Advice
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Pure Romance Is (Even More Of) A Scam!
October 31st, 2013
I’ve gone to my fair share of Pure Romance parties. The company seems to be the one that’s most prevalent in many places; although Passion Parties is another name that I know.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve written about sex toy parties. They can be a great deal of fun; although, that depends on who’s there and your consultant. The event might be right up your alley. I’ve had plenty of fun and made new friends at some of them, but others have been a little more lackluster.
However, my issue is with Pure Romance as a company, which doesn’t just sell you sex toys and bath and body items but sells you rebranded items that are marked up. I already knew this about the vibrators and such. As the rep went through the catalog, I recognized several pieces that I had tried by California Exotics. Marilyn was on the list, as well as a number of cheaper vibrators that were marked up 50 to 100 percent. Jaguar is a toy I wouldn’t recommend at $30 let alone $59.
The rep skipped right through the Diamond collection because “we didn’t have that much money,” but it was mostly Jopen products. The Wingman, for example, costs $189 from Pure Romance but the original in the Jopen Ego line is $110. Various items from the Key line are marked up $20 or more.
But, like I said, this is old news. I mostly go for the bath and body products, and I was curious about the pink cupcake scent that’s new. I love my pink cupcake products from Classic Erotica. As it turns out, they smell exactly the same because..
Holiday Products makes both Classic Erotica and Pure Romance.
Now, this could be convenient for some people, but the markup is ridiculous. Pure Romance brands both a shaving cream and a body mist, got $19 and $20, respectively. However, even sex toy vendors charge less than $9 for the body mist. Crazy Girl’s shave cream costs less than half the Coochy-branded cream and, yes, Coochy from either Classic Erotica or Pure Romance is essentially the same thing. The big different? The scents available and what products are there.
Both lines include Body Dew, but Pink Cupcake isn’t available from Classic Erotica. Similarly, not all of the Pure Romance products are available in the other brand. However, even if you can only get it from Pure Romance, you don’t have to buy it from a book party. You can usually hop onto Ebay and get it for much cheaper if you don’t mind waiting a few days for shipping.
However, that’s not the only issue I have with Pure Romance.
Consultants Are Not Given Enough Sexual Health Information and Some of That Information Is Plain Wrong
I don’t expect a sex toy party to be an eye-opening experience, but the last of information was pretty sad. For example, Pure Romance sells anal numbing and vaginal tightening creams, both of which are unhealthy. There’s no warning about them, of course. Plus, numbing creams actually negate you body’s natural response to pain (read more about this here). If it hurts, you’re doing something wrong. The consultant said as much.. right before she hawked the numbing products from the company.
And a warning about silicone lube and silicone toys? Nothing. Sure, she mentioned not to store your toys next to one another but not why. Pro tip: if you leave a jelly toy for long enough, it will leech mineral oil. No mention of using condoms and never using a porous toy that’s been used anally vaginally — ever again. She did mention that no silicone is ever clear, but I’ve seen some of the awesome stuff that Jollies made.
And when someone asked the difference between metal and silicone, she responded that silicone warms to body temperate and metal doesn’t. Actually, both can warm; although, metal feels quite cool if you haven’t prewarmed it, which you can do with warm water. Silicone is also available in a variety of firmness, which is what I wanted to say, but I knew it didn’t pay
Finally, I was absolutely appalled when the rep said that there was only one type of orgasm, and you’re stimulating the same party altogether. No, you are not. Mary Roach wrote a revealing article “The Immaculate Orgasm: Who Needs Genitals?” that’s in her own book and Best Sex Writing 2009. In it, she talks about research on women with spinal injuries who retain the ability to achieve one sort of orgasm but not the other because clitoral and G-spot orgasms trigger different nerves. Not only that, but saying that there’s only one type of orgasm negates all the experiences that women have had, the very women who are at a Pure Romance party to explore their sexuality. Negative comments can be permanently damaging to these women, and that’s just not cool.
Let’s not forget, once and for all, that..
Pure Romance is a pyramid scheme.
And it works only when you can guilt your friends into paying for products.
So let’s just be done with them. You can buy directly from manufacturers like LELO. Shop around online. PinkCherry always has amazing sales, and bloggers like myself are more than happy to write a review to set you on the right path.
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The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count
September 8th, 2013
It’s been a while since I’ve written something other than a review or personal experience on here. It’s been a while since I’ve felt so passionate about something that I felt like I should write it, even if someone else had already written about it or, even worse, written about it better. But here it is.
The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count
Read it a second time. Maybe in italic.
The Number of Orgasms Doesn’t Count
Orgasms are, generally, good. For more heterosexual sex, the man’s orgasm indicates the end of a session. The ability to finally attain orgasm is a big deal for many people, especially women. I understand. I like having orgasms. I wouldn’t last long in a sexual relationship with a person who didn’t care whether I was having any orgasms or who left them completely up to me without any (oral) assistance.
But, and this is a big but, sex shouldn’t necessarily lead to orgasm. That is, orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal. When you’re focused on getting off, your sex can become mechanical. Your eye is on the finish line, and you miss out on the journey. Now, this doesn’t always happen, but I frequently find that if you focus on enjoying the moment and feeling good over where you’re going, you’ll feel like your time’s well spent, even if you don’t get off.
Furthermore, focusing on achieving orgasm is the very thing that makes some people unable to orgasm. I notice that when I sufficiently distract my mind, I get off quicker and better.
I have literally had sex where I’ve had multiple orgasms, and it was unenjoyable overall. I’ve also had sex where I just didn’t manage to orgasm, but it was pretty much amazing. It felt more toe-curling, tear-inducing and intimate than sex where I achieved orgasm multiple times. I think, for some people, this doesn’t compute. They associate orgasms with pleasure. The more orgasms, the greater the pleasure except..
It’s just not true.
You can still feel pleasure without orgasm. Sex can be intimate. It can be rough. It can be carnal. It can teach you about yourself or your partner. It can just be a fun time — and all without orgasm.
And if either you or your partner is having difficulty achieving orgasm, the added pressure may just not be worth it.
Maybe someone will read this and something will click. Maybe they’ll stop pressuring their partner to cum or blaming themselves for their inability to bring their partner to orgasm an arbitrary number of times. Perhaps someone who has felt guilty over their inability to orgasm. Maybe you’ll let go long enough to just enjoy the moment. Because there are so many moments to enjoy and so many ways to enjoy them. Orgasm is not the only way.
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When What We Want is Not What We Need: The Happiness Version
June 21st, 2010
A while back, a friend texted me a question. What did I think, she asked, that she needed in order to be happy in her relationship? Now, I now what she meant and what she wanted me to say. She was hoping for a list along these lines:
- You need someone who listens to you
- and cares about your feelings
- and makes time for you
- and shows you how much you matter
These things are certainly all well and good. I do like to experience them when I am in a relationship. Yet, I did not give her that answer. Instead, I told her it was a trick question because I recognized that she was thinking about what she wanted instead of what she needed.
To put it plainly, by framing her question and attitude in that way, she is relying on external forces in order to be happy. Her happiness depends on someone else’s decision to be nice and caring. She was giving away any power she had to make herself happy. I have come to recognize that as a dangerous thing and I could not live with myself if I let the idea perpetuate.
So I told her that she didn’t need a relationship in order to be happy. All she needed was to recognize the things of value in her life: her friends and family, her pets, the opportunities she has had and will have, her youth. As you can guess, she didn’t take this very well. She wanted the answer her way and while I can understand that, she didn’t realize how unproductive and potentially damaging her perception is and will continue to be if she does not change it.
I know because it’s one of those things I have been working on changing about myself. I don’t leave things to fate or destiny, anymore. No, the fate of my happiness is in my own hands. It makes no sense for me to wait for something to occur (like finding the perfect job, perhaps) or for someone to do something (as much as I would love for my husband to see my side in things). That’s just wasting time I could already spend being happy by recognizing the things about my life that already are awesome.
After all, we will always be waiting to overcome some sort of obstacle. That is just how life works. The obstacles only stop when you’re dead and, even then, I can’t be sure there aren’t more challenges to face. No, happiness is not waiting until life becomes “easy” but recognizing what you have even when you also have challenges.
So I wasn’t about to tell my friend that she should wait for someone else to do X, Y and Z because I know that won’t help her ultimately be happy. The habit of waiting for external forces to make you happy is far too easy to develop and far too difficult to break down.
She saw me as difficult but I know better; I was being a good friend in the long run and we all need those from time to time.
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What to Say When She’s Tied Up
March 29th, 2009
The other day, a newbie joined a community of which I am a member. This person posted on the forums asking for help. You see, his wife had recently expressed to him her desire to be dominated and while he wanted to help, he wasn’t exactly sure how. I suspect this loving husband was not the only one who was confused. It seemed as though the wife, although she had acted as a “freaky lady” (his adoring words, not mine) was also confused about what she wanted. Perhaps she felt shame or embarrassment or was simple as uncertain about what steps to take to explore this new side of her sexuality.
She was able to eventually explain that while, yes, the physical was a turn on, it was really the words that got her juices flowing the most. As a fellow word lover, I can understand. Her husband, as eager as he was to assist, just didn’t know exactly what to say in the bedroom in order to give his wife the dominance she desired.
I found his plea for help refreshing and the way he wanted to work with his wife to explore this was touching. Although no expert in BDSM, I have been interested for many years. I might also I have played out many a BDSM fantasy in my head (sometimes as masturbation fodder, yes) and I thought I would give him a few suggestions.
- Use words and nicknames which designate that she is the one without power. IE: little, girl, mine, bitch, slut, whore, etc (“Daddy’s girl,” “You’re such a slut for me,” “What do we have here? A cock hungry little girl?” “Do you like it when I do X”)
- Require permission for things like switching positions, stopping oral, taking off clothes (yours, hers or both), getting in a certain position, etc and inflict punishment when this is ignored. (“Did I say you could do that?” spank when she does not ask permission or ignores)
- Require her to address you in a certain way (“Sir” “Master”)
- Tease and/or offer things in a manner which reminds her who is in charge (“wouldn’t you like that?” “you want me to go down on you, do you?” “Do you think you deserve X?”)
- Use words like “allow” “give” “permission” “acceptance” when referring to letting her do/have something while she uses terminology which says she wants you to do X rather than “we do X.”
- Make her “earn” treats such as oral, vaginal or anal sex, massage or her favourite position and show gratefulness for what you do (If you grant permission, require her to say “Thank You” or show it! “What do you say when I allow you to do X?”).
- Require her to be ready for sex in a certain room and position at X date and time (“I expect you to be spread eagle, naked on the bed this Friday as soon as I return from work.”)
- Suggest (and enforce) how you want her to appear (shaved pussy or not, panties/bra, other clothes, makeup and hair). Give her a “check” every X days.
The fact is, exploring anything new can be difficult, especially if you have a routine which works. We fear sounding or looking silly or unattractive even if we find new ideas to be arousing. The first time I wore something especially ‘sexy’ for my husband, I was terrified even though we were already married. I knew he would ultimately still love me and find me attractive even if he didn’t like what I put on but what if he just found me to be stupid?
And I’m not alone. Taking the first steps to incorporate BDSM into your sex life, wear a sexy costume, do a strip tease or role play can all be daunting tasks. Fortunately, I have some advice for all of these things. Sometimes you just have to fake it ’til you make it. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes we have to push ourselves to do uncomfortable things and fake the confidence until we actually develop it and can enjoy these activities.
On a more specific level, the mechanics of movement and words to use during specifics situations are things with which many struggle. People want to know what to say and how to say it and having a guide to work with can also bolster confidence. A lot of times, we can fudge our way through uncomfortable situations if we have something to work with. Remember the oral sex manual from American Pie? It was revered not only because of the content but because of the impact is had on those who used it.
So, for this doting husband who wasn’t sure what to say in order to dominate his wife the way she wanted, I suggested he say these things.
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