5 Weird Dildos I Totally Want to Try

July 25th, 2014

Yea, okay. Weird is a subjective term, especially when you’ve purchased a tentacle dildo for a friend as a Christmas gift, and you’ve use multiple glass dildos that look like undersea creatures.

1. Cthulhu

Necronomicox makes the “Myths” dildo, which is everyone’s favorite creature from a horror story. This one’s made of silicone while many strange dildos I’d try are made of questionable latex. His tentacle tail is super adorable. You can get customize the dildo in one, two or three colors. Buy it for $125.

The Xeno art dildo from the same company is creepy and looks like it would feel amazing.

2.  The Dragon’s Tongue

Dragon's Tongue from Bad Dragon

Dragon’s Tongue from Bad Dragon

Bad Dragon is well know ’round these parts even though I haven’t had a chance to use any of their toys. The dragon’s tongue caught my eye because of the colors and shape. It just seems like it would give me a good time. The exclusive colors for these toys are The company lets you build your own from 4 sizes and 5 different firmnesses. Plus, you can get a fucking art print of the dragon whose dick this is when you order.

This.is.awesome.

Runners up from Bad Dragon include The Tailstretcher and their tentacle with glow-in-the-dark suckers.

3. Avatar

I didn’t like this movie, but I’d put Alien Dildos’ Avatar dildo inside me. The design is relatively human-esque with interesting texture along the shaft, a large contoured head and balls that I could without but won’t hate on because it’s a freakin’ avatar dildo. Props on the bright blue, right?

I also love the Phallus, which I’d order in metallic purple. Alien Dildos makers all of their toys with either Vac-U-lock or suction cup bases.

In fact, I love all of their designs, but most of them are too big for me.

4. Ghost

Whipsider Rubber works is one of those companies that specialized in awesome toys. This company made the tentacle dildo I bought for a friend. Sadly, I’ve never owned any of their toys myself. Despite the name, dildos like the Ghost are made of silicone. Sold in two colors — tombstone and red velvet, they’re after my own heart — this dildo glows in the dark to depict the ribs and claw hands of a creature that I would hate to see on TV but would fuck for hours.

Runner up: the Jellyfish. Gradient colors. A bulbous “head.” Super texture.

5. Cyborg

Fleshlight was definitely trying to turn heads, for better or worse, with its Freaks lineup. There are matching dildos and masturbators. The details on the deep purple Cyborg dildo are enough to make H.R. Geiger jealous.  It’s the cheapest on this list by far at under $60.

Fleshlight Freaks Cyborg

Fleshlight Freaks Cyborg

The company obviously thought of Avatar when it came to the Alien dildo, which is a marbled blue and wider than it is thick. I actually really want to put it in my mouth.

Honestly, there are some weirder toys, but the ones I want to use please both my sense of aesthetics and sensibility. Dog dick dildos? No thank you. That Obama dildo? It’s soon going to be dated and isn’t very pretty to begin with. Zombie dildos just gross me the fuck out. You cannot screw a zombie. Its dick will fall off, okay? Okay.

So what strange dildos do you have your eye on?

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Fleshlights versus Cheap Masturbators [Guest Post]

January 18th, 2013

Calling all men! If you’ve never used a masturbator before but want to explore this exclusively male sex toy, how do you know which one to go for? Do you go all out and buy the crème de la crème of male masturbators, the Fleshlight, or do you opt for a cheaper model to begin with?

There are a number of different masturbators available all depending upon your preference. For example, one of the cheapest types of male sex toys on the market are masturbation penis sleeves. Usually retailing for under £10, these simple yet effective soft silicone sleeves wrap around the shaft of the penis and come with different patterned nodules to make masturbation a little different. They are designed to fit all shapes and size of penis and can be re-used. Male adult toys in the form of double open ended tubes are similarly inexpensive. These male toys are usually made of stretchy silicone and also come with stimulating pleasure nodules or ribbing on the inside to make your masturbation more varied.

Penis head stimulators work slightly differently to other male masturbators because they target the most sensitive part of the male erogenous zone, the glans. Non-vibrating alternatives come in the guise of a chamber for the head of the penis which is stimulated using a hand pump. Satisfaction for the glans can also be achieved using a multi-speed vibrating sheath. These alternative takes on the traditional male sex toy usually cost around the £10 mark.

fleshlightAlso common are single ended masturbation tubes or cups. The inexpensive variations (normally around £10-£15) come with tight lifelike openings that are either plain, or in the form of a mouth, an anus or a vagina. Usually these 6-7 inch long tubes come with stimulating inner chambers. The tightness of feel can be altered by either squeezing the tube or if it comes with an air hole at the closed end, this can be entirely or partially covered to bring about the same effect. These inexpensive masturbation tubes are designed for single use but they can be re-used with condoms. Vibrating single ended masturbation cups or tubes provide additional stimulation for the entire length of the penis. Available in stretchy silicone for around £30, they also come with stimulating inner nodules but also have the benefit of multi-speed vibrations built in for additional gratification. High end alternatives retailing for over £100 can also be purchased which have over 40 different functions of multispeed vibrations combined with a rotating action.

Fleshlights are also a type of single ended masturbator which come in the form of a torch style tube. Retailing at considerably higher than the cheaper alternatives (prices are usually between £36 and £63), Fleshlights are deserving of their higher price tags and their caveat of being the best selling male sex toys in the world because they are designed to be re-used and can tolerate years of masturbation play. Suitable for all sizes of men, Flesh light masturbators differ from cheaper alternatives because they come with a realistic feeling inner skin (Superskin) which has been observed as being the closest feeling thing to real penetrative sex from a masturbator. The inner chambers also come with a number of different textures to stimulate your shaft with including nodules, twists, waves and ribs all dependent upon the model. What distinguishes Fleshlights from less expensive masturbators is that the inner chamber can be removed and cleaned after use making them very hygienic and re-usable without condoms. Choose from realistic tight openings in the form of a plain hole, a vagina, an anus (Fleshjacks) or a mouth. The tightness of the inner chamber can also be adjusted according to your preference. Unlike the £10-£15 masturbators, a number of Fleshlights are also cast from the stars of adult films for an even more realistic experience. A selection of Fleshlights also come with the addition of vibrating bullets inside to further enhance your enjoyment! The Fleshlight Vagina Stamina Training Unit even claims to improve your bedroom performance by training you to last longer with regular use!

In conclusion, as with any purchase, choosing the best male masturbator for you is down to budget and personal preference. If you are just looking to try something out, one of the less experience variants might be more appropriate; if you want something that feels almost as good as penetrative sex and that will last for years to come then a Fleshlight or Fleshjack could be a better option.

Authors By-line
This guest blog was brought to you by Temptations Direct Sex Toys who stock over 7000 adult products including clit stimulators and vibrators, anal sex toys, strap-ons, bondage gear and much more. Fast, free delivery available.

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You do what, now?

December 1st, 2012

Every once in a while, I discover a new sex toy that makes me go “what the fuck?” if it’s really weird. Sometimes, I see something and wonder who is into that. Although I’ve tried my fair share of toys, I lack a penis, and I think the masturbation experience is a little different for men. Not only do women have the better selection of sex toys, but masturbation is sometimes more sensual, more prolonged, and more fantasy-oriented in our heads. At least, that’s it for me. I find trying to look at things to be a little distracting. It’s easier for me to visualize things with my eyes closed.

That’s why when I learned about Beaniebang Babes, I was more than a little curious. On the one hand, it seems like a lot of work and I am definitely lazy. On the other hand, I admire the attempt to capitalize on an already successful sex toy — the Fleshlight — and the porn industry to produce something that could possibly enhance masturbation. I understand why people want to make masturbation more sex-like, but I also don’t know if the intent itself isn’t misguided or if sticking a picture on a pornstar and beaniebanging “her” is the right way to go about it.

But, guys deserve a wider range of sex toys, too, so I can’t fault anyone who wants to know how to beaniebang. At least they’d be taking their desires — and penis — into their own hands, and I commend that.

Plus, I think naming sex toys after children’s toys is kinda lulzy.

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What the fuck, Fleshlight?

November 4th, 2012

Fleshlight iPad Attachment

Fleshlight iPad Attachment

We all know that the folks over at Fleshlight aren’t exactly PC. Sure, the name is synonymous with male sex toys and they made that awesome avatar masturbator, but the company has also pissed some people off. Tonight, they’ve completely confused and flabbergasted me. According to this Gizmodo article, there’s definitely a Fleshlight iPad case in the works. All I can say is..

What.

The.

Fuck.

?!

In the provided image, there’s porn on screen. The fleshlight attachment sits against the back of the iPad, which you would, I guess, move back and forth to pleasure yourself without taking your eye off the screen because, like, it’s too hard to masturbate in front of the television.

I just can’t help but think this would wind up an expensive mess or an awkward accident that you can’t explain to your girlfriend. I mean, do dudes want to masturbate with the family iPad? Because eww. I wouldn’t want to know Dad’s grubby and semen-covered paws were all over the same device I use to play Angry Birds. It’s just not right.

But I don’t like to mix my electronics with my electric sex toys, if you get what I mean. My phone, Kindle Fire, iPod and laptop have little to do with jackoff time. Maybe I’m the odd duck out because I don’t frequently watch porn, but I just can’t see how anything thinks this is a good idea. It’s not, kids.

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