Lovehoney Flash USB Rechargeable Mini Vibrator

April 17th, 2013

Flash

Flash
$39.99 from Lovehoney

As a techie, I love that so many sex toys now charge via USB. Hell, I even stole the adapter for one to charge my iPod. As someone who likes a lot of power, however, I’ve found most of the available options to be pretty disappointing. I wish I could say differently about the Flash (aah ahh) but.. I can’t.

I can’t really write this review without comparison the Flash to Lelo’s Mia, which may be the first USB vibe I ever tried. I liked it quite a bit — and still do — and it’s kind of set the standard in terms of strength and quality. No, the Mia isn’t what you’d ever call a “powerhouse,” but it is designed well and is enough to get me off (when the damned thing isn’t dying on me! arg.).

So let’s start with design. This really isn’t that much different from a flash drive — hence the name — except there’s a soft, silicone tip. It’s has a gentle curve and tapers a bit. I don’t feel either way about this shape. It’s easy enough to use and it would work for many people. It provides pinpoint stimulation, which would better for me if the vibrations were stronger. However, I do generally prefer diffused vibes.

The shaft is roughly four-sided with rounded corners. There’s a single, soft button about halfhalf up. It’s easy to find and there’s tactile feedback when you push it. It’s also lit from beneath, so that helps if you can see it during use. To use, you press the button once to turn on and keep pressing to go through all the settings. You have to press and hold to turn off the vibrator. In my opinion, you have to press and hold a little too long. But that’s just me nitpicking.

The vibes are really high shallow, and this becomes even more apparent as you go through the three steady settings. It’s ridiculous and almost nonexistent on the “highest” setting because the frequency increases so much. I hate it. Seriously. I like Goffrey Lannister better. Then, there are four escalating and pulsating patterns that you probably won’t care much about because the Flash just doesn’t have the power to make them interesting. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Another thing that really bothers me about the Flash is the quality. The toy pulls apart into two pieces, one plastic and one silicone. The area where they join just seems weak. I feel like if I apply pressure in the wrong area, the whole thing would just break. This makes me wary when I wash it. It’s supposed to be 100% waterproof, but I wouldn’t submerge this.

It’s between this area where the standard USB interface lies, and you just plug this into your computer or AC adapter as anyone with an Android device has one of those handy. This is convenient.. and it makes me really want to love the Flash and similar toys but, my God, they all fucking suck.

So this toy? Didn’t get me off. My clit quickly became “immune” to the vibrations that were too weak and buzzy. I opted for the Mia, which is much, much stronger and a little deeper in comparison, but it died. Sometimes I just want to insert batteries, you know?

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls

April 3rd, 2013

Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls

Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls
$31 from EdenFantasys

I’m not going to pull your leg. I think this is a weird toy idea to begin with, but if it had any chance of succeeding, it probably isn’t with the design that Maia Toys decided to go with — sorry guys.

So, this is a vibrator molded into something like kegel balls. The balls are coated with a velvety silicone that thins out to create a connector in the center. While it is The whole The balls are designed so that they’re flatter on one side than the other, which makes them oblong and not quite balls in reality.

The design is also a noticeably than most kegel balls. In the photo below, I’ve paired them next to my K-balls, which are roughly the same size s most “full-sized” vag balls. Ignore how much my flash washed out the colors. They measure 5″ long from end to end. At the widest, each ball has a diameter of about 1.5 inches. It’s difficult to fully measure the length of each ball because they’re oblong, but the connector in the middle is no longer than one inch.


IMAG0595-1

If you’ve already had trouble with the Luna Beads or Smartballs, then these aren’t the ones for you. I knew I wouldn’t even be able to insert both balls, so it was only one. What this means is that you’re going to be awkwardly waddling around your life if you try to keep these balls inserted for passive PC exercises as you go about your day. It’s possible with other PC exercisors, but not these. That’s a shame, because I think it really reduces their functionality.

On the other hand, if you only want to exercise your PC muscles while lying down in a comfortable position, you could grasp the outer ball and pull for a more intense workout. I’m lazy. This is the only reason I use vag balls, so this is kind of a no go for me personally. I think a single “ball” design might be easier for this idea, but then you’d have the problem of controlling it..

As this is a vibrator, you have to insert batteries and turn it on. One end of one ball is a plastic silver cap. There’s a matching “cap” on the other ball, but it’s not functional. This one runs on two LR1 batteries, which must have come with the vibrator itself because I don’t remember having any. I also don’t remember getting them. The cap uses a half-turn style, and it’s super finicky. I find it hard to get a good grip on it and turn. You have to use two hands without exception. The battery cap also serves as the controls. A partial turn locks the cap in place, but if you keep turning it, it turns on. It’s not very handy at all, and I loathe toys that I have to turn on before insertion because of poor design.

Also? I keep grabbing the wrong end to remove batteries, and I feel like I’m going to break this.

And when it’s on? The vibrations are buzzy and weak. The vibes tickles my hand. Ugh. They focus in the ball that doesn’t have the batteries, so at least it will be inserted. There’s a terrible rattle, too. On the other end, there’s this little plastic “window” that serves no purpose that I can understand. On mine, it’s not fully attached, so it sort of bounces around the casing of the ball. In fact, it does this if you just shake the toy.

Of course, there’s only a single level of vibrations, and the sound output is just unacceptable. Even if these were smaller and I could fully insert them, I would never wear them out like you might with other kegel balls. People would be like “yo, Imma let you finish, but you forgot your vibrator lady.”

You could use the Sensor Vibrating Vagina Balls without the vibrations turned on, which I’d love to recommend, but the size is going to prevent me from doing soy.

I think it’s great that Maia Toys is trying to do something with an old standby, but I’m just not sure that the company hit the nail on the head with this idea.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Marcia MV1 Vibrator

March 27th, 2013

maia marcia vibrator

maia marcia vibrator
$28.32 from Amazon

You know what? I love pink. I like pink toys. The color is used so much, but I can eschew traditional gender roles while also matching some of the stereotypes, can’t it? With that said, this vibrator — and all of the designs by Maia Toys — come in some awesome colors. This one is also available in yellow, which you can try to win in this giveaway.

But the one I kept to review was bright freakin’ pink, and the company makes separate packaging that matches the color of your toy. This, while not necessary, feels extra special to me. Aside from the packaging and color, I just liked the design of most of these toys. It reminds me a little bit of Lelo’s toys. There’s clean, sleek lines, and I appreciate that.

This simple vibrator, for example, has a gently curving shaft. The base curves in the other direction at the tip, which gives it a lazy “S” shape. The shaft is rounded, while the base is angled, though, so it’s not perfectly symmetrical. The two parts are separated by a silver band, which is intended to add to the sophisticated appearance. There are crevices around the band and buttons where lubes and liquids could squeeze in. You may not find that these areas on the shaft and base get wet, but it’s worth noting.

In terms of design, there are two oval “cutouts” on the back. There’s a longer one on the shaft and a shorter one on the base, and it’s weird. It doesn’t add anything for me either physically or aesthetically.

However, I do feel as though the control panel dampens this effect just a bit. There are four buttons in silvery-grey plastic, and it just feels a little cheap looking.

The buttons serve as on, off and up and down vibrations. They’re easy to understand, and there’s physical feedback when you press them. Plus, the text and arrows on the buttons isn’t as crisp and clean as it should be, both in printing and design. It almost looks oddly hand written. A red LED glows behind the panel. It glows bright with each of the four levels.

In terms of vibrations, the MV1 is a little disappointing. They’re weak and buzzy. There isn’t a lot of difference between them, and I didn’t find them satisfying.

However, that’s not the case with the girth. It’s got a solid 1.6″ diameter at its widest; although, the shaft isn’t perfectly round. It tapers slightly toward the end of the shaft, but it’s not a tiny vibrator. I find that the squishy silicone, which has give when you squeeze it, feels larger than it is. This usually isn’t the case with softer materials, and the silky smooth silicone doesn’t cause a lot of drag. However, I found that awkawrd suction effect during removal, which I hate.

The battery pack isn’t at the end of the toy, but it’s in the metal by the silver band. It’s one of those half-twist styles, and it’s easy to line up, but it feels crooked at first. There’s a bit of an O-ring, but the battery area is shallow. In terms of construction, this area seems like the weakest in the construction. Even though I don’t love the vibrations, this is put together fairly well.

For the freshman effort by Maia Toys, this isn’t a complete failure. Design and ease of use are great. More power and perhaps some sleeker buttons would give this a better grade, but it does pass. The stores that sell this have it around $60. A drop to the $50 range would be more appropriate in my mind, however.

Nevertheless, I’m excited to write about the other items I’ve received from this company. I’ll also be uploading some photos to my Facebook page of the details because I’m feeling a little too exhausted to do so now.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

March 8th, 2013

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer
$18.29 from Of Sex and Love Store

I’ve come down with an awful cold, so this one’s going to be a quick one.

The gyrating hummer is not the type of vibe I’d pick for myself. You see, it’s weird shaped. I mean, I’m not into spoon/scoop shaped toys, and I don’t get the point of the little pokey dimple on the back. Whenever I look at this toy from the side, all I can imagine is a Shyguy — and not in the good way! Plus, for a toy that I wouldn’t want to insert, it just seems a little long for external use. It seems reasonable that CEN could save some time and materials by making this vibrator a little shorter. It doesn’t need to be longer than six inches. Then again, I just don’t get this whole “clit huggers” thing. Can someone please fill me in? Or not. I don’t really care. At least it doesn’t use AAA batteries.

So here’s some things that work in this toy’s favor:

  • It’s available in bright freakin’ green
  • The 2 AAs provide some surprisingly deep vibrations
  • It’s easy to use
  • The plastic cote is silky smooth and feels good to the touch
  • It has multiple modes
  • The pulsations are impressive
  • It’s water resistant with an O-ring around the battery pack

Really, I expected this to be a buzzy little thing, but the vibrations are impressively deep. They’re not the strongest ever, but I was taken aback. It makes me wish that I liked the shape better, but I just don’t. I don’t want to cup or surround my clit. I want firm pressure, which this toy just cannot provide.

But there’s plenty of things that suck about this toy:

  • The shape is just plain weird
  • You have to press the button for several loonnng seconds before it turns off
  • It rattles and is louder than I’d like
  • It uses one of those quarter-turn battery cap styles, which is a bitch to screw on
  • The silver band looks cheap
  • The vibrations could be stronger

Ultimately, however, it’s cheap. That’s what we gotta focus on. For less than $20, you really could do worse. If the shape somehow works for you, then go for it. I need something else, but I think I could have liked aspects of this toy if I hadn’t already tried hundreds.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Luxe Euphoria

January 29th, 2013

Luxe Euphoria

Luxe Euphoria
$30.64 from Of Sex and Love Store

In the past, I haven’t loved other Luxe toys I’ve tried. I think they’re all super cute, but they also only run on 2AAAs. That pretty much sums up my experience with the Luxe Euphoria.

And when I try to describe what this thing looks like, I just want to say:

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck.. it’s a vibrator?

I mean, it’s really got a face. California Exotics is taking a cue from the Japanese, I guess. There’s head and a little bill with which you can stimulate yourself. Maybe it’s a platypus. Then, it straightens out for you to hold it. It’s cute. I wouldn’t have picked out this shape, but something about it makes me smile despite myself. Like, maybe I want to do shadow puppets with it.

Sadly, I don’t really want to masturbate it because it’s just too weak for me. Yea, we all saw that coming. Two tiny batteries, and it barely feels like it’s turned on. Oddly enough, mine came with one of the tester batteries. I’m sure people will freak out about the toys being used, but they all get tested before sent out. Oh well, free battery?

I wish it was stronger, though, because that duck face could actually work. I can sort of curve my finger over the top of the head toward the bill, which gives me leverage for a little pressure. The bill offers pinpoint stimulation, which isn’t my favorite, but the silicone is firm with a little give. However, this means that my palm is over the controls. I have a hard time with buttons because I have to use my fingers for pressure and I want the buttons to be accessible but not exactly where I’m going to hold the toy down– I’m talking to you, Lelo.

CEN has gone with the two-button style: a master power button and another button that cycles through all the settings. It’s annoying when there’s many settings, but the Luxe Euphoria has only seven:

  • low
  • medium
  • high
  • escalation
  • past pulsation
  • faster pulsing
  • short then fast pulsation

The batteries are woefully inadequate, and while there’s a red LED below the buttons, it seems like mine might be defective. It doesn’t shine under both, only sort of in the middle. If this is the design, it really doesn’t help to illuminate the buttons.

California Exotics has done something new with the battery cap, as far as I recall, and I hate it. Instead of being able to screw it off, you have one of those little covers with the springy part like your remote control. It’s on the “tail” of the duck and almost so flush that you can’t find it. I actually like that it’s so seamless, but it makes it difficult to find, and the springy part you need to push to open it. The cover pops straight up, and I have a hard time getting it back on. I think I’m using to things that angle into place. It’s just different, I suppose.

The seamlessness probably lends to the waterproofiness of this toy. There’s not a single O-ring. Rather, the entire battery connection part on the cap is surrounded by a layer or silicone or TPR. It seems pretty secure, to be honest. I wouldn’t use this toy in the shower — you wouldn’t feel it with the water — but it’s easy to clean.

I do love the texture of this. Both the silicone and plastic have a velvety treatment. While the plastic is rigid, it has the same texture as the silicone. This, I like. There’s a silver “collar” that’s made of plastic and runs around the duck’s neck. This is definitely the weak point of the design. Not only can I see seams, but I can see the glue. Eeps!

This toy isn’t something I’d pay $30 for, especially knowing what I need, but CEN has made some good strides with this, even if it’s the odd duck out.
CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Waterproof Power Stud Cliterrific

December 29th, 2012

Waterproof Power Stud Cliterrific
$22.99 from CEN

So, I never would have picked this toy by myself. I think the fact that CEN calls it a “dong” is a good indicator of that. It’s essentially a realistic dildo with a vibrator mechanism added in as an afterthought. It’s got veins, a head and some strange bumps that really evoke the image of a dude who shaved about a week ago and is kind of prickly. This isn’t starting off very favorable, is it? I

To be honest. I have nothing positive to say about this one. I’m far too tired to fake it with a vibrator, okay?

It might look realistic ish. If bright pink and pitch black ever are. And the size is about right with 6″ or so of insertable length. But it doesn’t feel realistic. The PVC — again, not my choice — is very plasticy. The product description calls it soft, but it’s soft in the way that plastic is. It’s nothing like silicone. It doesn’t feel good. The veins and head are lost on me because it’s just ick. In your hand, you can tap it with a finger and hear the hardness of the PVC . I don’t know how the hell this made it past the inspection process.

I mean, at least it doesn’t collect lint? I don’t know.

That’s not the only incredibly offensive thing about this toy. Y’all know that I like some power and depth to my vibrators. I shy away from any that take AAA batteries because of this. When I forget, I am always disappointed. The Layaspot is the only exception to this rule ever. With 2AAs, I figured I might not hate this.

Guess what?

I was wrong.

For starters, the control is on the side of the shaft. It points up when this is inserted with the ridiculous nubs upward. When you consider that a) the shaft doesn’t bend or flex and b) I’m not going to insert this down to the giant testicle base, they’re useless, but I digress.

The button on the side of the shaft gives you three levels of steady vibes and they all suck. Or blow. Or fucking rot. Pick one. They’re stupidly week. Like trying to get off by sticking your vulva toward the wind. I don’t even know what that means, but it would probably work better than this.

I gave up in thirty seconds. I’m sorry. This just isn’t a good toy at all.

Maybe you can use this waterproof vibe to clean your tub. I don’t know. Please don’t buy it. If you really want realistic, anything by Vixen is a better bet. While the BOB has the stupid nubs, it at least feels better. The Posh Teaser 2 is definitely stronger, prettier and ultimately more useful in my book, too, if you need something cheap!
CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Make love to your long distance lover online

Bbold Premium

December 3rd, 2012

Bbold Premium

Bbold Premium
$72.55 from Bswish

I lusted over the Bbold for a while before I got it. I really enjoy the black and burgundy color scheme that Bswish tends to use. The shape of this vibrator also reminds me of the Vida Lussuria. I wanted to compare them side by side and take pictures, but I cannot figure out where my Lussuria went. I hope it wasn’t one of those that got tossed in the trash when my family and friends discovered sex toys during my move.

Annyway…

Bbold is a lazy S shape. The insertable portion works as a G-spot vibrator on one side and has a clit dimple on the other. The controls rest on the other side, where it curves again. Unlike Lussuria, this vibrator is made of silicone. It’s velvety but rigid. There’s a burgundy stripe that’s slightly more plush and runs around the profile of the toy. It’s attractive. It’s also completely smooth. There’s no ridges.

It’s just under 7.5″ long, but only about four of those niches are insertable. The g-spot head flattens and widens out to about 1.5″ wide but it’s about one inch “tall.” The majority of the shaft is much thinner, think .75″. The tapering is pretty gentle, but this toy is intended to stimulate one specific erogenous zone and not fill you up.

So, let’s go with the good.

It’s attractive. It’s got that angled G-spot head, and you can also use it externally. It’s super smooth and doesn’t have much drag. It’s waterproof, which means ease of use and versatility.

I effin’ love the buttons Bswish uses. It’s this bubbly shaped with two buttons — power and strength/mode adjuster. It lights up a super bright blue. There’s audible and tactile feedback. There’s no missing it in the dark. It’s simple. It works. It provides an instant off function when you need it.

This toy is USB rechargeable but it doesn’t plug into your computer — thank god. The included USB cable can be plugged into any USB outlet adapter. So anyone with an Android phone can just swap out the phone charging cable and plug the toy into it. It does use a proprietary port. I’d love if sex toy makers got on board with microUSB ports, but I’ll take what I can get.

The LED light lets you know when it’s charging, and this comes with a storage pouch. Bswish has had a hard time figuring out how it wants you to store toys. The first pouches were a thick, hoodie-like material. The company thinned them out. It’s now moved on to a satin sac with the company name on a tag. It’s stiff satin, but who cares? It does feel more luxurious than the old pouches, of course.

It comes charged!

On to the critique.

This toy just isn’t strong enough. There’s three steady levels of vibration. They remain about the same depth as you increase the level, which is good. They’re not super buzzy, but they could be deeper and stronger. The pulsation modes — of which there are three — aren’t fantastic for me, but the depth of the vibes does make two of them feel pretty intense. On my clit, however, I soon can’t feel them anymore. There’s an initial pleasure, then nothing. I need to be able to build up and get pressure, and this doesn’t happen with the Bbold.

For the power output, this thing seems pretty loud. I would worry about discretion if I was worried about being caught.

The clip dimple isn’t my thing. I don’t want to surround my clit. I want to press against the bone around it, with strength. The shape just doesn’t lend itself to how I like to masturbate. It’s also weird during masturbation. I tried the toy with that side against my G-spot and didn’t like it once bit. It completely missed where it needed to go. Turned around, the toy works much better, and the buttons wind up on top.

It’s a very simple experience. It made me squirt, but it wasn’t fantastic. A little forgettable, really.

The thing died pretty quickly when I got it. I hope this means it wasn’t fully charged, because I’d only used it once and briefly. A full charge has lasted me longer the second time around, so let’s hope that was a fluke.

The toy doesn’t remember your setting, but it does cycle through them. Once you get to the last pulse setting, it goes back to the lowest steady vibe. I don’t know if I like or dislike this, but it’s interesting.

Ultimately, this didn’t provide the premium experience. It felt very.. utilitarian. Got the job done but not any better than any other toy. USB charging is interesting, but it’s only practical in certain situations.

I really like Bswish as a company, probably because my first review toy came from them. I’ve come a long way since than and I still want to like them, but I’d love to see them think outside the box a little more. And add stronger motors. That’s a must.

However, Bswish asks less for the Bbold than other luxury vibrators, making this a good investment for someone who wants a toy that will last a long time and is attractive. At less than $75,

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.