The Most Disappointing Sex Toys I’ve Used

September 27th, 2013

Not all of the reviews that I write are positive, and I don’t make any apologies for that. I’ve used some great toys that just didn’t fit my anatomy, and many, many toys are beautiful, but just won’t cut it when it comes down to it. There’s almost nothing worse than drooling over a toy, especially an expensive one, and realizing that I hate it. But it’s worse for consumers like you, who spend your hard-earned money without the steep discounts that I get as a reviewer.

So let me help you avoid the same mistakes I’ve made by compiling this list of toys that I just can’t recommend; in fact, I don’t want you to have your heart broken just a little like mine was.

Vibrators

  • bbold-premium[1]I don’t know what the hell was the problem with my Mimi. Either it was defective, or everyone who liked it was batshit crazy. Now, I don’t want to insult all my readers, but we were not having the same experience at all. So I let my cat chew on my Mimi before trading it away. Just kidding. I can’t control those pussies.
  • I have disliked almost all of the Jimmyjane vibrators I’ve used, and the Form 2 was no exception. From weak, buzzy vibrations to breaking randomly, it was all bad.
  • There was so much buzz about the iRide. It wasn’t intended for human use at all.
  • Minna Ola uses technology that sounds so intriguing but is freakin’ frustrating to use in reality. I spent a bit of money on this G-spot vibrator, and now it’s sitting in a drawer.
  • Bbold Premium is gorgeous, and I’ve always liked BSwish as a company. However, almost all of the vibes — especially the rechargeable ones — are stupidly weak.

Try this instead: Mona 2

Dildos

  • I haven’t liked a single toy from Tantus. I don’t understand it, but the Splish was among the worst. I should have paid more attention to the specs, yes, but there’s not a single reason for a dildo to be the size of a pinky finger like this was.
  • Tantus Delta was flexible as fuck. Eww.
  • And the Alumina Revolve? sort of pretty. Totally disappointing.
  • Don’t even get me started on the Pure Wand.
  • Icicles Number 39 was gorgeous. I think I could have loved if.. If it didn’t break before I even got to use it. I don’t want to say that you shouldn’t try Pipedream’s glass, but this gives me serious misgivings about the entire line.
Icicles 39 Handle Broken From Shaft

Try this instead: Tex, Twist, Fun Wand

Sensual/Massage

  • The Cake Body Butter smelled like shit. Well, not quite. It was rancid.
  • And Lelo’s massage candle smelled okay but was terrible when it came to massage.
  • Lelo Luna Beads were all hyped up. I don’t think that there’s any point to multiple weights in kegel balls.

Try this instead: K-balls, Shunga massage oil, Contour M massage stone, Oil of Love: Raspberry Kiss,

Lingerie

  • Material Girl Fetish Fantasy dress was too small and unflattering in so many ways. The lack of adjustability was also terrible. It was pretty ridiculous.

Try this instead: Kissable Leopard babydoll, Sheer Pleasure Chemise, Raspberry fields babydoll 

BDSM

  • Sasha Pouch and GartersThe Touch of Fur rabbit flogger actually came apart when I used it. I sewed it back together by hand because I fuckin’ love the feel of it.
  • The Crystal Whip by Liberator is attractive and versatile, but it’s also cheap quality-wise. Rhinestones fell off. I think I superglued one back on.
  • Finally, the Sasha harness looked cool but didn’t fit in a flattering way. It was one of the biggest bummers ever.

Try this instead: Wartenberg wheel, Under the bed restraints,

What vibrators, dildos, or lingerie have left you wanting more? What’s the biggest disappointment in your life and how much did it cost?

10 Comments

Categories: Articles

Cosmic G Acrylic Dildo Giveaway

September 22nd, 2013

School’s back in session. THe leaves are beginning to turn. I think it’s time for another giveaway, don’t you? And what better thing to give away than the acrylic Cosmic G from Good Vibes?

Now, I must admit that I’ve never used an acrylic toy, but I bet it would be a lot like glass — slick, cool and easy to apply pressure because of the rigidity. I know y’all don’t necessarily love pink, either, but the finger-like curve on this dildo is sure to be an effective G-spotter. At $28, it’s really a good deal to begin with, and you can also use the other end for general stimulation inside and out.

If you’re looking for something prettier, try the Star Delight. The Tex in VixSkin is softer and more realistic. The 24K Double Pleasure is more versatile and not pink. There’s plenty of G-spot dildos that I’ve used and love, so I’m happy to present Of Sex and Love readers an opportunity to win a dildo instead of just reading a review.

Like I said, this one comes form Good Vibes, and I’d like to thank them for sponsoring the Cosmic G. Currently, only North American winners can enter to win this sex toy, but I hope to offer giveaways to my international readers some time in the future.

To enter the giveaway, follow the instructions in the Promo Simple form below. Your contact information allows me to contact you and get your prize to you. All other entries are optional, and you can return to repeat some of them — like a daily tweet.

Giveaway ends October 21. Open to US residents.

Of Sex and Love is not responsible for delivery of giveaway prizes. I did not receive compensation for this post.

Good luck!

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Categories: Giveaways

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Lelo Gigi 2

September 16th, 2013

Gigi 2

Gigi 2
$119 from Of Sex and Love Store

In case you missed it, I posted a follow-up review for the Gigi 2.

As hard as it might be to believe, I never tried the original Gigi or any toys with similar shapes. While plenty of folks loved the shape of Gigi for G-spot stimulation, I didn’t know if I would. I had plenty of toys that stroked and vibrated in all the right ways, and I knew that original Lelo toys were lacking in strength. So when the company released a second version, I decided it was time I give it a try.

Lelo has been experimenting with colors with the release of Gigi 2 and other toys, like Liv 2. Deep rose is still an option, but I chose cool gray. My photo makes it look darker than it is. It’s really quite light. You can also get yours in pink and turquoise. I really like the gray color with the matte silicone.

Reviewers have stressed the size — or lack there of — of Gigi for years. But you just can’t imagine how tiny this thing is until it’s in your hands. It’s barely 7 inches long, and you’ve got almost 4 inches to play with, literally. If you want length for thrusting, this toy isn’t it. Neither is it the toy for you if you prefer weight for stroking, which is one reason why I like glass and stone. The Gigi is ridiculously light, rivaling my iPod Nano and making my 4-inch phone feel like a fucking brick.

Girth-wise, Gigi 2 is the same as the original — or so I’d assume. The largest place it as the head, where it’s angled. There is a diameter of 1.5″ at the widest point, but the shaft is oblong rather than round. However, it might feel a little larger to some because it’s so rigid. While the insertable portion is covered in velvety silicone that managed to feel soft, the rigid interior means there’s no give to Gigi.

What I’m working up to here is how Gigi is a lot like a rabbit vibrator. Either it’s perfect for you and it works, or it’s off in any tiny way and it’s not going to work for you at all. Period. Sorry. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200 — or get your $170 worth.

If you haven’t guessed already, Gigi did not work for me. I think this vibrator goes to show just how pronounced my pubic bone is. Insertion means that Gigi “hooks” on it, poking and prodding uncomfortably. There should not be angles there, my G-spot would say if it could talk. All in all, it’s an experience that I would label as unpleasant at the very least.

What about vibrations, you ask? Let me tell you about them. The product pages claims “100% increase in power.” I will tell you that the vibes are concentrated at the tip of this toy. They’re also buzzy and weak. I can only assume that there’s supposed to be an improvement over the original, but if this is the case, the original must suck. Other reviewers have claimed little change, however.

One thing that did change — somewhat — are the controls. They’re the same, but the button construction is different. Before, Lelo used soft, silicone buttons. Now, we have a unibody plastic button. I fucking hate it. The buttons are smaller, which is a pain if you’ve got nails, large fingers or lube on your hands. You can’t tell from touch alone which button does what, and you need more pressure to push each of the buttons. I was frustrated while using this.

I count 9 or 10 different steady vibration modes that are lackluster because of the buzzy vibes. There’s also:

  • slow pulsation
  • fast pulsation
  • faster pulsation
  • escalation
  • a different escalation
  • some setting that sounds like the Gigi 2 is trying to sing to me

The charging port is now lined with metal but includes no cover. Lelo says that this one is fully waterproof, so wash it, shower with it or take it in the bath. There’s no port cover, which always makes me anxious. I have no tub, however, so it’s a moot point for me.

As you’d expect, Gigi 2 comes with a charging cable, the typical warranty information, a packet of lube, a stiff satin drawstring pouch and Lelo’s packaging. It looks nice, but it takes up too much room. The newer toys also come with an “authenticity card” which includes the serial number and information about registering your product to get the 1o-year warranty. I haven’t had problems with Lelo toys breaking or dying, but it’s useful information.

It’s a shame that such an attractive toy is such a letdown.

5 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count

September 8th, 2013

It’s been a while since I’ve written something other than a review or personal experience on here. It’s been a while since I’ve felt so passionate about something that I felt like I should write it, even if someone else had already written about it or, even worse, written about it better. But here it is.

The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count

Read it a second time. Maybe in italic.

The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count

Orgasms are, generally, good. For more heterosexual sex, the man’s orgasm indicates the end of a session. The ability to finally attain orgasm is a big deal for many people, especially women. I understand. I like having orgasms. I wouldn’t last long in a sexual relationship with a person who didn’t care whether I was having any orgasms or who left them completely up to me without any (oral) assistance.

...orgasm is a sincere gift from GOD.But, and this is a big but, sex shouldn’t necessarily lead to orgasm. That is, orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal. When you’re focused on getting off, your sex can become mechanical. Your eye is on the finish line, and you miss out on the journey. Now, this doesn’t always happen, but I frequently find that if you focus on enjoying the moment and feeling good over where you’re going, you’ll feel like your time’s well spent, even if you don’t get off.

Furthermore, focusing on achieving orgasm is the very thing that makes some people unable to orgasm. I notice that when I sufficiently distract my mind, I get off quicker and better.

I have literally had sex where I’ve had multiple orgasms, and it was unenjoyable overall. I’ve also had sex where I just didn’t manage to orgasm, but it was pretty much amazing. It felt more toe-curling, tear-inducing and intimate than sex where I achieved orgasm multiple times. I think, for some people, this doesn’t compute. They associate orgasms with pleasure. The more orgasms, the greater the pleasure except..

It’s just not true.

You can still feel pleasure without orgasm. Sex can be intimate. It can be rough. It can be carnal. It can teach you about yourself or your partner. It can just be a fun time — and all without orgasm.

And if either you or your partner is having difficulty achieving orgasm, the added pressure may just not be worth it.

Maybe someone will read this and something will click. Maybe they’ll stop pressuring their partner to cum or blaming themselves for their inability to bring their partner to orgasm an arbitrary number of times. Perhaps someone who has felt guilty over their inability to orgasm. Maybe you’ll let go long enough to just enjoy the moment. Because there are so many moments to enjoy and so many ways to enjoy them. Orgasm is not the only way.

10 Comments

Categories: Advice, Articles

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Learning Along the Way

August 28th, 2013

One of the things that I have learned about since starting this blog is sex positivity. I make active strides not to slut shame and to help people enjoy their sex lives. I make a point to become more understanding, more accepting and less judgmental. So, the idea of things such as casual sex and the various sex therapies that exist.  Sex surrogacy, for example, was one thing that was alien to me. I don’t have any personal experience with it, but it was difficult for me to understand the process at first. I imagine this is so with other people.

Orgasmic meditation, like the kind they teach about and practice at OneTaste, is another of those practices. I’m definitely less familiar with this concept, but it’s amazing how much you realize you don’t know once you open up your mind. Blogging about sex toys and relationships and exploring my own sexuality has made that possible for me, and I hope that my vocalizations on the subject can bring the same “enlightenment” to other people.

And, you know, it’s interesting when I discover a new concept and I’m open to it or I realize that I’ve been open to something the whole time. I’m certainly learning as much about myself.

2 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Natural Feminine Personal Spray

August 25th, 2013

Natural Feminine Personal Spray

Natural Feminine Personal Spray

This product may be discontinued, but you can still buy it at Lubezilla.

I didn’t know when I requested to review the Natural Feminine Personal Spray that it was so close to AfterTrace. Blame it on the vague name. However, this does mean that I have two similar products that I can compare, which is useful.

The product description says you can use it for quick “clean” up, but the directions on the bottle say to spray on your body. There’s no indication of removal or actual cleansing; furthermore, the bottle states that it’s perfect for after a shower, so it’s not exactly a cleanser, now is it? However, that’s more semantics than anything else.

According to the description, this will reduce odors, absorb moisture and soothe skin, so there’s nothing you can really complain about there. I can, however, complain about the scent of this spray. While AfterTrace is herbal like all the other SHE Aftercare products, this one smells like fake blueberries. It reminds me of those freeze-dried, overly-sweetened berries you’d get in cereal. It’s really weird for spraying on your body. Now, the scent does fade to a more neutral, sweet/fresh smell after a while, but the initial smell is kind of a turn-off.

This spray also differs in that it’s less fine and wetter than AfterTrace. It doesn’t affect performance in my opinion, but it might not necessarily feel good if you’re already sweaty. I think these products work best when you’re fresh and dry. an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of the cure, right? Like I said in my AfterTrace review, this isn’t going to do much if you’re getting back into sweaty panties and clothes.

I did a quick search for this product to get the ingredients list so I wouldn’t have to type it up, and I found a review stating that the ingredients had discolored someone’s clothing. This is definitely something you’ll want to watch out for; although, I haven’t had that issue yet.

The bottle advertises all natural ingredients like aloe, witch hazel, patchouli, vanilla, lavender and tea tree oil, and the entire list is as follows:

  • Witch Hazel
  • Aloe vera gel
  • Clary Sage Oil
  • Patchouli oil
  • Geranium Oil
  • Vanilla
  • Tea Tree
  • Fragrance
  • Oregano Leaf Extract
  • Thyme Extract
  • Cinnamon Bark Extract
  • Olive Leaf Extract
  • Rosemary Leaf Extract
  • Peppermint Leaf Extract
  • Lavender Flower Extract
  • Goldenseal Root Extract
  • Citrus Medica Limonum
  • Lemon Peel Extract
  • Purified Water

The list is definitely more natural than AfterTrace if that’s your thing. But does it work any better?

I don’t know. Neither products are miracle cures. I feel fresher if I spray it on. They’re good for a quick fix if you have no time to shower, too. However, Natural Feminine Personal Spray seems to be more about making you smell sweet/fresh than reducing odor. The scent sticks around longer. This is okay if you’re a fan of it, but it’s such an odd scent that I can’t imagine everyone will be.

This spray is a little cheaper, though, so it might be worth trying out for that reason alone.

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews, Sexual Health and Beauty

PinkCherry Winner

August 25th, 2013

Ack! I know I am slow in posting this. I hate not having my own laptop. However, the winner of the $100 gift card to PinkCherry is Miss Kat.

Congrats to her, and thank you to all the people who entered. It was my most successful giveaway to date, and I think I’ve got some new ideas to keep giveaways awesome in the future.

If you have any giveaway feedback, please let me know in the comments.

2 Comments

Categories: Winners

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.