It’s me, Adriana.
I’m alive.
I hope that some of you seeing these words find them reassuring in some way.
This winter was difficult, what with the breakup, deaths of loved ones, and my plummeting self-esteem. This spring is better in ways but has presented its own challenges.
Sometimes these challenges get the best of me, and I stay in bed long after it’s healthy because it means I have to spend less time facing my troubles in the waking world. Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on anything while I’m awake, and I aimlessly watch TV while swiping simple games on my phone.
There are days when it’s all I can do to finish a little work and school before climbing back in bed, and I am consumed by guilt for not accomplishing other tasks, things that I used to do with ease.
I can’t seem to clear the clutter–from my table, mind, or inboxes. I certainly don’t blog, if I even feel as though I have something to say or someone to read it.
It doesn’t mean that I have stopped wanting to help people more freely and fully enjoy their sexuality or brainstorming ways to do it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be a more active blogger and social media user, engage with others, and follow the conversations about sexuality.
But doing anything to reach those goals is sometimes beyond my reach, and that increases my guilt and my inability to accomplish all that I want.
This is a fairly vulnerable post for this blog. It’s honest, and perhaps some of you can see yourself in it. Perhaps more importantly, it’s a sign that I was able to log in and type a few words before hitting send.
Maybe it won’t be four months until I post the next time. Maybe I’ll write something for Science of Sex or find a good groove then it comes to posting on social media–finally.
That would be good.
