Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie, anal toys, lube, massage products, and more!
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Cake Body Butter
Thankfully, this terrible product is no longer available.
It’s fucking perplexing is what it is. How did TopCo come up with the Cake line of body products? How did they design them so gorgeously? How did they plant the idea into my head that I needed them? And how the hell did they create body butters that smell rancid?
If you don’t live in a barn or Afghanistan, then you know I’ve been wanting to try these products for a while. I did try the lipgloss and it was all right. It didn’t put me off, though! I’ll just try a different product, a different scent. Surely I’ll like some of it?! So I was pretty damned excited when the folks at OurNaughtySecrets scent me not one but three of the body butters. I was all kid-in-a-candy shop when I opened the box because, in my opinion, Topco really struck it out of the park with this line.
The packaging is all feminine colors and cartoon pin-ups, reminiscent of a simpler time. Each scent features a different girl and color scheme. For instance, red velvet is pink and boasts a bosomy blonde who reminds me, ever-so-slightly, of Nancy Drew. Y’know, if she were a bosomy blonde who wanted to suck my cock.
The lotion comes in jars but the jars themselves sit in little cardboard boxes that open from the top, like bakery boxes. Except for the Angel Food Cake. That one has some weird hanging box design that is awkward. Still, the design is cute and the jars themselves have metal lids which already remind me of something you’d find in the kitchen or bakery.
Then you open them up and SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ATROCITY I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF THRICE!!!! AAAHHUYTTRFDQWGWQGARGLE! And that is putting it nicely. Something went horribly, horribly, God-awfully wrong with the actual formula. The body butters smell rancid. There’s no other way to put it. I’m not entirely sure that the ingredients didn’t somehow start to ferment as the product sat in a warehouse and on trucks during shipping. Or maybe no one smelled the products after the final testing phase. Either way, it.is.bad.guys.
The Devil’s Food cake smells like rancid chocolate. Like you made some pudding, let it rot for a year and a half while you were in a coma, came home and thought “Hey, maybe it’s still good.” It’s not. The red velvet smells startlingly similar; although, it’s more generically sweet and rancid. To be honest, it’s kind of hard to pin down what red velvet actually smells like and I couldn’t even describe the taste but I’m sure this is not it.
The Angel Food doesn’t actually smell rancid. It could be getting there, though. There’s just a hint of something that I don’t like so while I am going to throw away the body butters in the other scents, I will probably try to use this one. Once I put it on, the scent seems much more balanced. It’s got a kind of vanilla/white-cake smell going on but there’s a definite hint of something like hazelnut which doesn’t belong. I had the same complaint about the lip gloss so.. at least they got it wrong consistently? It’s not awful, though, just nuttier than I’d like.
The body butter is thick and whipped. It’s fun. It rubs into the skin nicely, rather than slathering about on top of it, and does leave my skin faster. However, the containers are only about half full. Perhaps Topco meant to only fill it to below the brim but it’s shifted in transit and has moved to only one half of the jar.
So, the jars are super cute and after I empty them, I will definitely want to put stuff in them. Like pennies, except I have this awesome change counting jar. What the hell should I do with the cute containers from the awful atrocities Topco calls Cake?
Beginner's Ball Gag - Black
17.99
from Pipedream
Welp, my first ball gag experience was not beginner-friendly. It’s not necessarily the fault of Pipedream; although, the generic copy they provide to retailers doesn’t explain that this is a 1.75″ diameter gag and that’s pretty important information if you have a tiny mouth like I do. So, I can’t even get this in my mouth. I’d have to shove it in there and there’s no way it would come out without breaking some teeth or bones. Not cool.
But if you know you can use a ball gag of this size, it’s cheap and decently made. The ball is made of rubber and strung on a nylon strap. It’s not fixed in place so it can slide to the left and right a few inches but the length of nylon to which the ball is attached is actually attached to another piece of strap with D-rings that are attached via rivets. These pieces stop the ball from moving forever. Technically, this ball gag comes in 3-pieces.
The point of those detachable straps is confusing if you buy this product, but if you realize that Pipedream makes a ball gag training set, it’s likely that they once made a similar set that reused some of these parts. Of course, they’re only snaps, so they’re not locked in place but they actually do require a bit of effort for me to unsnap. You have to use both of the straps in order to create a full loop, though.
One of the straps ends in two D-rings, while the other is just the strap that you loop through both, then back through one like you would with children’s belts. At least, that’s the one application that easily comes to mind. It’s secure but quick to take off by moving the outer ring.
It’s also somewhat adjustable. At its tightest, the gag has a circumference of around 15″, including the ball itself. The straps offer about 5″ more of leeway if you require it. A quick measure of my own head indicates that this will fit my head with a couple extra inches but those with larger heads may need to modify the design for their needs.
Because I was not able to successfully wear it, I can’t say if it’s comfortable. The nylon isn’t the softest and it may irritate those with sensitive skin. The ball gag won’t completely block airflow but can cause a drooly mess; however, that may not be a negative for you. It does block access to the mouth, of course.
The rubber ball does offer just a bit of give when you apply pressure to it. You may be able to damage it if you’re biting down especially hard but I wasn’t able to leave any marks by gently biting or using my nails. I do wish that you were able to remove the ball from the strap to clean it better, however. You also can’t sterilize it because it is a porous material and I’d worry about bacteria building up after a while on the strap/instead the hole. I would probably replace this gag every so often for those reasons. If you want a permanent tool, I’d consider the Tantus fantasy gag, instead.
18" Classic Leather Whip
$22.95
from FunWares
My impact play collection is small but growing. I have a rabbit fur flogger that feels design but isn’t effective at transmitting pain or staying together. I have the paintbrush flogger that is mostly a novelty. I do enjoy Babeland’s riding crop and now I have a very traditional leather flogger. Perhaps I can clear up some misconceptions that maybe no one has.
Actually, it seems that this flogger was made by the same folks who made my rabbit fur flogger — Touch of Fur. This one is much higher quality, though. The 18″ whip is about 2/3 tails and 1/3 handle. I can fit just about two fists on the handle but it’ll be a comfortable fit for those with larger hands, too. The handle is uniformly wrapped in leather and there’s a plastic cap over the end, through which a small D ring is attached. It’s really small, though and I think it could stand to be a bit larger because this will only fit on long, slender hooks. Either end of the handle is secured with hardware, the name of which is completely escaping my mind. But don’t expect this piece to come apart too easily. Plus, the silver on black looks smart.
Even though it’s labeled as a whip, it’s a multi-tailed tool. There’s 12 to be exactly. and they overlap in two and a half rows around the rounded handle. The leather tails are cut with perfectly straight ends and the outside is finished to a shine while the inside of the tails is soft and unfinished. They both feel nice, actually. The leather does not smell as amazing as I like my leather to smell but it won’t kill me.
This flogger is actually the most.. severe that I own. It’s not that you can’t flog someone lightly but it creates delicious welts, small ones albeit, with surprisingly little effort. In fact, its bark (welts) may even be a little bit more intense than its bite (pain) and this could be good for a novice. I like finally having an impact toy that will leave some marks and can easily be felt.
This one is pretty balanced, to my inexperience hand, and aims fairly well. The tails mostly stay together when swinging and it’s not long enough that you’ll have to worry about too much wrap around, which can mean pain in a negative way. I don’t like things that require too much arm strength or practice so this flogger is right at my level.
I don’t even remember if it came with a plastic bag. If it did, I threw it out right away. I also don’t remember any instructions but I’d wipe this with a damp cloth, pat dry and let it hang to air dry completely. The hook, which is too small in my opinion, will work for some storage solutions. Vertical storage really is where it’s at, folks.
My experience with the 18″ Classic Leather Whip has been far more enjoyable than with their rabbit fur flogger but I’d love if it FunWares and similar sites gave more information about the manufacturer. d=
If the house were on fire and I had just enough time to grab one sex toy (assuming the cats, laptop and Mountain Dew were safe), I’d grab the Vixen Tex. I’d be sad to leave some behind, like the Yooo or Tango but I’d replace those. I probably wouldn’t replace any of my Lelo toys. I’d opt for cheaper G-spot vibes in general.
The reason is simple: VixSkin is awesome. It’s soft without being floppy. It’s surface isn’t perfect so it’s more skinlike. It’s squishy and it just feels good. There are few materials that I can comfortable thrust with. My vaignal walls and cervix don’t like rigid or aggressive movements so unless I used a harder toy slowly, it kills me. So I can thrust with Tex and it feels good. It also feels fantastic when I’m orgasming. Generally, I hold it in place while that occurs, and the way my muscles contract around it feels more like sex than any toy I have. During thrusting, it’s just a tad too soft to feel real but, my God, it replicates the feeling of cumming around a cock amazingly.
So that’s my case for VixSkin but I really like the size and shape of Tex, specifically. I bought this one (gasp!) after I accidentally ruined my Spur. Spur was a smaller thing. Tex is larger but it’s not super long, which is something I also like (re: cervix). Tex measures in at 5″ long with a diameter of 1.5″ at the widest part of the shaft. Tex has a rounded, realistic head with a split down the center. Below the corona is another slight ridge that I can’t necessarily feel in use but looks realistic.
The shaft increases slightly in diameter toward the base, which is flat, round and perfect for use in a harness. Tex would also be okay for anal use, I think but you might find it a bit short with a strap-on. This isn’t a problem for me and I find the base super easy to hold on to or to hold in place between my thighs.
Tex does have a slight curve to it which is a-okay for hitting my G-spot. I don’t tend to use this one for squirting as much as I do vibrators but it’s great for that. Tex is filling enough that it’ll sit against my G-spot with no finagling at all and the curve ensures it’ll hit the spot even when you’re thrusting and not holding it in place.
The squishiness of Tex does make it feel slightly smaller and less abrasive than harder toys but this special formula from Vixskin is a little more demanding than regular silicone. You should reaaaally stay away from silicone based lubes. I used just a tiny packet when I ruined my Spur. The softer formula is more reactive. Silicone is a lint attractant so I actually store my Tex in the cylindrical container it came in. It’s a little bulky but always easy to use and, if you have multiple Vixen toys, you can see through it to pick one out. Tex is still non-porous and you can clean it with soap and water.
Tex is available for around $70 from some retailers and it’s worth every fucking cent. Especially if you think the size will work well for you. Vixen makes this dildo in several skin-tone shades, including vanilla, chocolate and caramel. Hell, why not get one in every color?
Silicone Jack Rabbit
$63.87
from Store.OfSexAndLove.com
Cal Exotics has released their classic jack rabbit in a new silicone formula and, in general, I approve. The line up includes blue, pink, purple and white models. The silicone itself is smooth with a bit of drag so you’ll probably want to use a bit of your favorite water-based lube with this one.
This vibrator only offers 5″ insertable and has a diameter of 1.5″ at the widest point, which is where the beads are, slightly more than halfway down the shaft. The shaft has a rounded, contoured head and there are several protruding bulges on the back of the shaft, just under the head, making a Y shape.
The beads are arranged on several vertical poles and all of them move, either clockwise or counter-clockwise. The clitoral attachment is, traditionally, a rabbit with soft, squishy ears. His nose extends toward the body as well.
The controls on this one could be a little more intuitive. There’s a squiggly line which turns on the vibrations. Pressing it again cycles through three modes of steady vibration as well as pulsation. There are three heart-shaped LED lights below this button that light up or blink in tune with the setting. There are three more buttons. An up arrow and a down arrow. Pressing the up arrow turns on the bead movement, of which there are three speeds. Pressing the down arrow does the opposite while the last button, which features arrows, changes directions. I wanted to press this button, though, because of how the main vibration button works. It seems off balanced to have three buttons for one function and a single for the other.
Because the silicone jack rabbit uses 3AAs, the vibrations in the clitoral attachment are pretty impressive. It’s the giant bullet style that I tend to like, too. The ears offer a lot of movement but I tend to prefer to press the body of the rabbit against my clit. The larger size will extend about 1.5″ (without the ears) to 2.5″ with the ears.
The beads are also pretty strong. I can stop them with my hand but only if I’m really squeezing it.
This rabbit features the easy remove battery pack. The cover has a knob you grasp to turn it. I find it a bit difficult because the cap is a shiny plastic. My fingers want to slip around and it takes a lot of effort to turn it in and out of place. There’s is a permanent O-ring around the area where the battery pack sits. It’s more secure-looking than many I’ve seen. I don’t use my toys in wet settings, typically, but I have no fear this toy will stand up during washing with soap and water. You could also use a toy wipe or cleaning spray, though.
This vibrator is priced lower than some of the Couture Collection and based on power alone, I think it’s a better deal. But it’s MSRP of $81.99 seems slightly high in my book. but Sextoy.com sells it for much less, a more reasonable price. At If you’re a diehard fan of the rabbit and want one that is higher quality than many on the market, you might consider the silicone jack rabbit.
Tantus Cush O2
$49.99
from SheVibe
There isn’t too much I can say about the Tantus Cush that differs from what I said about the Tantus Flurry. It’s pretty, silicone, dual-density and fantastically shaped. It’s also a little larger–even though the Flurry isn’t tiny–so if you’re deciding between the two, this will probably be the factor you most consider. The Cush measures 7″ long, 1.75″ wide, so it’s definitely on the larger end but not necessarily ginormous. While the dual-density silicone makes it a little less imposing than a rigid dildo would be, it’s still a little large for me. I also feel that the head is less squishy, so it’s not as kind to my cervix as the Flurry was.
The other significant difference is the ridges on the shaft. While Cush remains mostly straight, except for the tapered head, it doesn’t have the pronounced ridges right below the head. There’s one ridge that is most pronounced about halfway down the shaft but the ridge itself starts nearer to the head, on the back of the shaft. In use, it’s not as dramatic a sensation and I prefer the ridges near the head for G-spot stimulation. I don’t think this ridge is intended for G-spot stimulation; rather it’s more for vaginal entrance stimulation and, considering as I don’t want to shove this thing up to my cervix, it spends its time outside of my body anyway.
Furry Handcuffs - Tiger
$12.95
from FunWares
I decided to request these handcuffs to review simply because they were tiger striped. It seems to me that furry handcuffs are something that even a lot of vanilla folks have on hand and why shouldn’t I have my own pair? I haven’t necessarily been thrilled with anything in the Fetish Fantasy series and while these are about as functional as one would expect, I do have a major complaint.
The tiger stripes are wrong. You can see it in the photo but, in person, it just looks even stranger. Instead of black on orange, the stripes themselves are a light and dark brown with cream/white. Even a brown-tinted orange would make sense but these handcuffs should really just be named “striped.”
The fake fur has the netting-like lining and the edges aren’t really finished. It seems like you could rip them with a little force. Like many furry handcuffs, the fur itself is just a sleeve that slides over the cuff. It’s a little loose so there’s room to move. This can be a hassle when you’re trying to put on the cuffs as the sleeve can get in the way. A lot of struggle can also cause it to bunch up toward the side so while the fur does offer some protection against the cold and rigid metal of the cuffs, it’s not foolproof.
Because they’re metal, these handcuffs are weightier than the plastic kinds you’ll run across. This pair comes with a set of keys. The cut is very generic and they’re tiny, less than an inch long. I think the tiny key size will be difficult for people with larger hands or even fingernais to use. Luckily, there’s a quick release mechanism on these handcuffs. Some part of me think that deters from the point of bondage but folks just getting into it will likely feel reassured by it. Nevertheless, my short fingers are unable to reach the level to release it.
The cuffs are adjustable, like real ones, with the teeth things. I don’t know what they’re called. There’s about 1.25″ difference between the tightest and loosest settings so they’re not quite as adjustable as some of the bondage cuffs around. They’re also not ideal for use about most ankles.
The cuffs are connected by a small chain about 2″ in length. The chains that attach the cuffs are more secure than I was expecting. There’s no way I could break them and then links are soldered, not just pressed together. There’s a little room to move but not so much. They’ll work well for police-style restraint or simply cuffing the hands in front of the body. You could also use them to attach one wrist to another object, like a bedpost or.. bike rack. I don’t know. There could be kinky bike rack scenes, am I right?
So, weird patterns aside, these are a fun little item to add to your bedroom repertoire but I guess I’d opt for a different color in the future.
