Dear Sex Toy Manufacturers

October 18th, 2012

Hi,

Remember me? Adriana’s the pseudonym. I’ve been reviewing your dildos, vibrators, bondage gear and lubes for years. Years. I’ve tried G-spot and rabbit vibrators. Silicone dildos and those made of God-knows-what. I’ve got whips and paddles and handcuffs–no chains yet, though. I’ve tried lubes that stuck and some that stung and some that worked wonderfully. Even green ones. I could probably write a poem about it.

Let’s see:

This lube has a water base

this one’s made from silicone

this one smells, so keep it far from your face

this one helps you ride his cock all the way home

 

I don’t know. It’s a work in progress. I wrote it in, like, ten seconds, okay? My point is, you know me, and I know all about your products. And I think you’re slacking. It’s not just that I’ve tried everything; it’s that you’re not coming out with new things that are innovative or different in a way that actually works.

The last truly innovative product I recall seeing was the Minna Ola–and that was 2010. Now, I’m just seeing products that are re-released versions of previous toys, and many of these upgrades are pretty lackluster. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I’d like to see something new that gets me excited.

It feels like these past two years have include a lot of copycat designs, silicone molds and fancy terminology that tries to convince me this toy is something better than last year’s model when it isn’t. As someone who also doesn’t like buzzy vibrations, I’m continuously shocked when manufacturers rely on AAAs as a power source. What’s up with that?

So, dear manufacturers, let me sum it up for you. You’re lagging, you’re boring, you’re failing, and I’m onto you. I want you to create toys that look pretty, provide unforgettable sensations and last a little more than six months if that isn’t too much to ask. I’m willing to pay more for a better toy. Hell, plenty of us are. But I’m not so willing to pay a lot for a mediocre toy that’s a rehash of the same old thing.

The only way you’re going to be able to do something new is if you’re not afraid to experiment and make mistakes. Sure, it might be expensive and, yes, not every toy will succeed, but where do you think all these innovative sex toys came from anyway?

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Hearts Are Meant to Be Broken.. In

October 16th, 2012

broken heartI’m not good at not getting hurt. I can’t harden my heart. I don’t know how to build walls, and I can’t help but fall madly in love if that’s what my heart is set on. Oh, I can try. I can hate it while it happens, but I have no control. The heart wants what the heart wants. Yes, this is going to be that type of post. The type that’s full of cliches.

This has resulted in a lot of heartbreak. When I’m in a room with my friends and peers around my age, I can almost guarantee that I’ve experience more heartbreak and worse heartbreak that they have. It’s not fun. It’s not a title I want to own. I’m not glad that I’m almost a professional broken-heart and yet..

Something about the whole thing is reassuring. I was so afraid to come out of my divorce broken and afraid to love again. I made sure that wasn’t the case. In fact, the opposite might be true because hear I sit broken-hearted over someone I met just a month or two after I decided to get back on the scene. One might point it out as a case of extremes but I like to think of it as using something that’s meant to be used.

They say hearts aren’t meant to be broken but I disagree. If your heart isn’t broken, you’re not using it, and the heart is a muscle is it not? It’s meant to be used. There are so many analogies floating through my head as I compose this post. The one that seems the most fitting is that of a baseball glove. A brand-new glove isn’t as effective. You need to break it in, to mold it to your hand. Creases and dirt and stretchmarks are the sign of a job. No, it’s not always a job well done, but it’s a job you tried at. Sometimes a break isn’t a sign that something went wrong but that it was used in the way it was made to be used.

I can’t think of a single reason that I would have this tool, my heart, and not want to at least try to use it. It’s like buying a brand new wrench to hang on your pegboard. Sure, it’s shiny but sometimes a little rust shows just how well-loved something is, and what is a heart if not made for love?

My heart is full of scars and scratches and signs of use. No one could ever accuse me of being closed-off or cold-hearted. Love hasn’t always done me well, and I haven’t always received the love that I wanted, but this doesn’t make my broken heart and less worthy. It perhaps makes it a project, but you can shine up almost anything with a coat of paint, can’t you?

Sure, the process sucks. Living through heartache is no one’s idea of a good time. Sometimes it takes longer than I’d like to rebound and there are certainly people who could be more gentle with my heart, but every fracture, every scars is a memory, a lesson learned or a connection to someone else. A shattered heart just goes to show how deep that connection was, how good I am at using my heart.

So the heartbreak? I’ll take it. I’ll struggle through it, and I’ll come out the other side ready to do it all again.

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Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

Lelo Mona 2

October 12th, 2012

Mona 2

Mona 2
$139 from Lelo

I like the Mona 2, but it’s just so similar to the original that I feel like I don’t have much to say that’s new. So, I think I’ll start with..

What’s Different Between Mona and Mona 2

You can definitely see the relation here, but they’re not identical. The Mona 2 is a bit longer, for example. It has a longer insertable length: 5 1/4″ versus 4″. Mona is also slightly narrower. It’s not much, but the design seems to flatten out less on the insertable portion than it does with the original Mona. I think this lends a sleeker appearance, and it reminds me much more of Lelo’s Elise (which also has been recently revamped). The G-spot angle is also slightly more extreme. I didn’t have any difficulty reaching mine with the original Mona, but this might be ideal for others.

Mona (Red) and Mona 2

The silicone on the Mona 2 is a bit plusher. It’s still around a rigid internal mechanism, but it’s slightly thicker. You can push it into with your fingers in a way that you can’t with the first Mona. This might not be noticeable for some people, and I didn’t necessarily notice it while inserted. However, it might appeal to anyone who doesn’t like their silicone rock-hard. I thought the silicone seemed more plush in product photos, but it’s a bit hard to tell with all the digital airbrushing.

Lelo has decided to go ahead and release these new Monas with some different colors. There’s a hot pink, which I received, a cherry red and a grapey purple. The red seems more pinkish than my other Mona and Siri. This is sad news for anyone who loved the unique colors of the original Mona and Ina. However, I love the pink as I’ve previously mentioned.

While the controls remains absolutely the same with this vibrator, Lelo has increased the vibration strength noticeably. A side-by-side mistaken is impossible to deny. Mona 2 has more power and it still feels a bit rumbly. I appreciate the strides Lelo has made to keep up with companies like Fun Factory. However, it’s not the strongest toy I own, nor does Mona 2 have the deepest vibrations.

Mona (Red) and Mona 2

Finally, Mona 2 differs from Mona in that it has a different storage pouch. My original Mona has black satin on the outside and white on the inside. It’s so incredibly classy. The plain black satin isn’t less classy, and I imagine it’s a whole lot cheaper, but it’s also not quite as nice in my opinion. It’s fully functional either way.

There are minor cosmetic differences. The angle at which the plastic and silicone meets is different with the Mona 2. It feels slightly more seamless than the original. This is partially why the Mona 2 has more insertable length, too. The plastic portion is shorter on the Mona 2 while the neck of the shaft has a greater length.

Everything else, though, right now to my experience, feels exactly the same. Mona and Mona 2 both make me squirt– in a matter of seconds. There’s no learning curve. I need little lube for insertion. The buttons are a soft silicone that is easy to find amidst the hard plastic base of the vibrator. The charting port is covered with another piece of soft silicone. Although I haven’t tried it, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could use the exact same charger for both toys. However, Mona 2 did seem to charge amazingly fast. I swear it was less than an hour, but I didn’t pay close attention to the time.

Like the original, Mona 2’s steady vibrations are the best for me. There’s a serious of short and long pulsations followed by some escalation but none of those settings really do a lot for me. As far as I can tell, the different modes number five, including steady vibes. There’s about ten levels of vibration on steady, but the pulsation don’t seem to have as many strengths. The lower ones feel more rumbly, and the stronger settings definitely tickle your hand.

All in all, the Mona 2 is a nice vibrator. Given the current price drop for the original, I’d recommend you save a few bucks and get the Mona as long as it’s available. However, I would be much more impressed with the Mona 2 if it weren’t for one thing.

Mona and Mona 2

This vibrator has a distracting rattle that I just can’t get over. It’s stupidly noticeable. It sounds like some extra piece is flying around the shaft. I hate it. Mona 2 might look slicker but it certainly feels like the first age of digital vibrators, and I can’t justify the price

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Desperation, My Instant Turn Off

October 9th, 2012

Listen, I don’t want to hear about how lonely you are. I don’t want to know that you’re sad. I assume you’re single and you want a relationship. I do, too. We can safely make those assumptions based on our membership at the same dating site. But I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear about it. And I certainly don’t want to listen to you whine about it, okay?

I’m willing to bet that most people agree. After  all, they say that confidence is a definite turn on for almost everyone, and while desperation isn’t necessarily the opposite, it’s certainly related to the lack thereof. I don’t even desire someone who’s necessarily confident. We can work on that, but I absolutely cannot work with someone who’s desperate.

Or clingy. I don’t do clingy. I need my space. I need someone who can stand on his own two feet. I need someone who won’t attach himself to me after one date–or less.  I can’t be expected to fix you or make you feel whole. That’s not my job, nor is is the job of a relationship.

I’m not being picky. This is not an unreasonable request, and if you disagree, you shouldn’t be messaging me. You shouldn’t even be dating. You should be making an appointment with the nearest mental health professional. They’ll deal with your desperation much better than I do.

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Lelo Mona 2 [First Impressions]

September 30th, 2012

Everyone hates pink, but I think it’s because so many toys are accidentally pink. It’s an afterthought. Mona 2 is an in-your-face pink that screams “This is on purpose. I am no afterthought,” and I kind of love it. It’s so bright. The vibrator seems plushier than its predecessor, which I thought was the case from photos. I plug it in the charge, and it seems to take just a few minutes. It’s more than that, but Lelo must have worked on their charging systems.

Mona 2 looks different from Mona in a way that I can’t quite put my finger on, even when I’m holding them both. It’s definitely stronger, too. Someone said this wasn’t the case. I won’t name names, but that person is a dolt.

 

 

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SpareParts Sasha Lingerie Harness

September 28th, 2012

My first harness you guys. It’s so touching, isn’t it? You know what I thought when I first opened the box, but he’s some in-depth thoughts.

I immediately noticed the red was lighter in person than it is in most photos. It sometimes looks like a raspberry shade, but it’s definitely lighter. It personally doesn’t look as good on me as the black probably would have, but I have one of those skin tones that doesn’t always work with red.

Harness and pantyAs I lifted the harness out of the box, it seemed much larger. It’s simply a lot of material. It’s not quite like a pair of panties, at least, it’s not like the panties I’d normally wear. The waistband is reinforced to almost be stiff, which is definitely unlike a real pair of panties, and the sides of the panties seem quite long when unexpected. The picture to the side shows the Sasha harness in large with a VS Pink panty in medium. The bottoms line up, but there’s simply a lot more material to the harness.

The stiffness of the waistband equals a lack of stretch. I ordered a large, which is supposed to fit a 38″ hip, but an XL might have been a slightly better fit. In fact, you can expect this harness to be a bit snug. If you’re at all worried, I’d suggest moving up to the next larger size. Better safe than sorry.

The amount of material really felt awkward upon pulling it up. I initially cinched up the sides to make this more like a bikini, rather than granny panties. However, this has the added effect of narrowing the legs holes just a bit. I untied the bows after pulling these up and getting situated to make it more uncomfortable.

Back ruchingThere’s this giant ruching in the back. To be honest, the thickness and material look almost diaper-like out of the box, bur I don’t notice it when it’s on. I’m wearing ruched panties as we speak, and I never even feel it in the back. The thicker fabric just makes this look weird when it’s not on a body. As you can see in product photos, the layers that enable you to insert a dildo really show in the front. To me, this is distinctly unsexy. Of course, your silicone cock will probably be what your partner looks at, but this harness just did not feel as sexy as I would expect in and of itself.

Mesh on the insideThen I added a dildo. I went with my VixSkin Tex. It has a girth of about 1.5″, and this was perfect for inserting into the harness. I won’t lie, it took me a minute to realize how this works. There’s two layers of mesh material on the inside that slightly overlap. After pushing Tex through the hole, I then covered the base, but the mesh is loose enough that this doesn’t add sooo much stability. The mesh really helps prevent any chafing or uncomfortable rubbing during use. The harness itself was snug enough on me that it would stay in place pretty well, I think. You’ll really have to get the right size for this to work, though, and there’s no adjusting it.

Speaking of lack of adjustments: the O-ring is permanently sewn in place, and it semes to be 1.5″. Tex was perfect. There’s not a lot of stretch, though. You’d have to stretch the material and the O-ring. It’s just not happening. I feel like you wouldn’t want to go much higher or lower in terms of diameter. This severely limits the number of toys you might be able to use with the Sasha harness, but it’s the perfect size for me. Keep this in mind if you’ve been eyeing it up and you’re a die-hard size queen.

Unlike a real pair of panties, there’s no cotton crotch liner. The envelope of mesh continues down the center, so you could technically stick a bullet or maaaybe another dildo in there for the wearer to receive stimulation. I haven’t used it like this because it seems like there’d just be too much going on. Maybe I’m lame, but to be honest, just wearing my own little penis was pretty exciting enough. I also found that the location of the cock on me meant I could still reach my clitoris through the harness.

As you’d probably guessing, the generous cut, layers, stiff waistband and a few other things don’t much make this an item that I would personally like to wear under my clothes. I would have loved that idea. Oh, you want to have sex after our hot date? Sure, but let me fuck you. It’s totally cheesy in my head, I know. In reality, it’s just not happening.

However, some other goodies totally made up for it. This item is machine washable, and SpareParts provides you with a lingerie bag in which to wash it. It’s a really thick and durable mesh, which I love. It cinches closed, and the hardware seems pretty secure. There’s a little tag with the SpareParts logo on it. I’ve already used this multiple time for my actual bras, panties, etc. It’s super handy and far higher quality than the dollar store bags I was previously using.

Inside Sasha's PouchThe harness also comes with a storage/travel pouch. It’s made of the same red nylon/spandex mix as the panties themselves with a small black bow on the front lip. It has a solid zipper to secure it shut. On the inside, there’s two pockets, and these neat vintage-y buttons hold the one pocket closed. You can easily slip both the harness and lingerie bag into this pouch for storage or use it to hold your Sasha harness and a dildo; however, it won’t be the biggest dildo in the world. This pouch measures about 9″ wide and is just under 7″ tall.

Sasha Pouch and Garters9″ is also about the exact length of the included garters if you extend them fully–including the hardware. They’e pretty typical and seem sturdy but not quite as stretchy as some others that I’ve used. There’s four altogether and the loops on the panties are incredibly sturdy and sewn just inside the leg holes, so you can’t actually see them. Bonus! Especially if you wear this harness without the garters. Because this is slightly uncomfortable on me, I’d opt for not wearing the garters. I just think there’d be too much going on. The hooks are plastic, so make sure to take them off when you wash. Plastic pieces on straps always tend to break on me. However, the ribbons at the end move away for the classic garter attachment if you’re wearing thigh highs.

So, what’s my verdict? The Sasha is not as sexy on me as I would’ve liked. The cut and material is probably better for someone taller and thinner in the midsection. However, it works very well as a harness, and all the extras really blew me away. I can’t remember the last time I was impressed with the details. I love that it’s machine washable and that the manufacturer provided a washing bag with it. If you want to try it, you could do much worse, but I’d carefully measure yourself and consider the size of dildos that you love to use before making the plunge. This is a luxury piece that will please a select few, but not everyone will love it.

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Sasha Harness [First Impressions]

September 25th, 2012

I’m trying a new thing with my reviews. Hopefully, this will shorten up some reviews that would otherwise be terribly long. Another benefit? Extra content here at Of Sex and Love.

The Sasha harness was the first to impress me with its packaging for quite a while. It came in a box, which surprised me. I wasn’t sure how it would be packaged because it was my first harness. It’s completely recyclable. I won’t be keeping it.

There was a matching storage bag with plenty of room from the harness itself and a small dildo. It also had a very heavy duty lingerie bag, which Iquickly stole for use with my actual lingerie purposes.

All in all, the presentation was quite impressive, and it’s been so long since I’ve been able to say that about a new toy for quite a while. The extras are actually usable, which makes all the difference. I’ve had plenty of luxury items with extras that aren’t worth the shipping payment. Nine times out of ten, I’d give up the extras for a cheaper price.

That’s my first impression.

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