Spend anytime around adult communities, scratch that, any community on the internet and you will infallibly run across someone who wants to know if his or her behaviour or bodily characteristics are “normal.” Guys want to know if the angle of their penis is right, if the consistency of cum is average. Girls want to know if there’s something wrong with not being as sensitive or not being able to come from penis in vagina intercourse alone. What’s more, the same questions tend to be asked over and over.

Why? People want validation. As though, somehow, being told “It’s okay” by a stranger on the internet will alleviate all your worries. Unfortunately, that’s just not true and I have even worse news. Those who are quick to affirm that there is something wrong with you, are quick to tell you that their product is the miracle “cure.” Coincidence? I think not.

The truth of the matter is simple. There is no “normal.” There might be average. There might be things people will admit to being, doing or liking. There might be things people say apply to them in order to not stick out. There’s also a wide variety of things people won’t admit to, even anonymously. There’s also many things people do or like and they don’t quite know the word for them or don’t think to apply words to the activities. Even if normal were some tangible goal, we would never know what it is because there’s no way to quantify it.

What it comes down to is this: Stop asking if things are normal. It may seem that I am against asking questions or community support. The truth is far from it. I just support asking the right questions. I also recognize that there’s no use worrying about some things. We’re not all the same and sometimes it’s the quirks that set us apart.

So for those people who are quick to wonder if they’re normal, I must ask my own question? Does it matter? If you can answer “yes” to all the questions below, probably not. If not, there’s a little advice to be had.

Are you satisfied?

Even if your penis curves to the right or you like to be spanked in bed, it may not interfere with your overall sexual satisfaction. In fact, the opposite may be true. While I advocate exploration (in fact, exploration is one of those worrisome topics), if you’re happy, being “normal” doesn’t matter.

Is your partner happy?

Of course, it’s a little more difficult to be sure of this but, like any aspect of a relationship, fulfillment stems from communication. Ensure that you’re attentive and willing (eager is better!) to his or her (or their) needs and whether or not your cup size is average pales in comparison.

Are you being safe?

The pleasure of sex comes with its risks and STDs and pregnancy are both the least of the worries. When it comes to interests which can be harsh on your emotional or physical state, like BDSM, safety is a must. But if you’re careful about your sexual activities, you needn’t worry about how many people are doing them.

Is it healthy?

This is a question which I feel is extremely important to ask. While somethings do not have serious ramifications, health is a subject which should not be glossed over. If you have been dealing with issues such as painful intercourse or even inability to maintain an erection for a prolonged period of time, it may be best to consult your doctor.

Are you okay with it?

Sometimes, we just want to be like everyone else even if there’s no solid reason. This is why many grown men choose to be circumcised and some people op for plastic surgery. Even if you’re sexually satisfied, healthy and safe, your peculiarities might be worrisome. If you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin then, by all means, do whatever it takes to change that. Whether that means changing (what you can) or changing your attitudes about what you can’t, we all have the right to feel comfortable.

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