X: The Erotic Treasury

May 12th, 2009

X: The Erotic Treasury
$18.92 from Amazon

There is usually a book or two sitting on my nightstand and, up until now, they have been inconspicuous. Long novels whose covers are adorned with people on horses and flaming swords are a favorite (I look forward to rereading Weis and Hickman’s Death Gate Series). I have also enjoyed Absolute Sandman, which includes some impressive-looking books by Gaiman (rest assured that his writing rivals, if not surpasses, the look of these tomes!); so I am no stranger to beautiful books. And books are no stranger to my bedroom, even erotic ones. But I’ve never had a book quite like X: The Erotic Treasury, grace my nightstand before. Chances are, neither have you.

On the surface, X shares some characteristics of other books I’ve turned to before bed. Like the Ultimate Sandman, it is hardcover and slip-cased, a reprinting of previously published works. Like 5 Minute Erotica, it is a volume of quality erotic writings from two dozen authors, and it will most certainly turn you on. But the fact that it is like both of those books really makes it something else entirely. I don’t think anyone in the business of producing racy reading material has ever gone this route. I think this gives both the editor (Susie Bright) and the publisher (Chronicle Books) an edge over the competition. Quite simply, they did it first.

What is it that they did, exactly? They published a book of the best of the best, with a sexual twist. Susie Bright compiled two dozen stories, many of which were previously published in collections like Best American Erotica or Best Women’s Erotica, to tease and please us. With over 300 pages of erotic content, there is simply a lot more to this collection than others I have written. There’s really not much of a comparison.

On top of the quality stories, the powers that be also decided to make X a book that was also pleasing to the eyes. Slightly larger than most erotica, this hardcover book is encased in red fabric featuring a floral-esque motif in a not-quite-black pattern. The front and back covers are bare, and I’ve opened the book upside down a time or two, but this is not something about which I am overly concerned. On the spine of the book, you will find the name of both the editor and anthology in a very complimentary gold tone. The book fits comfortably in a slipcase that features the same floral design, with colors switched (the not-quite-black is more predominant). On the front of the slipcase, the letter X has been cut so the cover of the book itself will show through. It’s really quite impressive.

Ms. Bright did a wonderful job editing – I noticed no typos or other publishing errors – as well as picking the stories/authors to publish. The caliber of writing in this book is extremely high. It makes me ashamed when I think my writing is any good. The pieces showcased in X are by talented, articulate wordsmiths who are not afraid to express themselves. You can start from the beginning or end or anywhere in between and find yourself immersed in great storytelling.

The stories are of varying subjects, some of which may be considered taboo. They are not your run-of-the-mill erotica written by a bored housewife; they are each truly unique stories. Some are scenarios more creative than my fantasies will ever be, while others are the result of creative minds, skillfully retelling stories, familiar to us all, in ways that seem refreshed. If I have any criticisms of X, is it not about the quality of the stories?

As a testament to the quality of these pieces, I can tell you that I found myself being aroused, more than once, by situations that I do not necessarily consider erotic because the writer is simply that good. This is the case with Michael Dorsey, whose story “Milk” revolves around a Ukrainian engineer living in Russia, following a harsh winter when milk is in high demand. After searching the entire day for the elusive liquid to sate his thirst. He finds his salvation close to home and suckles from a mother’s breast. I have never been a fan of this scenario. Even as I write, I do not like it. Yet, when I read it, Mr. Dorsey’s words turned me on.

Of course, there were plenty of scenes that are more typically arousing for me and proved to be in this book. One piece, “The Man Who Are Women,” chronicles a night of drunken debauchery in which a young man accepts a dare to perform oral on random women while blindfolded. Oral sex is always a winner for me, and this story was no exception.

I also enjoyed Peggy Munson’s “Fairgrounds,” which touched on disability and gender play, as well as “Red Light, Green Light” by Shanna Germain, whose words paint a picture of women partaking in traditional activities in Amsterdam’s red light district (with a twist, of course).

Of course, I didn’t expect to like every story in this book. I found some pieces sexual but personally sexy. I think the stories I didn’t love illustrate quite well what I see as the biggest faults of this collection. First, unlike 5 Minute Erotica, these pieces are not necessarily short. Some are short (for better or worse), but most are longer. This isn’t a problem if I like the content or at least the style of writing, but a long piece that I do not like, as compared to a short one, seems that much worse. Even pieces that contained arousing parts sometimes took too long to get to the “good stuff” for my taste. I suppose I just like my erotica quick and to the point.

Secondly, because these are simply outstanding pieces, some of them simply are not erotic to me. I followed some of them with interest because the storyteller was gifted and the story itself was interesting, but I thought to myself, more than once, “Well, it’s good, but it’s not turning me on.” This was the case with a futuristic story about some sort of cyborg who got off to computerized women in the form of software (“The Portable Girlfriend”). Another story involved the coming of age of a man who has spent his life with a pair of women who embodied every teenager boy’s fantasy (think classic cheerleader), after being granted a wish (“Wish Girls”). I liked the story and was interested in what happened to the main character. Yet, it was written in such a way that something I would normally find erotic just wasn’t.

The high-quality writing contained within these pages sometimes seems to lack the down-and-dirty sexuality of most erotica. However, these common ideas can be the most arousing. Occasionally, I would find myself wondering if high-quality writing and erotica were not mutually exclusive. It seemed like some of the authors preferred hinting at the sex or writing a story that involved sex but was not necessarily about it. I know this is not always the case, as X: The Erotic Treasury contained many well-written pieces that did involve blatant sexuality, yet others made me wonder why they were chosen with this book.

I suppose it must take just as skillful a writer to take something I would generally consider erotic and turn it into something simply interesting, as it does to take the mundane or anti-erotic and make it arousing. Rest assured, all of the authors who have had work included in X: The Erotic Treasury have written pieces worth reading (as is this collection worth perusing). I’m just not sure all of them belong in an anthology of erotica.

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Trojan Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massager

May 7th, 2009

Trojan vibrating touch finger vibe
$11.75 from Amazon

I have now used vibrating products from both the big names in condoms – Trojan and Durex – and while these products seem to be great for beginners, those companies will need to try harder if they want to make the giants like California Exotic run for their money.

For starters, Trojan needs to work on the commercial for its new finger vibe. If you ever tune into Oxygen late at night, then you’ve probably seen the two young women giggling about that new toy from Trojan and whispering to each other what it does. Even though the commercial wants us to believe that it’s okay to be curious about these things (after all, the older woman behind them has one, too!), we can only talk about them while laughing nervously. It seems to me, the commercial would be more effective if the women were talking calmly and collectedly about this product. Really, that’s neither here or there, but part of my motivation for trying out this finger vibe was because I hate the commercial so damned much. LOL

So once you get past the nervousness and purchase this toy, you’ll be staring at a purple box exactly like Trojan’s Her Pleasure line of condoms because the Vibrating Touch is part of it. When I opened my mail, I was actually confused as to why I was receiving condoms before I saw “Vibrating Touch.” I wouldn’t have minded if Trojan made the package a little classier (like Durex does with its Play toys) but am willing to look past this. Like most condom companies, Trojan provided a condom with their toy (Her Pleasure), and while I don’t need it, I could always use it with a questionable toy.

The finger vibe itself is in a plastic/foil bag. Inside the package is also a small velvet, drawstring pouch for storage. This looks exactly like small jewelry pouches, so if someone ever finds your Vibrating Touch finger vibe while it’s in the bag, they probably won’t think twice. Keeping it on or in your nightstand or dresser would seem completely normal, and it wouldn’t be out of place in your purse or even carry-on luggage if you’re traveling. I have noticed that the drawstrings are rather long and my cats like to play with them, dragging the pouch all over my house because it’s so small.

The finger vibe itself is a squishy, purple sleeve with a loop to slip on your finger and a removable, 1-speed mini-bullet. The material of the sleeve, which the packaging does not name (but there was no rubber smell) is really soft and has little ridges along the shaft and whorls, like a fingerprint, on the tip. While these are really fun to feel against my fingers, my clit didn’t detect the ridges and whorls so easily but I think the texture was better than a smooth sleeve. The stretchy loop on top of the finger vibe fit comfortably around my finger, but I found that, during use, the position shifted up and down, just as the toy seemed to slip left to right, and sometimes it wasn’t much better than using a finger to rub myself. I think this is because I use so much pressure.

And the reason I use so much pressure is because the bullet isn’t all that strong. It’s not bad for its size, but it’s definitely more of a gentle touch. I think this would be great for beginners, but I’ve used some strong vibrators and really need something more now. Unlike similar toys, this bullet here is reusable, so you don’t have to throw it away after 30 minutes of use; however, you will need to change the batteries after 30 minutes. Unfortunately, it is powered by 2 tiny battery sizes, which I have never before encountered, called LR41. I accidentally dropped one when opening the bullet, and these could easily be lost, so be careful when switching batteries.

As I mentioned, the bullet is removable, which means you can use the sleeve on your finger alone if you want a really light touch. You could possibly fit a similar-sized bullet in the sleeve, but it is rather small. Or, if you just wanted to use the bullet alone, there is that option. For thorough cleaning, I like this because the bullet is not waterproof; however, it looks waterproof, and I washed the whole thing without problems. It’s also extremely easy to remove and replace the bullet.

The on/off button on the bullet is easy to push with my thumb while on my finger. I actually preferred wearing the fingertip massager on my middle finger because it’s longer. My fingers are rather short so the massager sometimes felt a little unwieldy but not horribly so.

Because this toy is so small, you could use it almost anywhere and you can easily toss it in your purse or luggage for travel. I personally used it for a little afternoon stroll through the land of cybersex but I ultimately prefer my Laya Spot for this.

My final thoughts on this sex toy are that it’s cute and versatile, but its gentle vibrations are better for someone who is either less experienced or prefers their vibration to be really light and it’s extremely quiet.

And after 15 years? I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone who has other options available, especially because it doesn’t feel like it will stand the test of time. Fortunately, the local pharmacy and big-big stores offer that convenience by carrying products by PlusOne! It’s wild to me that this toy is still available. I feel so strongly that you can spend a little more that I almost don’t want to include a link in this review. But here. Here is it. Do yourself a favor and don’t click it.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Make love to your long distance lover online

Firsts

May 6th, 2009

From birth, we are trained to commemorate our “firsts.” There is an entire self-publishing platform marketed for these firsts. It is called a babybook. And into these books for locks of hair and hand prints and those first tiny baby booties that seem too small to be real. Other, less tangible and sometimes more bulky, memories fit into the baby book in the form of photos or stories and we fawn over the books almost as much as the babies until, somehow, someway, they wind up in the bottom of a drawer or in the back of the attack, gathering dust.

But that is neither here nor there. However it does go to show that, as a society, we obsess over firsts. It’s in our veins, if you will. Sex is no exception, either. In fact, it might be the epitome of firsts. The “big one”. Virginity. Of course, we don’t put pictures of that in a book (well, some might).

There is a fine line to walk. Certainly I think making that the decision to lose one’s virginity should not be done so lightly. On the other hand, it placing too much significance on the cherry poppin’ can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

I told all this to a good friend who felt a bit left out. Perhaps “left out” is not the right way to describe it. She was sick and tired of the world saying “But you don’t know what you’re missing!” and feeling like a freak. Yet, she was also afraid of all of that inevitable stuff; you know, the pain and bleeding, the emotional trauma and heartbreak after he leaves. She wanted it to be perfect, like in the movies.

Having sex for the first time is a lot of things, but perfect isn’t one of them. I told her that. I told her that if she waits forever she may miss out on something worthwhile but if she really wasn’t ready, she didn’t have to prove anything to anyone, not even herself.

“It’s easy for you to say,” she responded. Maybe it is easy for me to say. Maybe the decision was easier for me. After all, I lost it to someone who I loved and who loved me in return. I was in a happy, long term and, until 3 days before the act, long distance relationship. There was never any doubt as to whether or not it would happen, just when (quickly, if you didn’t catch on).

And I married my first, which some might think as a happy ending. Although, truthfully, there’s some sacrifice to it, too. I probably won’t ever have the opportunity to explore my sexuality with anyone else, a fact which is both comforting yet frightening at the same time. Of course, one could argue that he does not get to explore anymore of his sexuality with anyone else but we all know that I am the best he’ll ever have in all ways. 😉 (And really, I like to think that what we bring to the table for one another makes it worthwhile in the end.)

I guess I was lucky, too. My first time wasn’t painful or bloody. It wasn’t necessarily pleasureful and while it was awkward and not glorious, it felt right. It wasn’t a drunken one night stand. He didn’t break up with me the next day and while it wasn’t all fireworks, I wouldn’t call it disappointing. But I think I went into it with realistic expectations. I think that’s harder for females to do. Sex mimics masturbation for guys and most of them have done so by their first time but it’s not like that at all for girls. We hear the horror stories and we expect to feel like a chainsaw is ripping us apart. Apprehension runs rampant when you fear for your life.

I didn’t expect anything to change, and it didn’t. Except that we were now having sex all the time and I could talk about it with my other deflowered friends (Hey, it was cool). That is crucial to making a memory of your first time that will make you smile rather than haunt you from there on out. My friend, like many people, thought that sex will change something, sometimes something that has been horribly wrong with the relationship as long as anyone can remember.

But sex is not a miracle cure. To be cliche, sex is like putting a band-aid over a bullet hole. Even if it does seem to work, at first, it won’t be long term. Frequently, the wound festers even more because of the superficial healing. When everything comes out, it’s that much worse.

Which was why I shied away from telling her to go for it. In a healthy relationship, sex can do a lot for you but he had been pressing for sex for months and she had simply wanted him to apply himself to their relationship. I had my suspicions and, like the good friend who lets others make their own mistakes, kept my mouth shut. Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when the outcome was a little disappointing. Things may have seemed better initially but the same problems resurfaced.

And she felt hurt. She had given him something you could never put a price on and his actions seemed to disregard her gift. Her feelings, while understandable, also reflect the disappointment of countless people who expect too much for sex, either out of desperation or because they simply don’t know what to expect.

In the end, no one can prepare you. You can be prepared for the worst but, then, you won’t ever be able to reap the benefits of sex. You can expect Hollywood with perfect bodies and simultaneous, screaming orgasm. You can put your life on hold waiting for the impossible. Or you can accept that it will happen how it happens, knowing that the fantasies we entertain can never be reality.

A little awkwardness will not ruin everything. It may even make the memory sweeter. In the end, you won’t be left with a photograph of what went wrong, but of the feelings of the moment. If you’re too busy lamenting and picky at the faults, it won’t be much of a feeling.

You only have one “first” with sex but, just like anything else, you have plenty of time to get it right, even if things don’t turn out as expected.

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Pleasure Tops

May 3rd, 2009

Pleasure Tops
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Most of the time, when I am not completely satisfied with a new sex toy, I develop a grudge against it, and it becomes extremely difficult to see the strengths of the toy. This really isn’t the case with the Pleasure Tops vibrator. In fact, I just can’t help but focus on how close this was to being my perfect toy. It does make the disappointment harder to swallow, though.

When Doc Johnson designed the Pleasure Tops vibe, they went out on a limb. It certainly is a unique toy with its cone-shaped base and thumb-like protrusion. It’s also fairly small. I thought it seemed tiny compared to the size I thought it would be; I know there is always some reconciliation between expectations and the reality of sex toy size, but I had never overestimated size so badly. The Pleasure Tops toy sits in the palm of my hand and is less than 5″ tall overall. The girth at the base is a whipping 7.85″, but only a portion of that is actually insertable.

Even though the size was not what I was expecting, this is not altogether a fault. I enjoyed the size and uniqueness of the cone. Insertion of the TPR-covered toy (I chose the blue over the pink that reminded me too much of bubblegum) was a breeze with just a dab or water or silicone-based lube. Once inserted, I couldn’t really feel the bullet in the tip of the cone because it didn’t really touch anything. Rather than improving upon the size and strength of the bullet or the shape of the toy, I think the cone simply does not need to vibrate. I enjoy cumming around items (like a vibe, dildo, or cock) and have often wished for a sort of vaginal plug, which the Pleasure Tops does nicely. Because the external portion of the vibrator is the largest part, I could easily feel it at the entrance to my pussy but it wasn’t so long or large (only 2.5″ long and 5.25″ around at the widest insertable point) that the inserted portion was uncomfortable, which I sometimes experience with longer toys.

On the other hand, I thought the clit stimulator could use a little more in every sense. This thumb-shaped stimulator is made of the same soft TPR (the material does pick up lint, so beware), which covers a second mini-bullet. Even at the highest setting, this was nothing more than an exciting tingle. A larger bullet is absolutely necessary. This would improve both the strength of the vibrations and the size of the clitoral stimulator, which, I thought, was both too short and too thin. While I could easily manipulate the clit stimulator into place, it didn’t like to stay in place over my clit and would slip down or to either side. I especially wished for a wider clit stimulator.

I tried out the Pleasure Tops both lying and sitting up because it seems like it would be a good toy for use while sitting. Use while lying was similar to using any other dual stimulator toy, but I had a bit more trouble sitting. Because an inch or so of the cone protrudes, I could not sit with the cone flat beneath me but I could sort of squat over a chair, using the arms to support myself. However, I was able to sit more or less normally, with the cone tilted so the back edge rested on the seat of the chair. This was actually fairly comfortable and also provided for hands-free stimulation, but it didn’t bring me to orgasm.

Ultimately, I don’t think this is a toy that can do it for me. It was an exciting tingle, and I liked the overall fit but a stronger and larger clit stimulator would have really pushed me over the edge. As I am prone to say, I enjoyed the way the toy hugged my pubic bone. Had I been able to achieve orgasm, I think it would have felt great.

For those who only need a lighter touch or want a toy for warmup, then Pleasure Tops might do the trick but I kept the vibration on high the whole time, and it still wasn’t enough. For the strength of the vibration, I found the amount of sound to be acceptable. It is noticeably louder on the higher settings, but once pressed against flesh, the sound is muffled. For 2 AAA batteries, the amount of power is reasonable but I would consider a power supply of at least 2AA batteries, if not more.

I would also change the entire control system. I might have tried to work myself up to the highest system is it was not such a hassle to adjust. To insert batteries, the end base, made of ABS plastic, unscrews. Battery insertion is easy and you screw the base back on. However, the base does not like to be screwed on snugly otherwise the vibrations do not work. There needs to be a thin area of space between the base and the rest of the toy itself. I could easily slip a piece of paper folded 4 times between this space. Not only is this annoying, but it made me wonder how waterproof this toy really is. I ran the toy under running water and patted down the outside before checking inside. There was water between the 2 parts of the Pleasure Tops but not in the battery area itself, so I would trust it to hold up in the shower but maybe not completely submerged.

I wish the touchiness of screwing on the lid were the only problem I had. Unfortunately, the controls just suck. The base is also something of a giant dial. Because of this, turning too far toward the “Low/Off” side can cause the base to unscrew and turning too far in the “High” direction causes it to tighten to the point where vibration stops. The only way to ensure that neither happens is to use both hands, which is really a hassle because you pretty much have to remove the toy to adjust the settings. Dial controls should not be so difficult. I would much prefer a corded hand-held control with buttons and specific settings but I’m not a big fan of dial controls, period. Perhaps making this change would also make the Pleasure Tops usable during sitting.

Were the size and strength of the vibrations the only complaints I had with the Pleasure Tops, I would still use it because the shape is really what I have been wanting for a long time. However, the problematic base/controls really seem to thwart any efforts on my part to make the best out of Doc Johnson’s Pleasure Tops. Because this is so close to my perfect toy, I would plead with Doc Johnson or anyone else to take my suggestions into consideration. You have no idea how happy and sated that would make me!

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Decadent Indulgence

April 30th, 2009

Decadent Indulgence
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy

Years ago, before we were concerned with environmentally friendly or safe materials in our sex toys, we focused on function alone. The toys which were best loved, like the Decadent Indulgence, came with a high price because they performed so admirably and, even though it may now be considered inferior by some, there were hordes of women who were singing their praise for this rabbit vibrator. Despite the fact that I have tried more than my share of rabbit vibrators, and I usually find a fault, I knew it was my responsibility as a reviewer to try out one of the Decadent Indulgence vibrators. I went with the original because it’s the original for a reason, right?

Back in my early days of sex toy exploration, people raved about the Decadent Indulgence. I never once read a bad review. Women wanted to marry it, despite the fact that it cost over $200. Today, this rabbit vibe costs only a fraction of the price at just under $100. Some wonder if a toy that is made of only TPR is really worth the price, but I have to tell you, it’s not the material that will blow you away! Powered by 4 AA batteries, the original Decadent Indulgence is pretty much a powerhouse of vibration and rotation.

Let me back up a bit. This pink rabbit vibrator by California Exotic, as mentioned, is made of TPR over a rotation shaft and beads, as well as a bullet in the hummingbird-shaped clitoral attachment. The box claims TPR is “hygenically superior” but not only is it spelled wrong, it’s just wrong. Pure silicone or even a silicone composite would be better if hygiene is your concern. Also, considering the stiffness of this material, it wouldn’t make much difference if it were upgraded to silicone. In fact, that is my one major complaint about the Decadent Indulgence. The wings and beak on the hummingbird are cute and vibrate loosely when the clitoral stimulator is on, but they’re rather thin, pointy and sharp. It’s not something that bothers my hands, but I found using the clitoral stimulator to actually be painful unless I was firmly pushing the bullet against my clit so that those appendages were more stationary instead of vibrating freely against me. Because my use of dual stimulators tends to focus on clitoral pleasure, this is a big issue for me. I really wish there were no protrusions at all, just a TPR-covered bullet.

There are two controls for the functions, one for the vibrating hummingbird and one for the shaft/bead rotation. I always prefer separate controls for shaft rotation and beads, so I would like to see that here. The buttons are not the hard-to-press digital kind; they are easy to find and press which I like. In fact, they might be too easy. I hadn’t realized there were 8 levels for each function because the “ultra sensitive control pads” tend to increase 2 or 3 levels at a time. There is also a button in the center that switches modes from basic vibration and rotation to a slower pulsation and back-and-forth rotation and then a much faster mode. The mode applies to both functions so the rotation and beads occur at the same speed as the pulsation, resulting in a more profound effect than if they operated at separate modes. Overall, the combinations are endless.

I found the vibration to be adequate, but the increases were more of speed than size, as is typical with bullets of that size. What I really liked were the pulsation modes. They were incredibly strong, almost too strong at some points, and not at all like the high-frequency pulsation of other vibes, which left me wanting. Even as I lay thinking about how the beak was painful, the pulsation led me orgasm. It was really the first orgasm I had without even trying, and that was vibration-induced alone, so it was something of a milestone, even if it wasn’t the best I’ve ever had. If that doesn’t say something about the value of this toy, I’m not sure what can.

For once, I quite enjoyed the rotation of the shaft. The 3 tracks of 3 beads each move in the same direction and at the same speed as the shaft and were noticeable, but the overall effect felt like there was only one internal function. The rotation was also rather powerful and stood up to clenching but it was hard to tell if both the shaft and beads stood up to my muscles or if it was just the shaft or beads. Either way, I have had few rabbits that stand up at all to clenching, so it was nice.

One of the things I especially like about rabbit vibes is how they hug my pubic bone, and the Decadent Indulgence did a decent job. The TPR, while pliable was stiffer than some jelly I have experienced, and helped with this. I wouldn’t complain if it was a more snug fit. The bullet seemed to be a little further away from the shaft than in some rabbits I have used, resulting in a clit stimulator which is a bit too flexible. I found that in order to place the bullet as high as I like on my vulva, the beak was simply in the way, poking at my mons, and the shaft did reach a little further than I prefer, but this was less of an issue than the beak.

A few other thoughts on this toy. The TPR will attract a little lint and has a slight rubbery smell, but it’s really not offensive. The battery pack is closed with a slide-on cover which doesn’t seem super secure. This toy should not be submerged and you should only use water-based lube. However, TPR should be safe with both water or silicone-based lubricants, so I am not sure why this would be the case.

In the end, I loved the functions of the Decadent Indulgence. The pulsation truly lived up to the name of this toy. However, I could really do without the painful clitoral stimulator. California Exotic does have a lot of toys with similar functions so I will definitely keep my eye out for something that has all the strengths of the Decadent Indulgence without the bite.

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Vibratex Pearl Thunder

April 25th, 2009

Pearl Thunder
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

A while ago, I mentioned that, hey, I must just like ’em big and eagerly took up TabuToys when they offered a larger sized toy for review. After all, why wouldn’t I be curious just how much I can take? The answer is, at least, a diameter of 1.75″ or a circumference just shy of 5.5″. Not bad if I do say so myself. Still, my experience with Vibratex’s Pearl Thunder illustrated that maybe a toy of such size isn’t the best for rotation. Or maybe I should just be done with rotating toys in general.

Although billed as an X-tra Thick toy, I found only part of this rabbit style vibrator to be really large: the head. In fact, only the head is truly 1.75″ in diameter. The rest of the shaft is slightly smaller at about 1.5″ in diameter (and around 5 insertable inches) which seems pretty average to me.

Although, that’s probably the only “average” part of this vibe. I found the whole thing to be really unique, perhaps even weird. With 2 different faces on the toy – 1 which gives new meaning to “head” of a cock toward the top with the engorged tip seeming like hair and one molded into the back of the shaft – I almost want to giggle. The description on TabuToys lists it as the “Thunder from down under” and I conjured up a sort of purple, Aboriginal totem pole.

And don’t worry – there are animals too! The clitoral stimulator, which is some sort of fork-tongued panther-like animal over a small, unique, cylindrical (rather than bullet-shaped) vibrator. And we’re not done yet. On the back of the shaft, around the same height as the clitoral bullet is some sort of rodent (squirrel, otter, beaver?). Whatever it is, it does nothing as I couldn’t feel it at all during insertion.

It almost seems like Vibratex took a bunch of leftovers from the production of other toys to make the Pearl Thunder, and, as you can imagine, there is a lot of texture. There are little etching-like markings over the whole shaft that provide friction if I stroke my hand my over it but aren’t felt as much upon insertion. The clitoral stimulator also has some slightly raised nubs that provide a bit of external stimulation. The added friction, especially with a toy this large, requires a healthy dose of lube, and although I used water-based, silicone-based will work as well. This is also helpful with the stickiness of the “food-grade,” latex-free vinyl (AKA Jelly). The toy will pick up a bit of lint and could possibly react with toys of similar material so storing it in a cool, dark place and away from other toys is the way to go. Furthermore, sharing or anal use is best done with a condom because of the porous nature of the Pearl Thunder.

Looks and texture aside, the functions of this toy are pretty standard. There are two rows of 6 beads each which spin and are controlled by the same sliding button as the rotation. Turning on these functions also shines a red light below the clear beads. As I don’t love rotation like others, I long for toys where shaft and beads have separate controllers. However, I was pleasantly surprised at the strength of the beads. It took the complete strength of my hand to halt their movement and once inserted, they spun despite any clenching of my muscles. I think this is the first time I can say that for any toy so Vibratex hit the jackpot with the beads.

The head of this shaft is on a bendable wire so that it can be bent to hit all the right spots, but if someone is really looking for an extreme angle, they won’t find it with the Pearl Thunder. Only about an inch and a half can bend but because of the super-engorged head, it can only be bent right above the beads to the extent of a 25-degree angle (approximately). I didn’t find this to be an issue because I don’t require my toys to be bent, and I’m not a big fan of rotation: the less, the better.

The issue I had with this toy was that it was actually uncomfortable, even painful, for the shaft to rotate. There is a lot less space for movement when the object inserted is as large as the head on this vibrator, and the front wall of my vagina wasn’t liking it. I was even sore a bit the next day. Unfortunately, I did like the sensation of the beads, which was, as I mentioned, pretty strong, so it was either all or nothing.

I did prefer the clitoral stimulator of the Pearl Thunder over another Vibratex toy I recently reviewed, the Rock Your World vibe. Although not quite as large and powerful as I like bullets to be on rabbit vibes, it did the trick (and with 4 AAs, it better!). The vinyl material is just a little more solid, so the clit stimulator lay snug against me, and the toy hugged my pubic bone how I like. Ultimately, I achieved clitoral orgasm with the shaft turned off, and the bullet turned up to high as I rocked the toy against my pubic bone.

Although I’m usually not a fan of sliding controls like the ones Vibratex uses, I noticed something on the Pearl Thunder that I do not recall on other toys. On maximum, the controls seem to click into place. Although it’s not a secure lock, it does help somewhat to prevent the controls from accidentally moving when you’re in the throes of passion.

One snafu I ran into was the foil-like gold sticker around the controls that describe the functions and direction of strength. When I opened the Pearl Thunder, this sticker was only partially pressed on and seemed to be slightly off-center. The sticker itself looks tacky, but that it wasn’t even completely on was even worse. I pressed it on, and it stayed, but I wound up peeling it off, ultimately. The toy looks infinitely more attractive without it, in my opinion.

I think Vibratex did some things really well with the Pearl Thunder, but there is still room for improvement. The size was nice but I would have preferred a vibrating head as opposed to one that rotates – or separate controls. The beads felt nice and effectively stood the clench test and the body-hugging clitoral stimulator with its slightly raised nubs hit all the right spots (but could have been larger). Although not the safest material, the vinyl was comfortably pliable, and the controls were surprisingly effective once the tacky sticker was removed. Out of all the Vibratex toys I have used, the Pearl Thunder is probably the one I like the most, despite the painful rotation.

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Ballsy Cock 7 inch Fuchsia

April 22nd, 2009

Ballsy Cock 7 inch Fuchsia
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. However, Doc Johnson still uses this mold with their Crystal Jellies line.

If you want a larger dildo that is fantastically coloured but realistically shaped, then Ballsy Cock, in the Radiant Gems line by Doc Johnson, might just be for you. At least, it fits my requirements when looking for a larger toy that would be pliable but not too realistic. I really wanted to feel full, to be able to say, “Look at me take this.” I let it slide that it had a realistic shape and the ever-silly flat-on-one-side testicles because the metallic purple (and even the green, which is one of my least favourite colours) was pretty damned neat to gaze upon.

It’s not so nice to the nose, however. The Sil-A-Gel (which is made of PVC and I’ll touch upon later) is scented on top of having that awful shower curtain smell. It’s really quite atrocious. The generic berry scent does more harm than good and, in this case, I’d rather just smell the PVC, instead. Although the smell isn’t as overpowering as another toy I have used, it definitely isn’t a selling point like Doc Johnson would have you believe.

As I mentioned, the PVC-based Sil-A-Gel doesn’t smell very nice, but the way it feels is solid yet soft. For example, it can stand up on its own without falling over. Yet, I can grab it and squeeze it in my hand. While the material isn’t exactly skin-like, it has more give than most vibrators which is something I was looking for. Sil-A-Gel is latex free but, occasionally during use, the material would leave my extra-sensitive inner thighs in discomfort. Sil-A-Gel is supposedly antibacterial but I couldn’t tell you what exactly it means. Because this is slightly porous, sharing or anal use should only be done with a condom (Magnum, I guess!) but, for my purposes, I washed it up with soap and water. The Ballsy does pick up a bit of lint as well.

This sex toy is also textured with fairly pronounced veins and has a large head. Unlike some textured toys, I could feel the veins pretty well when it was inserted. In fact, it made thrusting a little uncomfortable so those who prefer frictionless fucks, beware. Furthermore, upon insertion I found that the softness of the material didn’t work well for thrusting. Perhaps it would work better without the texture or if it were a tad thinner or if it were a bit stiffer, but it felt like it was smooshing up inside me rather than thrusting in and out.

I’m still not convinced that the pseudo-testicles are exactly sexy but they do offer a bit of a hand hold. Considering the amount of lubrication – you can use water or silicone-based – needed for comfortable insertion, this is a plus. If you’re specifically looking to be able to feel them against you during play, then the Ballsy Cock probably isn’t for you. The vaginal canal is not endless, and I found that the 7 insertable inches were in excess, especially with a girth of 1.75″. Smaller toys allow a bit more maneuverability, and I admit that, mentally, I prefer a toy that I can wholly take because it’s such a turn-on. So, I was a little disappointed that this dildo was a bit too long. However, I would consider a toy similar in girth but with less length.

One thing that works for this toy is that it cannot possibly avoid G-spot stimulation with such an impressive girth. Because I have had so little luck with toys successfully stimulating my G-spot, I was really impressed that Ballsy offered that for me.

In the end, I could definitely take the Ballsy dildo, but the perfect toy for me would have some slight variations (higher quality material, slightly less texture, less length, a bit stiffer).

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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.