State of the Union Address

June 9th, 2013

Amid my site going down for a little bit, I didn’t have much of a chance to talk about my short-live relationship, if we can even call it that. One late night, the bartender showed up. We cuddled, we talked, we had sex. It may be the best sex we’ve yet had because it felt the most intimate. During the course of the night, we talked circles around making us official, with neither one of us being bold enough to approach the topic.

So, as our bodies pressed close together and sex became imminent, I simply said that we were no longer going to be single. His acquiescence was something anyone could have seen coming. He agreed he was “mine and mine alone.” It’s a phrase he’s used several times, and it’s cute. In fact, the very verbalizing of this initiated both the strongest and most unexpected orgasm I’ve had with him. It came out of nowhere, and there wasn’t even any clitoral stimulation, so that was a pleasant surprise.

Sex progressed to the first time I was on top, and he held me so incredibly close as he came. It was physically and emotionally satisfying in a way that I haven’t experienced in years, and we cuddled for a bit before he had to leave.

Everything went downhill from there, however. I was happy for a few days, changed my relationship status and let people know about my recent status change. I didn’t hear from him for over a week then. Unfortunately, last week was my birthday, and I was looking forward to being able to celebrate with my boyfriend.

After a week of no communication and a couple nights of serious drinking, I finally called him drunk. Fortunately, he didn’t answer. Not so fortunately, I left a message. Twice. In the first, I accused him of being an asshole for not responding. In the second, I expressed remorse for our relationship being over because I thought I was in love with him.

I immediately regretted not only the calls but making them in front of everyone. As soon as I woke up the next day, I sent a text to apologize. He hadn’t yet heard the messages, so I told him to delete them. We discussed how it’s not cool that he disappears but that’s how he “deals.” I told him that, as his friend, he knows he can let me in. I wanted to help. We decided that he needs to get his shit straightened out before he can be in a relationship, and I don’t disagree. I just wish he was stable enough to be in one now, with me.

The conversation ended shortly after my promising that I would be his friend no matter what and with the suggestion that sex was still an option because we have such an enjoyable time together. It’s fun, comfortable and hot. I think of him every time I am horny. I just can’t help it.

We haven’t spoken much sense, but I feel a bit closer. I am glad that our friendship is in tact, as glad as I am sad that we’re only friends. However, I don’t necessarily feel that we can’t approach the topic again in the future.

Many people don’t understand why I am still his friend, let alone wanting more. They don’t know what I see in him, but I understand that he’s well intentioned but misguided. I can’t help but feel as though he’s so close to reaching out. We are friends, first and foremost, and I want to be there when he does. It’s no small sacrifice, but my will isn’t small.

So, now I am single but hopeful. I am experiencing less turmoil than I have for some time, but that’s for another post.

3 Comments

Categories: Dating, The Bartender

Nick Hawk GIGOLO Keyless Cuffs

June 8th, 2013

Nick Hawk GIGOLO Keyless Cuffs

Nick Hawk GIGOLO Keyless Cuffs

While these specific cuffs are no longer available, you can find similar sliding styles on rope cuffs.

Let me preface this by saying, WTF “Gigolo?” That’s not sexy. That’s not a selling point. What is wrong with the branding here?

And then I’ll say something nice, like, I really enjoy the look of these cuffs. The chain rope that connects them and the leather appearance are different, and it’s just different. The chain that connects them is a tube of chainmail, while the cuffs themselves are a braided rope. The braid is thick and tight, and the material is softer on your skin than metal cuffs, even with something soft around them. However, the material is pretty stiff, and that’s a difference I noticed between my cuffs and the product image. The keyless cuffs look quite round by default, but they’re not. They are folded in half in the box, and the crease remains in the cuffs as you can see in my photo.

However, they’re really made for form and not function, unfortunately. These are the type of cuffs you’d keep around for a photo shoot, but they’re not the cuffs you’re going to reach for in the heat of the moment. I’ll tell you why.

Rather than band-type cuffs that connect via snaps or an O-ring or metal cuffs, with which I’m sure you’re all familiar, these are two loops that do not open. Instead, there’s a small faux-leather strap on each cuff. The strap is permanently attached to the one side, while you wrap it around the other side and fasten a snap to secure it. You slide the leather enclosure up and down the cuff to make it tighter. Ideally, this design would work for both wrists and ankles because it’s adjustable.

However, it just doesn’t work very well. When the snap is fastened, you can’t move the strap up and down the cuffs. So, to adjust, put on or remove them you must completely undo the strap and then re-wrap it around the cuff. The strap really is quite tight. In fact, I can barely put this one with two hands let alone one.

What this means is that I would have to spend a lot of time just getting this on or off or in the right position, which could be a real downer when it comes to the mood. It’s much too much effort, and while it might loosen up a bit over time, I don’t have the patience to deal with it. I can’t imagine many people would.

When it comes to specs, these keyless cuffs has a circumference of about 12″ each, so they should work for ankles as well as wrists. There’s no minimum, really. I guess you could lock someone’s finger up in this. Because the strap is so tight, I cannot get out of these cuffs even though it’s just a single snap securing them. There is a little less than 4.5″ of slack between the cuffs, thanks to the chain and hardware. This is more than the tiger striped cuffs that I have, so this design, if it worked better, might be good if you’re not so flexible or have short arms like I do.

The connectors between the chains use a “swivel design.” This means added flexibility because you don’t need to keep your wrists in a single position. You can squirm as it were.

Maintenance is, well, iffy. I would consider these porous, and the braining provides lots of nooks and crannies for liquids to get into. You can wipe them down to preserve their appearance, but I wouldn’t share them with non-fluid bonded partners.

CEN Sexpert

2 Comments

Categories: BDSM, Reviews

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U Touch Up

June 6th, 2013

U Touch Up

U Touch Up
$77.20 from Of Sex and Love Store

I was excited when I first found out about the U Touch line by Topco. I haven’t used as many of the company’s products as I have other lines, but I generally thought of Topco as more generic. However, the U Touch line brings with it sophisticated designs and unique controls are a step in the right direction for the company in my opinion. In fact, this is part of the “UltraZone” line, which includes a few toys I wouldn’t mind trying.

Even the packaging is a step up. U Touch toys come in boxes that secure with magnets. Pull open a ribbon, and you’ll see the toy nestled there. The chargers, with multiple power adapters, and instruction book are nestled in a smaller box in a separate compartment. This whole box is in an outer cardboard sleeve. All in all, it’s nice, but I prefer something a little less bulky. Topco isn’t offering storage pouches with this line, which is something that I’d prefer.

Topco sent me both the U Touch Down and the U Touch Up, which struck me as incredibly similar to the Lelo Siri, which is one of the toys on my Divine Toy box, meaning I actually use it since first trying it. I couldn’t help but take some comparison pictures, in fact.

So, I took a few pictures of the two side by side. There’s some definite similarities in the design; however, the U Touch Up is larger than Siri. The bottoms of the toys also have different shapes. While most clit toys tend to curve against the body, the U Touch Up seems to bulge out in a round way.

The hard plastic of the plastic also flattens out much more as you can see in the photo above. I actually found this shape to be a little less ideal for me personally. I like getting pressure, but found that the rounded underside wasn’t working. Perhaps if it had been concave or more angled. I wound up using the very tip of the U Touch Up, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just not as intuitive as I’d like.

U Touch Up and Siri

U Touch Up and Siri

Both have silicone where the toy will touch your body. I got the pink, which is very light. A similarly-feminine violet is familiar. For a while, the product page described is as magenta, which it is not. The silicone on this is a little more plush and softer than the Siri. It’s silky smooth to the touch, and while the vibe isn’t exactly seamless, it’s put together well. You might want to take extra care about the seam when washing it, but the toy is waterproof.

I probably wouldn’t be concerned if the vibrations were a little stronger. These toys have an internal motor, which you charge via magnetic adapter. It reminds me of the magnetic charger that comes with Fun Factory’s newer toys. The magnet part is round and flashes while charging. Instead of plugging directly into the wall, the end is a regular USB plug, so you could charge this with the included adapter block or with your computer, which is convenient. I won’t lie; I stole the adapter block to use with my iPod, so that it doesn’t have to share the same adapter as my phone.

The result is fairly buzzy and pretty weak vibrations — from the vibe, not my iPod. To add to my disappointment, the vibe always returns to the setting you last used it on. Unfortunately, I wind up thinking I can turn it up, but it’s already maxed out. It’s no secret that I like strong, deep vibrations.

The controls leave a little to be desired as well. Topco is trying to do something new, which I admire, but I don’t think they’re quire there. The control panel uses touch sensitive buttons that have backlighting but lack haptic feedback. There’s a little indentation where the buttons are, so I can find them, but I never quite know if I’m actually pressing a button.

You’d think that the four-button setup is pretty easy, and there is a + button as well as a – button. The other two cycle through other settings, too. However, the + button doesn’t turn on vibrations. Instead, you have to hold the up and down arrows simultaneously for a few seconds to turn it on and off. This is completely lacking in intuitiveness in my opinion. I should be able to turn it on by simply pressing the + button and turn it off by pressing the -.

What makes it worse is that all the toys in the U Touch line come with the same, generic instruction manual that doesn’t actually talk about the toy itself. It has general instructions for inserting batteries, when there are none. Nowhere does it say that you have to press both buttons to turn on the toy. There is a note about how the toy locks, and I do have to say that I like this feature. It locks while it’s on after five seconds of disuse. Because I frequently accidentally turn off vibes, I like this feature. Pressing the + and – buttons simultaneously unlocks it. Of course, I find that I have to stop playing and raise the toy to my face to see those buttons. Sadly, there’s no indication that you’ve turned it from locked to unlocked, which is pretty inconvenient. I’d like to see the control panel blink a couple times or something when I’m trying to press a button to indicate locked status. A similar blink when it turns off would be useful.

Remember when I talked about feedback? Well, the lack of it makes it really hard to tell how many settings there are. Plus, I seem to have to press the buttons repeatedly to get them to work. Siri’s buttons just seem to make much more sense. I counted about 13 speeds. Apparently, there are 16. This is overkill, and fewer speeds would likely make it easier to differentiate between them.

The top speed is a little loud and higher-pitched than Siri. The lower output makes me feel a little disappointed. Aside from steady vibes, there’s a number of pulsation and escalation settings, but the weak vibrations do seem to hinder them from being fully effective. Ultimately, it took a lot of time and effort on my part to get off with this toy because the shape and vibrations just don’t cut it.

One awesome feature and a generally high-quality build doesn’t save this toy. I imagine that many people want more feedback when pressing buttons, and it seems like Topco tried too many new ideas at once. The touch control panel definitely needs some work, but I would like to see improvements because I want to love it. I just can’t… yet.

3 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

The Death of EdenFantasys

June 5th, 2013

image

 

If you’ve been around the Internet the last couple days, then you’ve probably come across this audio video, featuring the voice of Fred, the owner of EdenFantasys, and some staff members as he fires them all in bulk – and all without really saying so. In the event that the video gets deleted, Epiphora has a transcript up on her site. Multiple sources have verified the validity of the video; although Fred continues to deny that it’s real (also in E’s blog).

In fact, that post only outlines years of member abuses, shady behavior and a whole slew of things that have made people walk away from the company and community with a sour taste in their mouth. Not one, not two, but multiple of my friends have been banned from EdenFantasys over the years, and most of the time there was no legitimate reason other than “makes the site look bad.” In fact, review policy was changed a while back to state that we could only write positive reviews, more or less, to keep things looking all sunshine and kittens.

And, so the gist of the audio is that things had been going downhill for some time, but the company wasn’t even able to break even last month. So… Fred had to fire everyone via audio chat in a completely roundabout way. While he made it obvious that he had known what was coming, some people were completely blindsided, and he didn’t even take the time to fire some people. He simply changed email passwords to some people, essentially ending their jobs in the shittiest way possible. But, hey, it’s not the first time.

Things have been going downhill for some time according to Fred in that recording. In fact, Fred would have you still believe that everything is just hunky dory, and the only staff member who’s still around is spewing those lies to the community. But it’s more obvious than ever that things are bad. Stock has been dwindling for months. Good luck trying to find anything to spend those gift cards on because vendors don’t want to deal with the company. They’re calling the shots, but Fred’s minions would have you believe that inventory is shrinking to get rid of redundant products. As the truth comes out, it seems like this never was the case.

I’m eventually getting to my point, which is something along the lines of “I can’t believe he treated employees like this and is lying point blank to the community” and “I totally saw this coming.” By now, you’ve probably heard complaints from several people about various aspects of EF dealings, including unfair bannings, blocking off-site links, sending out used toys and employee abuse. So, I’m not entirely surprised that things have gone down in flames, but I don’t think anyone could have seen this coming the way that it did. Even staff members were left out in the cold, and now that we have proof that Fred is blatantly lying, it only brings into question everything he has ever said and, by association, anything the staff members have ever said because we don’t know how much involvement he had in it.

[edited to add]

I would count several people who have worked for the company among my friends, and I don’t mean to implicate them as dishonest, but I don’t know that what Fred told them was in truth.

[/edit]

Fortunately, I have no personal loss, but many people do, and many people are still drinking the god-damned Kool-Aid for some unknown reason. I’m being realistic. I cashed out my points and bought one of the few freakin’ things that still left in stock because I don’t even know if the website will be around tomorrow. Some people are in a so-called panic mode, and they’re not wrong to be.

Even before this, my role really dropped. I was unhappy with the company after they fucked with my friends and I became far less active. However, I still signed in and accepted reviews for one simple reason: I was gaming the system. It went something like this.

  1. I’d write reviews and participate on site for points
  2. I’d turn those into gift cards and buy other stuff
  3. I’d get points for those purchases (the system no longer allows this)
  4. I’d use my affiliate code to earn actual money

No, I didn’t feel bad about this. I always felt that the company had it coming from an ethical standpoint and their system continued to let me do it for years. You see, I agreed with all my friends who had left but I kept my mouth shut long enough to make this work for me because who doesn’t want some extra cash or free sex toys?

I think, perhaps, that the methodology to spend money to make money is one that Fred does not understand. Throughout those years, I became increasingly frustrated by this community movement. Sure, some awesome people joined even after the people I have grown used to left, but the blogger outreach and points programs led to a lot of shitty reviews and spam that made the site that much less useful. If you weren’t all overly supportive for the company or even for a freakin’ toy, you weren’t community-minded. Somewhere down the line, EF really became about quantity over quality, as if having people posting and talking about you was enough to drown out the negative and the cold, hard truth. Sadly, for a while, it was.

This should be a lesson to everyone. Treat your community, customers and employees like shit? It won’t work. Spread yourself too thin? And you’ll soon tear. Respond negatively to criticism or suggestions and the people who have a different vantage point will stop talking to you and start speaking up against you. Make enemies in the blogosphere, and people will tell others about what a little shit you’ve been.

Shortly before the announcement that all the staff had been fired, I received a PM as one a group of valuable members, asking me to stick around through some upcoming changes, I had no idea they’d be so extreme and, honestly, how can Fred expect the company to rebound in any way? As it stands, there’s nothing to stick around for. The community, the store are all in dire straights. The staff is gone. EdenFantasys is as good as dead, and if you think otherwise, you probably deserve to go down with the ship.

8 Comments

Categories: Everything Else, internet, News

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Wartenberg Wheel Winner

June 3rd, 2013

The lucky winner of the Wartenberg Wheel is Fire. Conrats!

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Categories: Giveaways, Winners

Maia Astral D3 Dong

May 12th, 2013

Maia Astral D3 Dong

Maia Astral D3 Dong
$38.29 from Of Sex and Love Store

This toy has been rebranded to the KENDALL Dong.

I’m still not sure about the naming over at Maia toys. I think perhaps something more memorable would help them out, and I kind of hate the word “dong.” But who doesn’t?

So this is the only dildo I was able to review for the company, but it’s also my favorite of the items that they sent me. The blue, or astral, is a medium sky blue. I also had a medium lavender, which I donated to a friend in need. For some reason, the box photos show a rather shiny finish, but this isn’t the case. This dildo has a satiny smooth exterior, which feels just great in my hand. It also picks up lint, but man does it feel good when I grasp it.

The shape is a bit more difficult to describe. It looks “twisted” but this dildo actually has ridges. If you’re looking at it from the side, they angle downward. There are four ridges, and while each is wide, they’re not that far off the shaft. However, you can still feel them quite well. If the contoured head, which reminds me of a number of Tantus dildos, isn’t enough to stimulated the G-spot or whichever spot you’re aiming for, the ridges will.

There is the slightest — and I mean slightest — G-spot curve. I find that the head works well enough for me, and the combination of the ridges and head should work well for most people. However, I can’t guarantee it. This thing is almost seamless. It’s super smooth, which is awesome.

The area around those ridges is the most dense of the entire toy. There’s some give, but its mostly around the thinner part of the toy, above and below the area where the shaft is. All in all, I thought I wouldn’t like the size + shape + firmness, but I kind of fucking love it. It’s simple yet effective. It doesn’t require much from me, that’s awesome stuff, man.

IMAG0455To give you a better idea of size, we’re talking about 7.25 insertable inches, with a bit more length thanks to the suction cup, which sucks a lot.. in a good way. The widest part of the head has a diameter of 2 inches, but it’s oblong and narrower when you turn the dildo. Around the widest ridge, we’re talking about 1.9″. This dildo is on the larger end, and while it’s not the biggest toy you could ever play with, it’s certainly filling. The valleys on the shaft are probably 1.65″ wide or so, while it narrows to about 1.5 inches right below the head. This might not the dildo for the feint of heart or newbies.

It’s definitely the right toy for someone who likes bright colors, filling sensation and the ability to use it on a hard surface. Hey, that isn’t my thing, but there’s no judging thing. I find the suction cup provides an interesting hand hold that’s squishy and easy on the write. I like this, because the size makes it a little on the heftier side.

No matter how you use this one, you’ll need to wash it wish soap and water to rinse off any pesky dirt, lint or, as in my case, cat fur. Like every other Maia toy, this comes with a storage bag. It’s bright blue, to match the dildo, and soft and stretchy. Of course, you could store this with like material without worrying about reactions, but you’ll want to avoid silicone lube reactions if you like it.

I’ve seen this ranging from $27 to $35, and that’s a fucking awesome price. Plus, it comes in that windowed box. I like those. You know what? Go buy it, now.

3 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

Le Reve Rechargeable

May 6th, 2013

Le Reve Rechargeable

Le Reve Rechargeable
$36.37 from Amazon

I have such a love-hate relationship with rechargeable vibes. I mean, you don’t have to buy batteries, which is awesome. Some of them are super strong – -also awesome. Being able to reach for a vibe and have it ready to go it great, but if you don’t use them frequently enough, they might die. Plus, when a rechargeable vibe does, you have to give it time to charge. you can’t just pop in new batteries.

Most of those things are fairly insignificant, and I’d be willing to overlook them if the vibrator gets me off and feels fantastic, but I just never know what to expect. This was the case with the Le Reve Rechargeable. It’s cute, but would it be strong? The answer to that question is ‘No.” Sad.

Let’s get this out of the way: this toy has the very sort of vibrations that I do not like. No, it’s not even an issue of liking it. They just don’t work for me. I need something more than weak and buzzy, but that’s all that this one offers. It’s a shame because I feel as though Pipedream is marketing this line as higher quality than other products. Fortunately, you can find it on Amazon for less than $30. So if you happened upon this vibe there, you wouldn’t feel quite so disappointed if it didn’t work for you.

The one thing that I noticed about this almost immediately was how similar it looks to this little mouse-shaped laser cat toy I have. The vibrator is the bigger toy — heh heh — but it’s got a similar shape.

IMAG0680-1

Just add a little mouse face and, bam!, same thing.. sorta. This shouldn’t bother me, but it kinda does. The shape tapers, so it’s all about pinpoint stimulation. If that’s not for you, and it’s not my cup of tea, then this toy isn’t for you.

It does curve to fit in the palm of you hand or against your mons, but the curve doesn’t quite fit with my pubic bone. This might not be your issue, however. Nevertheless, the buttons aren’t positioned so that you can simply hold the Le Reve Rechargeable in your palm. They’re at the rounded end, which means you couldn’t just turn it around if you wanted a broad contact area.

Although the toy is small, the vibrations really are focused at the end, however. It’s weird how quickly they taper out. This may be due to the hard, plastic body of the toy. It’s glossy and slick. You won’t need much, if any, lube with the Le Reve Rechargeable. However, if you like drag ,you might be better off with a silicone clit stim like Siri. There is a ridge that I can feel going around the toy; although, it’s not seriously protruding.

The buttons consist of two, a plus and minus. They’re silicone and easy to find, even in the dark. I appreciate this. A similar soft silicone covers the charging port, which is on the port near the butt of the toy. You can see it just a bit in my photo above. This makes the toy waterproof, but I wouldn’t submerge it. According to the product page, you only need to charge for an hour, which is a plus. I’ve charged it once, but I’ve used it far less than that, so I can’t tell you — yet — how long the charge will last.

Operation is super simple, and while some places this list as “ten function,” I think there’s actually more vibration levels than that. However, they’re all quite buzzy and quite close together. I can find more difference between the sound output than the vibration output. Le Reve Rechargeable isn’t the loudest toy I’ve ever owned, and you should be good if you close a door and turn on a fan, but I find it to be a little loud for its strength.

My advice? Skip this one if you need power.

4 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.