Yesterday, I had an invigorating discussion with someone from the Sexual Health Alliance regarding a possible internship. It seemed to go pretty well, so I’m feeling great about that, but even if we don’t work together, it was still such a valuable conversation for me.
I don’t get a lot of opportunities to discuss sexuality with people who are involved in research or education, and the communications I do have are so frequently online. It was great to see and hear people on the other side of that discussion. It facilitates cooperation and connection. If I’m being honest, I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome and viewing other bloggers, authors, and sex educators as competition, instead of people who are working toward a common goal.
Some of that may be a bit inevitable as a woman in a capitalist society, but it’s plagued me for nearly the entire life of this blog and prevented me from speaking up as much as I want to, whether that be on my blog or social media or in person, but especially to those who I find intimidating. And that’s a shame. It’s likely also partially spurred by the fact that there are so few spaces to discuss sex healthily and productively, so it can feel like we’re all vying for a piece of it, like it’s a zero-sum game and someone else’s success means our failure–whatever that means.
Yesterday’s discussion, however, helped me reframe the way I think about things and see a fellow educator as my ally and potential partner in teaching about sexuality to improve sexual satisfaction and reduce the negative sexual and life outcomes that result from a sex-positive society. When the person I was discussing said we “need 17,000 more sex educators,” it really clicked. One thing I’ve struggled with is wondering how my efforts to write or talk about something would be any better than others’ efforts, even if others have yet to focus on the subject that I am thinking about.
But it’s important to remember that people come from different places. Their knowledge levels and mindsets, combined with the subjects we tackle and the way we talk about those things, all impact whether something really impacts the audience. There could be a million books, articles, conferences, or podcasts about the same topic, but there’s no guarantee that the people who need that information will find, understand, or take it to heart.
This is something I’ve recently been appreciative of after having read two books, The Highly Sensitive Person and Polysecure, both of which have shed a different light on relationship communication and allowed me to reflect on my last relationship differently than I would have otherwise. With Polysecure, the book’s first section about attachment style struck home in a way that nothing has in the past, and I am no stranger to attachment theory. Hell, I’ve even written about it in the past! But it wasn’t until I read this book at this point in my life that I could better understand and use that theory personally.
So talking with someone else has motivated me to do more of my own talking–well, writing–and I’m excited for some of the posts I have in the works and the book I’ve been working on!
There’s no doubt that returning to school and setting my career in motion in an “official” capacity, some positive comments from instructors, a volunteer-turned-work opportunity through school, and working with a new therapist have also boosted my confidence and increased my network in an instrumental way. This recent conversation was just the cherry on top of what I hope is a sundae that won’t melt anytime soon. Is that stretching the metaphor too far?
Regardless, I’m starting to think I can actually sustain change, continue to grow, and accomplish my goals in a way that I just haven’t before.
Yay.
