This post isn’t going to be a positive one, and that’s okay.
Today, a Facebook friend is going through a very public breakup with her husband and father of her children. He suddenly informed her that he was unhappy and leaving. She publicly posted the ended of their relationship.
Then, she discovered he has been in appropriately messaging another woman, and her good friend publicly tagged the husband, the woman who was participating in these messages and that woman’s fiance. So when said woman who may or may not be having an affair with her husband tried to contact my friend, my friend posted on Facebook about it as though it was shocking.
From the get-go, I looked at this and thought Facebook wasn’t the place to air her dirty laundry. Since then, she has received many comments lauding her for being strong and none that I’ve seen warning her away from such a public display. Especially because this isn’t the first time he has done this.s
Yes, it’s her right to have feelings and to answer with honesty the questions posed to her. However, she doesn’t have to do it in a public place.
It goes beyond there, however. The whole thing reminds me of the relationship drama I experienced fifteen years ago — when I was 13. It’s not something that an adult does. It’s petty and childish. It’s not about being healthy, moving on or learning lessons, and while people certainly need time to experience their grief and sadness when a relationship ends, they need not to wallow in it. And they need support from their friends not to do that.
It’s almost 5 in the morning and my thoughts are no longer as clear as I want them to be, but I know that I tried to go through my own divorce with my head held high and my Facebook posts positive. At the end of the day, I didn’t want to have to go back and delete things that made me look immature or petty, and I sure as hell didn’t want to give my ex the benefit of seeing how torn up I was.
This has never been something I enjoy seeing either. I’ve always found it childish. In the same sense I find being all lovey-dovey on a public space where your significant other can see what you’re posting, such as Facebook, and then bad mouthing them on a “locked” account such as Twitter or a FB Group is childish.
I’d like to think of I got divorced we’d be civilized because we could really ruin each others lives if we wanted. I understand needing to vent about frustrations that come with dealing with another person, but doing so publicly isn’t the way to go. Don’t bring other people into your problems for short-term validation.
I don’t necessarily think it’s childish to vent in a private place. I think you should limit the number of people to whom you’re complaining buuuut I think sometimes venting is necessary and it shouldn’t be done in public. We’ve been members of many forums that felt close-knit.. Facebook obviously is not that.