A little under a year ago, I made a decision: I was going back to school.
I had graduated 15 years prior and only taken a handful of college classes. I had always intended to go back to school eventually but just never got around to it.
As our governor shut down the state due to COVID-19, I found myself with more time on my hands than I’d had in some time and running the numbers. Could I afford to go back to schotance.
I was, however, worried about finances and how I would do in college after being out of school for so long. Was I actually as intelligent as I hoped? As others said? Was it wise to start mol if I wanted to? Was there a program I could do online that might be worthwhile?
I decided that I could and there was. Thanks to COVID, the application deadline was pushed back. I told a few people that I had applied to UW-Milwaukee’s online psychology program, and some wondered if I was going to apply to more schools. But I hadn’t. This was a program that I could work into my life, and I wasn’t worried about accepy first semester of college with five classes?
I’m old enough to have been taught that college is something important if not mandatory, but while some of my aunts had attended, my mother hadn’t. None of the people close to me were college graduates. At the very least, no one had earned a degree and was actively using it. Without that data, I felt pretty apprehensive about going back to school.
But as the fall semester drew nearer, I wasn’t sure I could actually swing it financially. I qualified for some assistance, but our state schools are more expensive than some other states. I talked about options, but they were only able to give me one: go for an AA at a 2-year school to save money. Except that would leave me in the same position in two years. But thanks to the stimulus and tax breaks for education, I realized I really could swing this.
It wasn’t until I paid the last of my tuition that I posted publically that I was returning to school. Still, I didn’t say it in so many words, and there were people with whom I never discussed the topic until I had finished my first semester.
I’ve since finished that semester, earning a 4.0, my place on the dean’s list, and an invitation to honors courses, so I guess some of my fears were unfounded. After a long break, during which I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I thought I might, I am on to my second semester and my first honor’s course.
Now, this all may seem entirely unrelated to my sex blog, but it’s not. For years, I have felt like I wasn’t quite qualified to write about sex the way that I wanted and in the way that I do. This self-doubt may not be entirely accurate (after all, plenty of other bloggers have moved into the realm of sex education), but I felt the lack of qualifications nonetheless. On top of that, I wanted to move my sex education efforts away from this blog.
For a few years, I’d been aware of the graduate certificates offered by the universities of Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin in sex education and therapy. There are options if only I had a 4-year degree to use as a foundation.
Thus, I found myself looking into 4-year degrees that I could work into my life (ie: do online) and that made sense for a sex educator. Psychology fit the bill, and it was something I’d considered for over a decade, anyway.
Most people are focusing on the next four years, and if I’m being honest, I am, too. With work, five classes, a budding romance, and the rest of my responsibilities, it’s easy to get caught up in the quotidian and lose sight of the bigger picture.
But with those people who have asked what I plan to do in the long run and how this degree will help me, I have shared my plan to look into at least a graduate certificate, if not a degree. I cannot say how interested I will be in continuing school after this or where my life will take me, but a further degree is always an option.
With that said, I realize that part of my issue is not one of qualifications but one of confidence, location, and perhaps marketing. If I want to make sex education my full-time gig, then I need to change how I represent myself, starting with my identity. For years, I’ve realized that I would want to so under my actual name and that I would ditch the pseudonym Adriana. To this end, I would also revamp this blog; although there is some content I’d like to keep, I would shift away from reviews to other articles and helpful content.
I know I am not alone in my struggles to market myself. Who among us doesn’t face some sort of imposter syndrome? But it’s something I’ll need to get over or at least work around one way or the other.
And school might help me with that. It’s reminded me that I am intelligent and capable. Perhaps it will provide me with connections or steer me in a particular direction. I’ve long known that I wouldn’t mind research as well as sex education as a potential career path.
But school isn’t my only avenue for networking. In the 21st century, a Web presence is a must, which means I need to maintain this blog better than I have been over the last few months, be more active in the Twittersphere, and figure out what I want this website to be and make that happen.
While discussing this with a close friend, he suggested that I should specifically write about my return to school and my desire to educate about sex in a more official capacity. He suggested that inviting you all along on my journey might help me be more personable or relatable. I wanted to balk because my anonymity on this blog has served me well at different times, but I cannot argue that his advice is unsound. I think opening myself up to you all can strengthen my voice as a blogger and our relationship.
So I guess this post does that while also serving as an explanation of my absence, an announcement of my intent, and an attempt at accountability.
If you’ve been reading me for years, I’d love for you to keep coming back. And if you’re just discovering Of Sex and Love or Adriana Ravenlust, stick around. Things are going to get even more interesting.. eventually.
That’s the spirit!