Funzze Super Powerful Massager
$29.99
from Funzze
When I sat down to write this review, I realized how many wands I’d been trying lately. It wasn’t a conscious decision, really. Just what seemed interesting to me in the moment. Funny how that works.
Anyway, the Super Powerful Massager by Funzze will probably we the last massager I try for a bit. So how does it stack up? Is the name accurate?
I wasn’t prepared for just how large the Funzze Super Powerful Massager is. I mean, it looks big in the product photos, but I was taken aback. This vibrator is certainly in another class from the double-headed wand vibrator, but I think it’s the biggest wand I’ve ever tried, and and I’ve used everything from mini wands to the Magic Wand Original. Both the handle and head are the largest I’ve used. It’s over 13 inches long and the head has a diameter of almost 3 inches. This might not seem much larger than the head of the Magic Wand, which I also didn’t love, but it’s even longer than it is size and it looks and feels the part.
I think the overall size seems even larger because there’s a slight contouring of the handle. It’s thinner toward the center than at either end. In use, this makes it somewhat hard for me to find a good place to grasp the toy. I wind up. This might not be an issue with someone with longer fingers or larger hands, however. My fingers can barely touch at the thinnest part of the hand, where the buttons are. I default to the Miracle Massager, which has a smaller handle that’s easier for me to hold.
Despite its size, this massager is rather lightweight. I suspect that’s because the housing is plastic. This obviously isn’t a luxury toy, but at less than $30, that’s probably not what most people are expecting. The larger size and lighter weight may be preferable for some people, too. It’s a lot harder to get cramped fingers.
It’s still functional and rather easy to use, with a single button to turn it on and off and a dedicated button each to cycle through modes and speeds/strengths. You have to cycle through modes or speeds or turn the toy off to get back to the starting settings. I do prefer having arrows that go both ways. I’m also not a fan when toys start on the highest setting, as this one does.
So how does it perform? Fortunately, my vibrator died before I got around to writing this review. I suspect it wasn’t fully charged because I was much more impressed after charging it. The result was vibrations strong enough to make my hand ridiculously uncomfortable while grasping the massager’s head. The Super Powerful Massager is also as loud as its strength suggests, so I wouldn’t use this if you need to be super discreet.
While the vibrations, when fully charged, are fairly impressive, my anatomy just doesn’t love the shape of this wand. The head is so big that it doesn’t comfortably between my labia. I prefer wands with more of a cylindrical shape than a round one because I like the edge, which this toy lacks. If that existed, the larger size might not be a problem. But because I can’t find a sweet spot, the vibrations simply feel.. not as close to my clit as I’d like them. Despite the vibrations being strong enough to impact the entire area, I struggled to get off with this massager.
I also find the flexible neck isn’t as useful as I’d like, and that’s because it’s difficult to hold the handle. I suppose it works if you’re holding the wand from the side, but I’m more likely to hold it closer to vertical, perhaps pulling the handle back toward me. The curved handle on the Miracle Massager works really well for this, whereas this massager size and straight handle don’t.
One thing that I really appreciate about this massager is that it uses a standard micro-USB charging cable. Not only was this helpful when I temporarily misplaced the original cable, but I have plenty of those lying around, including the one that I always keep plugged in for my tablet. That cable proved to be a slightly better fit than the one with the massager, too. I’m not sure how long a full charge should take. And you may experience slower charging if not using the original cable. But it’s nice not to have to use a proprietary charger.
My qualms may mostly be specific to me. If you know you like massagers with large heads, want something a little lighter, stronger, or wireless than what you currently have, or need to pad your toy drawer without breaking the bank, this could be a good option. If you don’t love it, you won’t be out much money. New customers can also save 10% with code NEW10, so it would be even cheaper.
But if my issues resonate with you, Funzze’s Super Powerful massager might not be the right vibe for you, and that’s okay, too.
