This post has been in the works for a while. I kept getting distracted, which is kind of funny, because that’s something you shouldn’t do during sex. I guess it’s okay for bloggers to be weird. At best, I can make you uncomfortable and you’ll leave. On the other hand, you can’t sneak out unnoticed when you’re in the middle of sex and your partner does one of these things.
- Announce Orgasm
As soon as I mentioned this one to a friend, she laughed because we — that’s us women — have all been there. So many men have to announce “I’m cumming” right before they do. Do they think maybe we won’t notice? Or they should get a cookie? I don’t know, man. I already spread my legs. What more do you want? - Work on the To-Do List
Okay, this isn’t weird per se, unless you’re one of those people who always gets into sex 100%. It’s actually pretty common for men and women to think about what needs to get fixed, cleaned, bought and otherwise done in the coming days and weeks while in the middle of sex. Two birds, one stone, right? - Count the Squares/Dots on the Ceiling
I’ve never done this, thank God. I’ve always tried to at least enjoy having sex or to make it known that now isn’t the right time, but some people would rather have sex so their partners stop asking or some other reason. They grin and bear it. They count out invisible things or focus on the ceiling above them, memorizing tiles, spots, cracks and other “features.” I would never want to waste my time doing this, so it’s weird to me. - Talk on the Phone
Bitch, pay attention to the person who has his penis inside you or the dude who’s got your dick in his mouth. It’s common fucking courtesy. If you’re talking, texting or playing God damned angry birds, you can’t really be wanting sex at that moment. Do everyone in the room a favor and say “No” if you mean no. There will be other times to have sex. I promise. However, there are exceptions. If you’re foolin’ around just a little bit and get a phone call only to have your fiance start fucking you while on the phone to see if you can keep a straight, er, face, it’s pretty funny. Still weird, though. - Give a Play By Play
You know what? If you’re going to announce everything you’re doing in bed, I’d rather you talk on the phone. It’s bad enough if you tell me you’re going to orgasm, but that shouldn’t be a followup to every other thing you’ve done that night. Otherwise, I’m going to say “Growing annoyed with you now.”
So, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve done during sex? Guilty of anything on this list? Have you had a partner who’s done something that makes these things all look paltry? Sound off in the comments.
