Why I do This

May 16th, 2010

And by this I mean: blogging, reviewing, chatting, posts on forums, Tweeting and otherwise participating in this corner of the blogosphere.

At first, it was purely about getting free toys and maybe a little about proving how awesome I am. I’m competitive like that. Yes, I have gotten a lot of free toys. So a quick thank you to various manufacturers and retailers for sending me free shit. I appreciate it more than you know.

But I’m not as greedy anymore. I’ve gotten enough stuff that it takes a little more for something to catch my eye, or I’m better at gauging what will or will not work for me. I’ve also been able to buy or swap for a lot of toys, and there are very few things I really want that I haven’t gotten. In the past few months, I acquired both the Lelo Ina and Mona, Fun Factory Delight, and a Liberator Throe.

Of course, that’s not the only reason I’m here. Another selfish reason for doing all of this is simply to get to know myself better. To explore my sexuality, to experience pleasure. I’ve done a great deal of this with the help of my husband, too.

But not all my reasons are selfish. I’ve learned a lot from being apart of this all. I thought I knew a lot but I didn’t. Maybe I knew more than some people and I certainly know more than some people now but the more I learn, the more I realize how much there is to learn, how much I really don’t know. The more I know, however, the more I feel like maybe there’s an activist inside me.

And I hope, although maybe it’s a silly hope, I give something to others. Like maybe I’m helping to spread knowledge or prevent a bad purchase.

I have to admit, I love the praise, the recognition. I like the sheer amount of stuff I’ve written. I like looking at my hits and visitors and pagerank. I like it when someone mentions how I’m a tough reviewer and this is why she trusts my word. That kinda thing. I like praise and recognition. A lot.

I’m here because I’m made some awesome friends and spent countless nights laughing out loud in chat as we discuss sex toys, PR mistakes, crappy companies and good ones. As we joke about who belongs to whom and who is a bigger slut and just what that word means anyway.

I guess I’m here more for selfish reasons than not but here I am and I’ll probably be sticking around a while. You see, you people keep me sane. And busy, And smiling. Maybe you’re the reason I do this.

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Categories: Everything Else, internet

Exchange-worthy

May 13th, 2010

Just curious what sort of issues will cause you to seek an exchange for a toy you’ve purchased or have been given to review? Forgive my lack of sentences but I am quite tired. d= I’ve only ever exchanged a product twice and I just shrugged it off both times. One was a Fun Factory toy which worked but made strange sounds. I was hesitant to exchange it but am not glad I did. The other was the Synergy which many folks have had problems with but I know that fault products sometimes happen. It’s just the way it is.

Still, I’m less likely to request an exchange on a product I’m reviewing than one I purchased. I recently gota replacement for my Throw from Liberator after I contacted them directly. I’m super glad I did because I was past the deadline to do it through EF and the Liberator people were awesome.

So what sort of things set you over the edge? What thinks will you live with? When do you or don’t you contact the retailer or manufacturer?

5 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Ina Nutshell

April 9th, 2010

Ina is a high quality toy, easy to use and offers a surprising amount of power. It will probably always remain the best G-spot vibrator I will ever try and I may now be a gusher but, as a rabbit? It completely and utterly fails. Anyone wanna trade me a Mona?

3 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Apply Within

March 31st, 2010

I have jokingly been creating a check list in my mind for future partners. I guess it’s just a way for me to let off steam regarding my husband’s behaviour, flaws and bad habits. It’s a little resentful but maybe a little smart, too.

Characteristics You Best Not Have

  • Mommy Issues
  • Daddy Issues
  • Aggressive Driving
  • Emotional Score Keeping
  • Inability to recognize or express emotions
  • Knee Jerk Reactions to Every Little Thing
  • Inability to distinguish sex from love
  • Inability to combine sex and love when appropriate

Characteristics You Must Have

  • Sense of Humour
  • Like for Dr Horrible
  • Cat Love
  • Ability to Remain Faithful
  • Understanding of Commitment
  • Fondness for hand holding, cuddling and other physical touch
  • Healthy Interest in Sex
  • Have already been in love
  • Willingness to read books, go to therapy and do other things should the need arise
  • Maturity
  • Tendency toward Geekiness
  • Love for dorky comedies

Hey, guess what? I’m tired and randomly capitalizing things. 😉

PS, I know I could more healthily and happily word all these things as positive “must haves.”

PPS, I’m not really a crazy bitch with a checklist.

4 Comments

Categories: Everything Else

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Sex and Love

March 21st, 2010

I never felt like a typical female in regards to sex and love. I guess I didn’t really see them as necessarily connected; although, I thought they could be and when they are it can improve upon both aspects. While I have thoroughly enjoyed the sex I have had with my husband, there have only been a few times when I felt that sex qualified as “love making” and this did prove to be a bit disheartening at times.

I guess I hadn’t realized that the act itself was something I was able to enjoy, for the most part, because I do love my husband. As much as I enjoy sex in and of itself, I would not be able to enjoy it with a person whom I did not trust. I would not enjoy it were I not comfortable with my partner. It would not be satisfying if I doubted that person’s intentions or if I were worried about my safety. While not all of these things require a loving or romantic relationship, they do go well together and it does make me feel a greater connection between sex and love.

I am not entirely sure if my husband realizes that there is a connection at all. After all, our relationship started off on a sexual foot and while that is not entirely bad (previously, I had not known how to add sexuality to my relationships so getting it out of the way at the first has its benefits), I do think it left an inaccurate impression. To put it bluntly, I think my husband thinks of me as more promiscuous than I am (not that promiscuity if bad, just that I am not really). He does not realize how large a role that he, specifically, plays in my ability to be sexual. He views himself or any potential partner of mine as replaceable and I think there is at least some hard feelings because of it. It saddens me.

I suppose, if it weren’t him, it would have been someone else.. eventually but I think that eventually would have taken a few more years at the very least. I didn’t have any plan about losing my virginity. I wasn’t ready to give it away in middle school nor was I waiting for some biblically appropriate moment. The time simply felt right with him so I had sex for the first time with someone I cared for a great deal and, overall, it was a positive experience which has led to more positive sexual experiences.

But I do wish I had come to realize how intertwined the two can be for me earlier so that I could share it with him.

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Categories: Everything Else

Bad Thoughts

March 15th, 2010

The past few months have taught me a lot about relationships, expectations, love, perception and healthy attitudes. In some ways, I feel like a relationship expert (I’m not.. yet) and I know I have been and will continue learning skills that will not only help me have successful relationships (and that is worth imparting to my loved ones during their challenges) but I am developing skills to help me be happier no matter what my relationship status is.

As patient as I am trying to be with my husband, as hopeful as I am trying to be about this situation, it is difficult not to feel hurt and not to entertain thoughts that are simply not helpful. Ultimately, I feel a bit betrayed by my husband, my life and perhaps most importantly, myself. I feel so foolish for believing that this time would be different, that he would be different. I wonder why I ever thought it could work. What proof have I ever had that it could? Indeed, everything I have seen or experienced indicates that relationships just do not work. Ever.

I know, I know. It’s not productive. But I just cannot be productive all the time. At the very least, I can control it enough that I am not sobbing over Haagen Das. And I’m not screaming at my husband about how he’s hurt me and making it into an argument so that’s good. I am able to contain the thoughts that they are not quite ruining (running?) my life.

I feel especially silly when I think how far I’ve come in regards to my thoughts about marriage. I went from thinking it’s nothing but a sham to believing maybe it can work to wondering if maybe it is only a sham after all and I should have kept thinking the way I did because then I wouldn’t be hurting like I am. Except I know that you have to let people in and learn to trust again even if it means sometimes starting over. And as much as I hate feeling like I’m back at square one, the logical part of me knows that you cannot reap the rewards without taking the risk and I will take that risk again whether with someone else or whether my husband chooses to work on our marriage. Even if I don’t want to think about it now, cannot imagine ever being with someone else.

My bad thoughts creep up when I am alone and at night, right before bed. To combat them, I’ve been scouring the internet for inspiring quotes (I mention this in an upcoming post I wrote for EdenCafe), calling friends or sometimes distracting myself by jerking off. It’s still a work in progress, though.

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Categories: Everything Else

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Craving

February 22nd, 2010

Sex, I want it. And I can’t have it. Which makes me want it even more. I see it in movies, on TV and read about it in books. It seems like everyone is having it. Everyone but me, of course. I think about my husband (who will hopefully remain my husband). I think about our sex and my body springs to life but no relief is available.

I remember his movements, his sounds, the feel of his touch and his body against mine. My real life becomes my fantasy and I long for the past. I do not simply want sex. I want sex with him. I want the sex I remember and, yes, the sex about which I all-too-often took a passive attitude in the past.

The past? Has it really been that long. Only a few short weeks. Yet, it feels like forever. It feels like a lifetime ago even though I know, logically, it has not been. But it has been too long and every day my desire grows. It is though I have never yearned for him as I do now or perhaps it is simply how I yearn for him because I have certainly wanted (but not been able to have) sex with him before. Before, sex was always an option in the future (albeit, not always the near future) but that is not the case now.

Regardless of how things turn out, I imagine he will be the object of my fantasies as long as I fantasize and as long as I cannot have him, I will certainly have to to survive.

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Categories: Everything Else

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