Loveo Nox

December 2nd, 2015

Now that I’ve given more than one sound-controlled vibrator a try, I feel pretty confident comparing how they work and, more than that, whether or not they’re even a thing we need to have at all. Unfortunately for companies like Lelo and Loveo, the answer to the latter question is an unequivocal “No.”

Let’s start with Loveo’s shape, a slightly-curved shaft intended for G-spot stimulation. The head isn’t as flat or narrow as some G-spotters. It definitely is rounded and wider than some toys. The gradual taper feels more filling than some G-spot toys, but I can see why is would be a poor fit if you need an extreme angle for adequate G-spotting.

This is all covered in silky smooth silicone that could be primed with some lube but doesn’t have nearly as much drag as a Fun Factory toy, for instance. Aside from the plastic buttons, it’s covered in this somewhat-squishy layer of silicone that’s much softer than a Lelo toy.

It’s also waterproof thanks to the charging ports that’s similar to many toys on the market. You’ll need to wiggle the adapter into the port just right. I’ve had more problems with this type of port than I care to admit. I don’t know if it’s just me, though.

I’m not thrilled with the appearance, either. It’s not that it’s pink. Enough of my fellow bloggers have made public their annoyance with a certain shade befit only for Barbie. But the silver, plastic panel appears cheap. And the shape of the buttons offers no redemption; although, they do offer a nice tactile feedback when in use. It’s just the whole design reminds me of Maia Toys, too pink, too little, too late, yet not enough to stand out in any recognizable way.

Next come the buttons, 2 of which switch between modes and 2 that adjust strength of vibrations. You must first turn it on by holding the + button (holding the – turns it off) then press either the H to turn on sound activation or M button to use regular vibrators.

When you’re in steady vibes, pressing the M quickly cycles through escalation, pulsaton, a combination mode, mixed length pulses and back to steady vibrations. Interestingly, there’s a mode through the cycle that does nothing at all, which is just a wasted button push in my opinion.

The vibrations are on the buzzy side of moderate, especially when you turn up the strength, and there are only three levels of them when on the constant vibration mode. They’re enough to make me squirt but not the type that would get me off clitorally.

If you’ve used Siri 2, then you know what to expect from Loveo Nox. There’s a slight delay when making noise. You can imitate a pulse once you get used to it, but it’s much harder to achieve escalation. For steady vibrations, you would need constant noise. I find using my breath works especially well.

Music is a toss up as it’ll vibrate constantly if it’s too close to the source or the music is too loud. But the microphone in this toy, which is located in the handle, seems more responsive than that of Siri 2. There’s about a 6-inch range before the toy cuts out.

It’s undeniable that the sound-responsive function in these toys is useless as a solo endeavor. Short of screaming yourself hoarse or blaring music, both of which would likely get the cops called on you, it’s nearly impossible to create loud enough ambient noise. One could arguably masturbate closer to a source of sound, perhaps a laptop or seated in front of a desk, but that’s not my style. And it’s still a big “if.”

I think that about sums up my opinion on “innovative” “features” of sex toys. If I have to completely change my masturbation habits in a way that’s distracting, this feature is really a liability. I would even give companies some slack considering my unusual need for pressure and general ability to get off within single-digit minutes, but the Loveo Nox is one that seems just as trying for most users.

With that said, it might be more useful during partner play, when your partner is able to breathe, moan or otherwise make noise into the microphone but this still requires your partner to adapt to the toy and not the other way around. I can’t see how this bodes well.

With many toys that are “new” or “improved,” I find myself trying to sell it on virtues of being a decent albeit unremarkable toy when you fall back on standard functions, but Loveo has included a motor that’s generally forgettable. This is especially true when compared with vibrators that have dual motors or especially deep vibrations.

I always feel bad when writing a review that’s negative, but I would feel worse leading my readers astray. If you’re looking for something better, the Loveo Nox isn’t it. It’s different, but that’s certainly not a selling point in this case.

There are plenty of attractive toys, toys that stimulate the G-spot with a similar amount of girth, vibrators made of silicone and those that offer deep vibrations that would be a better investment than this one.

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A new review is coming, gaiz

November 25th, 2015

I just have to take a photo or two.

Actually, there’s two reviews. I need to write the review for the one item I have photos for – ha!

And there will probably be some Black Friday sales. Keep an eye on Facebook/Twitter, where I’ve been sharing those deals.

Just gotta dust off some cobwebs in here.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

I Don’t Want to Have Sex with Myself

October 28th, 2015

Well, no, that’s not exactly right. I am a sexual being. I generally enjoy masturbating, even if my orgasms are more perfunctory than anything else, and even if the most I get out of squirting is bragging rights (it doesn’t accompany orgasm).

But it’s not something I’ve ever been good at planning per se. Because I don’t I want to. Unlike with sex, masturbation is almost always something I do at the spur of the moment, and that’s how I like it. If the mood strikes after watching a particularly sexy movie scene or browsing Tumblr, I’ll pause for somewhere between 1 and 10 orgasms, weak wrists and fatigued arm muscles allowing.

I can’t really entice it to happen, however. Sometimes erotica helps, but it doesn’t always. And I don’t necessarily care that much. It’s like I simply can’t be bothered to stop playing Ingress or watching another episode of The Munsters (because it’s almost Halloween!) or playing some random Facebook game that’s not just a time suck but a boring one at that.

It’s disconcerting to care so little for something that defines me so much, but right now it’s something I can “get away with” because of my lack of sexual partner. And even if you argued I am my own partner in this, it’s not something I’m chasing myself down to do. I’ve no doubt this will change eventually, but it’s a weird place to be in right now.

 

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October 21st, 2015

I don’t know how to make this blog relevant to my life right now. And I haven’t for a while.

I feel so torn about this. For the first time in a a while — a couple years, really — I am more than “fine.” I am really okay. Good, even. And I’m glad.

But right now, that just doesn’t involve sex or love or even masturbation. My life is lacking in all the things that I need for blog fodder.

It’s not as though I will ever lose interest in sex. It’s a very important part of who I am, but it’s not the only thing. I think that’s something I need to come to terms with to finally get over the Bartender.

And human sexuality will forever intrigue me in all its glorious, weird vastness. Everything I read only makes me want to learn more.

I think it’s just time that I soak in what others have to say rather than say anything of my own. This terrifies me — that I may become irrelevant.

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Make love to your long distance lover online

I’ve Been Published

October 10th, 2015

I’m very proud to announce that you can find my writings published in hard cover and not just on my blog.

Check out the books below to find my stories.  Hopefully, this list grows as I am published more.

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She

September 25th, 2015

I guess I didn’t know what I expected when I kiss her for the first time. Her lips were soft, breath warm on my own mouth. But that wasn’t any different from any of them men I’d kissed before; although, I wouldn’t complain about the lack of stubble. But what was really different was the taste. Her lipstick had just a hint of sweetness mixed with the waxy base. It was what I imagined kissing my own self would be like, and I liked it.

Still, she felt so much more than me. While I had felt like a new woman when I’d walked out of the house in my dress, a bright blue-with-polka-dots pinup number, the flared skirt and petticoat beneath it were like a princess, almost juvenile. In comparison, her curve-hugging dress and bold red lips reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. She was every bit a woman. She owned it.

And I couldn’t have been more aware of it. I was spellbound as she reached to a zipper hidden in the center of her dress, pulling it up to the waistband. The materially suddenly loosened around her hips. Somehow she still looked elegant as fuck.

I felt a twinge of self-consciousness as her svelte leg pushed between mine, her hands pushing aside layers of tulle. It all seemed so silly now. Why had I worn a petticoat, anyway? Her lean frame seemed to dwarf my own, short and with a few extra pounds. I instinctively leaned back as she bent down to kiss me, wedging her thigh firmly between mine.

The grill of the van I found myself leaning on for support dug into my back, and I could feel the metal, cold against the bare of my arms and even through the back of my dress. It wasn’t unwelcome, however. It felt so real. It grounded me.

Nothing about this felt real. I hadn’t had a single drink, yet I couldn’t seem to get my bearings. I had lost complete control. It was all surreal.

It was all amazing. Her lips continued to press against mine, her tongue, as lithe and long as her body, probing my mouth. I did the best I could to respond with as little awkwardness as possible, but I was positive kissing wasn’t my strong suit.

The only part of my body I wasn’t second guessing? My hips. I rocked them forward and back, grinding my vulva against her leg, trying to shift my panties to the side so I could feel her skin, porcelain and softer than her lips, I was sure.

This movement elicited soft moans from my lips, against hers. She laughed. Oh, her laugh! The epitome of femininity. I’d been with many people who were silent and rigid during sex. She managed to be amused, a twinkle in her eye, rigid and soft all at once. I was, for that moment in time, in love like I’d never been before.

In a moment of boldness, I slid my hands up her sides, feeling the satin of her dress beneath my fingertips. My hands reached the swell of her breasts, and I found myself nearly clawing through the dress and the bra she wore beneath it to feel the weight, the softness of her flesh. I slipped one hand beneath her bra, a barely-there lace cup indicating her breasts were as close to perfect as nature allowed, to graze her breasts.

It this was a woman felt like? My god, why hadn’t I been doing this all along?

She chuckled. That laugh again. It was like a drug in my veins. It sent a shiver down my spine as if my nipples could get any tighter.

“So you’re finally brave enough to taste what’s been thrown at you?” she taunted in response to my wandering hands. I blushed. She removed her thigh from between my legs, and my hips gyrated around nothing until I had time to process. We had intertwined so perfectly. My clit nearly ached at the sudden loss. All I wanted was to ride her leg until I came.

Just as quickly, she pulled my hand from her bra. I worried, for a brief moment, that my heavenly experience was over nearly as quickly as it began. But she pulled me toward the side of the van, opening the passenger and crawling over the seat to the back. I knew I was to follow. I clambered behind her, a sight to see in my many layers, I’m sure.

Once inside, she pushed me back against the driver’s side wall. The front door remained open, providing a shaft of light that allowed us to see, but she paid it no mind. Instead, she reached beneath my skirt and yanked down the petticoat that had been separating us all day. My panties followed, being flung on the floor of some stranger’s van. It didn’t even cross my mind that we might get in trouble for what we were doing.

She traced invisible lines down my thigh with her nails, but these weren’t the fake, manicured tips you see in porn. They were nearly shaped and painted to a shine, but no longer than the tips of her fingers. This was a woman, I surmised, who was frequently wrist-deep in other women.

Perfectly polished and thin, those fingers snaked their way between my legs, parting my folds of skin and penetrating my cunt with and expert touch that every man I’d ever been with had lacked. Her fingers curled around my pubic bone, targeting my G-spot like a missile while her hand bent at the wrist.

Free of my frilly bonds, I wrapped my legs around her waist and her hand between my cunt and her thigh, so I could return to my grinding. A matter of minutes had passed since we’d moved into the back of the van, but it felt as though time had slowed.

She caressed and cajoled, curling her fingers back and forth, and pressing them against my G-spot. She seemed to know when I needed more pressure. None of my male partners had picked up on that before, and it took me far longer to realize than I’d like to admit.

I seemed to melt with the heat of her body. I wasn’t sure where the upholstery beneath me began. My dress splayed out around me like I had become liquid.

I was too enthralled with her motions to enjoy her body further, but she wasn’t done with mine. With her free hand, she reached back to untie the bow that secured my halter and pulled it down in front. I assisted by pushing the cups of my strapless bra down so my breasts spilled out above them. She tweaked and pinched my nipple, maneuvering her body so she could lean down.

Her tongue danced across my skin, sending a jolt like lightning through my body. The hand buried inside my worked diligently, and I felt the pressure building. Orgasm was imminent, even though her tactics were so different from my own.

I ground my clit against her hand, having found the heel of her palm, while she tugged at my nipple with her teeth. The combination of pain and pleasure sent me over the edge, my muscles contracting around her fingers and breath coming in short, rapid bursts. She knew, too, to withdraw from my over-sensitive clit as my orgasm subsided. She was a professional.

I assumed she was done, but I was wrong. With a surprising show of force, she grasped my thighs and pulled me down the seat so I was laying flat. With grace I couldn’t have mustered had I had all the space in the world, she lifted the bottom of her dress to her hips and shimmied from her underwear – a lacy thong that most certainly would match the bra.

The seat shifted beneath me as she joined me on it, positioning her knees to either side of my head. There was barely light to see to begin with, but my world was engulfed in black as she lowered her cunt to my lips.

My other senses immediately took over. Her musky scent, similar but not identical to mine, filled my nostrils. I could feel the heat from between her legs against my face, and a short tuft of hair tickled my nose.

I had never performed cunnilingus before; although, I had thought about it on many occasions. My first react was to taste every bit of her. I traced my tongue from her perineum along the length of one of her lips to the vertex, and back down again. I lapped the flat of my tongue over her vulva, passing the entrance to her vagina and barely grazing her clit, as hard as mine had been just moments ago.

Then, I curled my tongue to a point, swirling it around her clit, causing her to produce a delicious gasp. It was the first time she sounded not entirely in control. I quickly darted my tongue as far into her cunt as I could reach – not far due to its limited length – and traced the opening.

I savored the smell. The smoothness and folds of flesh. The slickness. The hard nub of her clit. The softness of her pubic hair. I wanted to experience her so fully that I would use her up. So I wrapped my arms around her thighs and buried my face as deeply into her as I could.

My mouth kissed and suckled at any part of her flesh it could reach, my tongue running up and down and side to side over her clit. There wasn’t a single area between her legs left untouched by my saliva. And went I felt sated enough to focus on her needs, I listened acutely for gasps and moans, repeating the motions that had her grinding against my own face and moving closer to a loss of control.

The way it felt as her thighs and cunt began to tense mirrored my own pre-orgasm, but it was never something I’d had the chance to experience before. It felt rewarding to my very core to experience such feedback. I pressed on, licking and lapping. My own moans were muffled by the body straddling my face.

I stretched my tongue as far as it would go, straining to penetrate her deeper, to lick her further, to have her in my mouth in a way that I knew to be impossible, but it felt inevitable if I would simply refuse to surrender.

My jaw hurt as her thighs squeezed inward, and my scalp tingled as she tugged a handful of hair sharply. She was going to cum. I was making her cum.

And there it was. Beautiful. Majestic. Uninhibited. Her muscles spasming the way mine always did when I was at the point of no return. Her cries of pleasure absorbed by the plush lining of the van’s walls. The passenger door still stood open. I thought I heard mumbled voices passing by. It didn’t matter.

All that matter was this beautiful woman, a picture of grace, was sitting on my face. And I had just given her an orgasm. I breathed heavily and let the back of my head drop to the seat beneath me. I hadn’t even realized I had lifted myself so far up. My arms felt sore with the intensity that I had held her thighs.

My mind, assured that the end of our rendez-vous was soon over, began processing what had happened rather than what was happening. This beautiful woman, who just so happened to be attending the same pinup fundraiser that I had so boldly decided to dress up for, had approached me. My stomach had tightened anxiously the way it does when I meet strangers. And she was so perfect.

I hadn’t realized then that her entire story was a facade. She’d not forgotten her lipstick in her car. She didn’t need company to the parking lot to retrieve it. She had simply wanted to get me alone, so she could push me up against some stranger’s van and be the first woman who had ever kissed me with an open mouth.

Just like I hadn’t seen that coming, I wasn’t anticipating her to bark a command.

“On your hands and knees!” Her voice and tone were clear as she removed her body from above mine, kneeling half on the floor on the seat behind me. I sat up, awkwardly getting on hands and knees, facing the open door, light cascading against my skin.

The top of my dress hung below me, breasts bouncing free of my bra. From behind me, she pushed the bottom up around my back, willing the fabric into place. Her hands pushed my knees as far apart as they could go on the narrow seat. It seems she was about to return the favor.

I felt her fingers part my nether lips with skill, her tongue lapped at my clit. I wasn’t normally a fan of receiving oral from this angle, but I wasn’t about to complain. She nipped at my lips with her teeth. I suddenly felt relieved to have shaved them clean. But her lips and tongue soon returned to my clit. I was almost giddy with anticipation.

It took me by surprise when she began playing with my ass. The pad of her finger traced my puckered asshole, pressed against it. Immediately, I felt enveloped in sensation, as if it were coming from every angle. I groaned. Oh! How had she known?

Anal play had always done it for me. Just a little felt so good. I’d had an ex lover who always pressed just the tip of his thumb into my asshole as I rode him. It drove me wild, fucking him faster and harder until we both came.

I wasn’t far from that point, already with an orgasm under my belt. I leaned back as much as I could, her finger slipping further inside me. I craved to make contact and to grind myself against her pretty face, but she wouldn’t let me.

She stayed just far enough away to drive me crazy. My moans had never been delicate, but they turned low and guttural. I was going to cum again.

“Ho-ly shit.” A man’s voice broke through my thoughts. I froze and looked up. My body was tense, my mouth frozen open as a moan silently escaped my lips. A stranger imitating James Dean watched us through the open door. His slicked-back hair was falling forward across his forehead, and his attire seemed cheap and modern in contrast to the classic hunk. I suddenly remembered where we were, who I was and that we weren’t supposed to be doing what we were doing.

My pussy didn’t seem to get the message, though. It betrayed me as it shuddered against her mouth. Breath hissed from my mouth and I retained enough control not to make a sound, but my arms collapsed beneath me and I felt onto the velvety-seat below me as the last waves of my orgasm rippled through my body.

If she was surprised by the man who was watching us, she made no move or comment to indicate as such. Instead, she reached for her shoes and bag to return them to their rightful place on her body. She opened the opposite door in the back of the van to exit so she wouldn’t have to walk past the man who had become our audience.

She stepped out of the van, one long leg bending at the knee to reach the ground. After both feet rested on the ground, she reached to effortlessly zip her dress once more. I watched the fabric hug the curves of her swaying hips as she walked back toward the party, nary a hair out of place. There was no sign of what we had just done. I was yet again scrambling after this picture of perfection.

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Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Neon Wand

September 24th, 2015

Pipedream has made a concerted effort to get their foot in the doorway to electro sex products. There are electro panties, cuffs, anal plugs, paddles and cock rings. More intense me BDSM gear includes an interesting electro pinwheel, which I think is a great use of electricity, and even sounds, which is  not something I am personally interested in. The holy grail of all electrosex products is, perhaps, the neon wand, and Pipedream offers those, too.

The company sent me one to try out, and I could not have been more excited. If there’s one thing I’ve been wanting to try for months years, it’s a neon wand. Kinklab is one of the companies especially known for selling neon wands, which allow you to play with electricity in a safe manner. Pipedream really wants to attract kinksters with these new offerings.

The neon wand gets its name from the neon light you can see, especially when using the wand in the dark. It’s certainly more aesthetically appealing than the Shock Fantasy Wand. However, you can hop over to my affiliate store and get that for less than half of the neon wand if you’re not so sure about this electricity thing.

But let me assure you, dear readers, that the neon wand is exciting but gentle in its own way. It’s incredibly easy to use and, really, not intimidating in the least. Unlike the sort of toys that plug into an electricity control pack, which is often battery powered. Instead, this plugs directly into your wall, so you might wan an extension cord nearby if your play space doesn’t have outlet access. The cord is about 6 feet long, so you do have some length to work with.

The rest of this 5-piece set is the four glass attachments. Each is a hollow glass tube with a metal ring at the end. You simply push it into the end of the wand to connect. It pulls directly back out, much like attachments for the Eroscillator. It’s easy to grasp because of the velvety plastic. The attachments are shaped like a comb, a spoon, a satellite and a thin curve with a bulb at the end.

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Neon Wand Attachments

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Neon Wand Attachments

All of this is contained in a thick cardboard box with a glossy exterior. Each piece sits within a foam insert, and while it’s finicky to get them back in — a couple of the attachments don’t seem like they ever fit — everything is so secure that I’ll keep using it. The box also closes with a magnet

I haven’t had a chance to try the electricity conducive gel, but Pipedream offers some of that, and you can find it from other brands, too. This might increase the sensations of the Fetish Fantasy Neon Wand. Pipedream also describes how the gel can eliminate “hot spots,” which I haven’t experienced with the neon wand. But if you’re using another toy that has more consistent contact with your skin, the gel might be a good idea to keep things consistent and comfortable.

So, there’s not much of a learning curve — but not in terms of adjusting it. The knob on the base offers audible and haptic feedback when turned, and the neon wand immediately buzzes to life. You’ll see the purple hue and hear it buzzing. It’s not like a vibrator, and I wouldn’t worry about being discovered. Both the sound and intensity of the light increase as you turn up the knob.

How does it feel? Well, first you have to know that you don’t want to touch the glass to your skin. You want to leave just a bit of space so the electricity can arc to your skin. Yes, this is scarier than it sounds. It does feel akin to a static shock but in a more controlled manner. Depending upon the attachment you use, there will be more points of contact.

The comb offers the most with each of the “teeth” allowing an arc to jump from glass to skin. In practice, I rarely get more than two simultaneous arcs because I am, you know, a 3D human being, and nothing on my body is exactly flat. But I did catch three at a time in my video. Position the comb over flat planes for the greatest effect. Or use a different electrode to concentrate energy on smaller areas such as your nipples.

While the neon wand is relatively safe, there are a few caveats. Don’t use it internally. There are videos of people using similar wands on their tongues, so I think you could give that a try. You can feel electricity sneaking through the seam of the casing in the wand itself where the two parts attach — just below the Shock Therapy logo. That seems like a quality control issue, but I think a little electrical tape would fix mine up.

You will want to remove anything metal. I have a few piercings in my ears but keep them in as I don’t use the neon wand anywhere near there. Where do I like to use it? My nipples seem to react well, and I think I would personally like the comb along my upper shoulders/back, but it would be better with a partner. The neon wand really does nothing for me clitorally, which leads me my final thoughts.

This is an interesting toy that arouses in the excitement way. With a lack of other sexual stimulation, the Neon Wand itself isn’t going to get me horny or off. But as part of partner activities, especially when a blindfold is involved. There isn’t a lot of difference in sensation between the small electrodes like there is with the comb attachment. Though, your milage will surely vary.

You’re not gonig to find the Neon Wand at less than $100. In fact, few retailers seem to be carrying it at all. You can get it at my affiliate store for just under $120 if you use the coupon code NeonWand20Off.

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