Best Sex Writing 2013

October 19th, 2014

Best Sex Writing 2013
$13.83 from Amazon

I’ve been a fan of the Best Sex Writing series for years, The most recent edition is Best Sex Writing 2013 because it doesn’t come out every year. This one  was edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel with a foreword by Carol Queen, two names you’re probably familiar with if you follow sex education or erotica — or even if you’re just a fan of other Cleis Press publications.

This edition offers 20 different stories about the “state of sexual culture.” Each of the pieces is supposed to represent the sex writing about sex, but the authors, themes, subjects and approaches are all different. Some of the authors are those with whom you may already be familiar, including Carol Queen herself, but some of the authors aren’t really from the sex realm, which I find adds variety.

Of the twenty stores, two or three really stood out for me.

“Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement” introduces us to the dynamics of relationships and sex in a retirement community. The writer, Alex Morris, does a good job treating these people like people, which is sometimes difficult with a generation that the world would otherwise like to leave behind closed doors — let alone discuss their relationships.

“Rest Stop Confidential” was an interesting look at the culture of anonymous gay sex in bathrooms and one of the personal accounts that I found more interesting.

Lori Selke’s “Dear John” is literally a breakup letter to the leather community that has transformed and is no longer welcoming to her. I can imagine Lori might be stepping on some people’s toes, but I think it’s a very interesting glance into the workings of the alt community as a whole.

However, my absolute favorite must be “Lost Boys.” This lengthy piece toward the end of the book talks about issues with homelessness, sex work and abuse on the streets of large cities such as NYC. The writer, Kristen Hinman, takes a look into a groundbreaking study by Curtis in Dank, Not only did this research shatter the illusion of who was a child sex worker — teenaged girls — but it also painted a picture about how many underage sex workers were actually walking the streets. The importance of this, I learned through reading, has a lot to do with the organizations that are leaching money out of the government and taxpayers for programs to help this population, a population that is realistically little like the story we’re told that pulls at our heartstrings. You should really read the piece in this book or the published study because there’s a lot of interesting information to be had there, and it’s stunning that this survey hasn’t had a greater impact.

Overall, the submissions to last year’s Best Sex Writing anthology tended to be more personal or anecdotal in nature. This doesn’t make them less interesting to read, but for me, they’re less memorable. Pieces that are more scientific or studious in nature tend to resonate better with me, The notable exception is Carol Queens’ “Ghosts: All my Men Are Dead.” In this sad tale, the sex educator talks about how the men she met as a queer person who moved to California have passed away, almost all from HIV/AIDS. It’s a somber story but also an interesting look into sex education and rights movements, which initially had little room for a woman.

You might prefer the personal stories in Best Sex Writing 2013 more than I did as a whole. Either way, I am certainly not going to stop checking out these books. There’s certainly going to be variation depending upon what authors and researchers do over the past year or so, and I will always be interested in picking up the next Best Sex Writing book.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Wrapped Around Your Finger

October 16th, 2014

Wrapped Around Your Finger
A Story of Submission
$16.95 from Amazon

I don’t know that I’ve ever reviewed a full-length piece of erotica before. I tend to stick to anthologies, and most of those stories are quite short indeed. I’ve avoided 50 Shades of Grey for reasons of sanity.  I’ve read the first book in the Sleeping Beauty series, but it’s not very long at all. In comparison, the approximately 225 pages of Wrapped Around Your Finger seems like a Tolkien tome. However, it’s really not that long. I read this cover to cover in 3 or 4 sittings, and in one of those I consumed at least half of the book.

Wrapped Around Your Finger is actually the third in a series about a BDSM relationship by Alison Tyler. It’s part fiction and part memoir, and I don’t personally know where the line is drawn, but I don’t think I want to know. That’s part of this illusion.  While this is the third in the series, you certainly don’t need to have read the first two. It might help clarify a few things, but it’s not necessary.

I started this book knowing nothing about submissive Samantha and her dominant partner, Jack, but it didn’t take long to get to know them and the dynamics of their relationships, which is 24/7 power exchange. Samantha is young, perhaps in a cliche, but Alison Tyler’s writes a character who is aware of this and what her well-to-do partner’s status means in regards to her youth and perhaps naivete.

In spite of that all, Samantha and Jack manage to pull off a relationship that allows them both to grow through power exchange and the introduction of Jack’s assistant Alex. Samantha isn’t blind or abused. She’s intelligent. In fact, she’s a sex writer in the story, and this plays out in her interactions with Jack.

Because of Jack’s money and status, the couple is afforded a somewhat more lavish life, which Samantha isn’t accustomed to, but it’s not limitless. Jack has connections, but he’s not magical. He has power and dominant characteristics, but this isn’t all he is. As the characters learn more about one another and themselves, we understand how intricate these relationships — any relationships — can be, and how that can both be damning and a blessing. This, folks, is good storytelling.

With the impending 50 Shades of Grey movie and a miniseries featuring Sleeping Beauty in all her erotic glory, I could see Samantha on screen. Not only do I think it would make a better movie, but I think that Ms. Tyler’s descriptive writing would work well in live action, especially when it comes to Samantha’s intricate outfits.

I cannot help but compare this to 50 Shades of Grey. There are obvious similarities, but skilled writing, more three-dimensional characters and general forethought on the part of the author makes this read both more interesting and more sexy. In fact, I can say that I am not a fan of Samantha’s personality or even her relationship with Jack as a whole, and I still found Wrapped Around Your Finger to be rather enjoyable. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants a more realistic view of BDSM or simply a sexy story that’s decently written.

You can buy it from Amazon or any of the retailers that stock books from the publisher

 

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Flying High: Sexy Stories from the Mile High Club [Review + Giveaway]

May 6th, 2014

Flying High
$15.95 from Amazon

Now, I’m not a member of the mile high club, but I think there’s something to be said for having sex on airplanes. Otherwise, why would so many people fantasize about it? I imagine it has something to do with being able to have sex with so many people around and not having them notice or, if it’s your thing, because you want them to notice. Perhaps the challenge of having sex in such a small place only makes the adrenaline run faster. Some people might rely on the release and reward of sex to calm their flying nerves or pass the time, which certainly seems to crawl by when you’re 30,000 feet above sea level with nothing but clouds out your window.

However, writing about sex on airplanes certainly presents another challenge. How do you make your story stand apart from those written by others? Indeed, I imagine that Rachel Kramer Bussel saw many similar themes, but the editor at Cleis Press was able to pull together enough stories to create an anthology that remains interesting and less than redundant. Although, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend reading the book in one sitting as it could become rather mundane.

Flying High does a good job of providing us with situations — strangers meeting on an airplane for sex, cybersex on airplanes, voyeurism, masturbation airlines and more — to keep things interesting. Many of the authors have added fantasy elements, which keep the stories in the book from being more of the same.

Like I said, I understand why sex on an airplane is appealing to some even though it’s not number one on my list of sexual acts to do. So I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the pages of this book and began enjoying it right off the bat. In fact the first story by Bill Kte’pe, one in which two couples who met online have arranged for a sexual rendezvous in the sky, is one of the most memorable of the book. It helps the book take flight without a hitch. The surprise ending adds to the story in my opinion, but I won’t spoil it for you.

Like any anthology, not every story in Flying High was for more. I skipped over one or two completely. In some cases, the airplane is really almost inconsequential. In stories like “Top Banana,” being on an airplane and one operated by a specific airline creates a recurring theme. In that particular story, Craig Sorensen relies on the theme to craft an interesting story and colorful visuals with an ending that I didn’t quite see coming — no pun intended.

The style and skill of the authors in Flying High varies as much as the particular plots of the stories. Some were simply not to my liking, and others seemed a little inexperienced or lacking the subtlety that I think makes a good story. However, they all brought something different to the table. Flying High might not be a book that you reach for constantly, but it’s worth checking out if you have a thing for the mile high club, especially if you’re not quite bold enough to go there yourself.

 

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Categories: Books, Reviews

101 Vagina

March 24th, 2014

101 Vagina
$13.68 from Amazon

When I first received the pitch to review and give away this book,  I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Perhaps that’s because it’s such a simple concept that describing it takes away some of the.. “magic” of it.  I’m normally more pragmatic than that, but the description causes it to lose something special.

You see, 101 vagina is a book featuring 101 photos of vulvas and 101 pieces by the owners of those vulvas. The book is printed completely in black and white, and it has a sleek white hard cover to boot. See? You can sum up what it is so easily. But I’m not sure that you can sum up the significance of this book quite so easily.

You see, the women in those photos have different body types, skin colors, scars, body modifications and pubic hair styles. And those women all have different feelings about the reproductive organs. And some of them even have different understandings about their organs, which brings me to my first and only complaint about this book.

The photos are really of vulvas, not vaginas. In fact, the photographer Philip Werner does address this in the back of the book. I’m glad because the terminology did bother me. However, while the pictures are of the external body parts, he wanted to create a medium for discussing the vulva, the vagina, the physical and the spiritual, and the English language doesn’t really provide this.

However, many of the women who agreed to be photographed for this collection do use the Sanskrit term “Yoni,” which I’ve heard but haven’t used before. Accordingto Wikipedia:

Yoni (Sanskrit: योनि yoni) is a Sanskrit word with different meanings, most basically “vagina” or “womb”. Its counterpart is the lingam. It is also the divine passage, or sacred temple (cf. lila). The word can cover a range of extended meanings, including: place of birth, source, origin, spring, fountain, place of rest, repository, receptacle, seat, abode, home, lair, nest, stable.

The women who tend to use this word as they write about their vulva, vagina, uterus and more do tend to use more flowery descriptions. The first few photos had captions like these, and they weren’t my favorite. However, women wrote about their vaginas in many ways.

Some were reverent. Some were saddened. Some expressed anger. Some were clinical. Others wrote poetry. Some wrote so much that the text had to be shrunk down to fit the book’s intended format. Other were quizzical or awed. The feels were sometimes intense and sometimes indifferent. It was simply interesting to read them. In fact, I sat down with the book as soon as it arrived in the mail and had read more than half of it before I knew it!

A few of the women chose to write about the experience of being photographed nude. I thought this gave interesting insight into the project itself. It seems like the photographer made everyone comfortable and his desire to create a body positive book really worked out well.

I think that some people would chuckle or roll their eyes at the intent and the result, but I also believe that most people could benefit from reading  book like this. Cis-women could certainly feel a little more comfortable about their bodies and reproductive organs. Other people could appreciate the range of womanhood, both physically and mentally through the written word.

Here are a few of my favorite lines from 101 Vagina:

  • Eat Me!
  • Anything a man can do I can do wetter.
  • Ceci ce n’est pas un vagin.
  • Everyone thinks of themselves as existing on some part of their body — most people live behind their eyes, many imagine themselves between their lungs inside their chests, and still others have egos nestled into their solar plexus area, where their voice is born. I have always imagine that vital part of myself to be inextricably linked with my femininity, so I think that in a very real way, I am my vagina.
  • Didelphys. Google it.

Of course, there are many more than I enjoyed. There is one in particular that I cannot currently find, and some of them are too long to write up in full. and I wouldn’t want you to miss out by not reading them in their intended format.

If you’re at all looking for an interesting coffee table book or simply want to understand how women feel about themselves, 101 Vagina is certainly going to provide plenty to talk and think about.

 

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Pink Lips and Other Stories for Girls Only

February 12th, 2014

Pink Lips and Other Stories for Girls Only

Pink Lips and Other Stories for Girls Only
$11.66 from Amazon

I’ve reviewed quite a few erotica anthologies in the past, but I’ve taken a break because I don’t always like them. The nice thing about anthologies is the idea that there are plenty of themes and styles to choose from. However, this isn’t really the case for Pink Lips and Other Stories for Girls Only, which might be why this isn’t the book for me.

My issue is that every story in this anthology is by the same author so they all have similar themes and word usages — and I just don’t like them.

Each story tends to go like this. A young/college-aged woman who is interested in other women and has little to no experience with them. She tends to have a sport appearance with a “tight” ass and breasts that are small-but-proportionate for her size.  Her partners tend to take control and every story seems to use the term “hot bitch.” I tried to give this book a fair shake, but it’s just too hard when I don’t like the way the author writes.

But there’s something else going on there. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s that it just seems not.. genuine. It’s like watching “lesbian” porn full of inch-long French manicures and scissoring. It’s not really about women who like women; it’s like a man who has never witness real, enjoyable sex between two women is writing erotica about lesbian encounters.

And I can’t say this is true, but this is the sense that I get. The author has been quoted as saying that these stories mix fantasy with some real experiences, but this just isn’t the gist I get. And if it is, perhaps the author should have used more fantasy elements because the anthology comes off a bit too Mary Sue.

Another issue I ran into was simply poor writing. Things like “she  was real wet.” It demonstrates a weak grasp on language, on poetry. If I am paying for something, this should not be a case. An editor somewhere should have caught this and sent it back for revision.

All of these things are so very.. distracting. This makes “Pink Lips” the type of read that I couldn’t finish let alone recommend or pick up again.

I feel bad writing this, but people on Twitter have assured me that I shouldn’t. After all, you open yourself up to criticism. Perhaps other people will like this book more, but it just isn’t my thing.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys Review + Giveaway

October 16th, 2013

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toy

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toy
$14.95 from Amazon

It’s interesting that I’ve read Violet Blue’s blog on and off for years without reading anything of hers in print (well, I did read books that she’s edited). Now, I can add that to my to-done list, which is my version of a bucket list — only I add things that I’ve already done. The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys is intended to be the book about sex toys, the Bible of sex toys. I’m not quite sure that I’d swear an oath on this book, but I’d probably recommend it to most people.

If you’re not familiar with the author, her work or her expertise in the field, the forward by Charlie Glickman talks about her experience working for Good Vibes. You can also check out her blog here. Charlie, who has asides through the book, co-wrote the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, which I really liked. Both the forward and the content of the book really dive right into the subject. It’s a no-nonsense approach that could maybe be a little more “inviting” by giving some stats about how many people enjoy sex toys of something of that nature. If you’re curious but not quite adventurous, you’ll get the gist that sex toys are fun, but this book might not be as reassuring as you’d like.

This doesn’t mean that the book isn’t useful, however. On the whole, the things I had problems with were very specific and probably only bothersome to me because I do know as much as I do about sex toys. The gen– doesn’t mention not to use silicone The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys was just fine. Most people would be just fine if they followed the advice that I have to nitpick, and many people wouldn’t even notice what seemed like errors to me. You want examples? Okay!

Cons

  • Violent mentions water-based lube as the most common (true) but only discussed silicone-based lube as an aside. I saw no mention of not using it with silicone toys.
  • In the first chapter, which contains information about cleaning toys, Violet recommends antibacterial soap but doesn’t mention that soaps containing triclosan must remain on an item for 2 minutes to be effective
  • She also says that no clear silicone exists. While translucent toys typically are made of jelly/rubber/PVC, Jollies dildo are somewhat translucent.
  • Although she mentions wooden dildos, there was no mention given to any of them or brands like NobEssence. Um, what?
  • While she mentions vaginal balls, I don’t recall a specific naming of any brand or recommends about safety; i.e. don’t use disgusting balls with string connectors. Eww.
  • There’s no mention of the Liberator Throe, which I haven’t reviewed on this blog but still remains one of the most coveted items in my collection.
  • Violet spends a bit of time on camming as part of cybersex. I guess I don’t personally find this to be toy-y in my mind. Anyway, she talks about how webcams basically suck and that you have to buy them, ignoring the fact that almost all computers are equipped with a cam, and many phones have front-facing cameras. She then goes on to give a very specific HTML code about refreshing your website when showing your streaming cam but doesn’t say how to do that in the first place. Given the lack of relevant and timeliness, this entire section is unnecessary.

I did find it curious that every.single.time Violet mentioned a website or brand that I was not familiar with, the website no longer existed. This was the case with Luv Seat and Clear Ecstasy. The latter is a glass dildo maker and while I can find items from the company on retailers, they’re unimpressive and not what she was talking about. Similarly, Violet mentions a programmable vibrator by Je Joue, which I believe to be the predecessor to Sasi, which the company no longer makes. A little fact-checking would have gone a long way. This is especially true when you consider that this is the second version, which means it should specifically correct those errors.

I didn’t hate the book, however. It’s just much better suited to someone who couldn’t have written it. In fact, I found that there was very little information that isn’t freely available online, some of it even on Of Sex and Love.

Pros

  • Violet includes a section about risks of spreading diseases and infections through sharing sex toys, anal/oral and penetrative sex in the very last chapter. This might be the most useful representation I’ve yet seen of
  • The book is neither homophobic nor heteronormative. With general references to partners, gay and straight people alike will find it suitable for them.
  • The information about sex machines was definitely more than I knew before picking up this book — er, the PDF version, that is.
  • The same goes for USB toys, some of which you can actually have a partner control from their own computer. I had no idea about this before.
  • The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys walks you through the basics of toys, bringing them up to partners and a bit of anatomy to
  • Of course, you can skip any chapter and go right where you need to be. Sol while I might bitch about something, I don’t need to read it.
  • At just shy of 150 pages and is an easy read, you can finish the full thing in less than 2 hours!

So, if that’s piqued your interest at all, you can buy the book on Amazon.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

June 21st, 2013

Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
$14.07 from Amazon

Now, I have no prostate. I don’t even have a partner with one. What I do have is an interest in reading. It’s why I read all about the Multi-Orgasmic Man a while back. It’s also why I read a shitty little book — pun intended — called Tickle My Tush. It was intended to be an entry-level book about anal play. It didn’t go very deep. Okay, I’m done with the analogies. Now, I really am. When I walked way from that book, I was disappointed. It only briefly touched on any single concept, and it used these “cutesy” terms that made it oh so difficult for me to take it seriously. Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure does not do these things. In short, it’s the book you want if want to explore anal play, if your partner does, or if you just want to know how it feels.

Doctor Charlie Glickman and co-author Aislinn Emirzian have set off on a journey to educate the masses, and I feel educated! The book doesn’t feel like a pamphlet that is better published online. It’s a complete 15 chapters that are chock full of information, and this guide to anal prostate pleasure is actually a pleasure to read. I found myself wanting to read the next chapter, so it didn’t take long for me to finish it at all.

Some of the chapters in Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure are:

  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Hygiene
  • Penetration 101
  • Searching for the Magic Button
  • Bringing Up the Topic
  • Massaging the Perineum
  • Anal Sex and Strap-on Fucking
  • Real Men Don’t
  • Possible Benefits of Prostate Health

In the beginning, I found myself merely browsing the content. I didn’t need to read it word for word because I’m not a newbie to sex. I don’t need convincing that prostate play is good. There’s nothing wrong if you do, but you can’t review sex toys and hang around this corner of the blogosphere for this many years without picking up a thing or two. Still, I stopped to read the firsthand accounts from the men that Dr. Glickman had interviewed. Thanks to their responses, he was able to pretty accurately describe not only how prostate stimulation feels but how it differs from person to person. I think this is an important distinction to make because not everyone will experience it in the same way or even enjoy it. This might be especially important for men to read because it lets them know that they’re not alone. These asides were intellectually interesting to me, but that was all. One thing I noticed was how there were many in the beginning of the book but very few toward the end. That did make Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure seem a little unbalanced.

One of the things that I liked was how consistent the authors were about the fact that prostate stimulation varies on a case-by-case basis. It might make you cum, it may cause you to lose your erection for a while, it may not be the end-all and be-all the first time you try it. I especially liked the advice not to jump into toys the first couple times, and the authors are quick to point out that a person should experiment with his own prostate before introducing it to a partner.

Another thing that stood out is how trans friendly this book is. Dr Glickman takes time to discuss FTM individuals who still have a prostate that now acts something like a G-spot in a woman. In one chapter, he discusses talking to your doctor about prostate health issues, and he is gentle and supportive. If I were in that situation, I think I’d like to see Dr. Glickman. The same gentle support extends to the partners of people who are interested. Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure assures the reader that prostate play is normal and that there might be some undue side effects, but you walk away feeling like you can handle them.

As far as technique goes, this is where Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure was most helpful to me. There are chapters each on prostate massage, toys, the perineum and anal sex/strap-ons. My experience with prostate stimulation has been through the perineum, and the descriptions matched up quite well. In the toy section, the book discusses brands that are failiar to me like Nexus and Aneros. It also describes strap-ons, harnesses and harness-less strap-on dildos like the the Nexus and Feeldoe. The toy chapter even goes on to explain how urethral sounding can stimulate the prostate, which I didn’t know before. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

If I wanted to explore internal prostate stimulation, I feel like I’ve not got enough information to locate it, try a few different methods and help my partner relax along the way. The book often suggests sliding along the prostate rather than poking into it, which I can appreciate because my G-spot prefers the same sensation.

Illustrations are scattered throughout the book where they’re helpful. I found them most beneficial in the chapters about toys and positions — where Glickman discusses using pillows or Liberator shapes to aid you. The illustrations have a hand-sketched appearance. They’re simple and easy to understand. For people who are less experienced, the good doctor and his co-author cannot recommend enough using lube and being in a state of arousal before you begin. Good advice for anyone.

A particular chapter that I found to be of note is “Real Men Don’t.” In it, the authors discuss some of the stigma around prostate play. In earlier chapters, they reassure the reader that strap-on sex is just your partner stimulating you so there’s no worry to fear that the act — or you — are gay. This chapter goes further to explain how society tends to lump a “real man” into a box and how this is harmful to people no matter where they fall on the gender spectrum. Men must do certain things to be considered real men, otherwise they’re too womanly, which is an insult to woman as well. Dr. Glickman explains why trying to fit into the box leads to emphasis on values over pleasure, and this just doesn’t cut it when it comes to prostate exploration. He recommends forgetting the box to enjoy it by yourself or with a partner.

If you’re still not convinced, the final two chapters suggest that prostate play can benefit prostate health and the common prostate conditions that exist. The book ends with several resource lists. You’ll find other books, places to buy toys and websites with additional information. However, I really don’t see what information you won’t be able to find in Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.

While the title might indicate that Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure is for men, it would be a good resource for any man’s partner — gay or straight — trans-men or couples. If you only have one book about prostate play on your bookshelf, Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure should be it. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s the best book on anal play of any sort that I read simply by being inclusive, realistic and easy to digest.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.