Jules wrote a post about a post that AAG wrote about being in the in-crowd. They both make great points about the so-call in crowd but I didn’t have much to say until I read an anonymous comment about this so-call “in” crowd and here I thought I was mostly ignored until I saw this:
It shows up regularly on blogs, on forums and in reviewer chat rooms.
Hey, wait! I know what this person is talking about. Yep, it’s the chat room I created many moons ago where reviewers could get together and talk about.. reviews and toys. Actually, I cannot take the credit. DBD first made a room on Meebo but it was public and we often got random strangers that would come in long enough to say “You like toys? You must be fat bitches. EWW! Perverts!” So I made a new room, password protected.
I figured we’d talk about reviews, toys, toy companies, websites and blogging but it has become so much more than that. Yes, we talk about those things on a frequent basis but the room has turned into a place where I’ve made real connections with real people except, maybe, AAG’S anonymous commenter. This started out as a reply to that person but I think it fits better here:
I love that you have first-hand knowledge of the chatroom I created! This means that you asked to be invited in and we let you in, regardless of affiliations. This probably means we’ve laughed together and shared some silly stories. It’s likely that you’ve seen us being critical about companies but we’re pretty equal opportunity. Lots of people and companies do things we don’t love (even folks in the “in” crowd but I’ll get to that later). Spend any time in the room and you will also see how much time people spend being positive and supportive. I know, I frequently hop in chat when the stress of my divorce is just too damned much.
If you’ve spent any time in the room, you know that some folks are still with EF. If you’ve stuck around, you’ll probably see that EF employees (like Sammi) and backers were still allowed and welcome even after the shit hit the fan. You’ll also note that AAG has never visited (for no particular reason other than she hasn’t inquired, I would suppose). Neither have any other staff members of EF but that’s because they never asked me for the password. Not once. As the chat room admin, I might even be inclined to let people in but it doesn’t matter because someone has been reporting every damned thing we say to others anyway. Tattle tale much? Since when is anything we say in a relatively private place up for argument?
And if you spent more than 5 minutes in the room, you will see that we often disagree with each other because WE are real people, too, not just “them.” We do not hang on everyone’s every word but, because of the amazing feedback and support we’ve been able to give each other within that chat room, we believe we can trust one another. So if Epiphora says something happened, I believe her. Not because she can do no wrong but because that’s what friends do. (But even though I trust her, maybe sometimes I think she’s full of crap, too.)
Does that make me part of this so-called in crowd? Making friends with people who give me the time a day? Then guess who else I’m friends with: Carrie Ann and Sammi. (Okay, they don’t have to admit it, but I consider them friends). Sorry to go throw a kink in your hatred and stereotyping there but let me make it really confusing for you: over a year ago I stopped following AAG because I just don’t particularly care about most things she blogs about (no offense intended to her, she blogs about broader subjects than I care to read in this corner of the blogosphere). Yet here she is, apart of the same in-crowd and we’ve never spoken 2 words to one another.
Anonymous, you missed the point. Entirely. It’s not that there are no cliques on the internet, it’s just that sharing an opinion does not a secret club, make. No one can name others in this group because we all associate with many people on a frequent basis, including some people who don’t get along so well with others we like. As grown ups, we can do that.
But can you? Can you look beyond the “them” and “not us” and see us as real people? Or is it okay for you to abuse your invitation because you’re so much better than me? Because you’re a real person but none of us are?
When I made this room, I considered myself a no one at EF, even though I’d been around over a year. I’m past the 2 year mark, now, and I still feel like a nobody because of some frustrating staff interactions (but that’s not exactly irrelevant). I’m certainly no sex blog celeb, either. So you can’t go around talking about how there’s some special group intimidating other people. Did you ever think that you might be intimidating us? Using your logic, I can easily label you as apart of the in-crowd, a crowd I most certainly can see because I am not apart of it. Funny how the works, isn’t it?
And if you took the time to talk to me, you’d know I’m planning on re-inventing the room, so to speak, after everything cools off. Here I was looking forward to a room where more reviewers would feel welcome, where we could have a fresh place to chat. Shit, I’m not very good at this in-crowd thing.
You need a LIKE button on your posts because I have a lack for words that normally end with, “I agree.”
This is exactly what I had been thinking about this whole “in crowd” thing but couldn’t quite articulate it over at AAG’s blog. You said it perfectly!
This post is wonderful. Especially this: It’s not that there are no cliques on the internet, it’s just that sharing an opinion does not a secret club, make. That’s exactly what I keep thinking about all this stuff. There is no secret club. There are people who talk to each other and who are friends. I also have friends who may not be your friends, because that is how the internet WORKS.
Amen, sister. I’m so loving this post!
Epiphora took the words out of my mouth!
You are the most articulate writer.
I’ll get back to you when I’m not at the beach with very limited net access. 🙂
*hugs*
I wasn’t even aware that there was a chat room, so I was very puzzled by the mention of one in that comment.
Was I not aware because I’m so frakkin’ busy trying to keep all my balls in the air? No, surely it was because I was too busy cultivating my own little “in” crowd! 🙂
The people yammering on the loudest about how horrible the “in” crowd is have no idea how petty and insecure it makes them look.
I tell you what, if there’s truly an “in” crowd, Ima start charging for membership. Want to belong for a month? Wax my minivan! Need a year-long membership? Clean my house during that time! Lifetime belonging? Buy all my groceries for a year!
Think that would work? 🙂
Thank you for the post. You said many of the things I should have said the first time around.