Sex Toy Reviews

Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie,  anal toyslube, massage products, and more!

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I’ve also reviewed sexual health goodies.

Don’t forget all those accessories and non-sex toy reviews.

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Fun Factory Laya III

January 21st, 2024

I cannot believe Fun Factory has released three new versions of the Laya, and I have yet to wax poetic about its meaning in my life.

So why don’t I do that?

I have fond memories of using the original Laya Spot while sprawled sideways on my oversized armchair as Family Guy played in the background. I was in my San Antonio apartment, which I shared with my then-husband, who was, at the time, deployed. It was a difficult time in many ways, but I had my cats and a few trustworthy toys to get me three. Indeed, that was the year when I discovered I could squirt.

Much has changed since then: my relationship status, my pets, my location, and my education level, to name just a few. How often I use sex toys is also not the same. As it turns out, Fun Factory’s “lay on” vibrator isn’t the same, either. If you can believe it, they’re now on the fourth version of the Laya, although it’s the Laya III because one was just an iteration of the Laya II, which I had things to say about.

Laya III is a noticeably different toy from these previous options. The new light teal (which Fun Factory calls “Sage Green” but is definitely not) or lavender options remind me more of the original’s colors than either of the Laya II revamps. Folks might not remember, but the Laya Spot came in a variety of dual-color combinations. It was fun, if not financially feasible in the long run. However, Fun Factory has done away entirely with the contrasting side panels, instead opting for an allover color. This makes it a seamless toy, however.

Another change comes in the texture, which is now diagonally ribbed along the top and sides of the toy–everywhere but the place where it will make contact with your clitoris. To be honest, I’m not sure that this achieves much other than aesthetics. I suppose if your hands are full of lube, it might be easier to grasp, but I did not typically use lube with clitoral toys, and if your fingers were that coated, they would slip right off the smooth buttons.

As for the silicone itself, it’s more velvety and has less drag. It’s not a lint magnet like the Laya Black Line, which my pictures clearly show. I swear, there is no way to remove lint from this thing, but that is, fortunately, not an issue carried over to the Laya III. Of course, the hard plastic of the original didn’t attract lint, so it’s nice not to have to worry about this again.

I still don’t know if I really like the placement of these buttons, but I think that’s a me problem. The bubble design from the Laya II carried over, meaning it’s far easier to press than those on the original Laya Spot. However, I just don’t love them. Truthfully, I want something bigger, flatter, and just… impossible to miss. I’ve spent too much time using vibrators to fumble for the controls that are less than obvious.

But what about the vibrations controlled by those buttons? A side-by-side comparison of the Laya III and Black Line Laya shows that the Black Line’s lowest level of vibrations is stronger, but it has fewer (3) levels of steady vibrations than the Laya III. The highest level seems about the same on both, so the change in the Laya III’s 5 levels is more incremental, something that is absolutely not needed. That makes it bizarre that they toute these unnecessary incremental changes as a customizable experience.

And while the vibrations on the highest setting are similar, they are not identical. The Black Line’s vibrations feel more targeted, although “pinpoint” wouldn’t be accurate. The Laya III feels chaotically diffused in contrast. I actually prefer the Black Line, a toy that previously left me incredibly disappointed. When you consider that the Laya II is stronger than the Black Line, it’s clear that Laya III’s motor is a step backyard.

Y’all, I gotta be honest, I didn’t look much into the Laya III before I tried it. I saw the name, and I wanted it. I completely missed the fact that the motor apparently vibrates and taps until I watched the video after starting this review. And if that’s supposed to be true, I literally cannot feel it. It feels like marketing BS, and I hate typing that.

Laya III’s ribs, supposedly for containing lube

This is where I also admit that I didn’t realize the texture is supposed to hold lube with the suggestion that you can use either end of the Laya III for pinpoint stimulation. But we’ve already established that the vibrations feel more diffuse at the stronger end than previous of the toy, so there’s no way the weaker end will somehow feel more targeted.

So, really, why did Fun Factory make this toy?

Or, rather, why didn’t they just promote a previous iteration of the Laya that showed how it could be versatile? Because I think it has always deserved more love than it got, and there was no need to improve upon a perfectly good design once they upgraded to a rechargeable motor with decent strength.

Barring a drastic change, I think we got the best Laya we’re going to get our hands on a few years ago. Of course, not everyone has a previous version, so the Laya III isn’t a terrible option for them. After all, if you don’t know what you’re missing, how can you miss it? Some folks might swoon over Laya III, especially if they don’t have much to compare it to, but we’re long past the days of the original, which cost less than $50.

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The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality: What Turns People On, Why, and What That Tells Us About Our Species

January 25th, 2023

I’ll be honest: I’m not sure when I first discovered The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality and began reading it. Nevertheless, I know it was closer to my return to school, which may have been fortuitous. You see, I initially began the book and found myself confused over both the argument the authors, Malcolm and Simone Collins, were making, and the format of the book, That’s never a good thing. I wound up taking a break from reading The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality while I focused on other books, specifically those for my classes. When I finally returned to the book, I had a better understanding of what the authors were trying to say–and the weaknesses in their argument.

You see, Malcolm Collins views himself as a “gentleman researcher,” and I can’t fault him for that. Who hasn’t had questions about sexuality? And thanks to the Internet, anyone can put up a poll or a survey–or even a Reddit thread if you want to be even more informal–to try to get answers to questions about our weird turn-ons. Not everyone understands how to design and run research that is as ethical, educational, and representative as possible. By the time I returned to the book, I had taken a psychological statistics course and written my own paper, which enabled me to apply a critical eye when reading this book. Malcolm Collins and his wife, Simone, come from a business background, so I suppose it’s no surprise that the pair weren’t able to apply the same critical eye to their book.

Unfortunately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality suffers for it. At various points, I wondered whether and how the authors disqualified participants who were essentially trolling or applied statistical analyses to the data to determine significance, things which were sometimes discussed in passing but the authors failed to make explicit. Furthermore, I noticed inconsistencies in language that weakened the book’s argument. Specifically, the authors seemed unsure whether they wanted to use “males” and “females” as nouns or “men” and “women,” respectively. Although I prefer the use of “women” in everyday language because to call us “females” is often dehumanizing, I understand that researchers typically use the more detached “females.” The Collinses flipped between the two, sometimes in the same sentence or paragraph, in a way that suggested the need for more stringent editing at the very least.

When it comes to what helped me better understand this book’s arguments, I cannot name a reason as easily as taking a class. Perhaps it was simply my time away that made this possible. Nevertheless, I can now sum it up as research based on unusual arousal responses or patterns. Specifically, the Collinses suggest that sexual orientation or attraction is less about gender than it is about dominance or power. For example, straight women are typically attracted to more dominant men, but some women may be attracted to other women who display similar characteristics. I am being reductive, but the main point is that this book suggests another lens through which we can consider sexuality.

It’s not that the ideas presented in this book aren’t worth considering. What is sexual orientation? What if gender isn’t the only or even the most important component of sexual orientation? Sari van Anders, a respected researcher in the field, tackles this very idea in her sexual configurations theory (SCT), which encourages us to expand our view of sexuality past attraction based on gender and has been praised for its inclusiveness. However, van Anders has published peer-reviewed papers on the topic.

Nor would I argue that a book is never the right format to publish research. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, to name just one example, chose a book to write about his research into fantasies in more depth than a paper or even a series of papers might allow. However, the format doesn’t change the scholarly rigor readers would expect from his work. Collins and Collins fail to bring this rigor to their work.

Ultimately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality doesn’t make sense as a book. The type of research and results are better suited for a blog post (or series thereof) and some infographics. This would also cut down on some of the redundancies–the research itself is repeated in a section at the end of the book that I personally found more compelling than most of the rest. A change in format would also remedy the problem of confusing organization. Why bother with longer chapters when a shorter post with headings will do, instead?

As far as I can tell, the best reason for publishing their research in a book is to profit directly rather than creating other Web content that might profit them through ads or content creation incentives. However, all proceeds from their books go to “the nonprofit,” which I assume means the Pragmatist Foundation (according to Amazon book descriptions). The website is similarly vague save for describing the Pragmatist “Foundation” that was designed to

  • [C]reate “shepherd free” guides dedicated to assisting individuals in self reflection and challenging their core beliefs without biasing them to specific answers.
  • [R]eview and conduct research with the goal of helping people engage in self reflection and seriously consider new ideas so that they can independently determine—for themselves— the best possible ideas and solutions to adopt.
  • [C]reate a culture in which people are celebrated for exploring new and alternate ideas, engaging in critical self reflection, and intellectually engaging with the views of those who disagree with them.

Maybe Malcolm Collins just wants an excuse to ask questions and posit theories in a way that feels more grandiose than web content.

I suppose the foundation has accomplished at least some of the outlined goals with this book, which has, in some part, encouraged me to “consider new ideas.” I’m not entirely sure that anything about this book was personally pragmatic, however. What do I do with this suggestion? Some people might focus less on gender when seeking sexual partners, but I’m already bisexual, so perhaps I am not the target audience. I suspect that a more comprehensive theory like that under development by Sari van Anders might be more pragmatic for me specifically. In fact, Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker have written a zine offering some questions for self-reflection, among other guidance based on SCT that I find more actionable at less than 20 pages.

Still, if you’re intrigued by The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality, you can purchase the Kindle version for $2.99 (it’s free if you’re a Kindle Unlimited member).  Amazon also carries hard and softcover versions of the book, although I’m not sure the higher price tag is warranted.

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What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire

January 4th, 2023

Although I meant to sit down to write this review months ago, I’ve actually done it in far less time than it took to actually read this book since placing it on my to-read list (which badly needs and update). In fact, that delay contributes largely to my review as you’ll see when you keep reading…

The field of sex research is an interesting one. Because it was for so long viewed as inappropriate or unimportant, it has lagged behind other fields. This simultaneously means that we missed out on opportunities to learn about sexuality, and now that sex research is well underway, it’s happening at a rapid-fire pace. The downside of this frenzy of activity is that research or publications about research can quickly become dated, even painfully so. This doesn’t bode with for Daniel Bergner’s book What Do Women Want?

Published in 2013, this book isn’t quite a decade old. Yet, I was shocked at how unfamiliar I was with some of the researchers Bergner interviewed or cited aside from Lori Brotto. Some of the names I know indirectly because they’ve been cited by researchers with whom I am familiar. As I read this book, it almost seemed to focus on a different generation of researchers–and thus their research–than the articles, books, and podcasts I’ve consumed about sexuality over the last decade. Without more recent research, What Do Women Want? seems lacking.

Although I hesitate to say it, I think a project of this nature might have been overly ambitious, given the state of research in 2013. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but Bergner’s book just doesn’t stand on its own two feet. Because the author’s ultimate point is that, yet, women do want to have sex and not necessarily in relationships. Yet that hardly seems groundbreaking or all that helpful, at least in 2022 2023.

After finishing the book, I was left wondering, “So what?” What are readers supposed to do with this argument, even if it’s the first time they’ve considered it (and I concede that this book might have been more revelatory when it was first published). There’s no thoughtful analysis about why we’ve come to a place where we believe women aren’t interested in sex, or women may not feel comfortable expressing that interest, let alone suggestions about what to do with this information. If women want to have sex, how do we get them there? Of course,  the answers to these questions are inextricably related.

Rest assured that plenty of researchers and sex educators, often women, have discussed both the causes and potential solutions. They’re written ad nauseam about how society slut-shames women, how sex education has failed us, and how we prioritize men’s pleasure over women’s to such an extent that we view women’s sexuality as lesser than men’s to the extent that we have pathologized it and normalized misogyny and rape culture.

And, you guessed it, all those things contribute to women’s inability to speak up about their desires and get what they want. Advocating for our sexuality can seem a losing battle when the sex we wind up having, the very sex that’s accepted as “normal,” is so subpar that we’d rather do literally anything else.

Of course, understanding these causes directly suggests what we need to do to improve the situation and both Emily Nagoski and Lori Brotto have written useful and timeless books that touch on ways women can improve their sex lives–from desire to orgasm. I’m talking about Come As You Are and Better Sex Through Mindfulness, respectively. Even Peggy Kleinpart’z Magnificent Sex, which is written less for the lay reader, offers more actionable advice.

But Bergner doesn’t touch on any of this. He only cherry-picks data that indicates women want more sex than they’re having or are willing to admit. While I think that’s ultimately true, it doesn’t make for a riveting book in the 2020s. It feels like I picked up a dusty relic, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it became forgotten as so many books do.

Perhaps that’s to be expected. Bergner, as both an author and journalist, doesn’t focus on sexuality–or even health. His choice of research and argument might reflect a base unfamiliarity with the topic, and this might still be true for many readers, even in 2023.

Emily Nagoski once replied to me on Twitter, saying that she and Bergner used much of the same research but came to different conclusions. I am not sure that’s entirely accurate. The two authors stopped their research at different points, which is why Bergner’s conclusion in this book is where the conversation should really begin, not end. It’s why this book didn’t knock my socks off and likely would be frustrating for anyone who wants to better understand their sexuality or that of their women partners.

Fortunately, other books have done both of those things, and there are many more options since this one hit the shelves. That leaves What Do Women Want? for those who are more interested in research that affirms women’s desire or learning about how sex research has changed through the ages, and an actual textbook (Justin Lehmiller’s Psychology of Human Sexuality comes to mind) inevitably does it better.

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Black Friday 2021 Sex Toy, Bondage, and Lingerie Sales

November 26th, 2021

Babeland

Take 20% off sitewide for one day only.

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Lovehoney

Lovehoney is offering up to 60% off select toys during their holiday sale. Sale includes the Magic Wand Original, Womanizer toys, under-the-bed restraints, nJoy Pure Wand, and many Lovehoney originals!

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Get up to 35% off until December 1st.

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Get the rose vibrator for $26.99. That’s a savings of $130!

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AND! They’re offering 20% off all Womanizer, Arcwave, We-Vibe, and Pjur products!

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Erato: Flash Fiction

June 30th, 2021

It has been a good while since I’ve read any erotica, let alone reviewed some. But I couldn’t pass up the newest anthology from the New Smut Project. You might remember me reviewing Between the Shores a few years ago.

Scratch that?

2015?!

I guess that’s more than a few years.

But I digress.

That erotica anthology tackled something that some people (erroneously) consider unsexy: consent.

I’ll be honest, I don’t remember the specifics, but I do recall the stories being unique, enjoyable, and well-written. So I agreed to review Erato when the opportunity arose. Let’s start with its official description.

Short, short tales from 50 experienced storytellers and hot new talent bring readers to Paleolithic caves and far-flung planets, seducing them with magic, mythology, and dreams while wryly acknowledging the reality that sometimes sex requires stretching. Alongside old favorites like temperature play and strap-ons, have you considered the erotic potential of shaving or a handful of coins?

While the New Smut Project’s other books were themed by subject, the thing that pulls each of the 50 stories in Erato together is their length: they’re brief. You might recall that I am a fan of flash fiction when it comes to my erotica. To this day, I still have both Five Minute Erotica and Got A Minute? on my bookshelf. And while I haven’t gotten around to it, I fully intend on rereading them both at some point. Erato will soon join these volumes. Like them, this anthology spans a variety of themes, from Sci-fi/fantasy to period pieces to BDSM to queer erotica.

However, there are some keys differences that make this anthology stand out, and I think some of them have to do with this being a more recent book. It might seem arbitrary that Erato is a much newer book of flash erotica, but I can’t imagine an anthology as inclusive as this being released even just a few years ago. In fact, few organizations would strive for inclusivity the way New Smut Project has with Erato. Heteronormativity? No, sir! The stories include trans and nonbinary and characters requesting and using pronouns other than he, she, or even, they.

I think anyone who finds most erotica too limiting or irrelevant, might find Eratot to be much more accessible because of this. Of course, there’s a subset of people who would criticize this move or claim that this book is all clear, but that’s not true (and the overlap with my blog readers is probably small). Many of the stories have different themes but just happen to have characters that fall a little outside the gender and sexual binary.

Another consideration, which is true for all collections, is that if you especially like a story, it’s just one in the bigger collection. Because Erato focuses on shorter stories, you might find your interest is piqued but your appetite isn’t sated. Fortunately, some of the pieces in this book are chapters or snippets from the authors’ own longer works. There’s something.. wholesome… about the promotion that authors might get from Erato.

The other distinguishing feature of Erato is simply the quality of the stories. Multiple times I found myself thinking not just that something was interesting or hot, but that it was literature. Erato is the book you give someone if you want to prove that erotica has artistic merit. It’s not a guilty pleasure because there’s no way to feel guilt about something so excellent. Editors Alex Freeman, Guinevere Chase, and T.C. Mill so carefully curated this collection, and it shows.

So which of those stories are my favorite?

Erato starts out strong with Gerri Green’s “Anthing For the Mission,” a story of exploration that’s out of this world.   The momentum continues with “Touch” by D. Fostalove, a story most certainly inspired by COVID-19–but with a sexy twist. The visuals of R.F. Marazas’s “Dressing Dana” are topnotch, and Alain Bell’s “Contentment” is a story imbued with the universal feelings being in love brings forth from us.

Don’t even get me started with the second of Lawrence Schimel’s three pieces (expertly translated by Sandra Kingery), which includes a line that makes me want to cry. Somehow he uses words that perfectly capture the how pain and arousal can become intertwined after loss. I even laughed out loud a time or two while reading the stories in these pages.

No matter how fantastic the plot, there’s always a reminder of how human we are–and by extension, sex is.

Like I said, it’s literature.

And that’s just the first quarter of the book.

If you want to experience Erato for yourself, you can purchase digital or Kindle versions on Amazon. And if you’re trying to boycott Amazon, I get it. There are a few purchase options on the New Smut Project’s website, including some with discounts!

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Spring 2021 Sexuality Media Recommendations

June 17th, 2021

It’s almost summer, which means I better get a move on if I want to post a list of recommendations for podcasts, books, and videos about sex if I want to do it while it’s still spring. Because I’ve moved to a seasonal-ish schedule, this list is long. But that means there’s plenty to listen to during your commutes, doctor-office-waits, and long walks through the cemetery!

I didn’t read many books about sex, so my recommendations are more general. Similarly, I didn’t watch any standout video content about sex, so I’ve focused on podcasts, instead. However, you’ll definitely find plenty of them listed below!

Read

I’m going to post my review of Erato: Flash Fiction shortly. In the meantime, you don’t want to miss this collection of skillfully written and inclusive erotic shorts.

It’s not about sex but I really loved reading My Favorite Thing Is Monsters for class and can’t wait for the second. Part of the reason the book speaks to me is the way it addresses sexism and sex work. If you like graphic novels that are literature, horror, and unique art, this is a must-read.

Another non-sex recommendation is Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. This book really got me thinking about how my brain works and how I can help–or hinder–it in the process.

Listen

I’ve been wanting to read Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen for a while. In this interview on Out in the Bay, she reads excerpts from her book, offers new ways to understand sexuality, and discusses moving from science journalism to a book inspire by her own sexuality.

I’d never heard of Man Up before I came across this episode about healthy porn habits. The hosts, who are average guys and not necessarily sexperts, feminists, or super “woke,” discuss healthy ways to use porn in such an honest way.

Researcher Justin Lehmiller invited Dr. Michael Moreno on his podcast in an episode about talking to your doctor about sex. It’s such an important issue because sex impacts our physical and mental health. Yet, doctors don’t always receive a lot of sex education or may avoid these subjects. Advice like that in this podcast is important for patients to advocate for themselves.

Although it’s an older episode, Unladylike re-aired How to Free the Vibrator, a discussion with Polly from Unbound Babes. It dives into creating a feminist, friendly sex store that people aren’t ashamed to shop at or talk about. It’s something that I can sometimes–but shouldn’t–take for granted.

If you’re into learning, then you might like This Podcast Will Kill You. The topics span a broad range, so I only tune in now and then. Of course, I couldn’t resist an episode about HPV. In fact, this episode is one of the most educational and straightforward information sources I’ve ever encountered when it comes to HPV. And I’ve been diagnosed with it. Twice.

While I’m not normally into astrology, this discussion between Nicole and Danny Santos on Sluts and Scholars was an interesting listen that made me appreciate its meaning to people a bit more.

Sex educator Jennifer Litner joins Nicole on Sluts and Scholars to discuss how parents can give proper sex education, pleasure’s role in our lives, and desire discrepancies in long-term relationships.

In an honest and casual discussion, Kitty Stryker and Sunny Megatron discuss the definition of manipulation and the various forms it takes, including those that aren’t inherently negative.

If you haven’t heard about all the censorship of sex happening on social media, this American Sex episode will blow your mind.

Anyone who has wanted to try rope bondage but finds it intimidating will love this interview with Midori American Sex. She tackles the issue in such a no-nonsense way that makes it super accessible while showinga how simplicity can still be powerful and creative.

Sunny absolutely smashed it in her breakdown of the history of sex and porn censorship on the Internet. She discusses how it has been an issue for literal decades, long before SESTA/FOSTA, and how stars, creators, and websites have dealt with increasing restrictions. This episode is so ridiculously eye-opening!

Catie Osborn relates how having ADHD impacts her sex life in an episode of American sex that’s just as helpful for those with ADHD as it is their partners.. and potentially everyone else!

I’ve been looking forward to reading Dr. Ina Park’s book about the science and history of STIs since I first heard of it. Her interview with Tristan Taormino only made me want to read it more (I’m sure I’ll eventually write a review about it)!

Academic and feminist Dr. Heather Berg literally wrote the book about porn as work, and she talks all about it with Tristan Taormino.

I love when someone just pulls back the curtain to reveal fuckery that’s been going on under our noses, and that’s precisely what Kaytlin Bailey when she appeared on Sex Out Loud Radio to discuss the history of sex work. I’m looking forward to checking out more of her work!

I hadn’t heard of Richelle Frabotta before stumbling on this podcast from Miami University, but I love her take on sex education so much that I followed her on Twitter, listened to other podcasts, and am seriously considering receiving training through the Sexual Training Institute, at which she is an instructor.

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I love BDSM: Beginners Guide to Erotic BDSM Games

June 7th, 2021

From my experiences with Ayzad’s books, I would struggle to adequately do him justice as an author. I jumped into the deep end with the first book I read by him BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism that’s an encyclopedic wealth of information for those who are really into BDSM and knowledge in general. But that tome would be intimidating for someone who either isn’t sure about their interest or even the topic in general. Ayzad’s newest book, I Love BDSM falls on the other end of the spectrum. Ayzad kept this book fairly brief at just 124 pages, some of which include photos or illustrations, and his adoration for BDSM shines through. Both of these things make the book approachable. Further lending to the accessibility is the conversational tone he uses.

While other books teach technical skills, and BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism is certainly one of them, I Love BDSM focuses more on how BDSM can be personally fulfilling and rewarding within relationships. That angle can be appealing to those who might be dipping a toe in the water and wondering why they are–or anyone else is–attracted to the idea of erotic power exchange. I think the bold title of this book and the tone Ayzad uses in it both emphasize that BDSM can be a positive in someone’s life.

It’s reasonable that someone who first stumbles upon BDSM through Fifty Shades of Grey or some other media that’s not entirely realistic might decide to further research and happen upon I Love BDSM. For this, this book is a great introduction, not just for the aforementioned reasons but for the way it spells out the definition of BDSM while emphasizing that the images some people conjure of BDSM are devoid of context or downright wrong. Ayzad makes a poignant argument that the same happens with vanilla sex all the time, and we should be wary not to do the same with BDSM. As he says,

The only trick is to remember that the basis of any relationship – even the most casual ones – is always people.

While not about technical skills, I Love BDSM does not gloss over the potential risks and need to proceed safely. It discusses negotiation and safe words, for example.  But this section, like all of them in the book, is short, and I worry that some might read only this book and think it’s enough before diving in fully. This isn’t to say anything against Ayzad or his book; some people just always bite off more than they can chew.

After safety, the book includes a section on finding partners both online and off before dedicating a chapter each to bondage, domination and discipline, submission, and sensory exploration. Ayzad opted to move away from “sadism” and “masochism” for this book. I think the effect may be more inviting and less intimidating for someone who is unfamiliar with BDSM, and it’s actually a great descriptor for many activities enjoyed by kinksters. Still, it did throw me for a loop to see the acronym changed up.

Each chapter includes brief descriptions of the people, tools, and skills that might be involved in the specific activity. For example, Ayzard illustrates basic ties in the chapter on bondage and the desired traits of a submissive in that respective chapter. It’s all enough to give an idea and perhaps leave the reader wanting more without droning on. By the time I Love BDSM nears completion, Ayzad assumes that the reader will be ready to try their first not-super-intense scene. Presumably, the reader has gotten that far and feels the same, even if they’re not sure whether this whole BDSM thing is for them.

By now, it might be apparent that I struggled to read this book as someone who might just be coming to terms with the idea of BDSM or their interest in it. I want something meatier, with more science (Ayzad hasn’t ignored research on BDSM; it’s just scant). I Love BDSM isn’t that book but, of course, it’s not intended to be. This is the book that you read before you set out to engage in BDSM in your relationship or local community. You might (read: should) pick up a few more books before you get to that point. And if you stick with it, you might eventually find more Ayzad books on your proverbial shelf.

I’ve also considered how this BDSM primer stands out from other similar books. As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM comes to mind; although, these two are far from the only examples in the genre. One way in which Ayzad makes a name for himself is through his real-life experience as a BDSM practitioner and a member–and leader–of his local community. It can seem a little old-school when so much information is available for free online that one doesn’t necessarily need to seek out community to learn.

But Ayzad reminds the reader that not all of that information is accurate. Community can provide safety and hands-on knowledge that would otherwise be missed. Whether someone lives in a city with a thriving community or, like myself, would need to travel for hours to find one, certainly impacts how applicable certain information is, of course.

Another notable difference is the inclusion of black-and-white photos. I could go either way on them, but it probably lends to the air of approachability that Ayzad was going for. The illustrations of different knots/ties are useful, however, but the links to Ayzad’s videos are even more useful. This brings me to my next point.

I Love BDSM feels like it’s only meant to be a digital book. Some passages are highlighted in pink that matches the heart on the cover. Furthermore, Ayzad includes links to other resources, including illustrative videos and articles on his website. This puts additional information at the reader’s fingertips, but I would have preferred footnotes or a list, which would make it easier to see them all at a glance at the end of the book. The link icons make the book a bit messier than I prefer, and you might not realize how helpful they are if you focus on reading rather than clicking them.

Similarly, while Ayzad links to a section of recommended books on his site, I would have found it easier for him to list a few in I Love BDSM.

Finally, because so many of the links go to Ayzad’s own website, it feels a little self-promotional. Of course, there are many helpful articles, and it’s one way to ensure the links remain relevant, but I can’t but wonder if it could have been done differently. Something just a bit more refined or including some other resources, perhaps?

So where does that leave us? I Love BDSM would be ideal for someone who has never read any books about BDSM, but they should remember to broaden their educational horizons beyond this one title (and that’s true for anyone interested in BDSM). It’s a good introduction but less useful as a resource for those who are more knowledgeable and experienced unless they want an easy read to recommend to newbies.

There isn’t much to lose by purchasing this book, however.  Even if it doesn’t introduce much new content, I Love BDSM costs less than $6 on Amazon.

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