Lovehoney Short Satin Robe

January 6th, 2018

Lovehoney Short Satin Robe
$29.99 from Lovehoney

I own a few robes. I don’t frequently use them; although, I could (to answer the door when the mailman inevitably knocks while I sleep).  One is a bright pink option from Victoria’s Secret, and the other is a black lace number that I like but doesn’t really cover anything for the aforementioned use. A black, satin robe seemed right up my alley.

And you can get one from Lovehoney as part of their lingerie line, which I’ve reviewed items from before. Those items have been hit or miss. Although I’m quick to admit that my relationship with lingerie isn’t what it once was.

Out of the bag, the satin seems stiff (and it’s noticeably stiff compared to the VS robe that I’ve had for over a decade). These things tend to soften up over time, but it does make the robe seem cheaper than I like. At around half the price of some other robes, however, it might be a sacrifice that most people are willing to make.

I would forgive the robe that issue if it fit well, but it’s a bit awkward. First things first. I ordered one size rather than the plus size (get it here), and it just meets around my rib cage.  I wasn’t sure if the fit was small because of weight gain or what, but my VS robe still fits comfortably with room. I think Lovehoney is just making these robes small. So, I would definitely size up if you’re unsure or want extra room.

The result is a robe that leaves my breasts hanging out. I might wear it over a bra or another piece of lingerie for someone else. I could not, for the life of me, find a picture that captured this and the shape of the robe in its entirety that I was comfortable posting. And no one wants to feel that bad in something that should be sexy.

I have a stuffed animal that looks okay in it, however.

The narrow width is even more awkward on my frame when compared with the oversized and boxy sleeves. On my 5’2″ frame, they seem more like 3/4 length. And they’re so wide that I feel swamped. I think it’s just the style because so many robes these days are “kimono” size. The type of robes you see from other retailers look similar. Yet my older robe has sleeves that are shorter (around elbow length) and slightly more fitted, which makes me feel more comfortable. Lovehoney’s lace robe looks to have more fitted sleeves.

This Lovehoney robe, however, makes me feel like a child playing dress up. Add to this that the short length is incredibly short (I’m not a tall woman, and this robe falls just under my butt, not reaching mid-thigh like on the model), and it’s perplexing. Other reviewers thought it was too long, so it might be falling shorter on me due to my butt and breasts.

Overall, the Lovehoney satin robe just seems to be a bit awkwardly cut. It feels like a graduation down, not a sexy part of lingerie. No part of it is really flattering or makes me feel comfortable. I cannot imagine myself really wearing it — unless I wanted to keep it open over another piece of lingerie.

And while I don’t want to keep making comparisons to another robe, a classy touch would be to have pockets. This robe does not. This isn’t going to be a deal-breaker for many people, I imagine.

With that said, this will probably be up someone’s alley. It seems well-enough made, and the price makes it worth considering (and right now you can get a free clitoral vibrator with your purchase!).  I would probably read more reviews than just this one, however.

Free delivery on all orders over $60

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Categories: Lingerie, Reviews

Lovehoney Satin Drawstring Bags

November 11th, 2012

LonveHoney Satin Drawstring Bags

LonveHoney Satin Drawstring Bags
$4.99 - $6.99 from LoveHoney

So these things have been sitting on my dresser for a while. My cats like to sit on them and, you know, I’m kind of pussy whipped. Also, I’m not sure what to put in them. It’s not an issue of not having enough toys without storage. It’s an issue of liking the design so much that I don’t just want to shove them in my nightstand, but my remote controls don’t really need satin pouches — or do they?

Let’s start with the logo, then. It’s this stylized heart. It doesn’t scream “sex toy” or adult at all, which is why I love it. It’s got clean lines and I’d like to wear it as a hoodie, I really would. Like, even in front of my mom. Whoa. I know.

So, the logo is printed on all of Lovehoney’s bags in a vinyl. It feels like any screen-printed tee. It’s set off to the bottom and corner, which is appealing to my eye. It’s in a bright red, but even though people always tell me that red and purple don’t match, I think they’re dumb. The purple is a cool blue base, but it’s purple.. so that’s a problem for some folks. But, think about the naked sex toys! Aren’t purple togas better than none at all? I rest my case.

LoveHoney Large Drawstring BagI received two different pouches because the folks at Lovehoney love me. The small isn’t even that small at 5.6-by-8 inches. It’s longer than the Don Wands storage pouch, at least, and it’s not puffy so you can actually put stuff inside it. The large is the same width but is significantly longer at 13.2 inches. The awkward measurements are because these are actually in metric, but converting won’t kill me. However, the Lovehoney website tries to explain how large of a toy you can store in these pouches when closed, so the two sets of numbers is a little confusing in my opinion. The large sac is about an inch shorter than it actually measures because of the hem/cinch area. That’s something to take into consideration.

Still, both bags are impressively sized. You can fit a fuckin’ rabbit vibe into the large. The puffy, awkwardly sized storage I’ve used in the past couldn’t do this. The small bag will easily fit cock rings, condoms, small bottles of lube or just a handful of clitoral stimulators if you happen to have them lying around, which I do.

The exterior is a shiny satin, the interior unfinished. There’s no rough edges, and all the hems and stitches seem secure. I imagine the material would get caught on nails, so treat them with caution. Unlike the puffy bags, you could hand wash these and lay them flat to dry if you spilled lube on them, which is always nice.

Small LoveHoney BagThe bags secure with loops of purple ribbon. It’s thin and easy to use but not so pretty. You could cut the knots at the end of each side to replace with some pretty ribbon, but I think that’s silly. On the other hand, if your ribbon did fray, replacing it wouldn’t be so hard. Removing it altogether is also an option.

When you close the bag, you lose some length, of course, so you should be wary of that. As this is thin satin, it’s not going to protect your toys from a drop off the Empire State Building but you probably won’t care when someone sues you for murder. At around $5, these bags are a steal. The one option that I really liked is no longer available. Although Devine Toys has a nice option, it’s almost three times the price of these from Lovehoney. These are definitely the better option for frugal folks. Plus, Lovehoney has a ton of other branded gear to match!

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Categories: Reviews, Storage

Playful in Pearls Satin Eye Mask and Cuffs

July 25th, 2012

Playful In Pearls Satin Eye Mask Playful In Pearls Satin Eye Mask

This product has been discontinued.

This month’s assignment from CEN’s Sexpert program was a surprise. I don’t know if I would have chosen anything from their light bondage line, titled Playful in Pearls, myself. However, I can more than give you a thorough review regardless.

The satin mask is a slight upgrade to the free masks. It doesn’t just look like a pad on a string. There’s a more defined contour for your nose. Rather than a thin elastic strap, the band is bordered with lace on the top and bottom. In the center, back of the blindfold is a big ribbon bow. To top it all off, there’s a row of faux pearls along the top front of the mask. All in all, it’s very feminine, and I think this definitely affects who is going to buy this. It’s a little too much going on for me. The ribbon, mask, and lace have too many textures for my personal preference.

So, while the mask isn’t quite a pad-on-a-string, it’s not perfect. The satin is stiffer than I like, but it’s not so stiff that it doesn’t pull across the bridge of the nose. I experience this with softer materials. My KinkLab blindfold, for example, is stiff enough to prevent this. The elastic stretches and the mask stays stationary. Plus, while the lace and elastic band is stretchy, it’s not going to fit every head. The band itself is just under 14″ long, with another 7.5″ for the mask itself. It stretches much larger, obviously. I find this to be a little loose on my head, and it’s not adjustable. On the other hand, if your head is larger than mine, this won’t be a problem.

The beads don't stay in placeAlthough contoured, the mask isn’t quite enough to block out all light. The layers of fabric are pretty thin, too. It’s not a very good blackout blindfold, and the blindfold will slip during use, especially if it’s loose. For these reasons, I feel like this piece is really better for show than function. Take some pictures, but that’s about it.

The problem is that it doesn’t look as good up close as you think. The line of “pearls” is sewn on with a clear thread, like fishing line. It looked up over the top of the mask and only goes through the actual material ones. This means that the pearl beads can slide out of place. One in particular, on my blindfold, likes to flip behind the mark, so I’m constantly adjusting it. This really wreaks havoc on the aesthetic appeal, at least for me. Because the beads are just spheres with a hole on either side, a regular stitch would work for this. I’m not sure if it would require more effort, but the result would be nicer.

Playful in Pearls CuffsOn to the cuffs, which, unfortunately, suffer from many of the same flaws. The cuffs are two elastic and lace bands with velcro enclosures, and they’re permanently attached to each other with a string of pearls. I think the cuffs themselves are cuter than the blindfold. I’d almost wear them as regular accessories with the loose lace and the pretty ribbon bow on top. If you look at the point where the velcro attaches, it looks a little odd, but this isn’t so noticeable if you’re not staring directly at it.

The wrist cuffs do seem pretty tiny, especially compared to some of the nylon and leather ones I’ve tried. They’re about 7.5″ long, unstretched. You can stretch them another two inches, and the lace does have some elasticity but, again, these seem intended for ladies and not men. This also limits their versatility as ankles cuffs.

Such lovely knotted fishing lineThe real drawback is the line of pearls in between. They’re strung on the invisible thread; although, they’re tight enough that you can’t see it at all. The long row of faux pearls looks pretty cheap and, IMO, tacky. It’s very plastic-y. The bound person has 9.5″ of space between her hands, which lets her move some, but not much. I would worry that, during actual play, the bound person might accidentally jerk, tear the thread and the pearls would go flying.

CEN has tried to avoid this, because you can see that the ends of the strings are tied in one giant glob of a knot. It’s noticeable only if you’re looking, I suppose, but you’d think they could do it much better. It’s really sloppy. I didn’t give this one a full-strength pull test but, again, I’d be careful with it.

While I like the idea of the playful in pearls pieces, the execution just needs some work.
CEN Sexpert

1 Comment

Categories: BDSM, Reviews

Zebra Print Satin Babydoll

October 7th, 2011

Zebra Print Satin Babydoll

Zebra Print Satin Babydoll

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The Zebra Print Satin Babydoll is super pretty and I really wished it worked for me but this is a case of both-sizes-probably-only-fit-if-your-breasts-have-been-surgically-enhanced.

This is sad because the piece of really cute. The mesh is fine and soft if not quite as silky as some other mesh I’ve owned. It’s stretchy and seems pretty strong. The zebra striped satin accents are bold and cute. The bottom hem features a straight 1″ or so border of this satin and will all toward the upper part of your thigh. In the model’s images, it’s significantly wider so that may be a difference between the sizes. The cups are also cute and there’s an unobtrusive black satin bow between them. It’s a simple design that will

But when you take a closer look at the publicity images, you can see that the cups are just designed hugely and, because they’re a non-stretchy material, it’s hard to arrange them artfully. There is actually elastic on the sides of the triangle material which means, if you happen to have midgets taped to your chest, they’ll fit. But I’d gander that, with the queen size, anyone smaller than a D is going to feel pretty overwhelmed with the amount of material. I mean, if I just compared my bra (C-cup), the babydoll has twice as much material per cup.

Even if you are larger in the chest and thinner at the waist, the cups don’t offer any support really. The empire waist isn’t reinforced so if you don’t love the natural shape or sag of your breasts, you might be disappointed, too.

So that made me sad but also confused because it’s obvious that the model has huge fucking boobs and that the cups are just out of proportion to the rest of the piece because I really don’t see how — even with the stretchy mesh — the queen would fit more than an XL and many women with breasts naturally that large have some extra weight. The standard size isn’t even that loose on the model and she’s pretty thin.

Unfortunately, there’s a couple quality issues with the Zebra Print Satin Babydoll, too. First, the strap adjusters are really super hard to move. I feel like I need to chew on them or that my nails are going to break. It’s a total pain. Secondly, the stitching is coming out of the bow after one wash. So the bow has lost it shapes and, because it must have been slightly attached to the bottom of one cup, the satin has started fraying. There’s also some fuzzies coming off of the satin trim at the bottom. Overall, the satin seems kind of cheap.

The queen size comes with a giant thong. Again with the enlarged proportions? It’s elastic and mesh and your typical thong-included thong. Replace it with a comfortable, fitting black or white panty and you’re good to go.

So while this isn’t my favorite piece, it’s not that expensive either. If you’re blessed with the breasts and like the design, you might give it a try. If you’re not so well endowed, look for something a little more forgiving.

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Categories: Lingerie, Reviews

Make love to your long distance lover online

Sugar Sak XL

April 11th, 2009

Sugar Sak
$15.35 from Amazon

The Sugar Sak which is distributed by the Sugar & Spice Boutique is definitely a sweet treat when it comes to storing your sex toys. Billed as a “sexy designer toy bag,” I must agree. My extra-large (Maxx) Sugar Sak came in a very bright pink satin, and while I know a lot of folks are sick of all the sexy toys and accessories in pink, it matches my bathrobe perfectly. LOL Different retailers also sell red and black satin Sugar Saks in a range of sizes from Small to Extra Large, like mine, which is only available in the pink. You could easily carry this with you to a party or a date, and it would look stylish. The inside is also lined with a cute black and white spotted “cow” type print.

The bag is cinched with a black ribbon and a cute, faceted, black plastic bead. At first, I must admit, I didn’t think the beads would do the trick because they don’t “lock” into place, but they do seem to hold well. The strings are also loops, which make for a handle to hold, or you could tie them around the opening of the bag for extra security instead. I don’t plan to put too many or too heavy toys into my Sugar Sack and use the ribbon to carry just because it is only plain ribbon.

And while sex toy storage is nothing new, there is something very unique about the Sugar Saks, which comes folded neatly in a plastic bag: Bioshield 75. The package describes this technology as “an invisible, exclusive patented EPA-approved coating that inhibits the growth of bacteria, fungi, mold, mildew, years and viruses,” which is good for up to 50 washes. This is made of win! No one wants any of those microscopic intruders on their sex toys. I particularly like the idea because I don’t like to wash my toys before and after. If I can wash it once (after) and keep them stored with the assurance that nothing can touch them in my Sugar Sak, then I’m happy. Plus, the Sugar Sak won’t deposit any lint on your toys and protects them from any fleeting particles like lint and dust. Furthermore, I expected the inside of the bag to feel a bit like plastic, but you can’t tell at all. This is definitely a great device – so much better than Ziploc bags!

So it protects your toys and you can take it almost anywhere in style, but how much does it hold? Admittedly, I looked at my Sugar Sak, saw that it was only 9.5″ x 13.5″ and thought, “That’s it?” Yet, it has proven to hold quite a few toys I was able to round up all the loose toys in my nightstand as well as a few from the “Meh” box (you know, the ones I don’t really love) and stuff them in there. It was a little tight, and I will keep markedly fewer toys in it on a daily basis, but I was impressed. It would be easier to fill this bag if it had a flat bottom, though.

The list of toys and accessories I fit into my XL Sugar Sak includes:

Now, all of the toys in the main part, except for the Wild G, are hard plastic, so I know there won’t be any sort of reaction, but it’s something to make note of when storing your toys. What’s nice is there is another little pocket inside with a velcro closure where you can store something which might have a possible reaction or smaller things that you don’t want to become lost (cock rings, batteries, little lube bottles/packets, jewelry, clamps, wireless toys/controllers so on and so forth). It’s about 7″ in length and 5 1/2″ in width, so while it probably won’t fit any rabbit vibes, you could fit smaller vibrators or dildos in it. I placed my silicone plug in there just in case it wouldn’t do well with the TPR Silicone rabbit.

As I wrap up this review, I’d like to say the Sugar Sak seems like a great bag for storage at home or while on the go. The quality seems decent; the sewing was good when I flipped the bag inside out to measure the inner pocket; although, there was one loose string on the outside bottom. I think it’s overall a quality product that is easy to use, fits a surprising number of toys, is cute and will keep my toys nice and clean.

14 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Storage

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.