginner levels that I knocked out easily enough (there’s one about a questionnaire that doesn’t seem to exist, but the folks at Gvibe plan to remove that). “Advance” medals are all about exercising streaks, starting with two days in a row and working up to three months straight. All the Lina medals are about the flower you can grow with your vagina. Yep, you read that right.

In the Statistics tab, you can see numeric statistics, or you can click another tab to see the flower you’re growing with your vagina. Mine’s at level 7 and looking pretty healthy. It’s jumped a level if not two during each workout. This is cute but silly and easily ignored. If Gvibe wants to make this a more significant feature, I don’t see why they can’t add a little plant icon to the training screen, so you can see it in real-time.

This screen also includes your current bean count. I am not entirely sure how that works with level but was totally confused at first because it looks nothing at all like a bean and there’s no contextual information. Beans help you unlock fun features, which are essentially vibration modes. I can see they’re trying to further gamify the app and toy with this but am not personally interested in these unlockables. (They’re just one of the extraneous functions of the app to me, including links to other Gvibe products and a blurb about the company. There’s a menstrual calendar that might be useful to come, but I am perplexed that they don’t recommend using it during your period. Why??)

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Of course, the numbered stats are what interest me more. Logging on shows today’s data, if any and that of your last workout. Magic Kegel tracks workout length, endurance, strength, control ability, and initial rating. The system uses a 0-100 scale for this evaluation, and I started in the 60s and have progressed to the 80s. However, the numbers always have a measurement “M” behind them, as in 67M. It doesn’t correlate with any actual measurement, so I think a % would offer clarity. Honestly, I’d rather have a specific measurement than an arbitrary scale.

Now, the stats are what someone like me really wants (and I’ll tell you about my progress a bit later on), but they’re also frustrating. If your Gballs disconnect during a workout, you lose your stats. There were days where I had stats show up in the tab despite the toy disconnecting from the app, but those stats were reset to 0 when I signed in the next day. I definitely don’t think I am seeing all my data from before, which is frustrating. It does appear that stats may only fill in when your device is depicted. With my app disconnected, I can only see the length of workouts and none of the other stats.

This is where I have to talk about the app disconnecting. When everything is working right, you connect the Gballs to your phone, pop them in, and start a course. Aside from the guiding voice, the Gballs vibrate to instruct you to squeeze. However, if they only vibrate once you’ve started squeezing, you’re disconnected, and that’s just the pressure gauge making the balls vibrate when you contract.

Another thing you’ll see on-screen is a little birdy flying in the sky. When you squeeze, he moves closer to the clouds. This correlates to that o-100 scale. There’s often lag, and Magic Kegel becomes laggier the longer I use the app. It’s almost in real-time during the first few reps but slows down as time moves on. It’ll get to the point that the birdie will remain in place when I am squeezing but erratically flutter up after I’ve relaxed. Occasionally, I see no bird at all. You can always follow the bar or voice, instead, but it’s a bit glitchy.

This lag also extends to the vibration that triggers your exercises. Occasionally, it starts after the bar. Sometimes, it doesn’t vibrate at all. At other times, you’ll get a really long vibration that’s out of sync with the app as it tries to catch up. You can ignore it, but it’s quite distracting. It’s better than no vibration at all, however.

When your device disconnects, the bird disappears and you again see the little avatar. The bar keeps moving, however. In the beginning, before I was comfortable with Magic Kegel, I didn’t catch this. I noticed the vibration but it was only in response to my contractions and not encouraging them. I thought I was completing the workout, but it wasn’t recording data. Now, I can catch the disconnect right away to reconnect and..

You don’t need to leave the workout to reconnect.

The rep counter overlays the connect button, but you can still press it to reconnect without leaving the workout. You can pause and exit, but it’s faster for me to just touch the button through this screen (I probably lose a bit of data as I skip a rep, though). I would actually prefer a pop-up that alerts me that my device has disconnected, auto-pauses the workout and allows me to reconnect. But being able to reconnect is better than nothing at all.

The app recommends lying on your back with your feet flat on the floor and knees bent. This is actually not super comfortable for me because I tend to flex my quads, and I think the main purpose is to keep your device connected to the Gballs. I’ve experimented with letting my legs rest on the bed while close, and the device sometimes disconnects, even if I keep the antenna/cord pulled up against my mons.

If you want to use the app with your Gballs, this position is probably the best.

But!

You don’t need to use the app.

Because of that pressure-sensitive spot, you can simply pop in the Gballs without connecting them and squeeze. When you do, it’ll vibrate. I don’t find this particularly pleasurable because the vibrations are on the weaker end and buzzy. You can adjust the intensity of them in the app, but I keep mine about midway. Honestly, I squirt pretty easily, and don’t want to do that when doing Kegels. Anyway, the vibe are hella useful feedback. Am I doing this right? Well, does it vibe? Yes. Otherwise, maybe you need to adjust position. Sure, this isn’t as specific as the feedback from the app itself, but it negates the need to keep one hand on your phone, anyway.

Furthermore, you can pop the Gballs in and use them while going through the courses on the app without connecting. This might be a good option if you’re struggling with Bluetooth. Then, the app just works as an instructor and helps you get in your reps. It won’t record your data, but you’re still getting in your workout.

I think you’ve got a pretty good idea of how the Gballs work with or without Magic Kegel, but I know what you all want to know:

Do the Gballs work??

I’ve noticed a distinct improvement in stats over time. Even just using it two days in a row shows greater control and strength on the second day. Interestingly, my initial strength is usually greater than my muscle strength at the end of the workout, and I can feel how much easier it is to squeeze during that first time. I’m not experiencing any soreness afterward, but it’s just harder to maintain that strength sometimes, especially during some workouts.

I haven’t been using the Gballs long or consistently enough to see if it’s affected anything (I have not sneezed over the last two weeks, I guess?!), and neither my orgasms or libido seems affected. In fact, on days when I’ve used the Gballs, I am far less likely to masturbate if I haven’t already done it because I’ve begun associating my vagina with work/a task. Similarly, I’ve never had more than one workout session a day (although, I usually do at least two workouts, especially as I was getting used to the app).

I’ll throw in a mention of battery at this point because I will soon be wrapping this up. My Gballs came charged, and I didn’t bother to see if I could charge them any further. I’ve used them for well over an hour at this point, and they’re still going. I am not sure what sort of indication the device or app will give me when it’s time to charge, but I imagine you can get quite a few workouts done because the Gballs do not vibrate continuously, only to trigger a contraction or in response to one, depending on whether the device is connected. The site says you can get up to 4 hours of working time, and I plan to update this when I need to charge.

The Gballs are a little smaller, a little cheaper, and a lot less frustrating than kGoal; although your mileage may vary. Perhaps the strongest commendation I can give the Gballs is that I can see myself continuing to use them after I’ve written this review, and I rarely do that with most sex toys. I was glad to shove my kGoal in a drawer and never have to look at it again.

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