A battle of will.

January 21st, 2014

I am not sure if I can put into words how much I want to climb atop you, to guide you into myself. Maybe I’ll wet my lips and gasp at the first sensations as our bodies meet, your cock so perfectly filling me, your presence completing the parts of me I didn’t even know were missing.

And I’ll stay there in that moment, not moving, barely breathing. I’ll slide my hands down your chest, rest them on your stomach and arch backwards. The sound of my silhouette will be my moans breaking the silence as the moment meets every item on my mental checklist.

Perfection.

The time for silence will pass. So will the time for stillness, as my hands bring yours to explore my body, every curve, every fold, every muscle. There won’t be any need to guess. Your fingers will travel from my mouth down the length of my body, finally delving between my lips like electricity on my clit.

We’ll move slowly together, my hips against yours and my mouth against your own. You’ll taste me on your tongue as it intertwines with mine. When we finally break, you’ll chase my lips, begging from more.

But the sudden crack of my palm against your cheek will let you know that you can’t have it.

The time for leisure will pass.

I will fuck you until we  both cum, and neither of us will have words, anymore.

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Categories: Stories, The Bartender
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Laws of Attraction

January 18th, 2014

Maybe it’s weird, but I am just not that attracted to people as an adult. I remember being a teenager. I had a different crush every week, it seemed. In middle school, I liked so many people. I don’t even think I could name them. I often thought people were attractive even if I didn’t like their personality. It’s just how it went.

In high school, I suppose that slowed down but only because I was talking to more people online. I noticed attractive people less in person as I focused on the personalities I got to know through chat, IM, email and phone calls.

Even as I watch movies or porn, all of which are full of people that are generally considered to be universally attractive, I find myself looking for people who are attractive to me.. and not finding them. I can even hop on to live sex cams sites like LiveX.com and shrug, unimpressed at what others would find as beautiful cam models. I can literally look at all the porn on Tumblr — and there is a plethora of it — and nitpick every single photo that I come across. I have to remind myself not to do this. It’s just plain rude. (On the other hand, clean your damned room before you take those selfies).

This makes online dating a bit hard. I can scan through dozens of photos and be relatively unimpressed with any of them. When you consider the general lack of effort that most people put into their profiles, you understand how this is frustrating for me. I guess I look at one of two things: do their profiles make me smile or do their photos make me drool? Typically, neither proves true.

This leaves me feeling a little shallow. In fact, my friends haven’t been slow at all to call me such. Do I just have ridiculously high standards when it comes to people? to bodies? to makeup? to presentation? If this is the case, how can I possibly expect to find someone when I wouldn’t meet my own standards?

I guess I am not sure what I am looking for. I’ll know it when I see it, right? It’s not so much something that’s only in the visual. It’s a big picture thing. It’s in the ambiance and the facial expression. And as I’ve found out, I can be wildly attracted to someone who doesn’t display most of the physical traits that I find attractive, and it can take me years to discover this.

Sleepiness and a fever have made this post ramble more than I intended. I shall end here and perhaps return at a later date with more clarity.

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Categories: Dating, Everything Else

Make love to your long distance lover online

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

January 10th, 2014

I guess I’m at the point in my life where people feel like it’s fine to point out that I’m single.  In fact, my best friend’s mother in law recently asked me if I was dating anyone. I didn’t go into the details about the bartender. That’s rather confusing on its own. I just told her I wasn’t seeing anyone.

She went on in a judgmental way about how I had very little time left. It just rubbed me the wrong way. When people say things like that, it seems like there are all these assumptions:

  • That I’m straight
  • That I want kids
  • That I want kids naturally
  • That I want to get married again
  • That I even want another relationship

All of these assumptions rub me the wrong way but it’s the idea that I haven’t thought about dating that bugs me. I’ve been on dates. I signed up with OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. I’ve thought about clubs and considered dating friends. I’ve tried looking at everyone I met as a potential love interest.

I just don’t see going on miserable dates as a fun pastime. I am not desperate enough to settle like so many people. Sure, I’d like to have more sex, but I only want that to be good sex, amazing sex. This, I will not get after some random first date. Of this I am sure.

So I’d rather be happy and alone even if I’m not living by someone else’s timeline. In fact, I’d rather be happy and alone than miserable because I’m not meeting some timeline of my own. I don’t like arbitrary goals. It’s why I have no new year’s resolutions.

And if you’re not going to take the time to get to know me, then you certainly don’t deserve any explanation or have the right to make demands of what I do with my own time, with my personal life.

I suppose it does no good to be angry with people whose worldview is so narrow that they need to box me in, too.

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Categories: Dating

2013 in Review

January 5th, 2014

This might be the third year in a row that I’ve posted a best of list. I figured I wouldn’t just do the wonderful toys but provide you with some of the strange and disappointing, too.  I’ll have to fudge the lines of “this year” a bit. I must have written last year’s a little early because there were two reviews in December 2012 that didn’t make it on the list. I waited until January for this post because I really wanted to get one last review in, so let’s start there.

D.1 stone dildo

D.1 stone dildo

I liked the design but expected the Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4 to be a gimmick with its hollow inside for warm. But warming this dildo up far surpassed my expectations. It’s one of the few dildos that I’ve ever used twice, and I think that says a lot.

I’ve been pimping out the Jimmyjane Form 6 G3 all this year even though it was one of those reviews from late last year. The latest version if powerful, versatile and feels luxurious. It’s the first Jimmyjane vibe that I actually like. Maybe it won’t be the last. My review was on the EF, though, so I’ll probably get around to writing something up on OSAL for you to read.

The Delight by Fun Factory was actually my second. I swapped for one of the originals — the ones that came with a charging case — but never got around to using it. When I moved last year, I misplaced the cable. I wound up trying out the Delight for shape to see if I liked it, and I did like it so much that I purchased the new Click n Charge style. Not only do I love the magenta and black, but it fits my anatomy extremely well.

The Decor Stashe Pillow in Velvish Aubergine won’t get me off but it will hide everything that does and in style.

After using the D.1 stone dildo, I have to say that this blows every metal dildo I’ve ever used out of the water. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to use it and see myself using it frequently in the future.

Another new type of toy was the Stronic Eins Pulsator, which has made its way around many of these lists. It feels good. I just need to wash off all that lint, charge it and use it again (and again and again). This was also my first video review, you guys!

Finally, I cannot tell you how much I love my SHE AfterShave Oil. I could show you the nearly-empty bottle, though. I definitely need to purchase another one.

So, there’s the good.

How about the weird? Strange? Disappointing? Ridiculous?

  • Cat toy or vibrator?

    Cat toy or vibrator?

    The Sonic Revel Body. Cool tech, totally not going to get me off. And those attachments? WTF!

  • This costume from ILoveSexy just didn’t cut it. I mean, I kinda hate the cut.
  • The Revive Energy isn’t terrible but they needed to test the storage pouch, first. Now, mine looks like a sick leopard.
  • Ovo looked like a promising brand, but the kegel balls fucking hurt. The t1 didn’t hurt. It just sucked.
  • I got 2 Gigi 2s. I am giving both away. Meh.
  • I’m not sure that this UFO vibrator works for me.. or anyone.
  • The U Touch Down and U Touch Up just need.. to be better.
  • These “keyless cuffs” are so not practical.
  • This vibrator looks like a cat toy. Pretty sure the cat toy would get me off better.

  • Icicles 39 Handle Broken From Shaft

    Bummer..

    Why the fuck are companies still making these pieces of shit?

  • I’d rather fuck the actual Flash, and he’s my least favorite of the Justice League.
  • But, hey, at least it’s better than vibrating vaginal balls.
  • Minna Ola is the most overrated, over-hyped, overpriced piece of junk I’ve used.. until the Revel Sonic.
  • Remember when that glass dildo broke before I even had a chance to use it?

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Just.. fuck.

January 1st, 2014

I love fucking you.

I love thinking about the times we’ve fucked.

I love talking about fucking you.

I love talking about the fucking we’ve done.. and the fuck we’re going to do.

I love telling people that I’ve fucked you.

I love how fucking you leave marks on me, physically and mentally.

I love masturbating to the thought of fucking you.

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Categories: Everything Else, The Bartender

Sex Blogging in 2013

December 30th, 2013

…aka the post in which I use a lot of italics.

It’s not that I am ungrateful. It’s just that it’s taken me almost two months to see the 2013 top sex bloggers list. I didn’t expect to make it on this year and, to be honest, I’ve dropped quite a bit from my top place (18 last year, maybe?) but I’m glad any of you nominated me at all.

Thank you.

2013 has been such a very strange year for me. I have definitely posted less frequently. I spend more time on Tumblr, browsing for stuff related to sex that isn’t porn (this is not an easy task). I tried to highlight the stuff I was finding on Tumblr, but fell out of interest. Now, you’ll find my Tumblr contains a lot of stuff about current sex toy sales and lots of reblogs of feminist posts and sex toy collection photos.

While reviews and advice have become less frequent, I’ve added more personal posts. I am hesitant to do this because it just feels like everyone else is as a different point in there life. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel like someone who’s had a sex blog for 5 years shouldn’t be casually dating people and having sex only once every few months.

In reality, 2013 has been a huge year for me personally. I had sex since the first time since my divorce, and I realized that I could be one of those casual sex havin’ folks. However, I didn’t want to continue that relationship in any way, so I ended it and we no longer speak. But I was struck with just how easy it was to fuck someone else. Man, that shit seems terrifying in my head. Who knew?

In the attempt to have more sex, I got back into contact with a friend with whom I hadn’t been speaking because I figured, more or less, that he’d be an easy lay. We wound up having really good sex and developing feelings. If I’m being honest, I fell in love with him. I am in love with him. But he hasn’t commitment issues and we had bad timing or something, and now we casually have sex sometimes while I try not to hope that it could be something. The sex is still amazing.

And it’s led me to think that I could be quite more submissive than I thought I was. It’s also led me to realize that I maybe want sex more than I want a relationship, and I could be okay with this arrangement for a while. Because fucking him makes me feel more like me than I have in quite some time.

Despite this, I still don’t really have a category for personal stuff. I should really make one. I’ve struggled with the identity of this blog, and I haven’t received nearly as much feedback as I’d like for this to be as satisfying as it once was. However, that could be the state of the Internet and the fact that I’m not marketing myself as a 2-bit educator or a snarky bitch. I’m just me.

But I did receive some feedback from someone that I really appreciate. She liked reading the personal posts that have become more common. She thought  that was where my strength lies. So while I am going to continue write reviews, I want to expand personal posts without thinking about what it means to you. Because if it means something to me, the readers will see.

And I want to simply focus on connecting more with you guys. That’s something I talked about in my anniversary post. I just finished a round of blog commenting today. So, hello!, if that’s how you got here. I’ve tried to sign on Twitter more, to reply to emails, to be friendlier, to comment and to discover new blogs. I don’t know if it’s working or even if I know how to tell, but I feel better.

I also had my first bacterial infection, I tried my first stone dildo. I’ve had a few toys that I absolutely love. A lot were forgettable. I went to my last sex toy party. Ever.

So back to blogging. I made this list:

And it’s been interesting to see the list evolve over the years. There are few sex toy reviewers on it. Perhaps that’s because our numbers dwindle every year, or maybe it’s because people are sick of reviews. The first sex toy reviewer, The Sin Doll, is in the 30s. Interesting.

There’s a lot more sex educators on the list. The same goes for things like comics and erotica writers. It’s all very interesting. I love to see how legitimate sex education and work has become, and I think this list is evidence of that.

I’m glad to be on it no matter how I may contribute.

Thank you for nominating me. Thanks to Rori for including me.

Here’s to another year!

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Categories: Everything Else, internet
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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4

December 28th, 2013

Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4
$14.95 from Amazon

I have to get this review written tonight because I will soon be writing my annual “Best of” list, and this dildo will absolutely be on it.

So, here’s the thing. I really like the look of the Ceramix line. It’s all bright colors and fun shapes. Kind of Dr. Seuss. A good friend said it reminded her of Wonderland. Either way, it’s got this whimsical air. Love it. Apparently, I am not alone. My Pipedream rep said they were having trouble keeping these in stock. Fortunately, the good folk over at PinkCherry were able to send one over.

Now, the only other ceramic toy I’ve used was a vibrator, so it had a bit more wait than this dildo. The dildo is hollow and it just feels so light. It’s like the Krispy Kreme donut of dildos. Almost more air than anything else. Yes, it’s also delicious. I will get there.

There polka dots on the #4 are slightly raised. I can feel them with my hand. I don’t think this adds any vaginal sensation. It’s slick overall and, as you can see from the photos, there are definitely some light bulges.

So this is a hollowed out dildo and there’s a hole at the bottom that’s plugged with stopper. It’s removable so that you can put warm or cold water in it for temperature. At first, I thought this was a gimmick.

I was fucking wrong.

However, it is annoying. It’s in there really well. I couldn’t pry it out with my fingers or nails. I had to grab a pair of tweezers. It needs to be secure so that water doesn’t get all over your bed, but it’s so secure that you definitely need to plan on playtime with this dildo. It’s not a spur-of-the-moment thing.

So once I got it removed, I did will it with warm water. Of course, this adds to the weight a bit, but it’s nothing like metal. In fact, I rather disliked the weight of the Pure Wand. I also disliked how hot it got after usage. I generally prefer the feel of something cool against my labia, that warms up only slightly. I love glass.

But the way that the ceramic warms from the inside out with this method has won me over. The heat reminds me of sex with a real, live cock. Of course. the rigidity is all wrong, but is just feels awesome, not foreign. This alone made me really enjoy the feeling of this dildo. Instead of using it to squirt or thrust, I simply enjoyed the way it felt while inserted and using another vibe on my clit. I don’t think it would have mattered which vibrator I was using externally because cumming around this dildo — three times — felt amazing.

The size didn’t matter but for posterity, it has a slightly curved head and a base that makes it safe for anal. You can insert 6 inches, and this is a medium-size dildo with a maximum diameter of 1.5″.

It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen in love with a sex toy like this. I absolutely recommend that you try something in this line if not the Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4. There are vibrators and plugs, each with their own stunning design.

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Categories: Dildos, Reviews
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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.