Adriana’s 10 Tips for Anal Sex

June 15th, 2016

In my first year of marriage, I might have had more anal sex than vaginal sex. Perhaps it was because we were still using condoms, and neither of us really liked them. It might have been the taboo, which made it all the more hot. But, if I’m being honest — and I always am with you guys! — I just liked it. Anal let my clit open to stimulate, the tightness felt great and my former husband liked it, too.

With that in mind, I’d like to help others experience positive experiences when it comes to anal sex, so I’ve got 10 pieces of advice that I hope will help you!

1. Talk About It

I don’t just mean talking during anal sex. Of course, you should do that. But you should talk about whether you want to try it at all. Your first foray into anal sex shouldn’t be a surprise, especially as a woman. If you’re a guy reading this and think the “Woops, wrong hole!” method is appropriate, you’re not only wrong but you’re probably not as good of a lover as you think you are.

So stop and talk about it. Do you want to try it? What will make you comfortable? Does any part of it make you cautious? Then, when you are in the moment, give instruction and provide feedback so your partner knows where you are.

2. Prepare

You really don’t need to do a ton to get ready for anal sex or play, but most people feel better after doing some sort of preparation. Make sure you’re not backed up. Folks with IBS or similar conditions are going to have a more difficult time having anal sex spontaneously. I know, I’ve been there. Wipe well. Wet wipes make you feel fresh. A shower takes it one step further. You can try an anal douche with lukewarm water over your toilet, but enemas really aren’t necessary; although, some people like them!

With that said, the potential for poo with anal sex is real but it’s not a big deal. We’re all adults here, right?

3. Start Externally

If pop culture is an indication of how people have anal sex — and I wish it weren’t! — then, a lot of people go straight for penetration. But, uh, I don’t think that’s a great idea. You see, if someone’s never been stimulated in that area before, plunging right in isn’t going to help them relax. Plus, I’m a vocal fan of external stimulation. Some spanking or groping of the ass is great, but manual stimulation around the anus is even better, especially during PIV sex.

4. Use Lube

Personal lubricant is a God-send for vaginal sex, but it’s an absolutely must for anal sex because the anus doesn’t lubricate at all like the vagina. You don’t necessarily need anal lube, but you should use something. A lot of people like silicone-based lube for its slickness. I prefer a medium-thickness water-based lube more often than not. Some people like coconut oil. Find what works for you.

5. Work Your Way Up In Size

You’re down with a little rubbing, and it’s time to penetrate. Great! But don’t rush into a huge toy or penis if you’re unsure. Instead, try a finger, then two. Consider a smaller toy

6. Push Out

As someone who has enjoyed a lot of anal sex, even if it’s been far too long, I cannot tell you how much this rings true. While your body will resist penetration initially, you can relax your sphincter muscles enough for penetration by pushing out a bit. Another piece of advice that’s often touted is to relax your throat, which is supposed to have a mirror effect on your anus. I haven’t noticed this to be true.

7. Go Slower Than Slow

This phrase is usually associated with BDSM. It means to go slower than you think you need to so you won’t overwhelm yourself or your partner. This is especially true for the person doing the penetration. Once your cock or strap-on has made it past that first ring of muscles, stay there for a minute. Let your partner get used to the sensation. Then thrust shallowly before working to the full length of your shaft.

8. Respect Pain

If you’re in pain, your body is telling you that something is wrong. This is the exact reason that anal numbing creams are a terrible idea. So if it hurts, try more foreplay, add lube, take a few deep breaths or even try again another day. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right with anal.

9. Make It Romantic

I know a lot of people prefer positions in which you can make eye contact, and positions from behind don’t achieve this. But you can – and should – try anal sex in modified missionary if you like the eye contact or enjoy kissing as part of more romantic sex.

10. Guys Should Try It, Too

Typically, it’s men pressuring their female partners to try anal sex, and I think women can enjoy being penetrated. But it works when you flip the script around and a woman manually stimulates her man or penetrates him with a toy. Because a man’s prostate is located within the rectum, anal sex is the perfect way to explore that part of your sexuality and, no, it doesn’t make you gay.

Of course, you don’t have to try anal sex if you don’t want to. Some people like it, but it’s not for everyone. And if you give it a go but find out it’s not your thing, it’s your right to say “Stop”. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t fret. It took me several tries to get doggie style to work, and that’s some pretty basic sex stuff!

You might not find yourself having as much anal sex as I did once upon a time, but hopefully you can enjoy it from time to time with these tips.

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Best Bondage Erotica 2015 and She’s on Top

May 23rd, 2016

I had this great introduction for this post worked out. But when I sit down to write it, it completely escaped me. Go figure, eh?

I wanted to explain why this review has taken me so long, which seems to be how most of my posts on this blog start these days. I suppose it all comes down to the fact that I was simply uninspired, not because of me but because this collection is simply uninspiring for me. Perhaps I need more of a D/s angle instead of simply bondage, though there was some of that within these pages. Maybe I prefer specific roles. She’s On Top is the next book in my review queue, and thus far it’s doing a much better job of getting the juices flowing.

And perhaps this was just a slow year for erotic fiction. Maybe I’m too harsh.  Perhaps there was too much variety, and Best Bondage Erotica just missed my niche. I’m not sure. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m reluctant to call this the “best” the world has to offer. Plenty of other people disagree, as is their right, however. Best Bondage Erotica 2015 has a 4.65 rating on Good Reads.

It’s a fair question to wonder whether I am just burned out on erotic short stories. I’ve reviewed many of these anthologies and have read even more! But as soon as I finished Best Bondage Erotica, I opened up She’s on Top, another anthology edited by Ms. Bussel. Almost immediately, I was pulled in. From the very first, I was curious, aroused and craving more.

It’s been a much quicker read because of how rapt I am, and I find myself reaching for the book even when I do not want to be aroused. I simply want to read the stories. Aside from deliciousness, I love how the overarching theme of female dominance isn’t necessarily done in the most cliche or redundant way. That’s hard to do, and many BDSM manuals and guides would have you believe there are only so many femdom archetypes from which you can pick. She’s on Top absolutely defies that “truth,” and I am glad for it!

But what about Best Bondage Erotica, which will soon be replaced by a new volume? The stories run the gamut from playing with strangers to voyeurism/exhibition to spy games — all with a bondage element, of course. Sometimes the bondage takes center stage es elaborate setups are discussed. At other times, however, it’s more incidental than instrumental. I think that’s one of my critiques. Sure, there is bondage, but I’d rather it be all about bondage with less curiosity about how this story is going to get there. If you like erotica that warms you up first, you might prefer this collection of stories more than I did, however.

Very few of the stories just stuck with me, and as I page through the book to write this review, I don’t remember reading most of them. I do recall and enjoy “Housewarming the Craftsman,” a story in which a man and woman break in their new home in a less-than-traditional-way, and “Tying the Knot,” a tale about a (homosexual!) couple who use bondage to get over those cold feet. “You Shall Not Come” is a solid piece written from the point of view of a visitor of a weekend sex camp. At camp, she participates in a game where she and a stranger try to make the other come first. “Stuck On You” evokes classic wet T-shirt imagery through the use of a soapy, wet sponge; adding bondage brings something new to the old concept.

With so much variety, the reader is bound not to love everything. But bondage is a less cohesive theme than I’d like, which means there are fewer themes that do it for me. Your mileage may vary.

Now, why did I love She’s On Top so much? Certainly, it had to do with when I was reading it. I was in the middle of steamy sext sessions with a guy who would eventually break my heart but who was also comparably kinky. Perfect background! And the stories were perfect to read while my sex drive was in such a heightened state. Thus, reading was frequently broken up but only because there was so much masturbation happening!

It starts off strong with “Suit and Tie,” a story about workplace oral. Stories about housework, crossdressing/cosplay, professional dominatrices and even Victorian England, which turns out to be sexier than I ever would have thought. That particular story, “Victoria’s Hands,” is one that I would recommend. But it’s not the only one. Teresa Roberts writes a haunting-yet-sexy story in which the main character is using BDSM as closure to a relationship.

If there’s a story that I don’t particularly like, there’s only one, “Feeder.” The name points at exactly what you’d expect, and that sort of fetish just isn’t my thing.  But it’s quickly followed by “Penelope the Punisher,” a story that takes place in a fabled domination house, and the cooperation between the women is fantastic. Cooperation is also a sexy theme in “The Queening Chair,” a story that ends the book on a note as high as it begins.

There are a few stories in She’s On Top that pull on my heartstrings while simultaneously making me aroused. They resonate with me in multiple ways. Some of the characters/relationships are well versed in domination. Others fall into it by accident, through experimentation. The types of bondage and kink vary, as do the characters in their race, sexualities, and personalities.

Not only is She’s On Top worth a read; it’s one of the rare collections that I want to read again and perhaps again and again!

You can get both of these books on Amazon, but if you’re looking for more erotica, I highly recommend checking out the erotica section at Good Vibrations, which was kind enough to provide me with these books for review.

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10 Sex Ed Books On My Reading List

May 18th, 2016

A while back, I noticed that Good Vibes seemed to be increasing their book section. Maybe they’ve always had an awesome collection of books, and I’m not just talking about erotica and stuff from Cleis Press, which publishes my favorite sex series. I mean sex education books, studies of human sexuality and instructional books that expand on Our Bodies, Ourselves (also available from Good Vibes.)

Not all of these books are new, but most of them are new to me and a few are new to the site. This list isn’t comprehensive by any means, but it does contain titles I’d like to look into further (I plan on reading most/all of them myself to update this post with my own thoughts and recommendations in the future), and those that

1. Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms

I love anything that teaches women about masturbation. Let’s talk about the, literal, ins and outs. Let’s experiment. Let’s draw back the curtain. This book was published by Good Vibes itself, which has me feeling pretty confident in its content!

2. Wide Open

Gracie X writes about being polyamorous in a world that most definitely doesn’t understand or condone it. I most definitely enjoyed another book about the poly lifestyle – My Life on the Swingset. Wide Open might not be instructional, but anecdotal stories about “alternative” lifestyles certainly help people to explore.

3. Girls & Sex

This book discusses how young women of high school and college age deal with the sexual world in which they live. Again, women’s sexuality is so frequently ignored or worse, that I cannot help but feel curious about what’s between these pages.

Drawing on in-depth interviews with over seventy young women and a wide range of psychologists, academics, and experts, renowned journalist Peggy Orenstein goes where most others fear to tread, pulling back the curtain on the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities of girls’ sex lives in the modern world.

 

What Do Women Want?

What Do Women Want?

4. What Do Women Want?

Daniel Bergner analyses research on a women’s arousal and desire to determine what they really want. I first discovered this around the same time as Come As You Are by Emily Nagasaki, available on Amazon. She was kind enough to reply to me on Twitter about the comparison between the two books, which use the same data but draw different conclusions. I am already a fan of Nagasaki, so I might be biased, but I’d still like to read this book.

5. Playing the Whore

Ever since reading a smart essay on sex work in the most recent Best Sex Writing anthology, I’ve been looking at sex work in a more sex positive way. Playing the Whore sounds like the perfect argument to those who view sex workers as less than human and focus on legislation that hurts them, rather than helping them.

6. Cunt: A Declaration of Independence

I love language, and I love using the word “cunt.” It seems so bold to name a book this, but I’m not sure it should. Author Inga Muscio discusses how the word has changed over time and how we should reclaim it — and our bodies.

7. Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships

A how-to on romantic and sexual relationships? Why isn’t this something we’re taught from the start?!

8. The Sex & Pleasure book

Another offering from Good vibes, THE Sex & Pleasure Book is written by Carol Queen and Shar Rednour to cover everything related to sex. It’s got a 5-star rating, which only makes me want to read it more.

9. Woman Cancer Sex

The stark cover perfectly complements the stark nature of sex. Few people offer advice to cancer patients in regards to sex and intimacy. Anne Katz does it in these pages. She talks about side effects and potential issues from cancer and treatments, and this is exactly the sort of sex education that’s practical and necessary.

10. She Comes First

My desire for reading this book is pretty selfish. In short, I want to pick it apart page by page and disagree with suggestions about how to please a woman. But maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

There are over 100 books, including erotica and sex ed, that you can buy from Good Vibes. Obviously, it’s more than just a place where I get free sex toys, so add a book to your cart the next time you’re shopping!

This post contains affiliate links. I will earn a commission if you make a purchase after clicking. I was not compensated for this post.

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Lovehoney Desire Clitoral Vibrator

May 15th, 2016

I am constantly on the hunt for the perfect clitoral vibrator. From this statement, you can infer a few things. First, that I have yet to find it. Secondly, that I have a pretty good idea what I am looking for. You’d be right. I have tried more clit vibes than many of my fellow reviewers. Some people focus on G-spot dildos or BDSM gear, but for me, the Holy Grail will always be the clitoral vibrator.

This is why I always get so excited about new clitoral toys. Because I’m looking for something that combines all my favorite toys: the right shape and the right vibes. And just because I’m on the hunt for the perfect toy doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed some others. In fact, the perfect clit toy, in my opinion, would be a combination of the Siri/2 and the Laya Spot, the latter being one of the first toys I ever reviewed and perhaps the only one I’ve had to replace after heavy use.

The reason I picked these two toys? I enjoy the rounded nose of the Layaspot, but it’s not as strong as I’d prefer. it’s also not made of silicone like newer Fun Factory toys. And Siri, especially the second one, has the right type of vibrations. They’re stronger and deeper than Layaspot’s AAA-powered vibes.  But it doesn’t protrude quite enough to be the perfect shape. In fact, I’ve been known to use Layaspot just for its shape alone with no vibrations at all, which is why it’s still in my Divine toy box within reach even though I’ve literally tried hundreds of other toys, including a dozen or so clit vibes, since I first got my hands on the Layaspot.

Layaspot, Desire clitoral vibe and Siri 2

Layaspot, Desire clitoral vibe and Siri 2

So my quest eventually lead me to the clitoral vibrator in Lovehoney’s Desire line of toys. This new line of toys screams “Luxury,” from its royal purple silicone housing to the storage container that comes with every toy. Yes, you read that right. The clitoral vibrator comes with a smaller version of the Lovehoney Deluxe Sex Toy Case. It might be bulky for everyday storage, but it’s more convenient and functional than Lelo boxes ever were. Sorry, my Swedish friends.

So how does the Desire clitoral vibe stand up to my two favorites?

Lovehoney’s Desire clitoral vibe is like a bigger and more exaggerated version of the Siri, so it’s more protruded. This might make it less feasible during partner sex, but that’s not what I use clitoral vibes for. As arthritis progresses in my hands, I also find that larger toys are a little easier on my hands.

I enjoy the purple but there’s this shiny, hard plastic spot that looks like it should be  a touch pad a la the Better Than Chocolate, but it’s not.

It’s also rechargeable (via USB) and fully waterproof, which the Layaspot isn’t. The buttons, there are three, are easy to use. Turn it on and increase power. Swap through modes. Decrease power and turn it off. Plus, you can lock the thing.

While presentation and design might be pretty impressive, it falls short on the one thing that really matters: vibrations. They’re both more buzzy and weak than I would like. While this might not be a problem for many people, it is for me. There might be 8 vibration options, but none of them were quite good enough.

I’ve tried to give it a fair shake. I’ve used it multiple times, and I have been able to achieve orgasm. But it’s not an experience that I like. It takes longer and more effort than I want. When I use sex toys, I do it get off impressively and quickly. Plus, I’m not much into clitoral teasing.

This is a bummer because I know that toys of a smaller stature can be stronger. Siri 2 is. And the motor for the Ooh by Je Joue line is impressively strong despite its small size (in fact, I bought the clitoral attachment — the first sex toy I’ve bought myself in years). I also really wanted to love this and use it to give other Lovehoney Desire pieces a try. However, I’m more reluctant since trying this one.

I seem to be in the minority with my criticisms, though. It’s got more than 4 stars on the Lovehoney site, and mine is one of only two 3-star reviews, the lowest on the product page. However, the other critical review also labels buzzy vibrations as an issue despite others calling it “powerful.”

If you don’t require rumbly vibrations in your sex toys, you might love the Lovehoney Desire clit vibrator. There certainly is a lot to like. Unfortunately, that just makes it all the more frustrating for me that I don’t.

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What gives?

May 13th, 2016

I am just not having a good time with advertisers lately. There’s always the chance that someone will lowball you or string you along without providing you with whatever price or product was agreed upon. lots of people just flake out, and I’m not always the best at keeping up with email. (The lack of posts isn’t because I have half a dozen toys/books ready to write a review about or anything…) But I recently went through my inbox to catch up on messages about reviews and potential advertising and thought I was doing a pretty good job as an adult.

This is where I realized, however, that the representative from Tacky Sex Toys had never actually come through with their side of the agreement in regards to my sex toy store profile/review. Since the communications had been positive, I figured it was an honest mistake. I, too, had not been on the ball. Except my return email bounced back and the site doesn’t even exist anymore? Yesterday, it was a directly, today’s it’s a 500 error.

I mean, the dine-and-dash doesn’t even make sense in this context because the post I put up simply links to nothing, so it’s not like they’re reaping the benefits.

But it gets more frustrating. Another representative from a different site wondered if I could naturally slip a link into an existing post. Listen, we all know how “natural” any sponsored content is most of the time. It was my bad for even accepting it after seeing the link text, which was as unnatural as it gets. But after slipping the link into the requested post, the rep decides this post isn’t suitable.

C’mon, now! I can’t do what you want and then have you back out. In the meantime, the link’s on my site while this person tries to figure out my crap. I don’t particularly like it. I haven’t been paid. I’m starting to realize while I let all those emails pile up to begin with. I’m wondering if this is just punishment for me agreeing to work with such shady people in the first place.

So it’s a bit my fault, sure, but i feel like the nature of the Internet means I deal with more flaky people and more fly-by-night companies than ever before, and I’m just kind of sick of it.

[edit]

As soon as I posted it, someone else followed up that they couldn’t pay for a sponsored post. Um, what? You already agreed that was fine?! Ugh.

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101 Nights of Great Sex

May 9th, 2016

Essentially, 101 Nights of Great Sex is a list of 101 sexy ideas, or seductions, as curated by author Laura Corn. These include reader and “expert” suggestions. They’re categorized by “for him” or “for her’ and intended for the other partner to initiate. Many of them are intended to be a surprise, but they don’t need to be. More on that later.

The book isn’t split into the sections. Rather, the him/her seductions seem pretty random. It might make more sense to make the first half “for him” and the second half “for her” just to be easier, but then who would read the entire book?

The problem with their attempt to get the reader to turn every page, at least with the digital version, is formatting. Every “For His Eyes Only” uses the same image of a woman in a garter belt that my Kindle also retrieved as the book cover. “For Her Eyes Only” seductions use the same image of a shirtless man, but neither needs to be repeated. It adds needless scrolling and doesn’t look all that good.

As I sat down to write this review, I couldn’t help but think about some of the things that I didn’t like about 101 Nights of Great Sex. For example, there are multiple mentions of Astroglide and other poor-quality lube and sex toys. For specific products, the author mentions the URL of a store where it could be purchased. These include Babeland and Good Vibes if I recall correctly. While this could be useful, it would be more useful to craft a storefront where readers could buy all the suggested products (and it would make the author some money!).

Some of the “ingredients” lists for each seduction get mixed up with the first paragraph that talks about the inspiration, too. This may be something that’s been corrected in the published version, but my review version seemed a bit sloppy and unfinished. I would have been disappointed had I paid for it.

There are multiple references to 50 Shades of Grey, which we all know is crap. It’s easy to allude to the books, the characters, the content and even the author, but easy doesn’t necessarily make it right.

The girlish manner in which these things are mentioned indicates that the same crowd who liked the mommy smut is the target audience of 101 nights. There’s nothing wrong with that, I guess, but I actually think there’s potential within these pages that shouldn’t be limited to just that. But if the assumption is that the type of people who liked 50 Shades are mommies potentially in a sexual rut, maybe that was the intent. 101 Nights is intended exactly to cure that.

My last complaints revolve around food: that’s typically a yeast infection waiting to happen, and the fact that many seductions assume mobility, ability and general fitness of participants.

Plus, the entire book is pretty heteronormative. I mean, that’s obvious when you consider that the entire thing is written with things for a woman to do to/for her man and vice versa. Again, this is something that’s just more limited than it needs to be. But it’s not all bad.

For starters, the content really runs the gamut. There’s bondage, roleplay, sex toys, massage, dress up, sexting and more. There’s something for everyone, even if you don’t like every seduction. Each seduction includes a list of things you’ll need, from lingerie to sex toys to office supplies. Laura occasionally mentions options based on your preferences and what you have available. This allows for alterations, and the general tone indicates that you can stray from the idea as long as it inspires you. In this way, 101 Nights of Great Sex could help spice things up in the bedroom.

There’s also supplemental digital content in the form of “e-teases.” Some seductions contain URLs toward the beginning of the chapter. If you visit the website, you can send an email to your lover to schedule a date. This can help to make sex happen and gauge your partner’s interest. If they aren’t down, they can suggest another “date”. Or they can accept. It would be great to this concept expanded a bit, perhaps with the ability to add it to your calendar through your mail app.

It would also be wonderful to provide some sort of feedback, both to your partner and also to the site. This would encourage discussion about sex between couples but it would also be one way for each “seduction”  to be further improved.

While I was surprised to find out how much I liked the supplemental content on the website, there are a few caveats. Currently, the link to the app on Google Play comes up 404, and I cannot find the 101 Nights app in the store. That’s a pretty big issue. Secondly, it took some digging around to find the list to e-teases for her and for him. There was no direct link from the e-tease pages or the main website. Less tech-savvy folks would have an even more difficult time.

..That’s if they even decided to use the site. The book doesn’t really do a great job at making you want to go to those e-teasers; in fact, it starts with the first seduction without any introduction. I found the inclusion of the URLs in some seduction sections to be curious, but was almost at the end by the time I even decided to give them a visit. Since I was reading the e-book, it only makes sense to make those URLs into links.

While I didn’t personally love some of the suggestions, there’s something to the concept that’s presented in 101 Nights. With a bit of tweaking, especially to the e-book, this concept would be quite dynamic and invaluable to the right reader, whoever that might be.

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It’s A Small, Small World

May 5th, 2016

There is a new cashier at my preferred gas station. He’s gorgeous. Dark hair and eyes. Tall and slender. Strong jaw, delicate cheekbones. He’s got a nice voice and an even better temperament. I am smitten.

I am not above a little social media snooping, and neither are my friends. We quickly uncovered a Facebook profile, and I was stunned to realized I’d previously matched with this Adonis earlier this year on Tinder. What a small world?

I unmatched because I’d been talking to the Much Younger Guy. Also, this guy is far better looking in person than he is in his chosen profile picture. I wouldn’t have assumed that these people were one and the same from that photo.

Anyway, since we’re unmatched, I’ll need to work up the courage to do this in person. Wish me luck!

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5 Items That Are a Steal During Lovehoney’s Birthday Sale

April 16th, 2016

I couldn’t help but write this post letting my readers know about Lovehoney’s great birthday sale! You can save up to 50% off on items, both Lovehoney branded and from others. There’s a few things I’ve like to try and some things I already know I like.

Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat

Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat

 

1. Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat

The round version of the paddle I previously reviewed is less than $30! I’m considering it picking it up just because it’s so cheap!

2. Lovehoney Plus Size Captivate Me Wet Look & Lace Chemise

Most “wet look” lingerie is only available in straight sizes and looks pretty cheap, to be honest. Neither is the case with this piece, which also incorporates lace into the look. It love it! Just $30.

3. Embrace USB Rechargeable 7 Function Vibrating Cock Ring

A rechargeable, silicone cock ring that vibrates? Just $50, it’s a steal.

4. Lovehoney Spoil Me Satin Babydoll Set

Here’s another great lingerie piece! It’s just $30. If you don’t like the babydoll, there’s the Lovehoney Adore Me Lace & Microfibre Underwired Basque Set, which also has lazy touches.

5. OhMiBod Cuddle

Decent vibrations, silicone and a nice shape? I enjoyed the Cuddle — as did other reviewers. If you’re looking to advance from your starter vibe, the Cuddle is a great choice. Lovehoney’s anniversary sale ensures you won’t break the bank because it’s only $55!

There are more sex toys, bondage items and lingerie on sale at Lovehoney. Click below to shop!

lh-birthday-extravaganza-700x160px

Don’t forget thaty you can enter to win a We-Vibe kit from Lovehoney right now!

Win The Newest We-Vibes Nova and Rave!

 

There are affiliate links in this post. If you make a purchase, I will earn a fee. Thank you for your continued support!

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Sex Store Profiles: Tacky Sex Toys

April 7th, 2016

This site no linger exist. Click here to read more.

Let’s start at, well, the beginning: the name. Tacky Sex Toys? I’m not sold on this. To me, something tacky is something bad. It’s either in poor taste or maybe it’s even a gag, a joke. A sex toy really shouldn’t be either of those things (though, I’ve certainly seen my fair share of bad designs!).

Screenshot 2016-04-08 01.47.16

Onto my first impressions. The basic design is, well, a little basic. It’s missing some of those details that really make a site stand out, the little things that really make it feel like a solid brand that’s unforgettable. Without a link to a blog or some guides to help the shopper, I have to wonder if consumers might go elsewhere to find that sort of information. Not every sex toy retailer needs a full-blown community surrounding it, but I’ve increasingly come to trust brands that are really transparent and personable. I suppose Tacky Sex Toys just feels a little sterile in that regard.

It’s strange because there’s a personal welcome message video at the bottom of the page. I like this idea, but the rest of the site doesn’t quite back it up. The video quality itself could be a bit better. There’s quite the echo.

But if the options are there and the price is right, I can overlook the previous things.

I tend to browse new and featured toys on sites. Tacky Sex Toys has categories for both; although, you can’t view new items by type (toys, lube, lingerie, etc). There currently is no option to change how many items show up on each page, either.

Like many retailers that offer lingerie, Tacky Sex Toy lists sizes and colors for pieces separately. I have personally never considered those items to be unique, and this means you might see four of the same item on a single category page because of how it’s done. I understand this is simply the easiest way to do it, but I don’t think it’s the best way. The number of pages and the products contained therein in just the “New” section is quite overwhelming. Tacky seems to err on the side of having every product rather than just the best.

There’s an important balance to be found, and I’m not quite sure Tacky Sex Toys has found the right balance. There are a few things that might potentially  be frustrating for shoppers. For example, there is only one product image for each product, and I’m not sure it’s always the best product image (take a look at the Layaspot product page to see what I mean).. Furthermore, you can’t enlarge it to see the details. for products with long names, the text cuts off on category pages. I’ve also noticed a few pages where the products didn’t quite line up right.

Tacky Sex Toys does something interesting with little icons on category pages and the index. Hovering on them shows what’s new, hot or sold out. This is potentially useful, especially with the new items. But I do think that items that are currently unavailable should be removed from the front page as it just leads to frustration.

The same overlay option allows you to add items to your cart from the index or add them to compare, but the link to compare items is buried at the bottom of the page. It should definitely be more prominently displayed. I also don’t particularly find ‘Clit Cuddlers’ to be a helpful category that’s separate from palm sized massagers.

This isn’t to say that Tacky Sex Toys is terrible. It’s clean and neat. The navigation is pretty functional. It’s free of gendered language for the most part, too. There are not just a lot of toys, but they sell a number of high-quality toys, affordable toys and those from brands I trust. Some of this can just get a little lost with the current way the site is set up and when you’re wading through the sheer volume of toys.

Reducing clutter by listing like items and allowing the shopper to narrow down by color, size, so on and so forth would make it easier to find what you want  — and what you don’t know what you want! — easier and quickier, which is definitely going to appeal to shoppers.

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The Other Side

March 28th, 2016

It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. This was supposed to be her fairy tale, not the dream-come-true of a snot-nosed brat.

How would you like to finally meet the man of your dreams, only to realize that he was a king? He marries you and sweeps you off to his castle, and you’re excited that you’re finally able to live happily ever after. You even try to befriend his daughter, whose mother died long before the girl can even remember. You know you can’t replace her mother, but you try to love her anyway.

And she rejects you. You try and try again, but she continues to snub you. Eventually, you give up, retiring to dark corners of the castle when you can, feeling safe and loved only when your husband, the king, is by your side.

But then the unthinkable happens. Your husband, the king, dies. It is sudden and it is a shock, and you experience a feeling of loss so overwhelming that you’re not quite sure you can climb out of this black pit of despair. Somehow, someway, the princess claims the loss as her own. The country weeps for her. They shun you, even as you don the crown and all the responsibility that comes with it.

This is the story of that queen.

The king, when he was alive, doted on his daughter. She was forever his little girl, even though she had stopped being that little girl years prior. She had developed from a lanky, awkward child with eyes too big for her face into a raven-haired beauty with porcelain skin and lips the perfect shade of rose. They called her Snow White.

And every day the queen looked into her mirror, the stress hanging heavier on her shoulders and the lines on her face growing deeper. The widowed queen was heartbroken and saw no way out of her situation

But she saw everything that went on in the palace. At first, it started with Snow’s canoodling with kitchen boys in the corners. It was innocent — for a while. As Snow grew, her desires and curves followed, and the eyes of every male in the castle did, too.

It wasn’t long before the princess moved on to never-ending kisses, leaving serving boys with their eyes glazed over and cocks hard. Any teenaged boy who managed to find his way into the palace would stand in line just for the chance to slip his clammy hand into the princess’s bodice. And she knew it.

Snow quickly learned to use her sway over men to her advantage. A coy smile and a wave of her hand would have them falling over each other to do her bidding.  But this wasn’t why Snow did it. It wasn’t about the favors.

She liked the attention. She liked batting her eyelashes and smiling at serving staff so that spoons and platters crashed to the floor as they temporarily forgot how to do anything but stare. The princess liked playfully pushing hands away from her body in mock resistance; she liked it even better when the hands pushed back — forcefully.

She liked the awkward groping beneath her petticoats and pawing at her corset, the kisses down her throat, grasping and pulling of her hair, the rush of blood between her legs and the way her breathing quickened. And when they finally managed to find the right spots with their fingers, their tongues, their cocks? She was in heaven. She loved it all.

She was fantastic at encouraging the attention, too. A slight brush of her hand across a boy’s arm, a not-so-covert wink and a shuffle to an empty room or a hallway was all that Snow needed to do, and a boy would follow in tow.  The princess continued the flirtatious dance for years, luring defenseless boys to her side with her feminine wiles.

Those boys turned into teenagers, and those teenagers turned into men. At nineteen, Snow White  had moved on from servant boys, who always seemed to stay the same age. She turned her eye to the young men delivering goods to the castle, the local woodsman and politicians who would attend galas at the castle. It didn’t matter their color hair or facial features. If he arrived on the arm of a gorgeous young woman, Snow could find a way to steal him away from the ball if she wanted, and he would soon be between her legs.

Snow Would leave them in a sweaty heap, not caring that their cum was dripping down her creamy thighs as she slunk back to her chambers. The queen had discovered Snow’s disheveled, half-dressed paramours more than once as they guiltily returned to their  duties or their wives, stupid grins glued to their faces. They would shrivel as the queen walked past, but they wouldn’t be able to stop smiling.

It was a miracle that the palace wasn’t in shambles. The princess must have wrapped her mouth around a hundred cocks, lifted her skirt to allow dozens of lustful men between her legs and yet, somehow, not a fight broke out in the castle’s halls. The queen just couldn’t understand it.

Nor could the queen compete. Whenever she would meet a possible suitor, he wound find himself tumbling around with Snow. It was almost as if the princess had planned it. She would give the queen an evil eye as she bit down on a crisp apple, the sound of it ringing through the breakfast hall as the queen simply tried to enjoy her morning meal in peace. She was sure that Snow White was hellbent on ruining the queen’s life. Some night, in the dark of her chambers, the queen would cry silently, wishing she had never met her beloved king to begin with.

Of course, she never meant it, but her despair had grown to such proportions that the queen slowly found herself not caring at all. She went from hopeful to ambivalent, from ambivalent to cold. As she swept through the castle, a chill followed behind her. She barred her heart within a frigid sheath, and even the warmth between her legs seemed to cool.

Snow, with her charm and guile that only the queen could sense, remained everyone’s favorite orphan while the queen’s reputation tarnished. Had she any benevolence to extend to her subjects, she forgot to do so in her despondent state. Those who worked more closely with her in the palace grew impatient with her depression and heartbreak. The queen responded in kind.

This is how she became the queen that all the stories talk about, and this is her story.

But like any story, the end can only be seen in hindsight. The queen expected a happy ending when she married the king, but her story wasn’t going to wrap up so nicely.

Somewhere in the middle, the queen found herself a hostage in her own castle and the kingdom she didn’t care to rule. She heard her stepdaughter’s joyous laughter in the hall and cringed as if only one of them had lost someone they loved. At night — and sometimes during the light of day — the queen could detect deep grunts and high-pitched moans echoing through the halls. She had to escape.

So she began walking the kingdom. It didn’t take much to escape the palace. As it turns out, people weren’t looking for her. She would meander among the markets, secure in her anonymity. But she preferred to roam in the forests, content to be one with nature.

It was here that the queen would watch the forest animals — deer, squirrels, and rabbits on the forest floor and birds perched in branches — go about their daily lives. There was no hatred or contempt. Animals didn’t play games. The queen thought them to be more human than most of the people she knew.

The queen would wander for hours, and it was during one of these strolls that she discovered a large outcropping of stones that looked like a throne. Perched on the rocks, the queen could look at the forest and fields stretched out before her. In the distance, she could just make out small carts hauling between the country and the castle. From her perch, she could usually detect a gentle breeze and the smell of flowers wafting through the air. With the sun beating down on her skin, she almost felt herself again.

From her perch, she could usually detect a gentle breeze and the smell of flowers wafting through the air. With the sun beating down on her skin, she almost felt herself again. She would visit her stone throne almost every day. While she had first laughed bitterly at the idea that the only throne where she felt comfortable was made of rock, she would soon come to feel comfort when visiting her special place.

One particularly hopeful day, she laid sprawled atop her throne and the light wind brushed the revealed skin of her chest. Something struck a chord deep inside, and she felt a desire to warm her heart. Hesitantly, she loosened the laces of her bodice so that her breasts could spill out ever-so-slightly. The sun beamed down on the exposed skin between her breasts, and her heart felt a warmth she almost forgot she was capable of experiencing.

The queen breathed breaths that were full and cathartic for the first time in months. She exhaled slowly, feeling every bit of breath leave her pursed lips. Although that should have been the only sound she could hear, a rustling of leaves startled her. The queen bolted upright and glanced around wide-eyed, her breasts spilling out from their confines. She didn’t notice as she locked eyes with a man who had been the source of the noise.He was tanned from the sun, his skin more leathery than any man who lived in the palace. His dark hair was cut to frame his face but fell disheveled that day/

He was tanned from the sun, his skin more leathery than any man who lived in the palace. His dark hair was cut to frame his face but fell disheveled that day. Still, it couldn’t hide his angular cheekbones or friendly eyes, eyes that barely seemed to stray from her gaze, even though her breasts were hanging out. This rugged man was decked in typical huntsman garb, soft leather adorning his upper body, hands and feet.

But what was most apparent was the raging hard-on he sported, apparently from stumbling across the queen.

“I’m sorry,” he started, as surprised as she was that the forest would contain another human.

If you guessed that the queen was completely stunned, at a loss for words and also strangely aroused, you would be right. Out there, on her throne on the woods, the queen was the object of a man’s lust for the first time in years. And she loved it. Any other thought slipped out of her mind.

“It’s okay,” she tried to reassure the huntsman who was blushing a deep crimson. “I didn’t realize anyone else would be out here. It’s just so nice.” The queen trailed off.

“Yes, it is quite lovely.” He seemed to be agreeing, but his eyes strayed downward to focus on her breasts. It was a bold move, indeed. In the castle, it would have gotten him carted off to the dungeon, but in the woods? It was a different matter entirely.

The queen smiled, not a coy smile like the princess would have offered but a smile that was self-possessed, confident even. The huntsman must have felt particularly arrogant himself because he moved closer to the queen, not giving any indication that he was aware of her status, and fell to her knees. Removing the leather gloves from his hands, he reached out to touch her breasts. His hands were calloused, but his touch was gentle and deliberate.

He kneaded her flesh, leaving temporary marks on her skin. The huntsman carefully loosened the queen’s bodice even more, revealing her full breasts. Leaning forward, he eagerly sucked each of her nipples into his mouth as though he was thirsty for her body. The queen hadn’t felt this wanted since before her husband had passed, and she surprised both of them with the intensity of her moans.

The huntsman seemed intent on pleasuring the woman, who was described as a matronly crone by those who compared her with the princess. But here it was just the two of them, and he certainly saw her as a vibrant woman worth pleasing. As she leaned back on her rocky throne, the huntsman worshiped her body, adorning her with attention and kisses. He wasn’t content to stay above the

He wasn’t content to stay above the belt however, and he lifted the layers of her skirts. The queen thought it was abrupt for him to move to penetration so quickly, and she felt a pang of apprehension at the thought. She had been madly in love with the last man who had been between her legs, and while she wasn’t necessarily a prude, it seemed like the huntsman was too goal oriented.

Her fears were allayed, however, when he ducked his head beneath those layers, instead. His hands might have been rough, but his mouth was soft and warm, and it seemed to melt the chill she had felt inside for so long. He lavished her clit and lapped at her opening just further south. He quickly found a rhythm that the queen couldn’t resist, and she rocked her hips to the same tune.

As she leaned back on her arms, her head tipped back and her golden-brown hair fell backward. Rays of sun caught the tresses, which she had decided against putting up shortly into her depression. Inside the castle, it was nearly scandalous, but on the sun-warmed rocks with the huntsman between her legs, she seemed wild and free.The huntsman continued with his licking,

The huntsman continued with his licking, swirling his tongue around her clit and using the flat for wide strokes that made her shudder. For the first time in what felt like forever, the queen felt her orgasm building. She had forgotten how powerful her body was, what it could feel like when she loosened that power. She did so then, her orgasm a disruptive crash in the peaceful woods. Her thighs squeezed against the huntsman’s head as she came.

And then the tears came. You wouldn’t think of crying as sexy, but her orgasm was the catharsis she needed to finally allow herself to feel. All those months and days she had kept it all inside, and now everything was rushing forward. The queen’s orgasm ushered a torrent of tears and emotion that she couldn’t seem to stop.

The huntsman was alarmed as he extricated himself from her skirts, but he gently asked if she was okay.

“No, it’s fine.” She queen replied in a shaky voice. “Please, don’t stop?” The monarch rarely asked anything of any person these days, but vulnerability was all she had left. And the huntsman listened.

He loosened his own trousers, and they dropped to the ground. His hardened cock was now in view, and the queen could tell it was a beautiful specimen even through the curtain of tears. Again, he was on his knees, pushing his way between her skirts. The queen lay back awkwardly, and he removed his jacket to place it behind her back before he thrust into her. The queen allowed herself to lie back as this stranger penetrated her, a sigh escaping her lips as she had done before she even knew of his existence.

As he fucked her, he was thoughtful and precise. He was skilled and likely experienced, and he was giving her pleasure that she needed. His own heavy breathing and grunts indicated that perhaps he was in need of the very same treatment, and he quickened his pace as he neared orgasm.

But the queen was finally becoming herself again, and her place was not beneath this huntsman, a stranger whose name she didn’t know. Instead, she pushed him from her thighs and instructed him to lie down. She carefully straddled his bare legs, lowering herself onto the cock that arced toward the sky. The huntsman laid his gloves and jacket beneath her knees to prevent them from scraping against the rock beneath them, and the queen ground her hips downward with renewed passion.

Again, she could gaze out from her position on the throne, but it wasn’t calming this time. Her pulse quickened as she rode the man beneath her, breath coming heavier. The queen wasn’t typically so forward about seeking her own orgasm, but she worked toward it like she might die if she didn’t experience another release.

The queen’s orgasm was short-lived, almost violent, but it was an orgasm nonetheless. Her muscular contractions around the huntsman brought him to his own release, and she could feel the spasms and he came deep inside her.

Finally spent, the queen collapsed down upon the huntsman. It was all she could do to catch her breath. But she knew, and she was certain that he did, too, the time couldn’t last forever. Sooner than she would have liked, the queen sat up and began tightening the laces of her bodice, once against constricting her body and breathing.

The huntsman finally spoke. “That was wonderful, my queen. Quite lovely.” The queen was taken aback by his recognition, but it didn’t matter, now did it?

Though the queen and the huntsman would continue to have their rendezvous, a few in the woods, some in his cabin and some carefully-planned meetings in her own palace, happiness seemed to be something that would be doomed to slip from the queen’s grasp. It just wasn’t fair.

After one particularly fun romp, the pair lay awake in the queen’s plush bed. She had learned to let go of the guilt of fucking another man in her marital bed. After all, her husband was dead. More than that, however, the queen was sure her late husband would want her to find happiness even if she didn’t dare think she deserved it.

Their pillow talk turned to the situation in the palace, as it often did. Slowly but surely, the huntsman had stripped the queen of her layers until he knew her entire sob story. Perhaps it was because he had never spent any time in the castle or even because he wasn’t one of her many staff members, but he expressed sadness and respect of the queen’s difficulties. He softly caressed her ivory thigh with his sunkissed fingertips before breaking the comfortable silence.

“I don’t understand why you stay, my lady. You could go anywhere you wanted. You don’t seem attached to your home or the people who live her. Those same people would just as soon see Snow become queen. You’re not from her to begin with.”

The queen couldn’t argue, truthfully. She had just never considered leaving. She laughed off the idea that day, but it stayed with her for weeks.

Wouldn’t you know, he was right?

One evening, after a naked romp in nature and a luxurious walk in the woods — their meetings were becoming more like romantic dates by the day — the queen finally blurted her feelings to her beau.

“I think you’re right. I can leave. And maybe I should. But where would I go?”

Her question ignited a conversation among them, one that started hesitantly but soon became excited and hopeful, as they planned a future together.

The two plotted their escape. The queen knew the search for her would be brief if at all, should she disappear. The huntsman had even less obligation to the kingdom, and he had the skills they would need to start a home and a life of their own. The queen had never been particularly fond of being waited on and was even excited to learn skills she would need — as his wife.

They ended their discussion and walk at the door of the huntsman’s simple cabin, but they stayed together far through the night, making feverish love for the last time in his home. The queen spread her legs for him as she lay on her back on the rug in front of the fire. The flames created shapes on the ceiling above him and warmed her skin as she stared into the fire on all fours. The huntsman roughly gripped her fleshy hips as he came in this position, and the pair collapsed together before he would walk her back to the palace.

The next week passed in a blur as the queen picked out the items she would need. So many of her belongings were fit for a queen, but she realized that the position was never really right for her, especially since the death of her beloved king. As she packed the most practical of her clothing and shoes and a few beloved trinkets, the queen realized she valued little more than the company of the huntsman.

She had fallen in love, and her life was falling back into place.

You might think that the queen’s story could end here, another chance at a happy ending, but you’d be wrong.

The queen and huntsman met on what was intended to be her last day in the castle. They kissed and laughed and tumbled into her bed for one last session under the plush covers. Would she miss them? Perhaps, but she was more excited for the future.

The gleam in the huntsman’s eyes indicated that he felt the same, and he hugged her close before his departure. He smuggled her small packs out of the palace, promising to meet the queen at the rock outcropping where they had first met.

Time seemed to crawl by, but the queen was intent on filling it. She thought she might say goodbye to her friends in the palace, but as she made her way through the rooms, the faces that greeted her belonged to strangers. Perhaps they had been warm once, but they were barely cordial as the queen moved from room to room. Upon realizing this, the queen considered whether she might say goodbye to the princess. The two barely spoke to begin with, but the pair had rarely seen one another since the queen became so focused, first on the huntsman and then on making her escape.

Finally, it was time for the queen to begin her stroll through the forest. No one thought anything of it as she donned her cloak and slipped out through one of the lesser-used doors. They were used to the queen leaving and, perhaps, preferred it that way.

The familiar walk through the forest path was less calm and more exciting than usual, and the queen had to fight a skip in her step. While there were few people around, she was still the queen, after all.

As she approached the curve in the path that would lead directly to nature’s throne, she thought she heard the huntsman’s voice. She slowed her pace, careful not to give away her location. Perhaps he had run into someone who would question a secret meeting in the woods between the two.

But as the throne came into view, so did the huntsman. And so did the visage of the princess, her bare skin nearly reflecting the sunlight as her body bounced haphazardly on top of the huntsman’s. Her frame looked tiny in comparison to his. It was almost comical, this nearly-girl atop a middle-aged man.

Yet it wasn’t funny at all to the queen, the broken woman who had fallen in love with this man. She was equal parts angry and confused as she stormed toward the couple. Her eyes shined with emotion as she approached the pair, unfortunately, at the exact time when the huntsman was releasing his seed into her stepdaughter’s cunt. The picture came into painful focus for the queen, and the rest of the world seemed to fade around them.

The queen made eye contact with him first. He looked startled and ashamed, much like he had at her first meeting. But it was his shame that was predominant as he stammered, trying to say something, anything, to the queen.

Snow, on the other hand, was her typical self: cute bordering on oblivious to the world around her. But her eyes betrayed her. There the queen could see deception and the princess’s plot come to fruition. She locked eyed with the queen, her cruelty so obvious that the queen could no longer deny the truth. Snow White had always been in control. It had always been her intent to make the queen’s life a living hell. She had succeeded with such subtlety that even the queen herself had been blind to the fact let alone everyone else.

You might say it was this very moment when the queen became evil, but it was what happened next that would truly harden her heart so impenetrably that she would only be remembered for her actions after the fact.

“Mother dearest,” spoke up Snow as she rose from the huntsman’s body. “You’ve caught me at such an inopportune time, my thighs wrapped around this huntsman, a nobody who is certainly below my station and old enough to be my father. How a woman like me could find herself in such a position,” the princess nearly giggled at this, “I don’t know. I’m sure you understand what I mean, stepmother.”

It was Snow’s words, unkind and chosen so carefully, that finally sent the queen over the edge. But the queen realized that she could never let this monster know that. Instead, she drew all of her resolve, lifted her royal skirt and turned around to return to the castle.

It wasn’t fair. It never was, but the queen would stop caring around what was fair after that.

The huntsman scrambled after her, but his state of undress and the queen’s hurried steps allowed her to return to the castle well before he could. Rather than hide away in her room like she had for months before, the queen returned to her throne room.

So the princess and the peasants thought she didn’t belong there? She would show them!

The queen sat regally upon her throne, the crown she had been willing to part with forever just a few hours prior upon her head. It was this visage that the huntsman was presented with when he entered the throne room. He had never seen her like this before, their class differences so obvious. With an icy command, the queen cleared the room of all personnel. As the huntsman made his way down the carpet that ended just in front of her throne, there was nothing but stillness in the room. When the doors finally closed after the last person left, the sounded echoed through the chamber.

Oh, the huntsman would bed and plead. His apologies and there were many of them, fell on ears that were suddenly deaf to his pleas. She would hear none of it, but when he was finally silent and on his knees in front of her, much like he had been during their first meeting, she would finally speak.

“Huntsman, you are a member of the kingdom, the kingdom that I rule. As your queen, you are to obey me. Do you know what would please me?”

The huntsman was eager to gain her favor again. Had anyone else been privy to the seen, they would remark that the huntsman was certainly sincere in his regret and absolutely in love with the queen. The right person might even have realized that the queen’s actions, cold as they seemed, were only because she had once been in love with the man. But no one was there. No one heard the huntsman ask without any pride how he might please the queen.

And no one was there to hear the queen command the huntsman to kill Snow White, her manipulative yet beautiful stepdaughter, the princess who was adored by her kingdom.

No one but the queen saw how crestfallen the huntsman became at this suggestion, and the queen certainly didn’t care. He hadn’t cared when he had ripped her heart from her chest. It only seemed poetic that the huntsman bring the queen Snow’s very own heart, a heart that had never loved and broken as intensely as the queen’s own heart.

There were no witnesses to this exchange. The huntsman only nodded silently in agreement, knowing that he not only deserved the punishment but also that it was no redemption. It was too late for that.

Yet, somehow, everyone knows the story as it continues. They know that the huntsman couldn’t bring himself to do this. They know that he brought the queen a pig’s heart, instead. They know that Snow White found refuge with seven small men in a cottage in the woods, a woods that the queen had once loved. They do not know, however, that these were lascivious and lecherous men whom Snow would allow to penetrate her every orifice at any time of day.

No one knows that this is where the story actually ends: with a young woman content to live out her days covered in semen from any number of man, an old queen whose heart had been hardened to coal and a huntsman so haunted by his actions that he would drink himself a slow death.

But now you know.

Like I said, it’s entirely unfair.

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