I know I might sound paranoid, but I can’t recommend most toys and goodies available on Amazon in good faith, no matter how easy it is to order.
There are several good reasons to avoid buying sex toys from Amazon:
- It might be counterfeit (images + info may be stolen from real products)
- They might send you a used toy
- Important material and safety information might not be available or may be purposely misleading (who knows if it’s really body-safe silicone?)
- Products might not be safe for beginners
All of these things become even more important because I’m positive that many people head to Amazon without reading blogs about sex toys like SayOh or mine, which can help them find the best product for them and use it safely. This means shoppers lack the necessary information to make a smart purchase, let alone use a toy safely. I cannot tell you how many product listings and reviews I’ve seen that don’t offer the proper warnings! For example, anyone selling or discussing anal toys should make it clear how important a flared base or handle that is significantly larger than the neck of the toy is.
But product listings sometimes outright lie. They may say silicone, which is a fantastic material for sex toys and lube, but what you get might be porous. Even if you know what you’re looking for, ensuring you get it on Amazon is easier said than done.
All of this is complicated by the fact that Amazon is a seller and a marketplace. Sellers (also known as vendors) can list products on Amazon and either ship them directly or have Amazon handle the shipping. Sometimes, a brand sells its own products on Amazon. Other times, vendors are simply stores that sell products by other brands.
But it’s even more complicated than that. Many brands use the same manufacturers to make products and simply slap their names on the packaging even though the products are identical. These products may be decent, and they may be crap. If it’s an unknown brand, I worry about the latter. You could be happy with the product, you might feel like your money was wasted, you may need to fix an item before you use it, or you may regret your purchase and the harm it caused deeply with no recourse.
It’s also harder to tell who is selling something and where it’s coming from than it once was. When performing a search, you can select sellers (although I doubt most people do). Even if you do use that, many dropship vendors have seemingly random names like those to the right. When they violate Amazon’s terms, they just sign up with new random names with no real consequences.
The seller and shipper may impact the protections you have as a shopper. Consider the following examples of a toy sold and shipped by a vendor, a toy sold by a third-party vendor and shipped by Amazon, and a product sold and shipped by Amazon. You might feel better with third parties because they offer returns if something doesn’t work, but that also means they might send you previously used toys!
A product is more likely to come from an Amazon vendor if it has one of those string-of-text names that try to cram in as many keywords as possible (see below). Typoes are optional.
In the example above, “Mononii” is the brand, and clicking the link will take you to the “Monomii store” and show products from multiple vendors. Because vendors are terrible about tagging their products correctly (perhaps on purpose?), these brand store pages can be frustrating and may show only a fraction of products or show a bunch of products that aren’t made by the brand. Doing so for Fetish Fantasy only brings up one product by the brand even though vendors sell various Fetish Fantasy products. What gives?
That’s not the only issue with shopping on Amazon, either.
Why Amazon Reviews Suck Now
I also have a particular beef with Amazon reviews, which have become almost useless across the board. The reviews might be misleading because of highjacking or they were purchased. Amazon no longer posts every review, so it may withhold negative reviews to increase sales. It’s why so many products have 4+ star ratings. Average ratings used to cover the whole range, making them more useful.
I’ve used hundreds of toys and very few are 5-star toys, yet Amazon ratings suggest all these brandless products are perfect?! I don’t think so!
A good piece of advice is to ignore 5-star reviews and compare 4-star reviews to 1-star reviews. This gives you a better idea of how a product really performs. Of course, vague 4-star reviews and 1-star reviews complaining about shipping aren’t really helpful. I often find that the average consumer isn’t a great reviewer. But you can often find someone who writes a good enough review with preferences similar to yours to be helpful.
Where does that leave us?
Sex Toys You Shouldn’t Buy on Amazon
Most of these concerns apply to any product, but it’s especially concerning with something you might put in your body!
This includes essentially anything you insert or has the potential to break skin:
- Dildos
- Vibrators
- Anal toys
- Kegel exercisers
- Lube
- Ball gags
- Needles
- Blades
- Urethral sounds
I would also add supplements to this list.
No one wants a used dildo showing up at their doorstep. Given how Amazon often skips putting things in boxes, discretion may also be a concern.
You don’t want your vibrator to stop working. Nor would you be happy with an infection, allergic reaction, or injury from trying to enjoy yourself in the bedroom. A trip to the emergency room would be even worse. All of this might be possible if you buy a product that’s intentionally mislabeled or simply lacks the right information.
And if you’ve ever read a review about something starting a fire or electrocuting the user, you understand why you need to be a savvy shopper,
When It’s Okay to Buy Sex Toys on Amazon
Does this mean you should never buy sex toys from Amazon? Not necessarily. Some products pose fewer risks than others. If there are helpful reviews of the product and vendor and if you can’t find a similar product elsewhere, you may have to bite the bullet, even if it doesn’t vibrate.
Look for established brand names (random names show up for brands that only exist on Amazon, too). Stick to products that have multiple actual photos, including those with packaging. Otherwise, something might show up at your door in a plastic bag with no additional information.
Do research about product safety outside of Amazon. You might even find that Amazon isn’t the cheapest option! I frequently update my sales page, so you can save money on sex toys.
That’s the difference between sex toy stores like Shevibe, Lovehoney, or Babeland, Stockroom, that vet their products and Amazon, where it can be difficult to know who made something. Sex toy retailers often carefully tag products for brand, features, and material, you can filter your searches based on that information.
On top of that, Amazon doesn’t need your money or care about you. Our favorite stores and makers appreciate our patronage and show care in the products they carry, how they market them, and their customer service. When has the same ever been true for Amazon?!