The Purge

April 13th, 2017

No, I’m not talking about some presumably terrible horror (thriller?) movie. Rather, I mean the semi-annual completely random time at which I realized the product packaging dilemma in my apartment has gotten way out of hand. Not just a little out of hand but, you know, I’ve been waiting months to deal with this but I haven’t yet. And there’s a reason for that.

Because companies put so much extra shit in their packaging that I need to spend an ungodly amount of timing removing plastic and foam insert (even if they’re glued in), cutting out plastic windows, breaking down boxes, snipping fabric handles, removing magnets and for some ungodly reason cutout out metal fucking eyelets from sex toy boxes.

Listen, this isn’t my first rant about packaging. I don’t care how fancy your box is if it’s going to take up room and be difficult to dispose of, and I am downright angered when the toy inside is mostly a piece of shit that’s never going to do anything for me.

And I might be the only one, and maybe I make it harder for myself, but the way that boxes have become harder to recycle is downright creative. 

So if you must, allow us to remove the foam and plastic. Use open windows, not plastic. Don’t embed anything, okay? If I need to attack it with a pair of scissors or box cutter and my god damn hands wind up hurting, I’ll wanna hurt you.

The shitty thing is that while I can read reviews and look at product photos on sites, assuming that packaging is shown, it’s impossible to know if something is embedded or glued in to avoid buying it. Sigh.

Whatever. I’ll live. It’s done with. For now.

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Categories: Everything Else

Bruce Jenner Might Be Trans And It’s None Of Your Business

February 2nd, 2015

Edit: this post was written before Caitlyn Jenner confirmed her transition.

I first heard rumors about Bruce Jenner possibly being transgender a few weeks ago. I didn’t give it any thought for a couple reasons:

  1. It’s Bruce Jenner, who cares?
  2. Even if I cared about him personally, what does his gender identity have to do with me?

Now that there’s a so-called sourced out there confirming that Bruce is transitioning, a lot more people are bound to pay attention. After reading a few comments on the Internet, I can rest assured that ignorant, bigoted and sexist idiots are definitely among those people — even though my first two points stand pretty firm for them as well as me!

I’m going to assume, and I may be wrong, but I’ll assume anyway.. That this person has been considering this for a while. Perhaps for their entire life. They may have always felt some amount of gender dysphoria. It may have reared its ugly head in ways that strained relationships, hurt careers and otherwise made life a living hell for the person living with it.

And I cannot imagine what I would do if I was so close to the limelight yet lived in a society that is, at best, ignorant about trans issues. At worst, they’re all bigots. The truth is somewhere in the middle, with some people being surprisingly open-minded while others are so closed-minded it makes me wonder how natural selection hasn’t wiped them out already!

Back to my point, which is all about how difficult it must be to be any sort of public figure and come out as trans. According to people, Bruce Jenner is being supported by family, but maybe that’s not true. Maybe their publicist just makes it seem that way because it’s better to provide a united front?

Perhaps there is no source and this is just the tabloids running amok with speculation. Who knows? Maybe Bruce Jenner just likes the long hair. Maybe it’s not a trans thing after all. Ultimately, it won’t affect me either way. And it won’t affect anyone who’s not Bruce, truly. But I’m kind of sick of the media using it as a sensationalist story just to get clicks.

And I’m sick of the people who take the bait!

 

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Categories: Everything Else

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There’s Nothing True About True Love

December 24th, 2013

A while back I had signed into Facebook and an image popped up in my feed. I wish I had saved it, but I didn’t. It annoyed me but I figured that I would forget about it. I didn’t.

The image said something along the lines of

Ladies, just because he makes you feel that way doesn’t mean that he’s the one.

I take issue with this for so many fucking reasons.

I do not believe in true love, but the idea of true love is based on the belief that out of 7 billion other people on this planet, one of them is right for you. Perfectly so. No one else is. This true love complements you in every way. No one else can. If there is only one, true love, then it stands to assume that only one person should be able to do and say the things that make you feel love in that special way. If other people can do that, how can anyone believe in the concept of “the one.” There obviously is more than one when that’s the case.

You cannot have it both ways. These ideas do not go hand in hand. In fact, they are mutually exclusive. If there is only one true love and you’re supposed to know it, to feel it in the pit of your stomach and the marrow of your bones, then anything that confuses you or masquerades as true love only discredits the idea.

Finally, I am offended as a woman and a feminist. It’s not just that the text assumes this oxymoron is true, it assumes that women, somehow, are not able to realize that this is a fact. It’s targeted as women giving some sort of impression that it’s not okay for us to make what other people are poor choices in relationships. Of course, the same behavior in men is perfectly acceptable. It’s the same old double standard. A man sleeps with tons of women that he meets on adult dating website UpForIt, even if those women are poor choices for whatever reason, it’s okay. Boys will be boys. But women? No, we’re not allowed to make mistakes, even if those  actions are only what others consider to be mistakes.

What’s wrong with spending time with someone who makes you feel good temporarily just because you’re a woman? Can we not be adults who make our own decisions? Why is this anyone else’s business?

Not only does this assume that true love is real, it assume that this is can be our one and only goal. No thank you, silly meme creators of Tumblr and Facebook. You do not know my wants. You cannot possibly imagine the vastness that is the human experience or the complexity of emotions and desires.

I know it’s a silly thing to be so frustrated with, but the very premise just rubbed me the wrong way.

 

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Categories: Everything Else

Open Letter to Midwestern Singles

November 26th, 2012

Listen, you’re from Wisconsin — or Nebraska or Illinois or Wyoming, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter — and there’s a total of two large-ish cities in the state. If you head into your friendly neighborhood dating site and you say you’re only looking for people “near you,” then you’re likely to be disappointed. There is, quite literally, a 99% chance that you’ve met everyone in your podunk town. The ones you haven’t fucked, you’re related to. Let’s hope those two groups don’t cross. Anyway, this is precisely why you’re online, so if you don’t think you need to branch out, you’re sadly mistaken.

So, if a cute chick from slightly-more-than-five-miles away messages you, answer her. Okay?

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Categories: Dating

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Dear Sex Toy Manufacturers

October 18th, 2012

Hi,

Remember me? Adriana’s the pseudonym. I’ve been reviewing your dildos, vibrators, bondage gear and lubes for years. Years. I’ve tried G-spot and rabbit vibrators. Silicone dildos and those made of God-knows-what. I’ve got whips and paddles and handcuffs–no chains yet, though. I’ve tried lubes that stuck and some that stung and some that worked wonderfully. Even green ones. I could probably write a poem about it.

Let’s see:

This lube has a water base

this one’s made from silicone

this one smells, so keep it far from your face

this one helps you ride his cock all the way home

 

I don’t know. It’s a work in progress. I wrote it in, like, ten seconds, okay? My point is, you know me, and I know all about your products. And I think you’re slacking. It’s not just that I’ve tried everything; it’s that you’re not coming out with new things that are innovative or different in a way that actually works.

The last truly innovative product I recall seeing was the Minna Ola–and that was 2010. Now, I’m just seeing products that are re-released versions of previous toys, and many of these upgrades are pretty lackluster. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I’d like to see something new that gets me excited.

It feels like these past two years have include a lot of copycat designs, silicone molds and fancy terminology that tries to convince me this toy is something better than last year’s model when it isn’t. As someone who also doesn’t like buzzy vibrations, I’m continuously shocked when manufacturers rely on AAAs as a power source. What’s up with that?

So, dear manufacturers, let me sum it up for you. You’re lagging, you’re boring, you’re failing, and I’m onto you. I want you to create toys that look pretty, provide unforgettable sensations and last a little more than six months if that isn’t too much to ask. I’m willing to pay more for a better toy. Hell, plenty of us are. But I’m not so willing to pay a lot for a mediocre toy that’s a rehash of the same old thing.

The only way you’re going to be able to do something new is if you’re not afraid to experiment and make mistakes. Sure, it might be expensive and, yes, not every toy will succeed, but where do you think all these innovative sex toys came from anyway?

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Categories: Everything Else

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.