6 Picture Mistakes Men Make on Tinder

June 25th, 2015

Having spent a little bit of time on Tinder over these last few weeks, I’ve found myself both frustrated and befuddled about some of the photos choices that guys make. And we’re not just talking about fish; although, there are plenty of those pictures to hate, too. No, it seems like guys don’t want me to swipe right — or is it left — when they do these things.

1. All of Their Photos Are Group Photos

Guys do this a lot. It’s great that you’re not addicted to selfies. It’s awesome that you have friends.  And that you fish, hunt, like your car/truck, have climbed mountains, go to parties and have tons of hot female friends. Except none of those things helps me determine who you are when I’ve never met you every picture is of multiple men. Often, those guys all look pretty similar. So give us a single, clear picture of your face or tell us who you are at the very least.

2. Photos Only Depict Animals

I like cats and dogs. I have cats. It’s cool that you do, too. Or something even weirder. But you’e not your pet. This shouldn’t be your main photo on Tinder (but maybe you can add just one). In fact, no one should use their pets — or kids! — as their profile picture on any social network.

3. There Are No Clear Facial Shots

Unless you’re only looking for the hookup so you plan to show off only your body for privacy reasons, then we want to see your face in a recent and flattering photo. With smart phones, it’s really not all that hard.

4. All Photos Show Are At the Gym/Flexing/Pulling Up Your Shirt

A good body is great, okay. But that doesn’t need to be all we see. After all, if you wear well-fitting clothing, your physique will show through just fine. And shouldn’t you make it seem like you’re not trying that hard? Maybe?

5. The Photos Look Like Honeymoon Pictures

Tinder is obviously a hookup app. If you’re with someone and haven’t made it clear that it’s open, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Plus, I can’t help but wonder if guys use photos with their exes as an ego boost. Like “Look how hot my ex is!” This just rubs me the wrong way, every time. So while that may be a stellar picture of you, it probably shouldn’t be your main picture,

5. There Are Repeated Photos

Tinder’s profile options seem pretty buggy to me. I tried to upload one picture today, and it deleted 2 — including my profile picture. But it doesn’t take long to double check and fix those errors.

6. There Are No Photos At all

For a micro-dating service that provides only two ways for people to learn anything about it, it’s important that you utilize the most important method — photos. I think I speak for most people when we realize you have low self-esteem if you refuse to post photos. Most people might not be attracted to you, but no one will have the chance if you don’t let them at least see you.

And while some people will tell you not to use selfies, that’s a far lesser offense than doing any of these things in my opinion. At least I know what you look like when you do that!

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101 Vagina

March 24th, 2014

101 Vagina
$13.68 from Amazon

When I first received the pitch to review and give away this book,  I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Perhaps that’s because it’s such a simple concept that describing it takes away some of the.. “magic” of it.  I’m normally more pragmatic than that, but the description causes it to lose something special.

You see, 101 vagina is a book featuring 101 photos of vulvas and 101 pieces by the owners of those vulvas. The book is printed completely in black and white, and it has a sleek white hard cover to boot. See? You can sum up what it is so easily. But I’m not sure that you can sum up the significance of this book quite so easily.

You see, the women in those photos have different body types, skin colors, scars, body modifications and pubic hair styles. And those women all have different feelings about the reproductive organs. And some of them even have different understandings about their organs, which brings me to my first and only complaint about this book.

The photos are really of vulvas, not vaginas. In fact, the photographer Philip Werner does address this in the back of the book. I’m glad because the terminology did bother me. However, while the pictures are of the external body parts, he wanted to create a medium for discussing the vulva, the vagina, the physical and the spiritual, and the English language doesn’t really provide this.

However, many of the women who agreed to be photographed for this collection do use the Sanskrit term “Yoni,” which I’ve heard but haven’t used before. Accordingto Wikipedia:

Yoni (Sanskrit: योनि yoni) is a Sanskrit word with different meanings, most basically “vagina” or “womb”. Its counterpart is the lingam. It is also the divine passage, or sacred temple (cf. lila). The word can cover a range of extended meanings, including: place of birth, source, origin, spring, fountain, place of rest, repository, receptacle, seat, abode, home, lair, neststable.

The women who tend to use this word as they write about their vulva, vagina, uterus and more do tend to use more flowery descriptions. The first few photos had captions like these, and they weren’t my favorite. However, women wrote about their vaginas in many ways.

Some were reverent. Some were saddened. Some expressed anger. Some were clinical. Others wrote poetry. Some wrote so much that the text had to be shrunk down to fit the book’s intended format. Other were quizzical or awed. The feels were sometimes intense and sometimes indifferent. It was simply interesting to read them. In fact, I sat down with the book as soon as it arrived in the mail and had read more than half of it before I knew it!

A few of the women chose to write about the experience of being photographed nude. I thought this gave interesting insight into the project itself. It seems like the photographer made everyone comfortable and his desire to create a body positive book really worked out well.

I think that some people would chuckle or roll their eyes at the intent and the result, but I also believe that most people could benefit from reading  book like this. Cis-women could certainly feel a little more comfortable about their bodies and reproductive organs. Other people could appreciate the range of womanhood, both physically and mentally through the written word.

Here are a few of my favorite lines from 101 Vagina:

  • Eat Me!
  • Anything a man can do I can do wetter.
  • Ceci ce n’est pas un vagin.
  • Everyone thinks of themselves as existing on some part of their body — most people live behind their eyes, many imagine themselves between their lungs inside their chests, and still others have egos nestled into their solar plexus area, where their voice is born. I have always imagine that vital part of myself to be inextricably linked with my femininity, so I think that in a very real way, I am my vagina.
  • Didelphys. Google it.

Of course, there are many more than I enjoyed. There is one in particular that I cannot currently find, and some of them are too long to write up in full. and I wouldn’t want you to miss out by not reading them in their intended format.

If you’re at all looking for an interesting coffee table book or simply want to understand how women feel about themselves, 101 Vagina is certainly going to provide plenty to talk and think about.

 

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Bondage Bear

September 29th, 2013

Okay, Sulley isn’t a bear per se, but I like the alliteration. I took this picture as a fun way to show the bartender that I’d set up my under the bed restraints, one of the first things I ever received to review. I liked them but had no reason to set them up when I wasn’t having sex.

This is the result.

bondage bear

Of course, it piqued his interest. And I decided to develop the series. Not only is it hilarious and oh-so-me, but it’s a good way to show him what I have!

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This Week on Tumblr

June 13th, 2013

 Crystal Minx Tail Plug

Since I am more actively pinning things to my Tumblr account, I’ve decided to change the “Saw This on Tumblr” feature to a roundup up of the best things I’ve reblogged on Tumblr this week.

Someone said this:

Sit down. We need to have a little chat.
There are children starving in Malaysia.
North Koreans want to go to war but are being pussies about it.
Speaking of pussies, I need to say a thing.
Swiggety swildo please buy me a dildo.

Someone else discusses how using low-quality sex toys resulted in developing an allergy to latex. Eww:

 For example, platinum cure silicone is non-porous, and easily washable, as is glass and metal. These all make great materials for sex toys, yet still manufacturers churn out sex toys with terrible materials. Why? Because it’s cheaper. True story, because of my lack of knowledge about these things, since I started using sex toys, I have given myself a latex allergy, and also kept on giving myself urinary tract infections from one of my toys because it was semi-porous, despite the material supposedly being “anti-bacterial”.

 

Titties and dildos and butt plugs

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5 Things I Don’t Need to See in Your Dating Profile Pictures

July 6th, 2012

1. Fish

I get it. We’re in Wisconsin. Fishing is big, and maybe you like the outdoors. I’m glad you like it, even though it’s not my thing, but how do you think it sells you on a dating website?

2. A picture of your boat, 4-wheeler, snowmobile or tractor.. without you.

People on PlentyofFish seem to do this more than any other site. Hey dude, I want to know if you’re good looking or possibly fun. I’d rather see you on that piece of machinery or fixing it or.. catching a freakin’ fish wish it. It ads absolutely zero value to your profile.

3. More than one picture of you and your car.

I can tell exactly how much of an asshole you are by your car. C’mon, try me. What’s more, anyone who takes pictures with his cars is 99% guaranteed to be more of an asshole than I’ll date. Multiple pictures moves that up to 100%.

Bad Photoshopping4. Bad Photoshop erasing of the ex.

Exes, we all have them. It sucks, right? Maybe you took some good pictures together, but these don’t need to be on your profile. Lie and tell me she’s your sister. Don’t do the world’s shittiest editing to scratch her out like some creepy stalker. Don’t physically rip the photo and scan it. Don’t black out her eyes. If you don’t have any other good photo of you, make one. This is what you do, guys: call your buddy, your sister, your mom, anyone who is willing to take some photos. Put on your best shirt, find a nice outdoor spot and take some God damned pictures until you look good.

5. Anything that makes you look like an alcoholic

Again, this is Wisconsin. Our beer is cheap and there are only two people who don’t like it, yours truly included. I don’t care if you like to drink or go out (actually, I do. We’d have incompatible lifestyles), and I’ve seen a lot of fun pictures where people were obviously enjoying themselves at night, on the town, but here’s a few suggestions to make sure your drinkin’ pics are safe:

  • For every drinking pic, put up two without alcohol
  • Don’t post any picture drunk
  • Don’t post any picture where you’re wearing something intended to drink beer
  • Only one beer in the hand at any time
  • Clear away all the empty bottles
  • Don’t take pictures of empty beer bottle collections
  • I don’t want to see what your friends did after you got that drunk
  • Keep your damned clothes on

 

Runners Up

  • Abs — because nothing says “I have no interests” like having a six pack
  • Pics of you with other girls hanging all over you. If you were that hot, why you so single, dude?
  • Pictures of you mid-chew. Swallow, guy.

 

What turns you off when browsing dating website photos?

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