Category: Everything Else

Categories
Everything Else internet Site

Thank You

A few months ago – and it does seem longer than that – I was blogging about the frustrations of, well, blogging. I was burned out and bummed out and entirely unsure of whether or not I would continue with this whole sex blog thing. A few of you commented, and I felt a bit better, and then I went back to life as usual, which, at the time, included looking forward to yet another anniversary without my husband. Thank you, deployment.

In the months since then, I feel like things have turned around. I kept working with some pretty awesome sex toy stores who have provided me with countless products to test (many of which I have bashed on this here blog). I am posting this because I just checked my website stats and my daily unique visitor count has crossed 600. I don’t know when I passed 500 but it’s great to see the continuous rise.

And I guess you like reading those scathing comments and ridiculous praises (sometimes) because I was named number 16 on the Top Sex Bloggers of 2009. I hadn’t even realized and deleted the e-mail when I got it because I figured I got maybe one nomination, and no one would even put me on the list, but to be 16? Number sixteen? Sweet sixteen? I would never have known had I not been peeking at someone else’s blog. I’m sure I looked like a total bitch because I didn’t reply. But now I did click, I did see, I did reply. My jaw did drop, of course.

Thank you to whoever nominated me and to the judges. I am listed with and even above some amazing people and awesome writers and I’m grateful to even be on the list, let alone so high.

But that’s not all. I was recently accepted as a Sexpert in California Exotic’s new review program and have been contacted directly by other companies to do some reviews. In fact, I received a comment directly from Nomi Tang herself on my Better Than Chocolate review. Wow. Just wow. So thank you to all the manufacturers who appreciate my honesty, whether tactful or not!

I am not a humble person. I am all too guilty of being quite ego-centric. I am always right, damn it. The world ought to revolve around me. But I know when it’s time to say thank you. So, thank you! (Perhaps this is the perfect prelude to Thanksgiving.)

And as much as I appreciate the visitors and their comments and the opportunities provided to me by stores and manufacturers who send me products in return for my opinions, there is something that means so much more. Although he may not really be into sex toys, my husband is always supportive and as excited as I am when I tell him my most recent “good news” – sometimes more so. Whether it’s numbers or new opportunities, he is just awesome about appreciating what it means to me. In fact, when I told him about making the best sex bloggers list, he asked me when I found out. When he realized I’d known for almost a day, he demanded to know why I didn’t tell him sooner.

But, really, what I should have told him sooner is, “Thank You.”

Categories
Everything Else

Confessions of a Sex Blogger: My Multiple Identity Crisis

My title sounds so provocative. Well, so does anything that starts “Confessions of..”. Except maybe a plumber. Those are some confessions I’d rather nor hear, thank you very much. Not that I have anything against plumbers but it’s a dirty job. Sometimes it’s funny to watch Dirty Jobs, the show with Mike Rowe, but that’s completely off-topic.

The topic is how sometimes life with a secret identity becomes confusing. You see, while some people are only their “sex blogger” identity, I have two full presences online. I run this blog, post on sex forums, write reviews for different sites, post on Twitter, and am a member of some different sex communities. I do that all as Adriana. The web presence I have under my “real” identity is even more complex. I have 4 blogs (one of which is a review blog), and I manage to update at least one every day, I update Twitter, I am active in several communities and post at their forums, I have accounts on Facebook and Myspace, not to mention dozens of other sites, I play a handful of games and sometimes I take the time to enter giveaways every once in a while. The “real” me has had a full internet life for nearly a decade, and it was very well-established long before I became a toy reviewer.

It’s not like I don’t enjoy it. I have a wide variety of interests. There’s always something to do. I’ve met a lot of people in both worlds, and I have seen firsthand the overlap between the two. If I had a nickel for every time I saw a review for EdenFantasys on a mommy blog (while browsing as the PG-rated reviewer, not the sex toy reviewer), I could get a shiny new toy. It’s not like I do everything all the time. It doesn’t take long to Tweet or switch between accounts. I don’t get so much e-mail that it’s all I do. There are stretches when I don’t write a review at all and my blogs don’t take so much time that I’ve forgotten my husband’s face (nor would I let them). And, let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything better to do.

But in this game of multiple identities, I’ve had several close calls and a few times when I could have even “outed” myself. I’ve e-mailed folks from the wrong e-mail account, not realizing which one was selected in my e-mail client. I’ve retweeted contests under the wrong Twitter account; my other one reposts everything to my Facebook. Oops! Once I left the wrong site URL in a comment form and I’ve signed up using to some sites twice, without realizing it, having forgotten I’d shopped there before all this sex toy reviewing stuff.

But my greatest offense involves “The Google”. I am always signed into my Google account but I only ever use it to comment on blogs so I frequently forget who I am signed in as. I’ve made a comment or two as the “wrong” me. I’ve been lucky so far; I haven’t said anything to give me away. Although, there was that one time I was helping Airlia with her site with my regular Google account and it showed a link to my profile in her blog. Oops, deux.

None of those things have been the end of the world. Sometimes people don’t even notice and even if I were “outed,” I have much less to lose than others. In fact, I have directed friends of the “real” me to of Sex and Love or my reviews at other sites on more than one occasion. It’s just not a link I want to be made easily. Anyway, there’s ways to get around those silly mistakes. I mean, besides actually paying attention, some folks run multiple browsers or instances of the same browsers. Not really my thing, nor does my dinosaur of a computer want to. But I could.

The thing that gets me the most, is I never know how to sign correspondences. Obviously, “Adriana Ravenlust” is not my real name. Sorry to break it to you. It is a name I chose, with help from my husband. “Ravenlust” actually is a take on a name I’ve used as the “real” me so that’s kind of cool. It’s a name I like and it’s probably easy for others to remember because it is a real name. No one ever adds extra letters to Adriana. Well, maybe another “n” but that’s not bad. When I’m signed into chat or a forum, I feel like Adriana.

Which is why I have no idea how to sign e-mails. If you know my real name, do I end with that? If I use one of my “real” identity e-mail addresses, should I just keep my signature as it automatically shows up? Do I need to explain that the name I go by is a nickname of my real name, which I hardly use? Does it matter if we have a business relationship, like if I review for a company? Or is it just okay if I can always be Adriana and just pretend neither of us no any better? I don’t really want to be rude, you know. I just don’t (know).

What do you do?

Categories
Everything Else

Move It Or Lose It

Last night, I was lying in bed, and I was paging through sexual fantasies in my head, expanding some of them more than they have been expended before, and I found I was horny. I want sex but my husband has already been asleep for several hours. I ponder making a move but I don’t know what move I want to make. I don’t just want to make him up and say “Hey, want sex?” but I also don’t know what will wake him up and send the right message. So I toss and turn for a few hours until I cannot possibly stay away and longer and fall into a fitful sleep.

In a similar position, what is your foolproof move? Or, assuming you’re asleep and open to your partner making an advance, how would you like it done?

Categories
Everything Else

Time and Time Again

I have problems with time. I don’t always prioritize it right and I’m horrible at guessing just how much time something will take. I frequently make informal schedules in my mind, a checklist of things to do today and the next thing I know, it’s tomorrow and I didn’t achieve half of those things because I let time get away. What’s even worse is that, instead of stopping and shelving those projects for another day I simply stay up until they’re all completed; this is why I have absolutely no routine whatsoever. I push myself until I’m so dead tired I cannot accomplish anything more then need to sleep half a day away to fix the effects of it.

Needless to say, sex doesn’t fit into my non-schedule. Just the other day I was thinking how difficult it is for us to have sex at all when my husband works. It’s a bit better now because he has new hours. His 12 hour days are only 12 hours as opposed to the 14 he used to work. He can stay up a little later, now, instead of coming home with just enough time to watch some TV while he eats, check his e-mail, shower and head to bed once more. Now I have a bit more time to get in the mood but it still doesn’t happen nearly as often as we’d both like. I think we’re down to maybe once a week when I’d like to have sex more like 3 or 4 times a week. In fact, I will sit down and think about how we’re not having sex..

And then I realize I’m sitting at the computer or reading in bed or he’s playing video games or we’ve somehow managed to waste a couple hours fighting and then I know that, no matter how shitty his schedule is, we’re equally at fault for not planning to have sex. I know I need to, I just don’t. It’s hard for me to up and go into the bedroom. Even if I want to, I just don’t get turned on at the drop of a hat and I know it’s frustrating for him ’cause he does. But planning can sometimes make it even harder to get where I need to be mentally, especially because I like sex to be spontaneous. And planning itself is hard when you have such a complete lack of schedule like I do.

I suppose it comes down to this – would I rather have spontaneous sex infrequently or deal with having to plan sex so I can have it as much as I’d like (or at least try)? I’m not even sure.

Categories
Everything Else internet

Elsewhere

I’ve been a bit more inspired lately when it comes to posting on my blogs. I’ve also written a couple of articles for EdenCafe including one about cheating and another about my first orgasm. The former was submitted to Divine Caroline and is even being linked on their relationships page (although, in rather small text ;)). It’s awesome nonetheless.

Categories
Everything Else

I’m Happy

You may not be able to tell; after all, I’m a picky bitch through and through. And it certainly isn’t in every aspect of life but, lately, when it comes to love, I can say that I’m happy.

The other day, we were sitting in our armchair (which is nice and big) and doing something related to cuddling. It suddenly struck me just how much that is exactly where I wanted to be, perhaps needed to be, and how glad I was to be there. Since then I’ve been thinking about all the little things and being more appreciative for him doing what he does for me and us. It doesn’t hurt that we haven’t argued in some weeks, either.

Sometimes I have issues recognizing my feelings. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until they’re long gone. His deployment took an emotional toll, of course. Yet, it wasn’t until the end that I realized how far down I’d sunk. I didn’t realize that my constant fears about mortality and my complete lack of motivation to do anything in life were so closely connected to my husband being gone. I just thought “I’m fine, not perfect, but I’m fine” until one day I realized that I wasn’t fine. I was worried about not being able to make anything of myself ever so much that I didn’t even want to try and I was worried that not doing anything would mean I would live a pointless life so death became a very real fear.

I guess I also didn’t notice those thoughts slipping away, too. Even if it’s only slowly happening. I hadn’t realize it’s been a day, two days, a week since I last focused on those thoughts. I hadn’t realized how much of a foundation he provides, how much direction he gives me. How much he makes me want to live and, for that, I am happy.

Categories
Everything Else internet

I think, therefore I am.. bisexual

There’s a topic going on at the EdenFantasys forum about whether or not a person needs experience to “qualify” as being bisexual. Logically, I asked how people can think experience is a must when I’ve yet to hear someone say the same about being heterosexual and rarely about being homosexual. After all, if someone says they are attracted to people of the opposite gender but have no experience, people do not immediately scoff at them.

Logic aside, this is a topic which affects me personally as I have known for years that I am attracted to both sexes, perhaps leaning toward females. Yet I’ve never had sex with, made love to or fucked another woman. Does this disqualify me from being bisexual? And, if so, why is my opinion about my own sexuality less important than that of the rest of the world? Quite frankly, it isn’t nor should it be.

Some might say I can only be “bi-curious” without any experience but experience wouldn’t change the type of people to whom I am attracted; it would only confirm what I’ve known all along. I don’t need to experience to figure it out. I’ve already figured it out.

Although, it doesn’t much matter currently, I’m not planning to experiment or confirm. It’s just hard not to have an opinion.