There Are Other Fish in the Virtual Aquarium

December 23rd, 2015

I’ve been putting off writing an update about the guy I met for several reasons. I am confused. I’m not sure how I feel, but I suspect there’s not as much potential as I originally thought or as I’d like there to be. It would be so nice to finally be dating someone again. Except when I miss how much time I had to myself when I didn’t have to work another person into my schedule and before I was spending so much time talking to someone.

He’s not a terrible person, we’re just incompatible in ways that are more than likely deal breakers. And this is certainly exacerbated by changes I’ve made over the several years — becoming more liberal leaning, identifying as a feminist and focusing on sex and how I can help others around me better enjoy their sexuality. This manifests itself in ways, perhaps small, but that I cannot help but notice.

For instance, I flinched when he used the word “whore” in a casual sense to describe something he’s a big fan of. I awkwardly replied about how we shouldn’t refer to sex workers like that, but it wasn’t eloquent enough. I let it be. What am I going to do, start a conversation about the trials and tribulations that people like Perth escorts have suffered through? Do I start a conversation filled with facts and stories from the latest Best Sex Writing anthology I’ve read?

You can bet that I would do this with certain people, but I think I realize deep down that it’s not worth the effort with this guy. We might wind up as friends, but certainly nothing more. Perhaps at some point my opinion on sex work and the rights that sex workers should — but typically don’t — have will come to light… only as friends. But there’s an awkward lack of discussion and thoughtfulness at this stage and the mention of Brisbane escorts wouldn’t help any.

It hasn’t all been a loss, however. It’s definitely interesting to learn how I interact with new people after developing a stronger sense of self. Seeing how I represent myself is satisfying, reassuring even. I am presenting myself the way I want to be seen, as the person who I know myself to be.

And adding another notch to my bedpost, going on some successful dates and breaking out my flirting skills reminds me that I’m alive, that people can desire me and that maybe dating isn’t as difficult as I thought it was in the first place.

 

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Tonight, I Met a Guy

December 12th, 2015

Tonight, I met a guy I’d been talking to online for a few days. It’s not a long story; although, it is interesting. To me, at least.

I’ve been playing a game called Ingress lately. It’s sucked up a lot of my time, and I’ve met a few new friends through it. Ingress is a local MMO, so I’ve been talking to and occasionally running into people in the area.

A few weeks ago, I came across the OkCupid profile of someone who plays the game because he uses the same name in both places. I hadn’t seen him being active in the game the entire time I’ve played, but he did create some missions in the area so I recognized the name. i didn’t message him because, to be honest, he’s not quite my physical type.

Fast forward a couple days and I see he’s become active in the game. Then, he messages me on POF the next day. I recognize his pictures and reply solely because we play the game and it’s an interesting coincidence. Instead of answering his questions, I complained — in a friendly manner — about him attacking me in the game.

This prompted some fairly consistent conversation back and forth. While I wasn’t quite sure if we clicked, we moved communication off site. We’ve had fun talking, and a lot of talking we’ve done. but as things seemed more like they could be something, I became even more anxious to meet him. And as someone who is already anxious to meet anyone, this isn’t a  great thing. To my credit, I was upfront about this. To his credit, he’s been incredibly understanding and helpful about it.

We’ve very missed each other by very short time frames playing our games, and I found this both amusing and, perhaps, a bit relieving because I didn’t have to meet him. He’s politely inquired a few times, and tonight went out specifically with the intent of crossing my path.. only i slipped back home after missing him by an entire two blocks and a few short minutes. I wound up going back out specifically to meet him when I saw he was out, and we met. Although, maybe meeting a stranger a 1am isn’t the best idea ever. Heh.

It wasn’t terrible though. A little awkward but not the most awkward meeting I’ve ever had. To my surprise, he’s better looking in person. I don’t think he photographs well. He has an adorable dog and he knows when to laugh at my jokes. I had a decent time, which is more than I can say for 90% of the times I’ve met a guy in person after talking online.

I think I slightly prefer the way we communicate online, but there’s at least something worth exploring here.

We ended with a hug that I, strangely, found myself holding onto longer than he did.

We departed on a high note but I wanted to send him a quick message before he headed to bed and I headed to the Internetland. He mentioned that it was well worth it to stay up late enough to cross paths with me, and I feel quite flattered. He’s really such a kind and good person, which is a relief and would probably make for an awesome friendship if nothing else.

But aside from that, I’m glad to have finally met someone again. It’s been years since I’ve done that. I went on so many terrible first dates/meetings. I didn’t want to go on any more. And the longer it had been, the scarier the idea had become.

So, yea, I met a guy.

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Loveo Nox

December 2nd, 2015

Now that I’ve given more than one sound-controlled vibrator a try, I feel pretty confident comparing how they work and, more than that, whether or not they’re even a thing we need to have at all. Unfortunately for companies like Lelo and Loveo, the answer to the latter question is an unequivocal “No.”

Let’s start with Loveo’s shape, a slightly-curved shaft intended for G-spot stimulation. The head isn’t as flat or narrow as some G-spotters. It definitely is rounded and wider than some toys. The gradual taper feels more filling than some G-spot toys, but I can see why is would be a poor fit if you need an extreme angle for adequate G-spotting.

This is all covered in silky smooth silicone that could be primed with some lube but doesn’t have nearly as much drag as a Fun Factory toy, for instance. Aside from the plastic buttons, it’s covered in this somewhat-squishy layer of silicone that’s much softer than a Lelo toy.

It’s also waterproof thanks to the charging ports that’s similar to many toys on the market. You’ll need to wiggle the adapter into the port just right. I’ve had more problems with this type of port than I care to admit. I don’t know if it’s just me, though.

I’m not thrilled with the appearance, either. It’s not that it’s pink. Enough of my fellow bloggers have made public their annoyance with a certain shade befit only for Barbie. But the silver, plastic panel appears cheap. And the shape of the buttons offers no redemption; although, they do offer a nice tactile feedback when in use. It’s just the whole design reminds me of Maia Toys, too pink, too little, too late, yet not enough to stand out in any recognizable way.

Next come the buttons, 2 of which switch between modes and 2 that adjust strength of vibrations. You must first turn it on by holding the + button (holding the – turns it off) then press either the H to turn on sound activation or M button to use regular vibrators.

When you’re in steady vibes, pressing the M quickly cycles through escalation, pulsaton, a combination mode, mixed length pulses and back to steady vibrations. Interestingly, there’s a mode through the cycle that does nothing at all, which is just a wasted button push in my opinion.

The vibrations are on the buzzy side of moderate, especially when you turn up the strength, and there are only three levels of them when on the constant vibration mode. They’re enough to make me squirt but not the type that would get me off clitorally.

If you’ve used Siri 2, then you know what to expect from Loveo Nox. There’s a slight delay when making noise. You can imitate a pulse once you get used to it, but it’s much harder to achieve escalation. For steady vibrations, you would need constant noise. I find using my breath works especially well.

Music is a toss up as it’ll vibrate constantly if it’s too close to the source or the music is too loud. But the microphone in this toy, which is located in the handle, seems more responsive than that of Siri 2. There’s about a 6-inch range before the toy cuts out.

It’s undeniable that the sound-responsive function in these toys is useless as a solo endeavor. Short of screaming yourself hoarse or blaring music, both of which would likely get the cops called on you, it’s nearly impossible to create loud enough ambient noise. One could arguably masturbate closer to a source of sound, perhaps a laptop or seated in front of a desk, but that’s not my style. And it’s still a big “if.”

I think that about sums up my opinion on “innovative” “features” of sex toys. If I have to completely change my masturbation habits in a way that’s distracting, this feature is really a liability. I would even give companies some slack considering my unusual need for pressure and general ability to get off within single-digit minutes, but the Loveo Nox is one that seems just as trying for most users.

With that said, it might be more useful during partner play, when your partner is able to breathe, moan or otherwise make noise into the microphone but this still requires your partner to adapt to the toy and not the other way around. I can’t see how this bodes well.

With many toys that are “new” or “improved,” I find myself trying to sell it on virtues of being a decent albeit unremarkable toy when you fall back on standard functions, but Loveo has included a motor that’s generally forgettable. This is especially true when compared with vibrators that have dual motors or especially deep vibrations.

I always feel bad when writing a review that’s negative, but I would feel worse leading my readers astray. If you’re looking for something better, the Loveo Nox isn’t it. It’s different, but that’s certainly not a selling point in this case.

There are plenty of attractive toys, toys that stimulate the G-spot with a similar amount of girth, vibrators made of silicone and those that offer deep vibrations that would be a better investment than this one.

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A new review is coming, gaiz

November 25th, 2015

I just have to take a photo or two.

Actually, there’s two reviews. I need to write the review for the one item I have photos for – ha!

And there will probably be some Black Friday sales. Keep an eye on Facebook/Twitter, where I’ve been sharing those deals.

Just gotta dust off some cobwebs in here.

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I Don’t Want to Have Sex with Myself

October 28th, 2015

Well, no, that’s not exactly right. I am a sexual being. I generally enjoy masturbating, even if my orgasms are more perfunctory than anything else, and even if the most I get out of squirting is bragging rights (it doesn’t accompany orgasm).

But it’s not something I’ve ever been good at planning per se. Because I don’t I want to. Unlike with sex, masturbation is almost always something I do at the spur of the moment, and that’s how I like it. If the mood strikes after watching a particularly sexy movie scene or browsing Tumblr, I’ll pause for somewhere between 1 and 10 orgasms, weak wrists and fatigued arm muscles allowing.

I can’t really entice it to happen, however. Sometimes erotica helps, but it doesn’t always. And I don’t necessarily care that much. It’s like I simply can’t be bothered to stop playing Ingress or watching another episode of The Munsters (because it’s almost Halloween!) or playing some random Facebook game that’s not just a time suck but a boring one at that.

It’s disconcerting to care so little for something that defines me so much, but right now it’s something I can “get away with” because of my lack of sexual partner. And even if you argued I am my own partner in this, it’s not something I’m chasing myself down to do. I’ve no doubt this will change eventually, but it’s a weird place to be in right now.

 

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October 21st, 2015

I don’t know how to make this blog relevant to my life right now. And I haven’t for a while.

I feel so torn about this. For the first time in a a while — a couple years, really — I am more than “fine.” I am really okay. Good, even. And I’m glad.

But right now, that just doesn’t involve sex or love or even masturbation. My life is lacking in all the things that I need for blog fodder.

It’s not as though I will ever lose interest in sex. It’s a very important part of who I am, but it’s not the only thing. I think that’s something I need to come to terms with to finally get over the Bartender.

And human sexuality will forever intrigue me in all its glorious, weird vastness. Everything I read only makes me want to learn more.

I think it’s just time that I soak in what others have to say rather than say anything of my own. This terrifies me — that I may become irrelevant.

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I’ve Been Published

October 10th, 2015

I’m very proud to announce that you can find my writings published in hard cover and not just on my blog.

Check out the books below to find my stories.  Hopefully, this list grows as I am published more.

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