Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie, anal toys, lube, massage products, and more!
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To All The Places I've Had Sex Before
$18.99
from Laux
Going back to school has left me with little time for leisure reading. I anticipated that hobbies such as video games would take a back seat, but I’ve been such an avid reader over the last few years that I didn’t see it coming. But with as much reading as I have to do for my classes, I haven’t wanted to do much else of it.
Fortunately, my second semester has provided me a bit more time to read for pleasure. Even more fortunately for me, my to-review shelf includes some very interesting books. To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before is no exception, but let me back up.
A lot of books about sex–or containing the word in the title–come across my radar. Sometimes I’m browsing publisher sites or upcoming lists on Amazon. Other times, pitches land in my inbox. To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before was one of the former, but it makes no difference when it comes to reading and reviewing. Either I like a book for its merits, whatever form they come in, and I recommend it to others… or not.
The sheer number of titles I look at means that they sometimes blend together or I forget the description of a particular book. That, sadly, was the case with To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before. I’m not sure if I did my research thoroughly enough in the first place to forget the facts about this book. I don’t know if I stumbled across Laux, the author’s, IndieGogo page that shows not only how Laux was intrepid enough to publish her book on her own but that the book is about Black sexual liberation. Or I might have landed on Laux’s website wherein she describes herself as a Black, womanist, sex-positive author who tells the truth.
So I was a bit surprised when I finally dove in, but pleasantly so.
And I feel like I need a disclaimer here. I am only some of those things. Notably, I am white, and this colors so many of my experiences. It also makes me wonder if I can accurately describe the depth of this book to readers who may be Black or non-white. It may be that focus on the top notes and miss the mid-notes. If anything, however, this is an argument that To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before is an even better read than I am capable of recommending.
Laux herself does a good job of explaining just what the reader is in for in her introduction. She’s loud and proud as a Black woman who loves sex but who hasn’t always had the words or opportunity to talk about it. It’s prevented her from being as sexually free and potentially safe or satisfied as she could have been. In these pages, Laux addresses the myriad places where she’s had sex before, coming to terms with her past and sexuality, and creating a stronger foundation for a future that is sexually free.
Each chapter is not like you might argue this review is, a love letter to those places. No, Laux is more honest, more raw, than that. Some of those experiences are negative. They toe the line of consent or even step right over it. To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before might be difficult for some people to read. For them, I may not recommend it, but it remains important for those who do have that capacity.
As for me, I was captivated right from the beginning. Laux leads us on a journey. City by city, she recounts the places she’s had sex. Foam parties, public bathrooms, and parks, just to name a few. She is at once a party girl and sexually liberated woman who makes me envious in comparison. But as Laux moves between Michigan, New York, back to Michigan, and Washington, D.C., she takes the reader with her, and we come to understand the parts of herself she hid while she was overexposed. The commentary to each place at the end of the chapter makes it easier to understand now just who Laux was then, but who she is now and who she may become.
Now, Laux and I may not be the same people, far from it. Yet while I cannot ever understand what it means to be a Black woman who is simultaneously expected to allow others access to and shunned for embracing her sexuality and body, I still saw glimpses of myself between the covers of this book. When Laux discusses boundaries or her fear of rejection, I feel a lump welling in my throat. Maybe we’re not so different after all.
There are certainly people who may not be impacted similarly as To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before. There are those who may not be sex-positive or womanist or who do not see the impact of race. More importantly, I think there are some people who will not be able to draw parallels because, fortunately for them, their experiences differed. I would still encourage them to give this book a try.
But for the majority of people, there’s something… universally human about To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before and the way that Laux wrote is that is reassuring and invaluable (if you agree, you can submit your own story on her site). I can only hope the process of writing it was invaluable to her.
Psst, Laux sells autographed physical copies of her book, and you should totally check it out!
Sex and science are my butter and bread. I think my readers know this already. Though, I have sadly fallen behind on Science of Sex posts.
Still, don’t fear! Because I’m here to talk to you about an entire book about science and sex, and one that aims to examine something that we take for granted: male sexual desire.
In Not Always in the Mood, author Sarah Hunter Murray relies on her experience as a couples’ sexual therapist to delve into the complexities of male sexual desire and bring a more nuanced look of the subject — mostly.
This is a caveat that I need to address and early on. In her work, Murray works with couples. She specifically mentions men in their 30s through 60s. While it’s a pretty wide range, these men are presumably in relationships, and she doesn’t mention men in their 20s at all. I think the title and tone of this book suggest all men, but there’s clearly a large swath of them who are left out. And while it can be reassuring to learn that, yes, men are human, too, and their desire reflects that, not explicitly stating who she talked to for this book may lead some readers astray. Men who are younger or prefer casual sex over relationships might differ from the men who Murray talked to. Namely, they may not be as invested in their partner’s emotional and physical satisfaction. If those partners think this information applies to those men, I can see them being let down.
In short? This book might better be subtitled “The New Science of Some Men, Sex, and Relationships.” I wish that were explicit.
In her book, Sarah Hunter Murray tackles common myths about men, sexuality, and desire. As the reader dives in, they’ll see that Murray’s research is qualitative and not quantitative. She crafts amalgamated stories from her past clients and sometimes uses quotes. It’s helpful to know when sentiment has been frequently expressed by her clients. For example, they want their partners to initiate sex more often or sometimes find their desire has waned for no discernible reason.
But I cannot help but wonder if it would often be even more useful to see some hard numbers along with this qualitative evidence. Murray’s research almost seems incomplete without that. Right now, Not Always in the Mood is interesting and helpful to a select group of people, but it doesn’t feel groundbreaking. It’s reassuring. It might spark some conversations. But it’s all sort of common sense.
With that said, we all know that common sense isn’t always that common. Maybe too many buy into the beliefs that men always want sex or measure masculinity by the strength of an erection. These reminders are useful. I can imagine scenarios where I would recommend this book. It’s certainly cheaper than therapy. And once people start viewing male desire with more nuance, they may spread that knowledge to others: partners, friends, even children.
Not Always In the Mood isn’t the perfect book for everyone, however. Despite a disclaimer that it can be useful to those who aren’t straight or cisgender in the beginning of the book, it’s really heternormative. I would hesitate to recommend it to anyone who isn’t straight or cis.
Furthermore, while the author mentions some sexual research, she never really uses scientific terminology, the type which I have discussed on this blog in the past, that might tie her research into existing research on sex and relationships. In several instances, it would have been worth mentioning and comprising spontaneous and responsive desire by name, yet Murray did not. The dual-control method would have fit right in, too. In fact, she did mention Emily Nagoski, whose book Come As you Are, discusses both topics. It would have been a great way to show the similarities, between men and women to hammer home the idea of men as being just as complex and human as women, but this book never reached that point. Perhaps Murray thought the concepts weren’t basic enough for her readers. Or maybe she wasn’t personally familiar with them.
I don’t feel like I am worse off for reading Not Always in the Mood, but it may not be the ideal book for me, a lover of science who has mostly casually sleep with men in their 20s. I would love to have seen some statements made that applied to men more generally, coupled up or not. Quantitative evidence would give this book an edge, too. On the other hand, maybe I just wish it had a different subtitle. For example..
Not Always in the Mood: The Truth About Men’s Desire in Relationships
Okay, so it’s a work in progress. But it’s a bit less misleading.
I know I’ve gone on about this at some length, but I think that these things matter. Had this book simply suggested it was about lessons on male desire from the POV of a couples’ therapist, I would have had different expectations.
Frankly, that angle is precisely what the reader gets, and it’s valuable. Sure, the idea that men want to be wanted, too, have hangups about their penis size or looks, or that their desire is impacted by stress might be common sense if you stop to think about it, but people don’t think about these things as much as they should. We can use another authoritative voice speaking on these things.
Sarah Hunter Murray might yet come to be that authority, but I don’t think she quite proves it in Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships. This may not prevent the book from helping some people, but it may not help as many people as it could if Murray had taken a different approach.
The Vagina Bible
$15
from Amazon
Note: this book is currently free to rent if you have Amazon Prime.
Since reading The Vagina Bible, there have been several instances in which I wanted to recommend it to other women who asked had questions or expressed ignorance about how their body works. I’m sure it’s a combination of me spending time in different online communities these days, but I have been consistently reminded how very little that women — and others with vaginas — know about their bodies. We certainly need a resource like The Vagina Bible aims to be.
Let me start by addressing the misnomer, and it’s one that this book’s author, OBGYN Jen Gunter, explains herself. In her disclaimer, Dr. Gunter tackles the common misuse of the word “vagina” to mean vulva and not just the internal organ. The Vagina Bible is about both, but the good doctor uses the word that is commonly used to refer to both when naming the book.
The other thing that I think needs addressing regards to this book is whether it’s cis-normative. Right off the bat, Dr. Gunter discusses the woman patients she’s treated over her 30+ years in the field. If a reader were, for example, a trans man with a vagina, they might think that this book has nothing for them or find the tone exclusionary. It’s unfortunate because The Vagina Bible does have information that applies to trans folks, not just those men who may have a vagina but also trans women who have a vagina. There are sections in the book that apply explicitly to these situations, yet readers don’t know that until the third chapter when Jen first mentions the word “trans.” It strikes me that including mention of this in the introduction would be such an easy fix.
As a resource, The Vagina Bible can be read straight through like I did. You could also simply use the ToC or index to navigate to the section that pertains to the subject in question. In this way, The Vagina Bible is like a reference. However, the reader might miss some information in The Vagina Bible that is quite interesting if they approach the book in this manner. I do suggest at least glancing over the more preliminary information, such as the anatomy lessons. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I learned just a few pages in (eccrine glands and melanin in the vulva), and the lessons continued.
I’ve already mentioned the chapter for our trans friends, and its information was mostly new to me. Dr. Gunter follows this with a section on sexual pleasure and education, which I wish explicitly used the phrase “responsive desire,” and more than once i thought she was a bit reductivist when discussingtopics. For example, she states that FE comes from the bladder and is, therefore, urine but does not discuss the differences in how the body processes the fluids. Similarly, she does not mention that one of the reasons that spermicide is bad is because of how toxic it is to the delicate mucus membranes, a shocking oversight in my opinion. Although The Vagina Bible is not intended to be a book about pregnancy, Dr. Gunter does include some basic information at the end of the first section.
Readers looking for practical advice might skip right to the second section, which focuses on maintenance and issues such as exams, yeast infections, underwear, Kegels and lube. The author tackles wipes and their potential to cause irritation in a chapter in the third section, which also includes information on cleansing, grooming, and moisturizing. Jen relies not just on her experience as a doctor but also as a woman, especially in this section.
She continues to bash myths as she moves on to discuss the menstrual cycle, products, and the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome before moving on to a section on menopause that I no doubt might find more useful in a few years but that does paint The Vagina Bible as a useful resource for people with vaginas no matter their age.
I found the information about biofilms and how they interact with IUDs interesting as a person who has had three of them now. The facts that Dr. Gunter presents in the chapter on contraception exemplify just how easy it is to miss out on information related to sex or be actively misinformed. After discussing how various medicines and chemicals affect the vaginal ecosystem, Jen moves on to cosmetic procedures. It is here where she outright dismisses the possibilities of the “O” Shot in just a few paragraphs, and I’ve seen criticisms of the author/book from other medical professionals in response to this.
I think that this highlights one of my main issues with The Vagina Bible. While Dr. Gunter has decades of experience as a doctor and even more as a woman, she’s more than a bit dismissive about some topics. The tone she uses can be offputting, and this is coming from a sex-positive feminist who generally agrees with her position on many things. I would never say that there is any place where feminism doesn’t belong, but I can imagine that there are some people who would better receive this book and its much-needed content if Dr. Gunter would soften her tone occasionally and allow room for new research and ambiguity rather than doubling down on her opinions, which are not always lenient when it comes to men.
With a few caveats, I would still recommend The Vagina Bible as a resource until someone else puts together a book that’s even more comprehensive and updated. This is especially true regarding the conditions and symptoms sections, which provide information that can help people advocate for themselves medically. This can be so difficult, and even more so when things aren’t working quite right.
For anyone who is wary about the tone used in this book, I might suggest looking up topics only as needed, which brings me to my final point.
Rest assured that while the information in The Vagina Bible might seem encyclopedia, it’s not nearly as big of a tome as it appears. The font is huge! It really makes this book bigger than it has to be at 400-some pages.
In previous years my best — and worst of — lists included multiple sex toys. In 2019, I reviewed mostly books and not that many of them. So you’ll find a handful of them on this list along with only one sex toy!
Sex meets tech in this entertaining and informative book by Kate Devlin
The first book I’ll recommend is Revolting Prostitutes, which examines the different legal frameworks and how those affect sex workers. It also explains how sex workers’ rights are ultimately women’s rights. If you want to learn more about how legalizing or decriminalizing sex work plays out, this is the book for you!
While I wasn’t intending to review Screwed, it wound up being a fast read that I enjoyed as well as a compelling argument that looked into the ways that society fails women when it comes to sex.
I thought I knew a lot about the menstrual cycle, but Heavy Flow explained some things that weren’t quite clear and helped paint a picture of menstruation as part of the larger picture and a person’s life and not just compartmentalized, relegated to exist only for 4-7 days out of the month.
If you want to know the state of sex robots and contemplate what this means for you, then I cannot recommend Turned On enough. It’s witty and wise and truly enjoyable to read.
I only reviewed a few sex toys this year, and only one is worth recommending. The revamped Laya II is stronger than the first Laya II and allowed me to enjoy Fun Factory’s Laya line once more.
On the other hand, Vibease and its terrible audio erotica failed to please. And months later, I am still struggling to get Coochy Plus shaving cream out of the broken pump bottle it came in.
Interestingly, while I had a somewhat favorable opinion of Mimi Soft when I reviewed it at the beginning of the year, I actually forgot I even tried it. Oops!
Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex
$8.69 (Kindle)
from Amazon
You wouldn’t necessarily think that a book about how society sets women up to fail at sex would be fun, but you might be wrong. “Fun” may not even be the right word to described Screwed, but it was a real page-turner, and I found myself eager to pick it back up after a break and reluctant to put it back down. This was a surprise, considering that the book hadn’t even been on my radar before I picked it up.
Screwed would be a brisk read for anyone at fewer than 160 pages, of course. But the content within those pages is shrewd in its wisdom and well-timed, at least, as well-timed as it can be considering that not everyone has pondered these things before. Sex, while it can be great, is generally less good for women than men, especially when the desires and even consent of those women is ignored and when those women are not taught how to get what want — and deserve. Screwed tackles all of this.
The book is written by Lil Boisvert, a French-Canadian and host of the show Sexplora, a six-episode documentary, which is “thirty minutes of orgasmic television focused on sex and IQ.” Unfortunately for me, it’s in a mix of English and French, which I haven’t studied in over 15 years. Fortunately, Boisvert brings the same IQ to her Screwed.
Lili actively avoids staying into telling the reader what to do. There are plenty of resources that do this (including Becoming Cliterate and Better Sex Through Mindfulness). Screwed’s focus is how we got to where we are as a society and not how individual women must remedy that to (re)claim their sexualities. Lili Boisvert is transparent about this from the very start. Her warning prefaces the book, stating what it is not and what it is. That includes a note that the slant is heterosexual because it’s the different ways society handles sex in regard to men and women that is so often the problem.
With that in mind, Boisvert jumps out of the gate, explaining how sex in western society is something done for and originating with the man and being done to the woman. This, she says, is the “cumshot principle,” and she’ll references it many times before the end of the book. She quickly breaks down the different roles that we have been taught: how women are the gatekeepers of sex that they “possess,” how men must make the first move even as women seduce (and must be visually appealing to do so), how women must remain passive, and how women must simultaneously fend off unwanted interest and advances from men while also appearing receptive if they do not want to offend. Boisvert even breaks down how women are expected to act in the bedroom. From here, she segues to a reflection on how this impacts a woman’s libido — as the “prey,” she isn’t allowed to focus on her desires the way a man is. Of course, this all paves the way for rape culture, and the author wraps up the chapter with an analysis of that.
It might sound like this first chapter of Screwed covers a lot, but it set the foundation for all of the arguments that follow. Boisvert paints a picture of the cumshot principal and the hunter/prey dynamic as the string that ties the greater mistreatment of women’s sexuality together.
From here, Boisvert jumps into a critical examination of why young women are prizes the way they are, Cougar culture, and whether those arguments that these preferences are all based in biology hold any water. The author continues her forward charge as she takes on the idea that a woman/girl must be pure and that a sexually promiscuous woman is immoral. Boisvert even examines why other women contribute to slut-shaming, including policing the bodies of girls and women.
We’re halfway through the book, now, and Boisvert isn’t nearly finished. She moves from policing of bodies to the way that the sexes are segregated, starting with clothing and moving on the cosmetics, hair, and body hair. It’s here that she swings at feminity, itself a prison that keeps women objectified.
From there, the author deconstructs the very reasons why women, as a whole, cannot objectify men, as a whole. She argues that men are subjectified while women are objectified and examines the way this unfolds every day. Of course, Boisvert comments on how porn upholds these views.
Perhaps the most contentious claim that Boisvert makes comes in the next chapter, where she explains that women who engage in casual sex are not playing on an even playing field because of the way that women have been socialized to seek love and men sex, and everyone is taught that the other team is only out for their single-minded goal. Yet I do not disagree with the author’s reasoning; it’s absolutely true that we are taught these things. Yet, Boisvert breaks down how this is not actually the case, using science to back up her argument. But even when that isn’t the case, Boisvert continues, these lessons color our sexual interactions and often result in women getting less out of sex than men.
Boisvert is no more fired up than she is in the final chapter, perhaps her coup de grace. What might be the ultimate result of this uneven playing field? That’s right, the orgasm gap. The author rails against the continued prioritization of men’s pleasure over women’s and penis-centric sex, which can make many women wonder what’s wrong with them when they do not orgasm easily (or at all) from vaginal penetration. She takes umbrage with Freud’s persistent teachings that clitoral orgasms are lesser than vaginal ones, which has, perhaps, lead to an over-emphasis on finding and stimulating the G-spot. In this final chapter, Boisvert gives a brief anatomy lesson that so many people dearly need before neatly wrapping up the book with a reminder that advice for women to explore their bodies may be misguided until we deal with sexism in sexuality (and life) on a large scale.
I did not intend to summarize Screwed as I did, but the structure is thoughtful, and the argument only picks up more speed and becomes fiery as the book presses on. While the book isn’t especially long, Boisvert manages to be articulate and pragmatic about complex topics in a way that’s accessible without being too daunting or minimizing. It is a book I wound encourage my teenaged sister to read as she considers becoming sexually active and one that I would recommend to any feminists, not to mention a primer on why so many women find sex to be bad or, at the very least, disappointing.
There are very few things that I didn’t love about Screwed; one of them is the tagline. Women don’t fail at sex; society fails women when it comes to sex. and I think “How society fails women when it comes to sex” is just as pithy and perhaps less open to misinterpretation than the tagline we actually got. However, this is really a small thing to pick at when considering the book overall.
Secondly, I was a bit surprised that Boisvert didn’t take on the issue of spontaneous versus responsive desire more thoroughly. She could have if she wanted to. As it stands, she mentions it but perhaps not to the extent that would impress upon the reader how much it impacts sexual frustation between men and women. Perhaps this would treat too far into the territory of telling women what to do individually, rather than criticizing how society views sex. Unfortunately, Screwed doesn’t include a list of resources or recommended reads, but it wouldn’t hurt if it did.
Still, what Boisvert says in these pages remains valuable, and for many people, the book could open their eyes to these issues and start them on their journey to doing better, learning more, and having better sex, even if the intent of the book is to illustrate the way that women are collectively failed when it comes to sex.
Heavy Flow: Breaking the Curse of Menstruation
$20 physical/$10 digital
from Amazon
I came across Heavy Flow when it was “reviewed” by another blogger. Her review piqued my interest, but I didn’t feel as though I had enough information on the book. Still, I know it’s a topic that deserves to be talked about and taught with information and no shame. I was lucky enough that the publisher sent me a digital copy.
You may already be familiar with the author, Amanda Laird, if you’ve heard her podcast of the same name. She’s a registered holistic nutritionist, which is apparent throughout the book. I must admit that I was surprised to learn a medical doctor didn’t write this book. It may be a bit elitist of me, and I know that doctors aren’t infallible and that other medical professionals have important experience, but Ms. Laird only adds to this skepticism at times when she refers to a holistic approach.
Readers should beware that Heavy Flow relies heavily on Laird’s professional experience and a bit less so on medical research. So while much of what she says seems factually correct, there are times when it may be wiser to take her advice with a grain of salt, at least, until science and medicine have evidence to back it up.
That’s not to say that the book or Laird’s experience are without value. There are times when her experience provides unique insight into the menstrual cycle. When Laird talks about how diet can affect the menstrual cycle, her experience as a registered holistic nutritionist shows. This is a concept that I’ve never really heard discussed before, and I think it’s worth thinking about. It certainly encouraged me to rethink my relationship with certain foods.
Laird does rely on science and medicine in the first section of the book, wherein she introduces the reader to the biology of the menstrual cycle and goes well beyond what we may have learned in health class. Specifically, she describes the complex role that hormones play during the menstrual cycle and its phases. It’s often not represented as complicated as it is.
It is here that Laird introduces the idea of the menstrual cycle as a vital sign. My familiarity with the phrase is limited to TV shows, where they use vital signs to check if a person is alive or dead, so this usage expanded my definition. But it sometimes seems a bit heavy-handed, especially when considering how vital signs such as pulse, blood pressure, or breathing provide such immediate and actional information. Still, there isn’t a ton of consensus on just what counts as a vital sign: organizations recognize between four and eight vital signs. This lends some credence to Laird’s suggestion that the state of the menstrual cycle could be one.
One of the more helpful ideas that Laird presents to the reader is that of finding their own normal and tracking their cycle. The length of your menstrual cycle, for example, may not be the average. She discusses how birth control affects the menstrual cycle and while the “period” experienced by most people who take birth control is not really a period at all. This is something that is often overlooked. Laird also explains how life changes, such as pregnancy and menopause, can affect your cycle.
As she rounds out the biology section, Laird discusses unpleasant side effects of menstruation as well as outlining some abnormalities/conditions such as endometriosis and PCOS, which can impact menstrual cycle. She then takes the time to bust some myths and answer some crucial questions about the menstrual cycle, including:
You know, the sort of things we might have better knowledge about if we talked about periods less shamefully.
Laird’s good advice continues as she teaches readers how to advocate for themselves when dealing with doctors and read test results. In the second section. It is here where she recommends alternative medical professionals, and I had to roll my eyes a bit. However, the power of placebo is strong, and these approaches may be helpful.
The chapter about nutrition follows, and it includes helpful advice about topics such as reducing inflammation, which can be an issue at certain points of the menstrual cycle. There is an entire chapter dedicated to foods that support hormonal health, which includes information about vitamin deficiencies. However, I think it may be easy to overlook this chapter, especially if the reader simply wants to know more about how their cycle works and not change it. The author introduces readers to the concept or seed cycling or adding specific seeds to their diet during particular phases of their cycle. This was one of those sections that seemed a bit too “crunchie” for me, no pun intended.
However, the advice in the following chapter about stress and your cycle is important. I think most of us understand that stress can impact our cycle but not necessarily how. Heavy Flow continues in its goal to educate readers and empower them to make choices about how they view and deal with their cycles. Laird advises against endocrine-disrupting chemicals and makes suggestions for menstrual products, including the suggestion for using natural sea sponges to absorb menstrual blood. This was the first time I’d heard of that option; although, they seem relatively easy to buy. Again, this chapter jumps between alternative methods and those that are more traditional/accepted by science. Laird recommends getting enough sleep just pages before discussing vaginal steaming.
After spending the first two sections educating the reader, Laird dedicates the last to helping them embrace their cycles. The third section lacks in cohesion but makes up for it with information. The first chapter in this section revolves around working with your hormones rather than against them. As the book comes to its conclusion, Laird also has words for parents and people who may have to discuss periods with adolescents.
Laird leaves the reader with hopeful words about understanding and embracing their menstrual cycles to break the societal taboo about menstruation. Heavy Flow can certainly be part of those efforts. For most people, the information in these pages will expand their knowledge of menstruation and the menstrual cycle exponentially, even if some of the author’s words and experience teeter a bit too far to the alternative for my tastes.
And since I haven’t managed to work it into this post before now, Laird uses mostly inclusive language in Heavy Flow to acknowledge that not everyone with a menstrual cycle is a woman. In her introduction, she warns that she may use binary terminology in places when comparing the experience of men and women.
Vibease Remote Control Vibrator
$94
from Vibease
The next time I agree to review an app-based toy? Don’t let me. Whatever you do, don’t let me. I’ve had more than my fair amount of frustrations trying to connect smart toys to apps. Either they won’t pair, or they won’t stay paired.
And maybe warn me against a toy whose name reminds us of something intended to help make a bowel movement easier. But I digress.
Vibease, at least, seems to have removed some of the frustration from the Bluetooth process. Connecting the toy to my phone was easy. Open the app, click the vibe icon, and follow the on-screen instructions. But while the connection was easy enough, the company struggles to figure out how to make it work best. Vibease tries to revolutionize smart toys with their clitoral vibrator, but does it work?
First, the not-so-new feature: you can see a handful of preset vibration settings or edit them. It reminded me of the MysteryVibe Crescendo quite a bit. Like that vibe, it’s so much more intuitive and easier to use the buttons on the toy (one is a power button, and the other cycles through the five default modes) rather than to open an app and get to the right menu.
Make no mistake, however, the main focus of the Vibease app seems to be the erotica library. I guess it makes sense to add another function to the app that you’re already using. And if you’re a sex toy company and want to expand to related sexual markets, erotica also makes sense.
But all of this ignores the fact that many people don’t want to use apps, not when one hand is full of lube or both are busy. It detracts from the moment, and the idea of cross-contamination makes my skin crawl.
With the Vibease toy, I’d prefer to just use the buttons. And with the app? I find that I wish the stories could be downloaded via browser, whether I’m on my laptop or phone. This would make the content accessible from a wider variety of devices, but it also means that you wouldn’t need to waste space for the app itself. Plus, I think it’s easier to keep prying eyes away from files than an app.
Furthermore, browsing the library varies depending on your device. I can see new, top, and featured stories on my phone or in my browser. But there’s only a link to see more in my browser, and on my phone, premium stories seem to be prioritized. While I think the browser-based erotica “store” is well organized to help users find something they might like, the app library is much more difficult to use. You can listen to samples before you download, which I find incredibly useful, but recent use comments on show up on the browser. In the browser, you can easily follow an author that you like or look at tags, which include whether a story is read by a male or female voice (some stories are notated but lack a clickable tag). I cannot locate a way to search tags or look at more stories in the categories in the app.
It seems like you pretty much have to use the browser version to find stories and authors you like and then like/fav them to access in the app. While you can like stories in the app, they’re much harder to find, and you must download them first. It doesn’t appear that you can remove likes from the app, either. It’s very frustrating.
I listened to about over a dozen samples, and none of them really worked for me save for one, but it wasn’t free. I wasn’t interested enough to download them ket alone pay for any of them. That’s right, some of these cost credits, which costs 10 for $1! Most of the premium stories cost 20 or 25 credits as far as I can tell, but some cost 50 or more credits.
As I was sampling, I physically cringed when one narrator began making weird noises with his mouth to imitate going down on a woman. Many of the stories are the narrator talking to the listener, which seems cheesy. The writing really varies in quality, as well. It just all seemed.. so bad.
Now, I am not super experienced with audio erotica, so it’s really hard for me to say if this is low-quality and everyone should skip it, perhaps heading to their favorite sources for high-quality audio erotica, or if it’s just not my thing. I guess if my readers like the genre, they should check it out and see if anything piques their interest. And if they do? Leave me a comment so I can know if I am wrong.
For the sake of this review, I downloaded a free tory. It took much longer than I expect compared to streaming audio or video content on my phone. Honestly, that would be pretty offputting if I wanted to get off. The download tracker doesn’t estimate how much time is remaining, nor does it allow you to download in the background. Backing out cancels the download entirely. Eventually, you’ll get the story downloaded and will judge if the preview leads you astray or not.
Once you get something downloaded, the toy will vibrate with the story. The Vibease site describes it this way:
When the audiobook says “I’m touching you softly”, Vibease vibrates slowly.
When the audiobook says “I’m touching you roughly”, Vibease vibrates hard.
So every story will feel different. But I don’t think I am alone when I suggest that variety isn’t really the spice of life here. I want dependable, and Vibease isn’t. “Anticipations and surprises” aren’t a positive here.
At first, this paired vibration function didn’t even work. Manual buttons are supposed to deactivate when the toy is paired, but I was able to control it despite the app telling me it was paid. I don’t know why. I had to restart the vibrator.
Then, it was, as expected, vibrating in a way that was not at all dependable — or strong enough. The app has a weird visualizer that you can use to adjust the speed and strength of the current setting as created by the story; what I saw was different than the provided screenshot. Perhaps that explains why it was so confusing to use. There was no tutorial to use the app to make this easier.
Because you can change these settings (and precisely adjust speed and strength, which I’ll touch on later), Vibease doesn’t really have specific strength levels. Regardless, Vibease is still weak and make-your-hands-tickle buzzy even at its highest setting. I would almost rather turn the toy off and grind it against myself. But what’s the point of it being a vibrator, then? And the lackluster vibrations mean that all of the presets are pretty forgettable. Besides, I’d almost always rather have steady vibrations.
And, as also expected, the vibes changed at the most inopportune of time. The narration was poorly timed for me, as well.
I tried so very hard. I gave it more than my all in order to write a comprehensive review. In the end, I grabbed another toy and eeked out a less-than-impressive orgasm. I was more than giddy to shut off the toy and delete the app from my phone — forever.
Now, you might think you can avoid this by using the app as a remote without the story-guided vibrations. But you’d be wrong. I honestly couldn’t find a way to do this. Without this function, I wouldn’t even call Vibease a “remote control vibrator.”
I guess this argument works because you can connect with a partner who can control your toy, which seems to require that they also have the app. I wasn’t able to test this out, but Vibease functions as a sort of weird chat app if you connect it to you other apps, so you can ostensibly call, text, or cam with someone while you masturbate.
App aside, Vibease is yet another clitoral vibrator. Its strongest point is the shape. I like clitoral toys that are less of a gradual curve and are more angular or have a pronounced protrusion for clitoral stimulation. That’s part of the reason I have loved Laya since I first laid my hands on it a decade ago, and while Lelo’s Lily, for example, never did much for me. Siri has enough of a nub to work for me, but I wish it were more drastic.
Vibease has a more defined shape, which allows me to get a lot of pressure when using the vibe. But I wish it was bigger and wider. The vibe is still too small to for my hands to comfortably use without cramping.
The company may be onto something with its plan to pair erotica with a vibrator, but it all seems too premature to be released to the public. The app needs to incorporate desktop features that enable the user to more easily find stories and actually work as a remote. Then, it needs to have some sort of tutorial or, at the very least, a help center that explains how the hell to work it. It was so frustrating to even get to the point where I could listen to the damned story. I had to force myself to listen.
On top of that, the vibrator needs to be refined and the motor needs to be much stronger. Who cares if the toy is smart, waterproof, made from body-safe silicone, or USB rechargeable if it can’t meet that basic criteria?
With those changes, people might find it easier to use Vibease and want to use it over other toys. But I would hesitate to recommend this vibe, at just shy of $100, when I know there are vibrators out there that are cheaper and better.
