I recently moved, and I’ve just now finished unpacking all my sex toys. Unpacking went far more quickly than packing. I knew exactly what I had and exactly where it was going. The bulk of them went into a rolling luggage thingermajib that was pretty heavy. I’d already gotten rid of plenty of toys. I mailed off eight or so boxes for swaps, gave some things to the former roommate and finally bit the bullet and threw away a lot of jelly/TPR shit. Slowly, I whittled my way down to a single drawer of toy swaps from an entire dresser full. It felt awesome.
Unfortunately, I wound up with a drawer of toys I’d hoped to swap and forgot about when moving day came. While I was dropping off my cats at the new place, my aunt’s boyfriend opened the drawer to check that it was empty, and it wasn’t. He specifically dragged my roommate aside to point out what he’d found, but I don’t know how much of a big deal he made out of it. She told me when I came back, and everything that was in that drawer simply went into the trash. Unfortunately, my sister saw the Santa duckie and was all “oh! why don’t you want people to see this drawer?” I said I’d explain later, and my aunt quickly ushered her out.
Later, the aunt’s boyfriend brought it up in the truck, but he said “at least it wasn’t that bad. He’d lived with another couple and the wife had a penchant for carrots.” That was an entire story I’d like to avoid. I don’t know who else saw the toys, and most of them were in boxes, anyway, but there’s a lesson to be learned here: if you’re going to move, don’t forget sex toys in a dresser drawer. If you do, make sure you’re not there when people find them.
There’s a secondary lesson to this post, too. If you’re going to use a storage container like the locking case and it happens to get bumped during moving, make sure you included the default combination and the way to reset the combination lock on your sex toy review blog. You’ll thank yourself later.
I’ve got my own embarrassing moving story to share:
My freshman year of college was over, and my dad was helping me move out of the freshman dorm. He decided that it would be prudent to lift my bed and take a look to make sure I didn’t leave anything under it. Well, I found out too late that I DID leave something under the bed–a used condom. Now I’m not usually messy and I honestly have no idea how a used condom ended up there, but…my dad was the first one to find it. He saw something under there, squinted, PICKED IT UP, looked at and said “…oh.” Let’s just say the five-hour car ride home was extremely awkward.
A few days later, my mom calls me up asking if I want to go on birth control.
Most embarrassing experience of my life.