Lelo Alia

January 4th, 2011

Lelo Alia

Lelo Alia
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy. You might try the most recent Ora, instead.

Insignia is the newest line by Lelo, the luxury sex toy company that has pumped out more new items this past year than I have fingers. I have been lucky enough to try several items, including the egg-shaped Alia. I was drawn to the Alia because it’s similar to a regular egg vibrator, but I have difficulty holding those, and I hoped that the hole in the center of the vibrator would ease the stress on my fingers.

Alia is like an egg with slightly flattened sides and a smaller egg shape cut out of the middle. It is slightly larger than your typical egg vibrator at approximately 2.5” long and 1.5” wide. While the outsides of this vibrator are coated in a firm silicone, the inside is lined with plastic painted to look metallic. It has a slight golden sheen, and if you found it difficult to tell whether it was gold or silver in images, it’s pretty much as difficult to tell in person. Unlike some other Lelo’s toys, the silicone is not as firm as I expected. There’s just a tiny bit of give, similar to the Estomed of the Layaspot. The velvety finish also adds to the feeling of softness.

It seems Lelo has been experimenting with packaging this year. Alia comes in a box that contains a foam shape to hold the vibrator and the included brooch while the other side has a liftable cardboard flap that houses the storage/travel pouch and booklets. I have found that the booklets like to slide to the other side, under the foam, and you need to insert your fingers into the foam holes to move the paper back into place in order to access it.

So, the brooch is a small metal pin that is in the shape of what I understand to be the logo for the Insignia line. Imagine an infinity symbol with an extra loop. I’m not really a fan of pins but it’s elegant looking and could spice up an outfit or you could put it on a canvas bag.

Lelo has strayed from their trademark controls with the Insignia toys and the controls actually match the brooch. The logo is engraved into the silicone while the buttons are embossed onto it. There is a + button on one side to turn on and up the vibrator while a – button exists on the other side to do the opposite. The button in the middle looks a bit like this () and allows the user to switch between modes. Those modes include various pulsation and escalation settings. There are around 8 but it’s hard to tell because that middle button needs a lot of pressure in order for the vibrator to respond. Sadly, Lelo has returned to the buzzier type vibrations with Alia. Siri is significantly deeper in terms of vibration. However, Alia is still much more powerful than Lily.

In use, I didn’t find the shape to help at all. In fact, it may have even made this egg-shaped toy more difficult to use. Depending on your finger size, you can fit 2 or 3 through the hole. Nevertheless, I just couldn’t find a comfortable and useful position that made use of the hole and offered the pressure I like. If you simply like to hold vibrators against you, then this may not be an issue.

Lelo has continued to provide the ability to lock your vibrators when not in use by simultaneously pressing – and +. I still say this isn’t as useful and being able to lock it during use but it’s handy for travel. Charging automatically unlocks an Insignia toy, which is important to remember. The manual states that it requires two hours to fully charge; although, mine was already charged. The LED light on the toy will remain white when the battery is full but will pulse as it dies. Users can expect up to four hours of usage from Alia but I have yet to reach that point. I also believe it uses the same adapter as Ina, Mona and Siri. AWESOME!

Now, I have to mention something odd. This toy is supposed to be completely waterproof. My understanding is that the silicone is supposed to stretch to accommodate the adapter when charging but “shrink” to cover the hole when not charging. My hole is completely open all.the.time. (Man, that sounds kinda naughty, doesn’t it?) I would absolutely NOT trust this in water if I didn’t know it was supposed to be fully waterproof. However, I gave it a thorough and fully submerged washing and it came out just fine. I wonder if the silicone port covers that Lelo previously used are a thing of the past.

Another change that Lelo has implemented with this product is the storage bag. It is now double-layered satin, black on the outside and white on the inside. I don’t think it looks as nice as plain black, but it offers slightly more cushion.

The bottom line for me is that Alia really isn’t an improvement over traditional egg vibrators in terms of strength, size or comfort. I would much rather use my $35 BNaughty, which has survived multiple trips to the shower and rough cleanings.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

OhMiBod Freestyle

January 1st, 2011

OhMiBod Freestyle

OhMiBod Freestyle
N/A from

While OhMyBod no longer makes the original Freestyle, there is a newer G-spot version.

It may come as a surprise to some to read that, despite the fact that I own more vibrators, dildos, sex toys and massage candles than any person ought to own, I hadn’t tried an OhMyBod vibe until just recently. The company was wonderful when I contacted them about reviewing a product and it wasn’t long before I was holding my very own OhMiBod Freestyle vibrator.

And it’s a big ol’ box! The Freestyle comes in one of the largest packages that I have seen for non-rabbit vibrators. A white box opens to reveal yet another container, this one a plastic box with rounded corners that actually contains the vibrator. For some reason, I had a hell of a time opening the box for the first time, but I have since been able to open it with more ease.

The larger box also contains AC adapters for use in other countries, the charger, the wireless transmitter (with batteries), and a 12” AUX input connector—the type of connector that headphones use. Now, I am no stranger to technology or sex toys, but I definitely had to consult the instructions to figure out how to set this all up. The booklet may come in many languages, but the connection instructions are really small and easy to miss.

Basic usage includes connecting the headphone jack of your music source. Then, to enjoy music, you can plug your actual headphones into the other end of the transmitter or connect the included AUX input cord to some speakers while the MP3 connector goes into your music source.

After turning the cap to the music setting, it will vibrate in tune with your music, and, boy, is that something else. It really is. As everyone else has stated, your favourite song may not work so well with OhMyBod vibrators, even if a song you consider quite sexy. Some songs barely register at all and produce pretty much a constant vibration, while other songs are more effective with the use of the Freestyle vibrator. I find it nearly impossible to detect with songs will work best with the Freestyle, to be honest. It’s really a tossup and you’ll have to adjust the sensitivity on the transmitter (via a volume-type wheel) for every song that plays.

Of course, even if your song produces an interesting vibration, it may not be enough to get you off. This is probably why OhMiBod designed this vibrator with a basic vibration mode they call “manual.” To use it, simply turn the cap to the furthest setting and adjust the strength and mode with “-“ and “+” buttons. I think it’s a little easier to gauge the strength and type of vibrations this way, too. Freestyle has more shallow vibrations, but they are strong. For example, stronger than We-Vibe or Lelo’s rechargeable vibrators. OhMiBod describes a total of seven settings for manual mode: low, medium, high, escalation, fast pulsation, super speed pulsation, and a short-short-long pulsation. As far as I can tell, the pulsation modes are only available in one strength, but they are pretty strong.

So when you’ve found your perfect song of whether you’ve just turned on the manual modes, you’ll probably wind up inserting the Freestyle vibrator. This one in a straight, cylindrical vibrator with rounded ends. I was a bit surprised at how large it was. I think I was expecting something closer to the Alumina vibrator I reviewed, but this one is much longer (8”) and girthier (1 1/8”). It’s still a smaller vibrator in terms of width but bigger than I expected.

Because it is so straight, it’s a general vibrator. I can stimulate my G-spot with straight vibrators because of its location but everyone can. Despite its rigidity, Freestyle feels softer to the touch because of the velvety treatment of the ABS plastic. This is something that I have difficulty feeling in use, however.

There are a couple of unique points about the Freestyle. It is listed as splash proof, which makes me think the best use is in the tub or shower, with your transmitter connected to some speakers. This method also aids in discretion and can help cover the noise from the vibrator itself. If privacy is a concern, I would warn you that the Freestyle, while not the loudest vibrator I’ve ever tried, isn’t as quiet as I’d like it. It reminds me of a small RC car, and the sound actually competes with the sound of the music when I use headphones. On that note, some of my earbuds sound distorted when using the Freestyle’s transmitter—but not all of them.

The included manual states that you can expect the transmitter to work up to 25 feet away from the vibrator itself, so you could technically use it—or let someone else use it—in another room if you wish. I have successfully used it up to fifteen feet away, but, like any wireless device, walls can be problematic, so I doubt it’d work if you have your own bomb shelter but forgot the Freestyle’s transmitter outside. Or something. You know.

So, while it’s a novel item that won’t become my go-to toy, Freestyle is decent and, even if it was just a rechargeable vibrator, it would get the job done. But I don’t love it.

The Freestyle makes a rattling sound when used. It’s almost as if the casing isn’t quite as snug as it should be and music that makes it pulsate a lot highlights this. Additionally, it takes two hours to charge and while that is supposed to provide five hours of usage, I didn’t even get a full hour before mine died. Lastly, the “convenient” travel case is, quite simply, stupid. Everyone knows that when you’re traveling, you don’t want something bulky and that is exactly what the travel case is. OhMiBod could take a cue from Lelo and simply include a storage pouch for the adapter, vibrator and transmitter. For this same reason, some consumers will throw away the case simply because of limited storage space. It’s a nice idea (the foam cutouts fit the pieces perfectly, and there are even holes for removing the vibe and transmitter so it doesn’t get stuck), but not the best idea.

My gripes about the Freestyle by OhMiBod really are minimal, however. If you’re the type of person who really enjoys playing with things because of their “neat” factor and have the $130 to spare, you should pick it up. If novelty doesn’t do it for you, however, I’d skip this toy.

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Pure Silicone B.O.B.

October 15th, 2010

Pure Silicone B.O.B.

Pure Silicone B.O.B.
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

I am at a point in my sex life where I generally prefer silicone toys. They’re safer. They’re versatile. They come in awesome colours. When a sex toy store wants me to do a review, but they don’t carry any silicone, I doubt whether I want to work with them, but let me say this: silicone alone is not a great toy make. Really, a mediocre design will not be saved by the material.

California Exotic’s Pure Silicone B.O.B. falls squarely into this category. It’s a realistically designed, phallic vibrator in silicone. Mine came in a bright pink. I mean bright. It has a vein-like texture, a contoured head and expands in a ball-inspired toward the design. This expansion is complete with a few dozen soft poky things.

They are, as you can imagine, useless. They don’t really stimulate the entrance to my vagina and the toy isn’t flexible enough that I can bend it toward my clit. The testicle design doesn’t offer anything physically, either. You might use it to grasp the toy, however. The shaft is slightly flexible. I say this because around the halfway mark, you can tell that the Pure Silicone B.O.B. is covering some hard structure inside. When I would clench or tried to bend the toy as mentioned, this hard structure was uncomfortable against my G-spot but I simply prefer toys that are a little softer in that area. You can probably achieve about 30 degrees of bending.

In use, I found the toy to just be a little small. It only has a diameter of 1.14″. It may be good for beginners but not me, personally. The small shaft is straight and the difference between the shaft and head size is smaller than I am used to. I had a hard time stimulating my G-spot with this vibrator and that’s pretty unusual.

However, its easy to use. There’s a single power button that turns it on or off and another button to cycle through the settings. If you press the second button when the Pure Silicone B.O.B. is off, it will turn on. It’s an interesting toy because it remembers the setting you left it on. I find this interesting but not necessarily practical because it confuses me as to which setting it will be on. Maybe it’s just me, but starting on a low, steady vibe makes sense and helps to orient me.

Anyway, I’d be more oriented if I could tell the settings apart and.. it’s super hard. The Pure Silicone B.O.B. uses 2AA batteries but I was not expecting the vibrations to as buzzy as they are. I mean, if you didn’t know better, you’d almost expect this to use a single AAA battery or even watch batteries. It’s ridiculous. I have no idea why you’d create a vibrator that uses 2 AAs but not make it use them to their full potential.

I’m not lying when I say that I can only tell the settings apart by sound. They all feel exactly the same. There’s supposedly “10 extreme functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation” but all I feel is one: not strong or deep enough. So while this is waterproof, I cannot imagine using it in the shower and actually being able to feel the vibrations.

The waterproof aspect makes it easy to clean, however. You can rinse away and lubes (water-based only) and give it a good scrub.

Ultimately, the Pure Silicone B.O.B. is certainly not my battery-operated best friend. I’m not sure that calling it “buddy” is even all that applicable. It’s more like the guy at the party who likes you but doesn’t get the hint that the feelings aren’t shared. Sorry, BOB.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny

October 5th, 2010

Rhythm "O" - Bounding Bunny

Rhythm "O" - Bounding Bunny
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

The Rhythm “O”™ – Bounding Bunny is.. weird. It’s weird looking and weird feeling and just plain ol’ weird. This rabbit vibrator comes in Barbie pink or a lavender shade of purple. I received the first color. The base, bullet, and internal mechanisms are all pink, with the shaft and clit stim actually coated in a clear layer of TPE so you can see everything through it. The TPE has a slight swirl design that I did not notice during play.

What you see looks like a corn cob. I’m not kidding. I’m not the only one who thinks so, either.

So these individual “kernels” of hard plastic are what California Exotics call pleasure beads, and they move in and out in a wavelike pattern. It’s similar to the Passion Wave, which I loved, but that used discs, instead. I didn’t love the Rhythm “O”™ – Bounding Bunny. In fact, I didn’t even like it. When it was inserted, I could feel it was doing something and that something did make me squirt but it wasn’t even remotely pleasurable. It was almost.. clinical.

For once, I was decently satisfied with the strength clit stimulator vibrations. Very few rabbits are decent in that sense. Unfortunately, the bunny is located a little further down the shaft–6″– than many rabbit vibes so the fit wasn’t quite optimum for me. I wound up taking the toy out to just rub the bunny against me. That’s super disappointing for a “dual” stimulator.

If you’re familiar with my tastes, then you will also know that I prefer toys with a bit of give. Beneath the TPE, which is a bit loose to allow room for the movements of the beads, the shaft is full of hard mechanisms. There really isn’t much give, and the 1.5” diameter of the shaft feels bigger than it is. This isn’t helped by the fact that the shaft is rigidly straight. Some rabbits have a flexible wire in the shaft so you can become more comfortable, but this isn’t the case with the Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny.

Function aside, the control is simply horrendous. I have complained about controls in the past, and I have also had no difficulty using CEN rabbits, but the Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny is just awful and the opposite of intuitive–whatever that is.

There are a total of five buttons. There is an “On/Off” switch that turns on or off just the bunny bullet. Below this is a button printed with the number “7” that pages through the settings. Next to these buttons is a single LED light that changes colour and flashes to correspond with the modes.

To turn on the shaft, you have to press a different pair of buttons. These buttons use the typical up/down arrow setup and shaft modes correspond to three vertical LEDs that are randomly displayed toward the top of the control pack (next to the bunny buttons).

My problem with this is that both functions would easily work if CEN decided to go with just the arrow mode or just the On/Off and mode button. This is all far too much to think about during use.

But, wait! There’s more.

California Exotics has included a “Hot” button that changes the toy (both functions) to a random setting. That’s actually kinda neat but I find most of the settings are too similar to make it effective.

As you can guess, there is no master Off button. You have to turn off both of the functions manually. This doesn’t help convenience or discrection, IMO. And if you’re really in a hurry, who the hell wants to have to turn on both functions separately? Not I. I like to be able to control them separately, but it’s like CEN just reusing buttons from other toys to make this monstrosity.

These digital buttons are set in a slick plastic base. I found it really difficult to hold when I was using silicone-based lube, which, as I have discovered, is compatible with TPE but not VixSkin.  CEN suggests water-based for use with this toy, for whatever reason. A velvety treatment to the base would make it easier to handle in slippery situations.

Despite washing this toy, I still find it difficult to grasp and remove the battery cover because silicone lube is stubborn like that. When you do unscrew the cover, there’s an EZ-load style battery pack for the 4-AAA batteries. The toy has an O-ring built into it, and I’d trust it to be splash-proof for washing or shower play; however, the cap isn’t as secure as some toys, so I wouldn’t advise submerging it.

For those of you who are interested, there’s a video on the California Exotics website that explains this all in depth. If you ignore the voice work, that is.

CEN Sexpert

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Lelo Siri

September 15th, 2010

Lelo Siri

Lelo Siri
N/A from

Lelo has since released the Siri 2.

Ah, the Lelo Siri. How I drooled over this little clitoral vibrator. How I e-mailed all my company contacts and practically begged to review it. How ecstatic I was when someone finally said “Yes, we can send one your way!” How I waited impatiently as it was on the way to my house. I opened the box and the package and was disappointed that it did not come charged. I charged it immediately.

This is not the norm for me, far from it. Sometimes, my excitement wanes so quickly while a toy is in transit that I don’t use it for weeks after I receive it. I used Siri the very first day I had it, as soon as it was charged in fact. Sometimes I use a toy once and then try to forget about it because I am disappointed. I have spent more time with Siri than that.

I very quickly developed some thoughts about Lelo’s newest.

The good:

  • Siri comes in pink, purple and the red I chose. It’s the same as Mona and I am in love with the shade.
  • The velvety silicone is offset by shiny, white plastic (again, like Mona or Ina), which makes for an attractive piece.
  • Siri is rechargeable, like all of Lelo’s buzzy things.
  • Siri’s vibrations are much deeper (rumbly) than those of Lelo’s previous clitoral stimulators (Lily/Nea/Mia). They’re comparable to Mona or Ina in Depth.
  • Siri is easy to use, with the same 4-button setup as other Lelo toys. Siri also features the ability to lock the toy when not in use (but not during use).
  • Siri offers three levels of continuous vibrations and multiple pulsation and escalation settings.
  • The buttons are more accessible, on the top of the toy, as opposed to the bottom where they were on the Lily.
  • Siri isn’t as flat as Lily. I find the rounder and broader shape to be a little more appropriate for what I like (pressure).

The bad:

  • Siri’s buttons might be too accessible. Although larger than the Lily/Nea, Siri is still pretty small, and there’s not a lot of room to place my fingers on top of the toy. Inevitably, I wind up pressing buses because I cannot lock the toy and changing the speed of mode when I do not intend to.
  • Siri still isn’t that strong. Because of my personal tastes, the rumbly vibes make up for this somewhat, but those who need strong and rumbly vibes or strong vibes, regardless of the frequency, will still be disappointed with Siri.
  • Siri has no cover for the charging port. I mean, WTF?! This is standard on most Lelo toys, including Mona and Ina so I’m not sure what happened with this. Does Lelo think it’s less likely this external toy will need a deep clean in the sink? Isn’t that a little presumptuous?

The technical:

  • Siri comes in a black Lelo box and is packaged in a cardboard and plastic package. It rests on top of a cardboard insert to make it look pretty.
  • Lelo includes a 10-year Quality Guarantee, a 1-year warranty, and an instruction manual in the box. There’s also a small white satin pouch for storing Siri.
  • Siri can be cleaned with soap and water if you are careful of the charging port; it is not waterproof.
  • When Siri needs charging, the LED light glows red. During charging, it pulses white and remains solidly lit after charging, which takes about 2 hours.
  • Holding the + and – button locks Siri. If it is on, it will turn off.

What does this mean, you ask?

I found Siri to be more effective than Lily. I have used it several times to achieve one or more orgasms per session on the initial charge, which took fewer than 2 hours. I find the shape to be better for stimulating my clit, but I am frequently annoyed by the placement of the buttons. I would definitely prefer the ability to lock the toy during use. Thus far, I’ve had no issues cleaning the Siri, but I’ve made an effort not to drown out the thing. While I wouldn’t mind if the vibrations were stronger, and I am sure others would agree, the rumblyness makes them quite pleasurable.

Siri is definitely an improvement over previous clitoral offerings from Lelo.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

We Vibe II

September 9th, 2010

This is an archived review. WeVibe now makes several options for couples vibrators.

The We Vibe was always a toy that interested me, but not the type of toy I was willing to spend my hard-earned money on. You know the type. But I quickly asked to review it, and it arrived at my door shortly after. GV packed the box with a ton a swag. I mean, damn! A sample GV wipe, refrigerator magnets, a packet of sensitizing lube, and even a sample of massage lotion by Jimmyjane. I think I may be missing something. Regardless, swag is awesome.

I was as surprised by the size of the We-Vibe II as I was by the swag. I shouldn’t have been. I’ve seen countless pictures and several videos but this thing is just.. tiny. Any other dual stimulator vibe I have would dwarf this thing. f course, it makes sense when you consider that you need to be able to insert this and a penis into your vagina.

The We-Vibe II is about the length of the palm of my hand and much slimmer. The “U” shaped design features a thinner, insertable arm with ridges on the inside. These will, ideally, stimulate the G-spot. The external arm, for clitoral stimulation, is thicker and has smoother ridges along the inside (where it will touch the skin).

At the very end of the external party is a tiny, raised circle that you press to operate the toy. It makes an audible click when you do so. However, it is small and a bit more difficult to use when the We-Vibe is in place, as opposed to just sitting in your hand. Fleshy ladies may find their labia blocks access to the button but even without anatomical issue, it is tiny and requires precise movements.

We-Vibe II has a total of 9 settings. High, low, and multiple modes. According to a product card with the toy, these settings are throb, wave, pulse, ramp, tease, ascend and cha-cha. There’s a good mix of pulsation and escalation. I stuck to the steady vibrations, as I usually do.

Let me tell you that the We-Vibe II does not have the strongest vibrations that I have ever experienced but they are damned deep and rumbly. IT’s like.. straddling an idling tractor. Not that I’ve ever done that but that’s how I’d imagine it. The We-Vibe II quickly made me squirt and squirt a lot!

I do have two slight complaints about the controls/settings: no medium?! It threw me off every time. I’d try to increase the vibrations and skip “high” right to “throb.” I enjoy that you can turn the toy completely off just by holding the button for 2 seconds but I’d prefer two buttons so I can cycle either way.

Now, not having a real live penis to fully test out this toy, I opted for a vibrator. I grabbed a ceramic G-spot piece. In hindsight, it may have been wiser to pull a straight toy out of the box as, you know, most penises aren’t rigid, nor do they have an angled head like that. If only I had received my Vixskin dildo a bit earlier. Regardless, I gave it a go.

The toy I used has a 1.5″ diameter. Insertion without the We-Vibe is easy, and I rarely use lube. Insertion with the We-Vibe was a bit difficult. The ceramic obviously offers a lot of rigidity and the core of the insertable arm on the We-Vibe is quite rigid itself. I want to say that insertion would be easier with an actual cock but I’m not sure if that’s actually true.

I can tell you that because the casing of the We-Vibe is made of silicone, you should only use water-based lubes and, because said silicone is sticky in a smooth way, I’d be wary of trying to use it with other sticky toys (silicone, jelly, etc).

After insertion, I found that thrusting caused the We-Vibe to slide further into me, past my G-spot a bit. The general rumblyness of the vibrations still hit the spot but I don’t need pinpoint G-spot stimulation. If you do, I’m willing to bet you’ll spend a lot of time holding the We-Vibe II in place. In fact, I’d say this is not the toy for a rough and rowdy round of sex.

Admittedly, it was a bit uncomfortable when the widest part of the We-Vibe was sitting against the widest part of the toy and my pubic bone, so when it slid further in, the thinner neck wound up against my bone, and it was more comfortable.

Externally, the We-Vibe II just didn’t provide a whole lot of pressure or targeted stimulation. The neck is quite flexible, so I didn’t get the pressure I loved. However, the rumbly vibrations did provide a lot of general stimulation. I probably wouldn’t get off–clitorally–from it, but assuming that I could make it work during intercourse, I think I’d enjoy it.

At least, I would have.. if it hadn’t broken. You see, I used this toy right out of the box (after soap and water washing, of course). It came with a charge already, despite the fact that the manual says to charge it for a day before use. I was talking to Jules, who said that hers came charged but was much stronger after charging so I inserted what I thought was the AC adapter into the little hole under the button. The problem was, it was not the right adapter and I didn’t realize this until after I had it plugged in for several hours–of course!

I unplugged it as soon as I realized this error but the damage was done. My We-Vibe no longer powers on. )= It probably didn’t help that one of the cats decided to use it as a chew toy during charging.

My bad.

But, it does bring to light the fact that the charging port is kind of weird and I don’t really like it. There’s simply a hole in the silicone, and the portal is somewhere in there. You can’t see the edges of the port, like you do on any other rechargeable toy. It’s completely possible to miss the port at all, which I think I did a few times. I kept wondering, “Is it in yet?” It’s not the most difficult thing ever but I found it annoying, probably more so because I was using the wrong adapter at first. d=

Anyway, if it hadn’t broken, I’d have cleaned my We-vibe and put it in the included cinch pouch to prevent it from becoming covered in cat hair like it has. That’s definitely one of the things that I hate about silicone.

As it stands, the We Vibe is interesting enough that I am considering swapping or using some major couponage to replace it.

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Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator

August 12th, 2010

Throbbing hearts waterproof Vibrator

Throbbing hearts waterproof Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I like throbbing things, especially throbbing body parts. Like a cock as it ejaculates inside of me or the spasms of my PC muscles during orgasm. Yet, throbbing is one of the few sensations that companies haven’t mastered. Throbbing toys have not saturated the market, so this vibrator really caught my eye.

Out of the box, the Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator is interesting. I noticed that the TPE seemed to be quite loose around the shaft mechanism. I mean, it’s not flopping around, but you can pinch some of the material away from the shaft, like looser skin. The movement kind of gives the feel of softness–when not in use.

The Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator has a straight, smooth shaft. The mechanism beneath the TPE gives the impression of ripples, however. The head of the toy is realistically shaped like the head of a cock. Oddly enough, the clitoral stimulator also has a penis head shape which is kind of creepy. It’s like the whole clitoral simulator is some sort of stunted penis. And then, there are two embossed heart designs toward the base o the toy and on the back of the clit stim. I have no idea what the theme is here but Doc Johnson missed the mark.

Still, I wanted this for its sensations, not the look. It’s not the tiniest toy, though. With a base diameter of 1.59″, it’s a medium-large size. You can use water or silicone-based lube with this toy. The design results in a maximum insertable length of 5.5″, which is pretty effective for the average size of vaginas. The clitoral stimulator is also quite long, extending almost 3″ from the shaft.

There are two buttons for each function (throbbing and clit vibration). The design deviates from the standard and isn’t visually appealing. Essentially, the throbbing function has a + and – buttons that also serve to turn the function on and off, respectively. These buttons are square and are labeled as “On” and “Off” which is confusing to me. The vibration function has a master On/Off button and a separate button to control the speed/mode. These buttons are round and oval, respectively. I don’t know why both functions don’t have comparable +/- button or a power and mode button–or a different setup altogether to provide a master “Off” button for the entire toy. I don’t know why there are different shapes. It’s very anti-intuitive, in my opinion.

So I insert the toy and turn it on. First, I try the throbbing because this is really the appeal and, boy, is it weird. The throbbing is actually expanding and contracting, which required the loose TPE that I noticed originally. It does this in a very quick succession, even on the lowest speed and, when the toy isn’t inserted, it makes a noise similar to skin slapping skin during sex. On the toy, it’s almost disgusting.

Sound aside, I just did not find the sensation wasn’t much like throbbing itself. Throbbing typically has vertical movement, too. It feels deep, rumbly. This toy does not. It just feels like something is growing larger and smaller, and all the speeds are too close together for there to be much build-up. This is not a sensation that stimulates my G-spot at all. And because rabbits are not intended to be thrusted (usually), this isn’t very versatile. Additionally, I find that the shaft mechanism feels really hard and solid. I prefer my insertables to be either hard or large–not both.

Externally, I was not impressed. The clit stimulator, while plenty long enough, offers little pressure. The vibrations are incredibly buzzy. I can barely tell the difference between the medium and high steady vibrations. The pulsation lacks any sort of oomph. The functions, when combined, really seem to work against one another. They don’t complement each other at all. I’m not surprised that I was unimpressed by the vibrations, however. This uses AAAs.

The toy takes 4AAAs altogether. They fit into a battery compartment that has an easy load-style pack, and the cap screws on over an O-ring, thus making this waterproof. Honestly, I’d think that the sensation of water falling on you in the shower would compete with the sensations that this toy provides, and I don’t advise it.

I am more than a bit disappointed with this toy. I really like the idea of a throbbing toy, but I think it needs to feel different from the violent, in-and-out slapping of the mechanism of this toy. Plus, I’m curious how easy it might be to break this. I’m almost intrigued enough by the function to cut off the TPE and see what’s going on beneath it. Almost.

Still, I commend Doc Johnson for thinking outside the box and creating something a little different.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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