In Defense of Legalized Sex Work

December 10th, 2014

Amid all the terrible news lately, a slew of articles about several sex workers — and their clients — who were recently arrested popped up. These articles don’t impact me the way they should. Perhaps it’s the way the media portrays sex workers or simply the frustration I feel for a system that works against people who might legitimately want to earn a living in this method. If I’m being honest, I could think of far worse ways to make money than through prostitution, and I think I would prefer it to, say, starring in porn.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with sex workers. I’ve thought their line of work should be legalized for years. And after reading the piece titled “Lost Boys” in Best Sex Writing 2013, I’ve thought about sex work more often and in a new light than before. That story certainly impacted me, and it’s stayed with me as I’ve read accounts about homeless teens who’ve been rejected by their families for coming out as gay as transgendered. Sex work is often the only logical reaction for these people; although, being forced by their circumstances can lead to some pretty dangerous situations. Still, it’s not always dire.

One thing that this story impressed upon me is how many people see sex work as a way to pay the bills or earn some extra money for the things that they want. It’s something that we all do and something that’s fairly encouraged in a capitalistic society. However, controlling a woman’s sexuality seems to trump capitalism in this case. If a woman’s body is her own, if she is to retain autonomy over it, then laws outright outlawing sex work are at odds with that right. Those laws enable people to literally police a woman’s sexuality. They take away the choice in the name of providing choice to people who may be unable to escape sex work. And while women are certainly not the only sex workers, people who want to make and keep it illegal focus on woman. Laws against sex workers are just another aspect in the war against women.

[In a related note, the UK’s decision to essentially outlaw female orgasms, ejaculation and pleasure in pornography is another unacceptable example of controlling women’s sexuality. It angers me to no end!]

I’m not saying that people who have been forced or coerced into sex work shouldn’t have a way out if they choose it, but I think there is room in society for both legal and safe sex work. If a woman wants to be an escort who provides sex in exchange for a fee, why should we, as a society stop her? Some people might argue that the demand for sex work exists solely because of the objectification of women in a misogynistic society. This may be a contributing factor, but men can also be sex workers. Indeed, there are likely more male escorts than people realize. And a woman can enjoy sex and authority over her own body without succumbing to the patriarchy.

Furthermore, legalization paves the way for both taxation and regulation, which, if done correctly, could both become a source of revenue and offer protection to sex workers. Options such as healthcare and routine testing that may not be available to some sex workers could become available to those people if prostitution and escorting became legal.

Those same protections could extend to sexual and physical abuse, which sex workers experience far too often. Rather than hiding their work for fear of being arrested or even raped by police, these men and women would be able to seek legal and judicial protection from the people, typically men, who pray on sex workers. When a sex worker has no one to turn to, that violence continues because perpetrators know they won’t be caught or have to pay a price. However, legalization would protect those who want to be in this line of work while highlighting those who are victims of sex trafficking, and this is a distinction that must be made.

Legalizing sex work would open a lot of doors, from opening communications and networking between sex workers themselves (trading safety tips, rating clients, et cetera) and their clients via websites like Escorts and Babes (without fear that those websites would be targeted by law enforcement). Aside from safety, sex workers would likely see improvements in health due to a decrease in STIs. Transmission often occurs as a result of violence (rape) without a condom, and editors of one medical journal have explicitly stated that legalization of sex work is the only option to protect sex workers from sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. And studies show this is truth. Just consider Rhode Island, where prostitution was technically legal for about two decades. During this time, transmission of some STIs and reported rapes both dropped.

If this could happen in the 1990s, then surely sex work could be legalized in 2014 and beyond with consequences that are both sex positive and positive for society.

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Categories: Articles

Tantus Silicone Fantasy Gag

December 7th, 2014

Tantus Silicone Fantasy Gag
$36.99 from SheVibe

My track record with Tantus toys hasn’t been so great. While others will rave about the dildos, strap-ons, cock rings and anal probes, I’ve felt a lot like Goldilocks. They were too big or too small, too hard or too soft. Whatever it was that I was looking for, I hadn’t found it.

To this date, I have liked — and kept — only a single Tantus dildo. This means I’ve been a sex toy fairy for some friends, but that I don’t recommend the company like others do. You see, the silicone is awesome. Some of the colors? Amazing! But I don’t think the textures and density are much for me. I prefer Vixen by far.

Similarly, I haven’t had much luck with gags. I have a rather small mouth. My dentist will confirm this, so I need a smaller gag. In fact, the actually balls don’t work that well, and neither did the one bar-style gag that I tried. Although, that one was pretty cheap.

For a while, I had my eye on the tiny cock gag. It’s cute, and it’s not perfectly round. Better for my mouth? I thought so. Plus, it’s made of silicone because it’s by Tantus. I’ve seen similar design made from PVC, but even if I didn’t care about cleanliness, who wants that smell/taste in their mouth? Add in leather, and I’m sold.

When I got this gag, I removed it from the package and separated the leather strap to wash just the gag part. Because you can do this, you can boil or spray with bleach to sterilize.

I immediately noticed that the silicone retained the smell of the leather, however. This is from being packaged with the leather in an airtight package. I like leather, but the smell/taste in my mouth was overwhelming, so I would definitely recommend a thorough cleaning and letting this air out before you use it. You’ll want to quickly move this from cleaning to use because the shiny silicone picks up every bit of lint, as you can see from my photo!

You’ll always want to remove the straps for cleaning. They’re not waterproof, but the directions say you can wipe clean with a damp cloth and treat with leather conditioner. I’ll be honest, I’m really bad with my leather goods. Oops!

Once it’s ready to use, it’s easy. The straps slide through holes on either side of the silicone cock and snap shut. The fit is secure, so I had to use two hands to do this. If you want the “pretty” side of the snap to show, make sure it’s facing away from the gag. The Velcro is long enough that you can adjust the size of the gag a bit.  You’re going to get a maximum circumference of about 25 inchs and can shrink that to 20 or 21 inches if you want the Velcro to remain secure.
The gag secures behind your head with velcro. This will keep it in place, but I did struggle finding the perfect position so that the straps wouldn’t slide. When I tried to tighten it or pull it too high on the back of my head, it definitely triggered my gag reflex because it fills more out of your mouth than many styles of gags.

However, unlike those gags, you could comfortable keep just the silicone portion in your mouth without needing to be restrained thanks to the contoured head. I was able to easily and comfortably wrap my teeth around those ridges. You could insert all the way to the base, but my throat will need some stretching before that happens. Like I said, my mouth is pretty small, so the 1.5-inch length feels pretty big to me. I noticed that this was definitely a drool-inducing gag if you’re into that!

In fact, this might not be a good beginner’s gag because of the size and depth. The Fantasy gag itself is about 1.75 inches wide at the largest point, one of the ripples. However, the tapered head is less wide, and the design isn’t perfectly round. The shape is quite like a butt plug, to be honest. You could probably use it for one if you wanted.

This is a solid basic gag that’s different from every other gag on the market. I do think there is room for improvement. For starters, it would simply be cool if the gag attached to the straps via O-ring like a strap on. Secondly, I’m not sure Velcro is the most secure option. The style with D-rings offers more adjustments when it comes to size and might be better at not catching your hair, which I noticed happened  pretty easily.

Small mouths aside, this is probably my favorite gag to date, though!

4 Comments

Categories: BDSM, Reviews

Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

JO Hair Reduction Serum

December 4th, 2014

JO Hair Reduction Serum
$16.99 from Amazon

Shame and exhaustion are the two things I feel when I think about how much time I must spend removing hair or even just thinking about it. I am not a fortunate person with wispy blonde hairs. I have dark, coarse hair. The older I get, the more I have. I shave practically every part of my body to deal with these hairs, save for my arms. This is the one place on my body where it doesn’t seem like a cardinal sin to have hair.

I settled on shaving because it’s the compromise between expensive salon waxing or even more expensive hair removal and touchable skin. I’ve tried any number of at-home creams and waxes, none to much success. Coarse hair isn’t so easily dealt with when it comes to those chemicals. Tweezing works well, but the only epilator I’ve managed to use wasn’t very good, either. Shaving it is.

And it becomes quite quick once you get a routine. There are places I won’t go without shaving every day. Those are the places where women don’t even talk about having hair. I’m less worried about places where it’s “okay” to shave because we shouldn’t have hair there — legs, underarms, pubic region, thighs. Those areas are truly the least of my worries.

With so much hair to worry about, I’ve thought about ways to complement shaving or even permanently remove hair. Since laser removal is out of the question, I started considering creams that would help with hair. I’ve seen a few reviews about products designed to slow growth, make hair more fine and reduce the necessity to shave. I was hoping that some of those more obvious areas that I hide shaving would react well to System Jo’s Hair Reduction Serum, then.

To put it bluntly: it didn’t. After weeks of daily application — you’re supposed to put on the lotion after you remove hair. It says it works with “all” hair removal types but only listings shaving and waxing. Um, okay, then.

It might have even been over a month, and I’ve noticed nothing. All the places I was shaving on a daily basis still require daily shaving. The hair is no less dark or thick. Stubble feels exactly the same.

I mean, i guess it’s a good thing there are no negative reactions. The thin lotion has a light scent, like just a hint of vanilla, and it causes no ill reactions. It seems to moisturize and doesn’t add to any discomfort of shaving sensitive areas, but it also doesn’t do much of anything, either.

I really wish this product worked better — at all? — than it does because I so enjoy the scent. There’s no reason to continue buying it once I run out, however, because I’ve got plenty of scented lotions, and who needs an extra product? I’m still interested in lotions like this, but System Jo’s option isn’t it.

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews, Sexual Health and Beauty

Heartbreak is Hell on the Sex Drive

December 2nd, 2014

Whenever one of my sexual relationships ends, I go through an awkward stage of adjustment. When I am sexually active with one person, I tend to include them in my fantasies when when I’m by myself. My masturbation sessions focus around that one person, a real live person. I recall things we’ve done or conversation we’ve had, and I think about the things we have yet to do.Obviously, this became the case with the bartender.

Now that we’re no longer having sex, I’ve rarely masturbated. I don’t want to fantasize about him because it will segue into those heartbroken thoughts, and I’m not sure what do to. I’m not good with vague erotic thoughts. I need something more specific to consider. Without that something — or someone — specific, I become too focused on the mechanics, which is a terrible way to orgasm.

I get off most easily when I distracted myself from what a hand or toy is doing and focus on what’s going on in my head. It’s when I’m really swept up that I seem to have the best orgasms, and this is complete with all sorts of sounds and movements that are well beyond my control or controlled in such a way to add to the moment.

I’m working on getting over this, however. In multiple ways. As time passes, I’ll be less upset and heartbroken. In the meantime, I shouldn’t have to suffer without release, should I? To this end, I’ve been focusing on ideas outside of myself: erotica anthologies, plenty of visits to Tumblr, random flirting with strangers and the occasional visit to sites like SpicyWebcams.

It’ll take time, of course. Sometimes auto-drive kicks in and I find myself thinking about the bartender or even moaning his name. When I realize this, I am momentarily confused. Do I go with it because it feels good or catch myself and stop, which will usually take me out of the moment?

I was discussing this with Juliettia because it’s something of an identity crisis, for me to not be sexual in any way. It’s bad enough that I can’t have sex with the person I love, but it’s worse that it’s affecting my desire to masturbate. I feel as though I’ve lost part of who I am, and that only adds to the sea of emotions in which I’m struggling to stay afloat. It’s good to have a place where I can express that, too. Obviously sex is one of the more important aspects of my life and relationships.

Things are looking up, however, thanks in part to two items I have to review: the Ora 2 and The Big Book of Submission! After nearly two weeks without an orgasm, I quickly caught up with some multiple-orgasm sessions.

I’m not entirely sure if other people have experienced this, and I know I don’t always feel this way. But when I am losing someone I want, I also lose part of myself.

3 Comments

Categories: Dating, The Bartender

Lelo Smart Wand Large

November 29th, 2014

Lelo Smart Wand Large
$177 from Hush

Lelo is certainly good at creating attractive products. The Smart Wands are perfect examples of this. Pretty much every other wand massager I’ve used has been a shade of hideous worthy of Medusa. Lelo’s offerings aren’t.

Lelo also decided to go the way of cordless, which means this is a rechargeable wand. I’ve only used one rechargeable wand, but I definitely wasn’t impressed with it. In fact, it’s on my swap list. I felt pretty confident that Lelo’s option would beat out that rechargeable wand, but would it be as good as — or any better — than typical plug-in wands?

I wanted the best chance for success, so I skipped right by the medium. Both options are certainly pricey, but the large costs $60 more than medium, which Lelo sells directly for $129. Hush sells the large Smart Wand for $199 CAD, or around $177 USD. Of course, you’d expect a high price point like this from Lelo.

You’d also expect the wand to be covered in body-safe silicone. It is. You can’t toss this in your dishwasher, but you can spray with bleach. The silicone covers the majority of the toy. It’s loser around the thin neck. There’s a silver plastic panel on the handle. I noticed that where the silicone tucks into this piece at the base, it’s not super secure. I can push the silicone in and get my fingernail under the edge of the piece. I guess I happen to hold the wand in a way that makes this possible. It could be more secure, but it’s attractive and likely not a deal-breaker.

Smart Wand next to Miracle Massager and Inspire

Smart Wand next to Miracle Massager and Inspire

The controls on this toy are the typical Lelo style, which makes them quite different from the switches and buttons on most wands. This also means there’s more modes than typical wands. In fact, I’ve never used a wand that is able to pulsate or escalate, I don’t think. But I’m not a big fan of all those fancy modes, so I stick to the steady vibes. The vibrations in this are rather rumbly — the type I like. But they’re also not as strong as any plug-in vibrator. That’s just not possible. The highest setting is definitely lower than that of any corded vibe I’ve got. One of the benefits of the Smart Wands, however, is the option to switch between lowest and highest. You typically don’t get more than two or three settings with most wands, and this could be a serious selling point.

But I can’t wholly recommend the large Smart Wand because it is, well, large. It’s the largest of all the wands I have, both in overall size and in the size of the head. In the comparison photo is the Miracle Massager and the Inspire. The Smart Wand just seems like a behemoth in comparison, and it feels incredibly bulky during use. The hand thins toward the centers but then grows wider again toward the base, so it feels awkward when I hold it. And the head is so large and rounded that I just feel like I can’t get enough or the right kind of pressure.

It took me a long time to build up to orgasm, and while the vibrations were enough to do the trick, shape it also incredibly important for me. Lelo’s Smart Wand might be worth the money if your focus is on convenience, depth of vibes and luxury, but I can’t see myself reaching for this toy over one of the smaller and easier to use options that I already have, even if I’m tethered to them by a cord.

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Elegant Moments Leopard Print Chiffon Halter Style Babydoll

November 26th, 2014

Leopard Print Babydoll
$15.93 - $29.99 from Amazon

It might be cliche, but I just love animal print. The subtle brown leopard print in this babydoll by Elegant Moments drew me in. After a string of misses, however, this might because the past piece of lingerie I try for a while.

I recently discovered a term that I like quit a bit: inbetweenies. It refers to people of my size who border plus and regular sizes. The term is great, the sizing issue isn’t so much. I find fewer options available to me. Typical sizes run too small, and extended sizes tend to be too large as was the case with this leopard print babydoll.

When I put it on, there simply seemed to be an excess of fabric around my stomach and hips. There was no cute “peekaboo” effect at all because of how it overlapped. It’s a shame that this didn’t fit as I’d hoped because I really do like the cut. You so often see flyaway babydolls that are simply two pieces “curtains” together at the empire waist, but the cut of fabric is more like an upside down U shape. It seems like the cut is more modest in the plus sizes than the other sizes, which I missed when looking at product images. I think it would better hide tummies if you’re worried about that as your problem area.

If the chiffon portion of the babydoll fits, you’ll be able to adjust the top thanks to the halter tie, which you can adjust behind your neck. The animal print cups have no elastic, however, so they might not look exactly stunning if your breasts are either on the larger or smaller size for the triangular cups. as a 40B/C, I felt as though my breasts might have been a bit on the small size, but my ribcage curves a lot so they need more support from the side to come together. The fabric cups offer little in the way of support, though. Women with larger breasts will no doubt experience more stress because of the weight of them and the halter, of course.

Another consideration is the decorative circle/buckle on the empire waist. I typically like to get lingerie that is comfortable and practical enough to double as sleepwear, but I wouldn’t wear this babydoll to bed because of that piece, which is made of a hard plastic. The plastic is textured to look diamonds from far away, but it looks a little cheaper up close.

Decorative details on the babydoll

Decorative details on the babydoll

Like most lingerie, the included thong, which is made of the same material as the cups of the babydoll, is too large for me. I tend to wear a smaller size underwear than my bust and waist size, however. Like the cups. there’s no stretch, so this will either fit you or it won’t.

The lack of stretch is a theme around this entire piece, in fact. The waist band — which is a satin-y material styled to look like a belt but is only in front of the babydoll — has absolutely no elasticity to it. I think it would feel better if it did stretch a bit, and it would look better if the “belt” wrapped around the entire waist. Indeed, an adjustable belt might be a better option altogether if the plastic circle functioned as a buckle.

The only bit of elastic in this babydoll is at the back, which runs below your shoulder blades to show off your neck and shoulder. This isn’t enough in my opinion. The rest of the back is a continuous piece of chiffon that wraps around and falls well below my ass on my short frame.

Overall, this piece seems fairly well made. I noticed no loose threads or other defects in the craftsmanship. The chiffon is silky and and smooth and this would likely be comfortable to wear if it fit you well.

The 1X size does seems to run a bit larger, however, so keep that in mind when shopping.

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Categories: Lingerie, Reviews

Make love to your long distance lover online

Svakom Gaga

November 22nd, 2014

Svakom Gaga
$180 from Svakom

Sex toys and innovation.

Sex toys.

and.

Innovation.

Those words sounds really great when you put them together. Indeed, any number of companies want to take your money in exchange for whatever “innovation” they’ve added, even if you’re already seen it before. (-cough- I’m talking to you, Lelo, CEN and Doc Johnson -cough-). I suspect I’m not the only reviewer who cringes whenever she reads the word “innovation.”

The thing is, some companies are innovative. My experience with Svakom has generally been that this is one of those companies. However, innovation in and of itself isn’t necessarily good. It might be be able to achieve mass sales. Innovation may be good for only a few consumers. Innovation might make an item too niche for the general public. The word itself is heralded as an amazing thing, but sometimes it’s just different, and that doesn’t mean it good.

This is where Svakom’s Gaga falls. Gaga is a basic cylindrical vibe that reminds me of the Freestyle, but it’s generally thinner and narrower if I recall correctly. This “endoscopic” vibrator comes complete with a tiny camera and light built into the end, so you can see inside yourself as you use it. This means you need a compatible computer — Windows 7 and 8 will work just fine — and the USB cable. I don’t know why, but the fact that this connects to my computer makes me even more anxious about keeping the port clear of water. In fact, Svakom ships Gaga with an extra nub of silicone to cover it. Smart.

The vibrator comes with a disc. It’s not a software installation disc as much as it is a software-having disc. To be honest, I’m not sure that you have to use this program, but I’m not invested enough to figure out an alternative. So you need to have the disc inserted and the vibe connected via the USB cable. Then you have to turn on the camera with a button on the vibe. If you’ve got a webcam on your computer, the software will pick it up.

The program is incredibly easy to use but as I have an external DVD ROM, it’s kind of a drag. But you know what’s worse? You can’t really see anything when this is inserted. The addition of a light certainly helps, but the way the vagina is a potential space rather than a structured cave — you’re welcome for the awkward visual? — doesn’t work as well with the Gage as you might expect. Or perhaps it’s exactly as you’d expect if you gave it any thought.

I knew this before going in, but it was still a bummer. Other reviewers said that they bought clear, plastic speculums to use with this toy. But the thing it, you shouldn’t have to purchase something else to get the base use out of it! It should just work or come with everything you need to make it work. I didn’t want to shell out any more money.

To be honest, I wasn’t so disappointed. The idea of having to use a vibrator while it’s connected to my computer isn’t one that I find all that appealing. I know it would skyrocket the price, but a wireless transmission method or even being able to record the video and play it back at a later time just make more sense to me. Then again, I spend more on computers than some people do cars, and I can only imagine the sort of damage I might be able to do when tethered to my computer with a short USB cord in the midst of orgasm.

I feel the need to mention the vibrations before I wrap this up. They’re quite buzzy and disappointing. Leslie was a much better vibrator. This one’s easy to use, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for clitoral stimulation unless you can use the side of toys. I like to use the tip, but that’s where the camera is located rather than the motor.

This isn’t to say that no one  will enjoy Gaga. Some people will be into the idea of an endoscopic vibe much more than I am, and they’ll invest in a clear speculum. If you’re into medical and/or fetish play like this, the Gage might be the sort of unique item that you just have to add to your collection. However, I can’t see casual sex toy users rushing to the stores to purchase this vibrator, especially when it’s not strong enough to serve as a traditional fallback even without the camera option.

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.