Tracey Cox dare! Travel Vibrator

July 10th, 2013

You know anything billed as a travel vibrator is almost designed to fail. And I hate vibes that use AAAs, but the weird shape of this one lured me in and I took the plunge. The odd shape makes it hard to photograph and I just had to know what it was like in my hand. It’s good news, then, that I don’t hate it. It’s kind of an awkward sex toy, but Dare! isn’t the worst vibrator I’ve ever tried. I’d recommend it if you have a limited budget and want something simple that’s travel-friendly and discreet, but I might recommend other toys first.

So, let’s talk about that shape. The Dare! is this flattish, rounded toy. Let me explain. It’s like a makeup compact that’s stretched to become more oblong than perfectly round. It’s much larger and thicker, of course. In fact, it doesn’t actually fit in the palm of the hand, which you can see in the product photos. The white “base” of the compact shape is thicker, so it resembles a skinny egg if you’re looking at it from the side. I don’t even pretend that I am a decent enough photographer to snap a shot. You just need to take my word for it.

The result of this unique shape is that you can use the Dare! travel vibrator in several ways. Press the flatter part against your body or wedge either the tip of base between your labia. This actually provides a bit of hands-free stimulation because you can hold the vibe in place between your thighs. It’s a bit bulky, but I was even able to slip it below my panties. The vertical position is probably the best because the vibrations are focused in the tip of the pink end. The design is all hard and sleek plastic, so there’s not any difference in how it’s going to feel. The slickness means little need for lube, and the rounded but firm tip on this toy worked well for pressure without stabbing myself.

However, I don’t see this as a couples vibe. How the hell are you going to use it during sex if you’re doing cowgirl or missionary? Doggie style would work in the most awkward of ways. Sorry, folks. It might work for body massage, though.

And the vibrations are surprisingly deep considering that this thing uses 2 AAA batteries, which you insert by twisting the white and pink portions of the toy away from one another. They’re still not super strong, but I don’t think I’ve felt vibes this deep from any toy that uses AAAs as a power source, and that’s saying something! My vulva doesn’t get all tingly and numb because the vibrations are high-pitched. The battery pack design makes this toy splashproof, so it’s safe to wash with soap and water and probably take into the shower, but the sensation from the water might drown out the vibes.

The settings include a low, medium and high steady vibration. There are also three pulsation settings, but as the Dare! vibe is only comparatively powerful, it’s not powerful enough to make those work for me.

One thing that definitely doesn’t work for me is the button placement. It’s on the side, protruding from the decorative silver band. This means you need to stick your fingertip or nail into the gap to press it. This sucks. My nails bend. Yours might break. The button is small enough that some fingers will be too big to reach it even without nails, and it’s hard to push. You really need to give it some oomph. To turn off the toy, you have to press and hold the button, which is even worse. There’s plenty of surface area where the button could be placed, so I don’t understand this.

While I was surprised by the vibes on this toy and enjoyed the shape more than I anticipated, the frustrating controls are going to prevent me from using it on a frequent basis or, perhaps, ever again.

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See You Next Week!

July 4th, 2013

Tomorrow starts a 3-hour trek to CONvergence. I’ll be on Twitter if you need me. Please don’t need me.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Every Broken Heart Feels Like the First Time

July 3rd, 2013

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know if there’s a beginning. I’m caught up in the middle of it all. I’ll start with what I feel the most.

I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss your stories. I miss 3:30 in the morning phone calls. I miss you just showing up out of nowhere. I miss walks in the dog park, trips to Wal-mart. I miss you just being there.  A text, a phone call, a Facebook message away.

The truth is, you’ve always meant so much to me, so much more than I ever let on. And maybe that was my fault, but when I realized that there could be something more, it suddenly all made so much sense. There wasn’t any stopping it because someone had finally tore down the damn. I was victim to the flood that followed but I didn’t care. I was enjoying the ride.

If I’m going to continue with this analogy, I guess I now feel like I am floating downriver. Somewhere along the way, you got out of the boat, but this is a two-person job. I can’t do it without a partner, and I was so ready to finally have one again. I saw in you someone I could trust, someone who I could open up to. I was ready to share the load and see where we could go together.

And now you’re gone. I’m alone. I was preparing for this journey, and I just want you back even if all we do is stand in ankle deep water trying to regain our footing. Even if we get out of this rive and climb a mountain instead. Even if all we do is send smoke signals across the distance. I need to know that you’re still there. I need to know that I mean something to you, that we did. I know that you cared. I know that you just don’t know how to care enough or in selfless ways. I know that your flaws are not my own, but it’s so easy to forget.

And part of me wonders if I don’t find it and sooner rather than later, will I ever find the path? If I couldn’t make you stick around, why would anyone? Am I not worthy enough? Am I really not a good person like I think I am? Am I so easy to walk away from? Could you ever have felt the way you said you did? Was there something more that I could do? How could you leave knowing what it would do to me? How could I let you in knowing that you would?

And perhaps most importantly, how could something feel so right if it was wrong? Why am I always wrong? Why am I attracted to the impossible? Why does it always seems like it’s just within reach but prove to be so far out of my grasp? Why does what’s available never appeal to me? Am I setting myself up for failure? How can I ever trust myself if it always seems to turn out like this?

This crippling self doubt isn’t real. I know that I feel it whenever I’m in the middle of things. I know that I will come out of the other side stronger just like I knew before I would when I let myself fall in love with you. Part of me just feels like I have no right to feel this way when I knew the risk, but I do still. And maybe I need to learn that it’s okay.

I’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. Maybe even better. I’ve been down this road before. I’ve picked up and set off on a new path. I just need to take it one step at a time along the way and right now maybe I just need to let myself feel a little. Right now I feel sad. Angry. Hurt. Frustrated. But I feel, and this means I am alive to try again another day. And I will, with or without you. But your copilot seat will be open for some time should you wish to join me again.

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SHE AfterCare: AfterShave Oil

July 1st, 2013

Natural Intimate AfterShave Oil

Natural Intimate AfterShave Oil

This product has been discontinued.

It’s summer. I’m shaving my legs and thighs and bikini area frequently because I have to wear shorts. Or nothing at all. But shorts when I leave the house. I walk everywhere, too. You need to know that this results in some awful after-shaving rash. It’s not razor burn, nor do I have ingrowns most of the time. The sensitive skin on my inner thighs just can’t deal with the friction and chafing caused by the heat and movement. I know I’m not alone with this.

At first, I thought that a product like shaving cream alone would help. It does help, but not nearly enough. So, I need a product to use after shaving, too. In the past, I’ve used products from the drug stores. I’ve sprayed myself with Coochy Aftershave spray, but it just wasn’t enough. It was a thin layer that seemed like it existed to provide relief after the pain. What the hell is the point in that? I need something to prevent the rash and discomfort in addition to soothing it.

This AfterShave oil is it. Now, this line of product is created by Sexual Health Enthusiasts, which also makes Afterglow wipes. There are four products in the lineup, including a feminine wash and another that I’ll review shortly. Unfortunately, the markup at $20 seems high. However, it is the best product I’ve used for my sensitive inner thighs after shaving. Period. If you don’t experience the irritation that’s so bad you can’t sleep, this isn’t something you need. It’s something I might club you over the head with a stainless steel dildo for, though.

Use is as simple as spraying on after I shave. After a fresh shave, I might spray twice in a day. The instructions say to rub it in but since rubbing is part of my problem, I only rub it in if I’m using the aftershave oil on other places, but my thighs will do the rubbing in right for me. The base of this is silicone, so it’s pretty much lube for your shaved skin. IF you don’t rub it in, it’s going to feel heavy and wet. However, this is actually ideal for me. You might consider it before going for a walk or a run or anything where friction is an issue. I can’t help but wonder if silicone-based lube would work in a similar fashion.

I usually spray twice on each thigh. I’ve had this bottle about a week and made a little dent, but I’ll use it much less frequently when it cools down and I can slip back into jeans. Plus, I only use it daily for the next two days or so after a shave. If you have to shave less frequently, the 4-ounce bottle will definitely last you longer. I still think it’s worth it.

This spray oil has an abundance of ingredients that also sooth and soften. The ingredients list is really much longer than your typical silicone lube:

Isopropyl Myristate

  • Cyclomethicone
  • Dimethicone
  • Argania Spinosa Kernel Oil
  • Chamomile Oil
  • Salicylic Acid
  • Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract
  • Mineral Oil
  • Meadowfoam Seed Oil
  • Crambe Abyssinica Seed Oil
  • Vitamin E
  • Retyinyl Palmitate
  • Squalane
  • Bergamot Fruit Oil
  • Rosemary Leaf Oil
  • Orange Peel Oil
  • Phenoxyethanol

All in all, the list is pretty natural. Almost all of them are intended to moisturize or soothe your skin. You’ll notice Vitamin E alongside chamomile, for example. However, you’ll want to take notice if you’ve got sensitivities to mineral oil. Of note is Salicylic Acid, which you’ll usually find in acne products. This could be a boon to you if you break out in the places where you tend to shave.

Having used this for months, maybe years, I’ve found no negative effects from any of the ingredients. Nor does it stain my clothes. The scent is light and definitely plant-like. It’s not something sweet that I love, but I don’t mind it at all. It’s clean and fades quickly. It’s similar to the AfterTrace Odor Neutralizer. I cannot imagine anyone taking offense to this.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

This Week on Tumblr

June 29th, 2013

Love is Love!

Restraints

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The Strap-On – Not Just For Women!

June 27th, 2013

If people think of strap-on dildos and vibrators, girl-on-girl sex is usually the first thing to come to mind. But it is not only gay women who take pleasure in wearable toys: some heterosexual couples also like to try out swapping roles, with a woman performing anal sex on her male lover. Commonly referred to as ‘pegging’, this is a sex act that can be particularly pleasurable for a man, since the prostate is a powerful erogenous zone.

Straight couples who want to experiment with anal play are advised to use personal lubricant that is designed specifically for this purpose. Ordinary lubricants might not last as long, and some might even cause skin irritation when used for anything other than vaginal intercourse. With a little bit of hygienic preparation and adequate lubrication, the experience is more likely to be a pleasurable and kinky experience. A two-way strap-on enables both parties to get off in the act.

There is also another kind of strap-on that is strictly for men. The simple truth is that some men are very modestly endowed, and this can make sex a less than earth-shattering experience! Luckily, there are hollow strap-on dildos which increase length and girth, and some designs are made to feel just like skin. Guys who struggle to remain hard for extended periods of time can alternate between using a strap-on and their own packages.

Strap-on dildos for men are also big in the leather scene, and a toy attached to a studded belt is a good accessory to add to a collection of restraints and other BDSM gear. When you buy a strap-on for anal play, remember to also purchase hygiene products for personal preparation as well as cleaning products for your toys. Squeaky-clean toys are a must, especially if you use them on multiple orifices.

The strap-on is a great invention for women who love women and heterosexual couples alike. With a little bit of silky lubricant and some good mood music playing in the background, your first experience using a strap-on is likely to be one to remember.

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

June 21st, 2013

Now, I have no prostate. I don’t even have a partner with one. What I do have is an interest in reading. It’s why I read all about the Multi-Orgasmic Man a while back. It’s also why I read a shitty little book — pun intended — called Tickle My Tush. It was intended to be an entry-level book about anal play. It didn’t go very deep. Okay, I’m done with the analogies. Now, I really am. When I walked way from that book, I was disappointed. It only briefly touched on any single concept, and it used these “cutesy” terms that made it oh so difficult for me to take it seriously. Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure does not do these things. In short, it’s the book you want if want to explore anal play, if your partner does, or if you just want to know how it feels.

Doctor Charlie Glickman and co-author Aislinn Emirzian have set off on a journey to educate the masses, and I feel educated! The book doesn’t feel like a pamphlet that is better published online. It’s a complete 15 chapters that are chock full of information, and this guide to anal prostate pleasure is actually a pleasure to read. I found myself wanting to read the next chapter, so it didn’t take long for me to finish it at all.

Some of the chapters in Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure are:

  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Hygiene
  • Penetration 101
  • Searching for the Magic Button
  • Bringing Up the Topic
  • Massaging the Perineum
  • Anal Sex and Strap-on Fucking
  • Real Men Don’t
  • Possible Benefits of Prostate Health

In the beginning, I found myself merely browsing the content. I didn’t need to read it word for word because I’m not a newbie to sex. I don’t need convincing that prostate play is good. There’s nothing wrong if you do, but you can’t review sex toys and hang around this corner of the blogosphere for this many years without picking up a thing or two. Still, I stopped to read the firsthand accounts from the men that Dr. Glickman had interviewed. Thanks to their responses, he was able to pretty accurately describe not only how prostate stimulation feels but how it differs from person to person. I think this is an important distinction to make because not everyone will experience it in the same way or even enjoy it. This might be especially important for men to read because it lets them know that they’re not alone. These asides were intellectually interesting to me, but that was all. One thing I noticed was how there were many in the beginning of the book but very few toward the end. That did make Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure seem a little unbalanced.

One of the things that I liked was how consistent the authors were about the fact that prostate stimulation varies on a case-by-case basis. It might make you cum, it may cause you to lose your erection for a while, it may not be the end-all and be-all the first time you try it. I especially liked the advice not to jump into toys the first couple times, and the authors are quick to point out that a person should experiment with his own prostate before introducing it to a partner.

Another thing that stood out is how trans friendly this book is. Dr Glickman takes time to discuss FTM individuals who still have a prostate that now acts something like a G-spot in a woman. In one chapter, he discusses talking to your doctor about prostate health issues, and he is gentle and supportive. If I were in that situation, I think I’d like to see Dr. Glickman. The same gentle support extends to the partners of people who are interested. Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure assures the reader that prostate play is normal and that there might be some undue side effects, but you walk away feeling like you can handle them.

As far as technique goes, this is where Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure was most helpful to me. There are chapters each on prostate massage, toys, the perineum and anal sex/strap-ons. My experience with prostate stimulation has been through the perineum, and the descriptions matched up quite well. In the toy section, the book discusses brands that are failiar to me like Nexus and Aneros. It also describes strap-ons, harnesses and harness-less strap-on dildos like the the Nexus and Feeldoe. The toy chapter even goes on to explain how urethral sounding can stimulate the prostate, which I didn’t know before. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

If I wanted to explore internal prostate stimulation, I feel like I’ve not got enough information to locate it, try a few different methods and help my partner relax along the way. The book often suggests sliding along the prostate rather than poking into it, which I can appreciate because my G-spot prefers the same sensation.

Illustrations are scattered throughout the book where they’re helpful. I found them most beneficial in the chapters about toys and positions — where Glickman discusses using pillows or Liberator shapes to aid you. The illustrations have a hand-sketched appearance. They’re simple and easy to understand. For people who are less experienced, the good doctor and his co-author cannot recommend enough using lube and being in a state of arousal before you begin. Good advice for anyone.

A particular chapter that I found to be of note is “Real Men Don’t.” In it, the authors discuss some of the stigma around prostate play. In earlier chapters, they reassure the reader that strap-on sex is just your partner stimulating you so there’s no worry to fear that the act — or you — are gay. This chapter goes further to explain how society tends to lump a “real man” into a box and how this is harmful to people no matter where they fall on the gender spectrum. Men must do certain things to be considered real men, otherwise they’re too womanly, which is an insult to woman as well. Dr. Glickman explains why trying to fit into the box leads to emphasis on values over pleasure, and this just doesn’t cut it when it comes to prostate exploration. He recommends forgetting the box to enjoy it by yourself or with a partner.

If you’re still not convinced, the final two chapters suggest that prostate play can benefit prostate health and the common prostate conditions that exist. The book ends with several resource lists. You’ll find other books, places to buy toys and websites with additional information. However, I really don’t see what information you won’t be able to find in Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.

While the title might indicate that Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure is for men, it would be a good resource for any man’s partner — gay or straight — trans-men or couples. If you only have one book about prostate play on your bookshelf, Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure should be it. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s the best book on anal play of any sort that I read simply by being inclusive, realistic and easy to digest.

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