Tag: Vibrators

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Articles

It’s 2024, Why Do Sex Toy Controls Still Suck?

isn't it time to upgrade the controls on our sex toys

As a lifelong leftie, I’ve struggled to use scissors and pens that cause pain (and don’t even get me started on how being short makes it all that much worse!). And while I can now buy (often for a higher price) counterparts that promise not to hurt my hand, but there’s still one area without any consideration for handedness: sex toys.

For the most part, no sex toys are handed, unless of course, you count those finger vibrators. Their controls are typically centered along the handle or base (unless they’re even more ridiculously inaccessible), which I do not find particularly intuitive, especially when it comes to changing settings in use because I cannot see them and sometimes can’t even reach them. No one loves having to stop using a toy just to turn up the vibrations! Yet, companies have failed to produce vibrators and other powered sex toys that truly reflect the fact that, most of the time during use, our hands are not neatly grasping the base of the toy. Instead, they point down, come from an angle, or are upside down–or all three.

What makes this even more frustrating is that the answer is right there: thumbs! Most of us have two that aren’t entirely occupied by holding a toy and are in a better position to access the controls than our other fingers. However, those centered buttons at a toy’s base aren’t quite what we need to make vibrators more user-friendly or, perhaps, ergonomic. Companies really need to go back to square one when it comes to positioning their controls.

Don’t get me wrong, some companies have tried other things. JeJoue Mimi and Mimi Soft have buttons on the butt of the toy, and the now defunct We-Vibe Wish did something similar (see also: the Scoop). But being able to do that with clit stimulators doesn’t help with insertable toys, which may be long enough that we can’t reach controls on the very base of the toy, let alone do so with enough dexterity to use them how we want.

MysteryVibe was thinking outside of the box with their Crescendo, and I don’t mean just because of the bendable shaft. They placed two buttons on each side of the shaft to make it easier to power on and off and move through settings. If you’re righthanded, your thumb will press the button I would press while holding it with my index and vice versa, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Similarly, if you can get over (or if you enjoy) the bulky, body-fluid-grabbing faux gems on Jopen’s Pavé Grace, the button placement is probably the best I’ve ever seen on a clit stimulator. It’s so intuitive and natural that as soon as I used it, I wondered what the hell we’d been doing to this point, especially because all of my mobile devices have similarly placed volume buttons–not to mention my TV remote. I’m not sure how much that challenged design and production, but I sure as hell appreciate the step we’ve taken toward an ergonomic vibrator.

We just need to close our eyes and take a giant leap that involves saying a permanent “Goodbye” to those centered buttons on the top or base of a powered sex toy.

But that introduces a slight problem of handedness. The folks at Cal Exotics opted to put the buttons on Grace’s left side so that righthanded folks could easily access them with their thumb. I’ve got slightly less-than-ideal access with my index finger as a leftie. It’s usable but not flawless. Of course, it makes sense to opt for that button placement as righthanded folks make up the vast majority of the population, and it’s already such an improvement over most controls I really shouldn’t be complaining.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something in my little heart that wants a lefthanded sex toy with perfectly placed buttons where my thumb can reach them for uninterrupted stimulation. It’s not realistic for companies to make two variations of every vibrator, nor do I suspect that putting buttons on opposite sides of a toy would be a practical and affordable solution. But I can dream, can’t I?

I don’t think it’s a complete pipedream that sex toy makers might focus on comfort to elevate their products and brands, but maybe I should pester Roku into making a vibrator in the meantime.

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media recommendations

Spring 2021 Sexuality Media Recommendations

It’s almost summer, which means I better get a move on if I want to post a list of recommendations for podcasts, books, and videos about sex if I want to do it while it’s still spring. Because I’ve moved to a seasonal-ish schedule, this list is long. But that means there’s plenty to listen to during your commutes, doctor-office-waits, and long walks through the cemetery!

I didn’t read many books about sex, so my recommendations are more general. Similarly, I didn’t watch any standout video content about sex, so I’ve focused on podcasts, instead. However, you’ll definitely find plenty of them listed below!

Read

I’m going to post my review of Erato: Flash Fiction shortly. In the meantime, you don’t want to miss this collection of skillfully written and inclusive erotic shorts.

It’s not about sex but I really loved reading My Favorite Thing Is Monsters for class and can’t wait for the second. Part of the reason the book speaks to me is the way it addresses sexism and sex work. If you like graphic novels that are literature, horror, and unique art, this is a must-read.

Another non-sex recommendation is Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. This book really got me thinking about how my brain works and how I can help–or hinder–it in the process.

Listen

I’ve been wanting to read Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen for a while. In this interview on Out in the Bay, she reads excerpts from her book, offers new ways to understand sexuality, and discusses moving from science journalism to a book inspire by her own sexuality.

I’d never heard of Man Up before I came across this episode about healthy porn habits. The hosts, who are average guys and not necessarily sexperts, feminists, or super “woke,” discuss healthy ways to use porn in such an honest way.

Researcher Justin Lehmiller invited Dr. Michael Moreno on his podcast in an episode about talking to your doctor about sex. It’s such an important issue because sex impacts our physical and mental health. Yet, doctors don’t always receive a lot of sex education or may avoid these subjects. Advice like that in this podcast is important for patients to advocate for themselves.

Although it’s an older episode, Unladylike re-aired How to Free the Vibrator, a discussion with Polly from Unbound Babes. It dives into creating a feminist, friendly sex store that people aren’t ashamed to shop at or talk about. It’s something that I can sometimes–but shouldn’t–take for granted.

If you’re into learning, then you might like This Podcast Will Kill You. The topics span a broad range, so I only tune in now and then. Of course, I couldn’t resist an episode about HPV. In fact, this episode is one of the most educational and straightforward information sources I’ve ever encountered when it comes to HPV. And I’ve been diagnosed with it. Twice.

While I’m not normally into astrology, this discussion between Nicole and Danny Santos on Sluts and Scholars was an interesting listen that made me appreciate its meaning to people a bit more.

Sex educator Jennifer Litner joins Nicole on Sluts and Scholars to discuss how parents can give proper sex education, pleasure’s role in our lives, and desire discrepancies in long-term relationships.

In an honest and casual discussion, Kitty Stryker and Sunny Megatron discuss the definition of manipulation and the various forms it takes, including those that aren’t inherently negative.

If you haven’t heard about all the censorship of sex happening on social media, this American Sex episode will blow your mind.

Anyone who has wanted to try rope bondage but finds it intimidating will love this interview with Midori American Sex. She tackles the issue in such a no-nonsense way that makes it super accessible while showinga how simplicity can still be powerful and creative.

Sunny absolutely smashed it in her breakdown of the history of sex and porn censorship on the Internet. She discusses how it has been an issue for literal decades, long before SESTA/FOSTA, and how stars, creators, and websites have dealt with increasing restrictions. This episode is so ridiculously eye-opening!

Catie Osborn relates how having ADHD impacts her sex life in an episode of American sex that’s just as helpful for those with ADHD as it is their partners.. and potentially everyone else!

I’ve been looking forward to reading Dr. Ina Park’s book about the science and history of STIs since I first heard of it. Her interview with Tristan Taormino only made me want to read it more (I’m sure I’ll eventually write a review about it)!

Academic and feminist Dr. Heather Berg literally wrote the book about porn as work, and she talks all about it with Tristan Taormino.

I love when someone just pulls back the curtain to reveal fuckery that’s been going on under our noses, and that’s precisely what Kaytlin Bailey when she appeared on Sex Out Loud Radio to discuss the history of sex work. I’m looking forward to checking out more of her work!

I hadn’t heard of Richelle Frabotta before stumbling on this podcast from Miami University, but I love her take on sex education so much that I followed her on Twitter, listened to other podcasts, and am seriously considering receiving training through the Sexual Training Institute, at which she is an instructor.

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Reviews

The Best and Worst of 2019

In previous years my best — and worst of — lists included multiple sex toys. In 2019, I reviewed mostly books and not that many of them. So you’ll find a handful of them on this list along with only one sex toy!

Turned On Science, Sex and Robots
Sex meets tech in this entertaining and informative book by Kate Devlin

The first book I’ll recommend is Revolting Prostitutes, which examines the different legal frameworks and how those affect sex workers. It also explains how sex workers’ rights are ultimately women’s rights. If you want to learn more about how legalizing or decriminalizing sex work plays out, this is the book for you!

While I wasn’t intending to review Screwed, it wound up being a fast read that I enjoyed as well as a compelling argument that looked into the ways that society fails women when it comes to sex.

I thought I knew a lot about the menstrual cycle, but Heavy Flow explained some things that weren’t quite clear and helped paint a picture of menstruation as part of the larger picture and a person’s life and not just compartmentalized, relegated to exist only for 4-7 days out of the month.

If you want to know the state of sex robots and contemplate what this means for you, then I cannot recommend Turned On enough. It’s witty and wise and truly enjoyable to read.

I only reviewed a few sex toys this year, and only one is worth recommending. The revamped Laya II is stronger than the first Laya II and allowed me to enjoy Fun Factory’s Laya line once more.

On the other hand, Vibease and its terrible audio erotica failed to please. And months later, I am still struggling to get Coochy Plus shaving cream out of the broken pump bottle it came in.

Interestingly, while I had a somewhat favorable opinion of Mimi Soft when I reviewed it at the beginning of the year, I actually forgot I even tried it. Oops!

 

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Articles

It’s 2019, When Will Sex Toys Deliver on Their High-Tech Promises?

It’s 2019. We’ve reached the age of Back to the Future and Blade Runner. But if you take a look outside, it looks nothing like those dystopian movies have promised. And while we don’t know what the sex toys of the fictional future are supposed to look like, I can’t help but wonder if it would measure up. I know that I personally am a bit disappointed at how sex toys have failed to reach their potential by now.

Why?

I’m glad you asked.

Bluetooth Isn’t Body Compatible

As long as we rely on wireless technology that radiates through the air to connect devices, using them on and in our bodies is going to present a challenge. I’ve had Bluetooth toys that barely connected before I even inserted them let alone remaining connected while inside me, and I’m not holding my phone anywhere near 10 meters away from my vagina (the Bluetooth limit for most mobile devices). It’s enough to make me balk at the idea ever again, and yet, I find myself trying smart toys in hopes they won’t frustrate me.

And remote-controlled vibrators? They’re still ridiculously inconsistent. Every time some poor Redditor asks which remote-controlled vibe is the best because they’re too naive to realize that none of them deserves the title, I feel so bad for them. I shake my head and move along. Everyone has to make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons.

I Don’t Want to Use an App When I’m Fucking Myself — Or Anyone Else

I’ve said it before and I expect to have to reiterate: I don’t want to use an app with my vibrator. I don’t want my germ-covered phone in my lube-covered hand when I’m trying to get off. I don’t want to to have to unlock my phone when it becomes inactive because I was focusing on my clit.

But even if I wasn’t a germophobe, there are plenty of times when masturbating requires two hands. So how will I use the damn toy then?

God forbid the day when the only way you can use a vibrator is to with an app. The buttons will be removed, and I will have no use for the toy other than as a projectile.

Now, if anyone else wants to use an app-controlled toy on me, I might be inclined to let them… as long as the toy is functionally pleasurable. Of course…

Innovation Doesn’t Replace the Need for Quality Vibrations

Does a vibrator have a nice shape? Does it twist or bend into place? That’s great, but don’t forget about the main function: vibration. If a toy has barely-there vibrations or vibrations high-pitched enough that dogs would object (as would I!), there’s no reason for those innovative features. Because I’ll never use it.

Another high-priced paperweight? Sigh. If I must.

Imitation Might Be Flattery, But It’s Also Frustrating

Any time a sex toy manufacturer comes up with anything even remotely innovative, a slew of other companies follow suit, often with lower-priced or inferior products. I wouldn’t expect it any other way, and competition can certainly work for consumers. But when markets become flooded with all of these duplicates, I cannot help but wait for the ties to go back down to a point when I can see anything — anything — else when I log on to my favorite retailers or step into a sex toy store.

You know what I’m talking about. Dozens of companies copied Lelo’s early designs, including various toys for men, but even Lelo has resorted to duplicating the clitoral pulsation/suction toys that were all the rage last year.

Of course, I may sound ungrateful or hopelessly picky. I realize that there are people working incredibly hard behind the scenes, that innovation isn’t easy (otherwise, it would be much more commonplace), and that technology is tricky. Yet, I struggle to think of instances of technology or innovation that has won me over. 

The most recent technological improvement in sex toys that I really enjoyed was Lelo’s oral sex simulator, and I may be in the minority there.

I know that smart toys will change the landscape of Kegel exercisers by providing valuable feedback, but I also know there’s still a lot of ground to cover. I’ve enjoyed pressure-responsive vibrators. Internal batteries have been revolutionary. Yet for every toy that provides pleasure, there are myriad underwhelming vibrators, glitching motors, defective models, and confusing designs to contend with.

When I try something that’s new and unusual, I always wind up saying something like

It’s different, but that’s certainly not a selling point in this case.

The novelty is interesting, but the followthrough is lacking. I wonder what I’ll do with a toy that fails to provide on the very premise that sold us all on it.

The bigger the promise, the harder the reality hits.

And that brings us back around to the reality of sex toy tech in 2019. It’s getting there, sure. I just wish it was moving faster than a snail’s pace.

Categories
Reviews

The Best and Worst Sex Toys (+Books) of 2018

The Best

Becoming Cliterate
Cat-approved sex education

Unlike previous years, this list is filled mostly with books as I’ve reviewed more books than ever on my blog. I hope you’ve all enjoyed my book reviews. I’ve certainly

enjoyed reading most of them, especially the following.

  • Just Lehmiller’s book Tell Me What You Want details the responses from over 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies. You’ll learn what’s common, why we might have some fantasies, how to talk about them, and when fantasies are best left unexplored.
  • Becoming Cliterate is the book I want to recommend for anyone who owns or plays with a clitoris. It has the potential to flip a mediocre sex life on end and provides hands-on advice for the reader and their partner(s).
  • Screamin O managed to surprise me with Scoop, a powerful little vibrator.

G-Vibe 2
This vibrator allowed me to write a scathing review, at least

The Worst

Of course, not everything I tried was fantastic.

  • This is a bit of a cheat because I didn’t write a similar post to wrap up 2017 (there simply weren’t enough contenders), but the Black Line Laya II was my biggest disappointment in years. I now have my hands on the updated Laya II, so expect a comparison review sometime next year.
  • The Lovehoney Short Satin Robe was just boxy and cheap. I didn’t know something so simple could go so wrong.
  • Oh my gaaawd, there was no denying that the GVibe 2 would wind up on my list. A toy claiming to do everything that pretty much did nothing. Please don’t waste your time. I beg of you.
  • Despite positive reviews about toys in this line and the Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager itself, I cannot see myself ever picking up this painful, power-devoid vibrator again.
  • Getting through Sex Outside the Lines was tedious. It was definitely my least favorite sexuality book of the year. The author continuously used hyphen-laden phrases that he seemed to pull out of thin air in a way that I am sure he thought made him look like an authority in the subject. Instead, it just made him look pretentious and out of touch.

Dishonorable Mentions?

I don’t normally do this, but there were a couple things that really stood out in a way that was confusing. First up?

  • GBalls, which worked fine as a device and certainly better than Minna’s kGoal, which has earned my ire on a previous yearend wrapup. The only problem? The app. It needs another proofread. Similar items might be more worth your money simply because of the app experience.
  • As I said in my review, the We-Vibe Wish has left me with conflicting feelings like no other toy before. The rumbly vibrations are so close to perfect yet just a smidge too weak to be a mindblowing toy. Not being able to adjust the vibration is almost torturous. Don’t judge me if I cry.

But this is just my opinion. I’d love to know if any of my readers agree or disagree. Got your own recommendations? Perhaps you want to warn us away from something? Sound off in the comments!

I’d also love to know what you’d like to see me review next year.

Categories
Shopping

My Favorite Red, White and Blue Sex Toys

I’m not much for celebrating our country’s Independence Day. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with firing up the grill or throwing last year’s husk of a Christmas tree into a bonfire to blaze gloriously for all of 30 seconds as your face melts off. And who doesn’t enjoy fireworks? I like the activities, but I just don’t feel the season.

To each her own, eh?

Anyway, I thought it would be fun if I let my readers in on my favorite toys boasting the patriotic colors of the American (and plenty of other countries’) flags. I’ve updated this list to include some newer items since I originally posted it and to remove some that are no longer available.

Note that while I’ll provide affiliate links to a few products below, you can get most of these from my affiliate store here. Right now, you can save 20% off everything with code REDWHITEYOU.

uberkinky bondage tape
Red (and black( bondage tape from UberKinky

Red

White

  • I’m pretty sure Jimmyjane no longer makes any other Contour massage stones, which is a bummer. These are way nicer than the cheap plastic massagers you get around Christmas time. I actually haven’t used my Contour M in years, but it’s such a nice piece. And it’s rather affordable. Check it out from SheVibe for less than $23.
  • Speaking of SheVibe, they’re where I recommend buying the Unicorn dildo by Split Peaches. Now, you might recall that the version I reviewed doesn’t exactly fit the color scheme, and you’re right. But there’s a gorgeous, opalescent white finish you can get it in. It comes in three sizes for your perfect fit.
  • There’s only ever been one Tantus toy that I love: the Faerie. And I think I love it because of the pearlescent white shimmer. I didn’t even get the white version, but I can’t complain. Unfortunately, Tantus no longer makes it. Bummer. They do sell a similar Slow Drive, but in different colors.
  • Although not a sex toy per se, I’d like to add 101 Vagina into this mix. This coffee table book depicts images of different vulvas, and you know I’m all for body positivity! The hardcover book uses monochromatic images to make a striking impression. Check out my review before you buy it from Amazon.

Lelo Ora 2
Lelo’s second attempt at a clitoral stimulator

Blue

There are more awesome blue sex toys in my nightstand than there seems to be any other color. In no particular order, I love these:

  • Jimmyjane Form 6 G3. I don’t know why more people aren’t shouting their love for this sleek, rechargeable and powerful vibrator. Not everyone likes it, but I do. Vibrant sells both the blue and pink for $175.
  • Now, I didn’t get my Lelo Ora in blue, but the blue one is pretty much the perfect shade to celebrate your country. Pretend I made some horrible analogy about fireworks and masturbating. Okay, you don’t have to. My point is, however, that it’s the perfect shade of blue and does the oral stimulation simulation thing better than anything I’ve tried. The second one made some much-needed improvements. You’ll have no problem finding it at retailers, but it’s currently on sale at Lovehoney and directly from Lelo when using coupon 15june18.
  • Minna’s Limon is a pressure-sensitive vibrator that’s perfect for clitoral stimulation and can even be used hands-free. I enjoy it much more than anything else I’ve tried from the company. Unfortunately, there are few retailers selling the Limon anymore. You can buy it from Vibrant but only in the pink.

So what are your favorite red white and blue items?

Categories
Giveaways

6 Year Blog Anniversary Giveaway (Multiple Prizes)

Perhaps it is fitting than for the six years I’ve been writing Of Sex and Love, I will be able to celebrate with six prizes to six different winners. It was unintentional. And I may throw in some Babeland gift cards, too. And I may get a few more sponsors before I finally post this, so it’s not that I can’t count, you guys.

So, this is my way of saying thank you. For visiting. Commenting. Emailing. Following through broken domains and weird Tumblr situations. For sticking it out even when I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. Thank you for listening to me even when I didn’t know how to write a review or how to explain female ejaculation or how bad “silicone composites” were.

A lot can change in 6 years. A lot has changed. And it’s interesting because I’m not entirely sure that I’ve changed anything in the world. Not as Adriana. But the lessons of sex positivity and feminism that this corner of the blogosphere has imparted on me are something that I take with me as my “real” self.  I’m known as the resident “sexpert” and militant feminist. I didn’t see at least one of those things coming.

And I certainly wouldn’t take it back.

No, I’m here to give to you guys for making this all possible. The prizes are pretty awesome, if I do say so myself!

Special thank you to Lelo, Lovehoney, Pipedream, SheVibe, Cleis Press and Good Vibes for providing them!

Awesome giveaway prizes!
Awesome giveaway prizes!

  • From Lelo, the award-winning Ora, which I reviewed and liked quite a bit. International winners are eligible, save for residents of India.
  • SheVibe is proud to offer a $50 gift card to one winner in England, USA, Australia or Canada.
  • The kind folks at Good Vibes will ship one winner a Minna Limon vibrator to someone in the USA or Canada.
  • From Pipedream, both the  Icicles No. 52 and  Ceramix #4 will go to an American winner.
  • Cleis Press is graciously going to send one American winner The Big Book of Submission
  • Crystal Delights Toys is offering one of their glass plugs in the winner’s choice of gem.
  • From UberKinky comes the Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings Under Bed Restraints Kit.
  • And, finally, Lovehoney has joined me in this giveaway with the  Bettie Page Picture Perfect Spanking Paddle to someone in the US, Canada or UK.

You can enter for multiple toys but you can only win one. If I pull your name for a giveaway, you cannot win another, but you can feel free to enter for more than one and show support for each of the sponsors.

You can come back every day to do things like tweet, and you can do this for each prize.

Good luck!

Lelo Ora
Lelo Ora

Minna Limon

Minna Limon

Icicles #52/Ceramix #4
Icicles No. 52 and Ceramix #4

Bettie Page Spanking Paddle

Bettie Page Picture Perfect Spanking Paddle
The Big Book of Submission The Big Book of Submission

Crystal Delights Glass Plug
Crystal Delights Plug

Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings Under Bed Restraints Kit

Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings Under Bed Restraints Kit