I am an anxious person. I am less so than I was during my divorce. In fact, I may be the least anxious I’ve ever been in 2013, save for a period in 2010 when I may have just been in denial. Thus, I tend to overthink things. I analyze them, and I have a hard time putting things on the back burner. I don’t even think that I have a back burner, in fact. I have to deal with everything right now. Of course, things that can’t be dealt with until the future drive me crazy.
I’m going a little bit crazy in this odd sort of purgatory space that I seem to be operating in with the bartender. I know that I like him and he likes me. He’s said that he won’t do anything with anyone else as long as we are having sex, which we are. The same is true for me; although, I haven’t said as much. One could assume that about me pretty easily, however.
But nothing’s official, and I’m not even sure what’s in movement. I’m just not much of a go-with-the-flow sort of person. I like to control things, and I know he wants to move slowly, but the purgatory is weird. This is especially true because we don’t see each other quite as much as I’d like, but I don’t think it’s possible, given out current schedules and transportation issues, for us to see is more. I’d be happier in this position if I saw him two or three times a week or knew exactly when I’d see him next.
So the fact that he’s been a little quiet has me getting a little nervous. He tends to pull away when he’s stressed, and he’s doing this now. I know that giving him space is the best course of action, but it’s difficult for me to do so. In the interim, my mind races circles, wondering if his stress has anything to do with me or if he’s lying because I’ve done something and he’s pulling away.
I don’t necessarily think that any of these things are true but I worry that they could be because I am a nervous Nellie like that. And I’m more than a little cautious after he stopped talking to me for no good reason for several weeks. So I may be a bit worried that he will repeat or that he’s cooled off since then or that the suggestion that eventually I will want to label what we’re doing has scared him off, and maybe none of those thoughts have any merit
But what if they do?
**Pat Benatar because she’s awesome. I will punch you in the throat if you disagree.
