is a comic and video game nerd, freelance writer, and science enthusiast living in the Frozen Tundra with her cat (who likes to chew on silicone toys) while exploring sex and romance in her mid-30s! She prefers clitoral to vaginal stimulation, deep vibrations to buzzy ones, heavy conversation to small talk, chocolate to vanilla, and books to movies with few exceptions. Her bookshelf includes erotica and books about human sexuality and browser history always include research papers, which give her plenty of blog fodder!
A common scammer tactic involves threats of releasing nonexistent masturbation videos.
I’ve received a few scammy spam messages identical to the one above this week. It’s not the first time I’ve opened my inbox to such messages, and I’m sure it won’t be the last, either. In fact, I almost missed it because Thunderbird correctly marked it as spam.
What you cannot see is that the sender appears to be me. To the average person, this might lend credence to the threat. Previous versions have included real passwords that became exposed rather than claiming to use some “Remote Administration Tool” malware to record the user and it has not always appeared to come from my email account, but the sentiment remains the same.
Some people know it as a Sextortion Email Scam, although many victims would likely not know if this is a common type of scam or what it’s called. Ignoring the fact that people may fall for the messages because they do not understand how easily scammers can spoof any email address, including their own, and how their efforts become untraceable by using Bitcoin, I find these scam messages to be an interesting lens through which we can understand society.
The scammers make several assumptions about their victims:
They have masturbated
Kinkily
While at their computers
Which have working cameras
That are connected to the Internet
Several of these assumptions are likely to be true. After all, many people masturbate, and most devices have integrated cameras.
Perhaps most interesting is the assumption that anyone would pay to prevent their loved ones from accessing evidence of their sexuality, so much so that their worry would prevent them from checking whether the message is a scam. I am sure this is occasionally true. I’ve received similar messages for years, and scammers only need to trick one unsuspecting recipient for their effort to pay off.
Yet I cannot help but think about how the threat wouldn’t be effective if we did not live in a culture that shamed sexuality. If we recognized our inherent sexual natures in all their variety, messages like this would have little power. Sure, it might be uncomfortable if someone in our address books saw us in a sexually precarious position, just like it can be awkward to walk in on our parents having sex, but it shouldn’t be the end-of-the-world scenario as this spam suggests.
Greater than 99% of all people exist because someone else had sex, and we all recognize that sex can be pleasurable. The time and effort people spend pretending otherwise isn’t just unnecessary, it’s entirely misguided. And the attempts to deny others their sexuality is harmful in more ways than one. From slut shaming to barring comprehensive and inclusive sex education, we live in a world where sex doesn’t get the respect it deserves.
So, it’s no surprise that spammers might use sexuality as an angle to scam people out of money. But it is incredibly frustrating that sexuality is still so powerfully attached to shame in 2023.
Lately, my attention has been directed toward an attempt at censorship in my own public library. As far as I can tell, someone was offended when they discovered that the library carried a sex education book for teens and demanded the book’s approval. A year later, critics are still pressuring the library, this time to implement a reading system to ensure children are not exposed to “smut” and “pornography.” I doubt any of these people have read the book from cover to cover.
By the time you teach your children about sex, some may already be victims of assault–and some may be perpetrators.
Perhaps it’s no surprise. The call to ban and censor books doesn’t seem to be losing any steam, and homophobia and transphobia seem to be the fuel this time around. They want to “protect the children,” or so they claim. Except they ignore the risks that not providing age-appropriate sex education poses. I’m not wringing my hands about make-believe consequences. A lack of comprehensive, science-based, sex-positive education has already made a drastic negative impact on our world, and we need look no further than sexual assault statistics to see this.
Not providing age-appropriate sex education, which should begin earlier than many people are willing to recognize, means that by the time you teach your children about sex, some may already be victims of assault–and some may be perpetrators. Children may encounter sexual abuse before puberty and spend a lifetime dealing with repercussions that range from drug use to major depression.
By teaching children that they have bodily autonomy that others should respect, you give them permission to say “No” when someone attempts otherwise and the knowledge that they are not at fault and can seek help if someone violates those boundaries. This knowledge is especially important because abusers are most often known to the victim, possibly being a family member, and those people may manipulate those relationships to successfully abuse children. No one wants to consider that someone they deemed safe around their child(ren) is anything but. Yet even less, parents and caregivers don’t want their children to experience repeated abuse at the hands of someone who has convinced their victims that it’s acceptable or, even worse, that they will be in trouble if they tell someone about it. Ensuring your children that they can come to you if someone violates their sexual boundaries is part of sex education. But it’s only useful if children understand how bodily autonomy and sex work–and if they can use words
Ensuring your children that they can come to you if someone violates their sexual boundaries is part of sex education.
Assault isn’t the only risk associated with inadequate sex education: unwanted pregnancies and pregnancies are avoidable consequences. Decades of abstinence-only education proves how ineffective it is to simply say, “Don’t do this.” For most people, sexual desire comes naturally. It’s how human beings have lasted this long, after all. Failing to accept that doesn’t change anything; it simply makes it more likely that your child does not take proper precautions during their early sexual experimentation.
We can also greatly reduce how many people, especially women, experience painful sex and how long it takes to seek help, potentially identifying significant health concerns, by treating sexuality as a topic worthy of education. In fact, abstinence-only education that only paints the risks of sex can contribute to the anxiety that is symptomatic of vaginismus, which causes vaginal pain and may require therapy or other interventions.
People also overlook the consequences of not teaching people that they deserve to have mutually satisfying interactions with people. While it may be difficult to imagine your child all grown up, they won’t stay young forever. Don’t you want them to one day be able to enjoy sexual and romantic relationships rather than being unable to do so because they never learned that their pleasure and desires matter? We all too often see people settling, selling themselves short, and sacrificing necessarily in these relationships.
Finally, we cannot ignore that lack of inclusive sex education can be an issue of life or death. How much do people hide of themselves if they’re worried about being judged for who they are when they could discover who they are and spaces where they are celebrated instead? Sex education may not entirely erase homophobia or transphobia, but it can mitigate some homophobic bullying. We don’t need to live in a world help people who are at risk of dying by suicide or might otherwise suffer greatly go without help.
I know that some people will argue. Maybe they believe children should learn about sex at home and not in schools. Yet I recognize that few parents have received sex education that will prepare them to do so, and talking about sex is hard. We struggle to do so with partners in our bedrooms, let alone with younger minds who may be more interested in anything else than talking about sex with their parents. Why not ensure access to books that can supplement whatever sex education children receive and perhaps encourage them to talk about it with their parents as some books recommend?
I thought about ending this post here because while it will already make waves, it’s rather gentle. I’m only calling on people who want to protect their children to consider the ways barring them from information might actually harm them. Perhaps some people will consider the arguments and conclude that their child’s well-being and life is more important than their discomfort. I certainly hope so.
But if we’re all being honest, it’s not about protecting the children. At least, not from real harm. It’s about preventing them from seeing that gay and trans folks exist and can do so happily and healthily because you cannot muster tolerance let alone love for your neighbor. At best, these people don’t want their children to “get ideas” about these new-fangled gender and sexual identities, even though we’ve been studying them for over a century and literal Nazis attempted to bar the same information. Even though people have questioned their genders and sexualities well before they knew anyone else who did the same or had the words to describe their feelings. Even though being accepted by one person reduces the risk that a trans person will die by suicide.
Even the best-case scenario, in which a person isn’t actively spewing hate toward gender and sexual minorities, is frustrating. While being fine with “those people” as long as they don’t have to see evidence that those people exist (i.e., “not in my front yard”), it’s that attitude that makes some other people think it’s okay to harass and assault people who identify differently. We are in times where remaining quiet is just as bad as condoning this behavior, especially when so many people are vocally hateful. It’s no wonder so many anti-LGBTQ bills are being proposed–and passed.
I guess murder and torture are okay if you’re convinced the victim is going to hell, anyway. We’ll ignore the hypocrisy of the self-righteousness that harms others. You only need to love your children as long as they meet your expectations. The golden rule only applies to those who think and look like you. Spreading hate is acceptable as long as it’s your hate.
That is the real goal–to control how people think by preventing access to alternative ideas. Children often do learn these lessons, even if it means hating themselves. But many people also unlearn homophobia and transphobia, even becoming staunch allies if they themselves are straight or cisgender. The renewed fervor to do so only reflects how difficult it has become to control information in the age of the Internet (with some significant caveats). You can try to filter everything your child sees, hears, or reads but it’s going to require constant effort and, usually, isolation.
Squeezing your iron fist tighter to retain control is rarely successful. You cannot control your children’s every thought or action. Attempting to do so often results in rebellion, which may and sometimes complete rejection of your relationship. Undoubtedly, many will come to regret their actions upon facing the real consequences. But it will be too little too late. Time will be lost, and there’s not making up for it. For those who suffer under the hateful bigotry, the damage is already done.
Maybe there’s a way to reach the people who would rather not look back on a missed opportunity to be kind and have relationships with their children. I sure hope so. Because it doesn’t have to be this way. We can protect kids, including from our own shortcomings.
Pardon the clickbaity title. It’s what the Internet wants, and I’m just along for the ride.
A couple of months ago, I wrote an article for work that was clearly inspired by the latest TikTok trend du jour: boric acid. After looking at the videos, it was incredibly apparent that
A manufacturer of boric acid was sending free product to influencers.
They were specifically targeting Black creators–and their readers.
They were not checking the videos for accuracy.
Perhaps more importantly, it was obvious to me that viewers did not necessarily realize this. They saw real posts instead of ads marketing scams. I know exactly how this works. Dozens of sex toy makers have sent me toys, but I always gave honest reviews.
Viewers saw videos touting the benefits of boric acid to help you feel cleaner and smell better, disregarding the fact that boric acid is only sometimes recommended for persistent bacterial infections because it is incredibly toxic to healthy cells as much as unhealthy ones. Used unwisely, and boric acid can make you more prone to infections.
But there were no warnings or advice to seek medical advice to determine whether a problem even existed at all, let alone whether boric acid might be a solution. There was a lot of covert body shaming, which douche makers (read that how you will) have always relied on.
In short, the practice was misleading and disgusting, and no one seemed to be calling it out.
The risks don’t stop there, either.
Both the quantity and quality of BDSM content on TikTok has some kinksters worried. It’s easy to find, ignores the important aspects of communication and safety, and may even violate the viewer’s consent. You can learn how to tie rope around wrists or make restraints out of a belt but not about the importance of preventing rope from slipping or avoiding nerve damage. You can easily find fake dominants but not mentors to steer you away from red flags. And none of this content is barred from minors.
This isn’t to say that that aren’t plenty of informed and experienced folks on TikTok spreading the good word. There absolutely are! Some of these folks love being on KinkTok. But as the great Sunny Megatron points out, popularity reigns over education and quality. I’ve heard plenty of sex educators talk about their experiences. TikTok inconsistently bans sexual content, so users have to worry about that on top of trying to make the algorithm work for them.
Nor is the potential for harm specific to TikTok. People have sustained injuries after being inspired by 50 Shades. It’s not just sex, either. It takes half an hour for teens to stumble upon self-harm content on TikTok. Every site with a blog that relates even tangentially to sexuality includes information about potentially risky sexual and kinky activities, most of which is written by people with no experience (and much that is distilled down to near uselessness).
Yet TikTok, with its short videos that are accessed almost entirely on mobile devices for free without age requirements, makes this information much more accessible to anyone and everyone without leaving room for all the caveats that go with it. There’s plenty of safety information to be found online, and some of it even exists on TikTok. But our shortened attention spans and the algorithms make it harder to find and absorb–if we even recognize the need for more information, to begin with!
I learned pretty much everything I know about kink and BDSM from the Internet–and much of what I know about sex. I’m old school, however. I would rather read a blog post or book–and have read thousands of pages on the subject–than watch a 10-second video. My knowledge more often than not came from seasoned kinksters.
I probably wouldn’t say the same if I were 15 or even ten years younger. The internet, as it stands, is the only internet many people have ever known. It didn’t have to be and maybe doesn’t have to be still. But it is. TikTok could change if it wanted to, and a notable death and lawsuit would probably cause that to happen. But it shouldn’t have to come to that. People should just care.
In the meantime, care for yourself because no one else will. Look beyond TikTok for information that will protect your safety. Direct a hefty dose of skepticism to anyone who doesn’t mention safety, on TikTok or anywhere else. Proceed with caution. Your health, your livelihood, and your life might depend on it.
So the Barbie movie is out, making waves and breaking records in 2023. To be frank, I am in the target demographic whose nostalgia Mattel and the studios want to capture. I just don’t care that much, maybe because it’s causing a little capitalism-fueled moral dilemma. Or maybe because I don’t need everything in my life to be pink all the time. It’s just a little much for me, you know?
LoveLife’s cuddle is a solid choice for a G-spot vibrator
That doesn’t mean that I don’t like some pink because I quite do! I don’t even think the ire that pink sex toys gets is entirely earned (although, manufacturers might benefit from remembering that other colors exist and not everyone with a vagina likes pink or is a woman). Nor does it mean I don’t want to take advantage of the cultural moment. After all, even SheVibe and JeJoue have Barbie-themed sales right now.
So I figure I jump on the bandwagon to reap some benefits. And what’s the best way to do that? By remaining all you readers of the pink things I do love!
The LoveLife Cuddle is one of the few toys I regret giving away. It’s a great little G-spot vibrator that’s rechargeable and made from body-safe materials. You might not be able to buy this toy for under $40 anymore, but you can save $10 if you buy it from SheVibe and use code BARBIE15.
My Lelo Mia is black, but you can get yourself one in a light pink that might not be aggressive as some of the items on this list. Many people will love the slanted tip of this lipstick vibrator, and the design is discreet, portable, and convenient. I could be charging mine on my laptop as I type this, thanks to its USB design.
Honestly, I didn’t love the Big Boss vibrator or dildo, but I did love the original. But because I want others to share a similar experience, I’m adding the Big Boss to this list. All of the Boss designs, including the dildo, really pushed me to my limits.
I don’t actually own pink bondage tape or care so much about brand. I think it’s pretty much the same no matter where you buy it. But you can use the same coupon as above to save on some hot pink bondage tape at SheVibe.
Where should you store these toys? The Sugar Sak is a convenient solution to that problem. It’s best for a small collection (even the XL can only hold a few toys) or perhaps traveling, especially with the antibacterial lining. Maybe others aren’t as squicked out by the ideas of ~germs~ as I am, but it’s a nice feature nontheless.
Another pink book and one that I think everyone should read is Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are. Somehow, after recommending it for years, I have yet to create a post about it, review or otherwise. Eventually, I’ll change that. In the meantime, believe me when I say it can be life changing!
Finally, I’d like to add Pink Frolic, a personal lube meant for use with toys. It works well for this due to its thicker formula (check out my review). I wish Frolic were available in more stores. You can get it from the Of Sex and Love store or pay a little more on Amazon to get free shipping (I know, I know! Amazon, ugh!.
And if you don’t love pink? Most of the items listed her are available in other colors or digitally, so you don’t have to choose pink. After all, color doesn’t matter as much as the functionality, and I just want to help my readers enjoy their sexuality a little more!
As always, let me know whether you agree or disagree in the comments. Did I forget your favorite pink toy? Or do you have thoughts about Barbie and her movie taking the world by storm? I’ll take those, too!
Thanks to Wellbutrin, my sex drive is higher than ever, which is somewhat ironic considering that I neither have a partner nor use toys as frequently as I have in the past. In fact, it’s been a long time since I’ve added a new sex toy to my collection. I used to get so excited over new companies, toys, and technology, enough so that I made a point to seek out and share these things with my readers and friends. I wanted to know what companies were new, discover how companies found ways to make bullet vibrators stand out, and see the most recent dildo designs. I often felt the pangs when I saw an exciting new sex toy knowing my budget would never enable me to buy them all. And my particular brand of anxiety inspires a fear of missing out on owning things simply for the sake of owning them.
But my relationship with shopping has changed. I’m not immune to retail therapy or window shopping, even if I’m more reserved about my purchases. It’s just difficult not to feel disenchanted with capitalism and all it entails. The expectations that we must constantly be productive and achieve a certain amount of wealth (and then appropriately display that wealth) can easily make a person feel not good enough. Perhaps more importantly, failure to do so can mean you can’t put a roof over your head or food on the table, so you’re struggling with practical concerns, all the while your self-esteem takes a hit.
The sex toy industry isn’t an exception to this, and I think the decades companies spent making toys from dangerous materials and the return to such sketchy practices in the Amazon era are proof of that. But lately, I’ve been pondering what seems, to me, to be a particularly pernicious example of capitalism in our nightstands. Over time, I became aware of all the ways women became advertising targets by those in the sexual sphere.
Pharmaceutical companies struggled to find the “female Viagra” for years because of the potential for profit. And after all that, we have a couple of medications for female sexual dysfunction that are no better than placebos and certainly fail to make a real difference in the way mindfulness or, you know, caring about andtalking to your partner makes in a person’s sex life. But who wouldn’t want to try a quick-fix medication when they’re experiencing sexual difficulties, especially with the current state of sex education pretty much guaranteeing they haven’t learned about the alternatives?
It’s not just about pharmaceuticals, either. Lumping sex tech into femtech suggests new opportunities for women to live more authentically or succeed professionally. And it’s true that women have traditionally been sparse in the tech industry, so this signifies a change in the people designing products and solutions for previously-overlooked wants or needs because the men who were in charge failed to consider,.
IKa demographic that did not include them. Yet it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I realize how we’re being sold these things as necessities and not just luxuries that might improve life. If you do not buy lube, medications, or sex toys, you have somehow failed as a sexual woman or perhaps a feminist. The idea should be ludicrous, but somehow it’s not.
Even if I understand this intellectually, it’s not like the marketing hasn’t impacted me. Boy howdy, have those marketers succeeded! I remember balking at the premise of the book Sex, Lies, and Pharmaceuticalswhen I first discovered it, mostly because it seemed as though the authors were suggesting that women didn’t deserve the focus of pharmaceutical companies. Did the authors hate women or feminism?! Why didn’t they want us to enjoy our sexuality? It took me literal years to really absorb the fact that it was the way this search has been handled, which represents a terrible convergence of capitalism and misogyny, that was really under fire. It’s fine when these options are available; the problem is when we’re made to feel bad about ourselves or like every issue requires a store-bought solution.
What frustrates me the most is that, as a blogger, reviewer, and writer, I have benefited–no, profited–under this system. Really, you have to play ball if you want to pay the bills. There’s no practical way for most people to shed the shackles of this capitalistic hellscape. But the system is set up so that individuals feel guilty while unscrupulous companies with CEOs worth millions of dollars remain unscathed. It’s reminiscent of how the responsibility to recycle has been foisted upon the average person, even though we stand zero chance of turning the tide and stemming climate change when companies are wreaking havoc on the environment.
Really, it’s kind of a (evil) genius move on the part of these companies. Shifting the blame to us consumers encourages us to blame others who we don’t think are doing enough and keeps up divided and ineffective. Very little changes. Someone, somewhere, realized the power of co-opting movements and tying how we feel about ourselves to our habits as consumers. It’s not entirely different from rainbow-washing, which we are currently immersed in this Pride month, or pinkwashing every October.
How do we reconcile our ideals with the world we live in? Maybe, at the end of the day, all I can do is find little ways to enjoy being alive, whether that means engaging in retail therapy or using a luxury sex toy. Maybe I need to give myself a break because. I can only do so much and I can’t achieve anything other than making myself miserable because I cannot abstain from capitalism. Instead of beating myself up, I would do better to direct my attention and energy to the causes I believe in, like helping people have more satisfying sex, no matter what that means for them (and even if it means suggesting some products to assist). Occasionally, I may even be able to step up and help those people who suffer even more under this system.
I’ll be honest: I’m not sure when I first discovered The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality and began reading it. Nevertheless, I know it was closer to my return to school, which may have been fortuitous. You see, I initially began the book and found myself confused over both the argument the authors, Malcolm and Simone Collins, were making, and the format of the book, That’s never a good thing. I wound up taking a break from reading The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality while I focused on other books, specifically those for my classes. When I finally returned to the book, I had a better understanding of what the authors were trying to say–and the weaknesses in their argument.
You see, Malcolm Collins views himself as a “gentleman researcher,” and I can’t fault him for that. Who hasn’t had questions about sexuality? And thanks to the Internet, anyone can put up a poll or a survey–or even a Reddit thread if you want to be even more informal–to try to get answers to questions about our weird turn-ons. Not everyone understands how to design and run research that is as ethical, educational, and representative as possible. By the time I returned to the book, I had taken a psychological statistics course and written my own paper, which enabled me to apply a critical eye when reading this book. Malcolm Collins and his wife, Simone, come from a business background, so I suppose it’s no surprise that the pair weren’t able to apply the same critical eye to their book.
Unfortunately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality suffers for it. At various points, I wondered whether and how the authors disqualified participants who were essentially trolling or applied statistical analyses to the data to determine significance, things which were sometimes discussed in passing but the authors failed to make explicit. Furthermore, I noticed inconsistencies in language that weakened the book’s argument. Specifically, the authors seemed unsure whether they wanted to use “males” and “females” as nouns or “men” and “women,” respectively. Although I prefer the use of “women” in everyday language because to call us “females” is often dehumanizing, I understand that researchers typically use the more detached “females.” The Collinses flipped between the two, sometimes in the same sentence or paragraph, in a way that suggested the need for more stringent editing at the very least.
When it comes to what helped me better understand this book’s arguments, I cannot name a reason as easily as taking a class. Perhaps it was simply my time away that made this possible. Nevertheless, I can now sum it up as research based on unusual arousal responses or patterns. Specifically, the Collinses suggest that sexual orientation or attraction is less about gender than it is about dominance or power. For example, straight women are typically attracted to more dominant men, but some women may be attracted to other women who display similar characteristics. I am being reductive, but the main point is that this book suggests another lens through which we can consider sexuality.
It’s not that the ideas presented in this book aren’t worth considering. What is sexual orientation? What if gender isn’t the only or even the most important component of sexual orientation? Sari van Anders, a respected researcher in the field, tackles this very idea in her sexual configurations theory (SCT), which encourages us to expand our view of sexuality past attraction based on gender and has been praised for its inclusiveness. However, van Anders has published peer-reviewed papers on the topic.
Nor would I argue that a book is never the right format to publish research. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, to name just one example, chose a book to write about his research into fantasies in more depth than a paper or even a series of papers might allow. However, the format doesn’t change the scholarly rigor readers would expect from his work. Collins and Collins fail to bring this rigor to their work.
Ultimately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality doesn’t make sense as a book. The type of research and results are better suited for a blog post (or series thereof) and some infographics. This would also cut down on some of the redundancies–the research itself is repeated in a section at the end of the book that I personally found more compelling than most of the rest. A change in format would also remedy the problem of confusing organization. Why bother with longer chapters when a shorter post with headings will do, instead?
As far as I can tell, the best reason for publishing their research in a book is to profit directly rather than creating other Web content that might profit them through ads or content creation incentives. However, all proceeds from their books go to “the nonprofit,” which I assume means the Pragmatist Foundation (according to Amazon book descriptions). The website is similarly vague save for describing the Pragmatist “Foundation” that was designed to
[C]reate “shepherd free” guides dedicated to assisting individuals in self reflection and challenging their core beliefs without biasing them to specific answers.
[R]eview and conduct research with the goal of helping people engage in self reflection and seriously consider new ideas so that they can independently determine—for themselves— the best possible ideas and solutions to adopt.
[C]reate a culture in which people are celebrated for exploring new and alternate ideas, engaging in critical self reflection, and intellectually engaging with the views of those who disagree with them.
Maybe Malcolm Collins just wants an excuse to ask questions and posit theories in a way that feels more grandiose than web content.
I suppose the foundation has accomplished at least some of the outlined goals with this book, which has, in some part, encouraged me to “consider new ideas.” I’m not entirely sure that anything about this book was personally pragmatic, however. What do I do with this suggestion? Some people might focus less on gender when seeking sexual partners, but I’m already bisexual, so perhaps I am not the target audience. I suspect that a more comprehensive theory like that under development by Sari van Anders might be more pragmatic for me specifically. In fact, Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker have written a zine offering some questions for self-reflection, among other guidance based on SCT that I find more actionable at less than 20 pages.
Still, if you’re intrigued by The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality, you can purchase the Kindle version for $2.99 (it’s free if you’re a Kindle Unlimited member). Amazon also carries hard and softcover versions of the book, although I’m not sure the higher price tag is warranted.
I’m not normally the person to pimp myself out like this, but I have realized that I may have something to offer you. If you like what I have to say here, I can write for you, too. I am open to more writing projects than before, so I’d love to give you the chance to hire me! I am open to writing gigs but will also accept work in the line of some social media.
The list of things I can do is as follows:
Blog posts
Website content
Editing and content updates
HTML and CSS formatting
Content briefs
Image acquisition, editing, and posting
Research–including access to published journals
Inclusivity revisions
Monitoring and posting on Twitter/Facebook/Pinterest/Etc accounts
My Qualifications As Sex Writer with SEO and WordPress Experience
For over a decade, I have been a freelance writer who has worked through various intermediate websites (Demand Studios, Writer Access, TextBroker, Verblio, and Scripted) as well as directly with clients. I am accustomed to writing for the web, which includes incorporating keywords, creating scannable content, writing meta descriptions and titles, and other SEO best practices. I am also HubSpot Inbound certified. My experience includes HTML/formatting of my own and others’ content and editing others’ content for readability, grammar, and veracity.
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My network has grown since 2008 when I first started writing about sex and reviewing sex toys and sexuality books here on Of Sex and Love. My experience with sex toys means that I can easily and quickly turn around product and category descriptions in addition to creating content for your own pages or sex toy blog. Sexuality advice, relationship articles, toy how-tos, beginner BDSM information, and guides all fall within my expertise. More recently, I focus on the science of sex and am happy to use my expertise to increase your brand’s credibility.
I have written sexuality and relationship articles for Bad Girls Bible and Cirillas, among others.
I have been using WordPress since 2006 (and create my own themes) and have used HTML since 1999. I am comfortable with CSS, HTML/XHTML and modifying PHP (no original scripts). I am experienced with the WordPress dashboard, PHPMyAdmin, and SQL databases. I understand search engine optimization, HTML and CSS validation, semantic coding, and more! If your website is broken, I can (hopefully) fix it.
Education-wise, I am pursuing my first four-year degree in psychology. I am supplementing core education courses applicable to further my career as a sex educator, including gender studies, science writing, and public speaking. As a lifelong learner, I have read a variety of books about human sexuality, some of which I have reviewed, and can draw from to create quality content.
I write from an inclusive, intersectional feminist point of view and always promote science-based advice and data. Not only I am comfortable matching the existing tone of your brand, but I can suggest improvements to language and imagery to increase inclusiveness.
Adding me to your team as a credited writer, contributor, editor, or member provides access not only to my existing network but leverages my trusted experience in knowledge in the field of human sexuality. As a ghostwriter, I can keep your website content fresh and unique.
Short or long term, I’m available for you. Let your boss know. Tell your mother. Relay the news to your brother.
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Email me to inquire about rates or for more information.
is a blog about my personal sex (and love) life with posts to help educate you about sex, toys, relationships and more! I always aim to entertain the masses. Stay tuned for more sex toys reviews, smutty giveaways and some erotica of my own here and there!
The reviews on this website include items I have received in return for my opinion. I do not endorse any product that I do not believe to be beneficial to my readers nor do I sugarcoat my experiences. Love or hate a product or service, you will know it--honestly.
