At best, my flirtation with dolphin toys has been mediocre. Why is that? And why did it suck this time?
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What conspiracy is this?
January 3rd, 2010
Sinn-what?
December 21st, 2009
It was a long wait for my Sinnflut Intensity. I didn’t know if I could throw down that much money for an insertable vibrator. After all, I haven’t had much luck with them in the past. And I couldn’t request it to review; too many folks already had. So I opted to try to Reality but, to my chagrin, I was denied. There I was, back lusting at the Intensity until I finally decided to take the plunge with some hard earned affiliate commissions and gift cards from writing at EdenCafe.
Then, the Intensity was in my hands and I wasn’t regretting it. I was drooling over the power, impressed with the design and excited to have a vibrator stored conveniently on the nightstand but, wouldn’t you know, not all stories have a happy middle. It wasn’t long before I noticed the pitiful whining and despite draining the toy completely (what a chore that was for me) and recharging it fully, the sounds remained. When I turned it on for my husband, he actually yelled for me to turn it off! Turn it off! After a while, it sounded like a train was coming straight at me, like some eery music in the back of a horror flick. It was sometimes downright scary.
So I decided to exchange it for another and, like usual, the folks at EF were quick and great about it. I had to wait a couple weeks for my replacement (damned holidays) but it showed up and made considerably less noise. I was relieved. I let myself breath again, among other less PG activities with the Intensity. Then, I wrote a review about it. You should read it.
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Come to Think of It..
December 18th, 2009
Intellectually, I want to be having more sex. I’ll think about it and it’s like “Man, when is the last time we have sex? We should be having more sex.” But even if he’s home while I’m thinking this and we’re both not really doing anything, I don’t want to have sex then. In reality, I guess I don’t want sex very much. Or maybe I’m just not in the mood and too lazy or busy to try.
I think it’s gotten worse because my body and its sensitivities have obviously changed since before he was deployed. Maybe it was not having sex or maybe it was just solo time that got me into habits that are hard to break. Maybe it’s just me growing older and my body changing naturally but it makes it a lot harder for what used to work, to work now. It feels like my body is a stranger, a stranger who hates me. Maybe I didn’t love how it was before but I’d give anything to go back to a constant.
Now, I need a lot more foreplay. A lot more time to get turned on and ready for even manual stimulation, externally. I know he’s trying. I know he’s going slower but.. it’s just not enough and I don’t want to have to say that. “Hey, I know you’re trying but you fail, buddy.” So I just endure it.
When I feel like I’m just lying there for him to get off, it really makes me feel worthless. I know he wouldn’t want me to feel that way but I feel used. Knowing that there is potential for it to be good makes it that much worse. It’s honestly one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt.
Most of the time now, I find myself thinking “When is he going to stop/cum/switch positions? That hurts, that feels pokey. Can’t he tell I need lube? What the fuck is he doing? And if I tell him, is it going to crush his ego?” I know communication is important but I’m just so sick of communicating. I’m just so sick of saying “This isn’t working” when I don’t know what will work anymore. Sex has become a running list of what isn’t working in my head and that list is so big it just makes me feel defeated.
As long as he thinks it’s okay/good, he thinks he’s doing a good job so I know not saying anything is ultimately not helping. It’ll just go downhill from here and here is bad enough. I feel like I’ve lost something that defined us – in a good way – and he has no idea that I just want to sob. I hate not being able to connect through sex like we used to and I hate how emotionally distant I feel all the time. I try to talk about it but I don’t really put it all out there because I don’t want to upset him. I don’t want to make him feel this way, too. It’s almost better if he is ignorant.
We did talk about it a bit yesterday and, ultimately, it cut him deep. It slashed his confidence, especially about oral cause he always felt like that was his strong suit. And that only made it worse. But it’s such a touchy subject, how can I expect him not to be affected by it too? It would be completely unfair and douchey for me to say “Hello?! We’re talking about me here” because it obviously involves him. So me trying to express my feelings resulted in a lot of hurt feelings on his part which is no help because he’s already stressed with everything that leaving the AF entails (which has also killed his sex drive quite a bit). Hearing that his sex drive isn’t what it used to be only makes me feel worse. I can’t even depend on that.
I guess there’s a bit of a silver lining. Feel good cuddles did turn into sex that wasn’t horrible. Maybe not perfect but I’d at least call it successful. I just wish I could say that all the time. I wish I didn’t feel like it was a fluke.
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In Which Adriana Talks About Rabbits
December 15th, 2009
My review for the Double Dare 4-Play was just posted on EdenFantasys. I had a hard time writing it, word constraints and all but think I managed to get everything in there. If you will excuse me, I will take the time to count my rabbit vibes.
Still there? With the newest additions straight from the UPS last night, I have 13 rabbit vibrators. Strictly rabbit style. None of those smaller dual stimulators or pseudo rabbits. I’ve also gone through 2 Rabbit Habits which decided to break on me (so I’ve tried 15 in all). I have used and loved many rabbit vibrators. Rabbits used to be my surefire way to get off.
But I didn’t get off with the Double Dare 4-Play. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was able to orgasm with a rabbit, using it the normal way. I’ve spent a while focusing on squirting which while mentally pleasurable and exciting, has never done a lot for me physically. Actually the Double Dare 4-play offered truly pleasurable G-spot stimulation but that’s not where I’m going with this. I’ve fallen out of practice with clitoral orgasms so every time I get a rabbit up there, my clit is confused. Before, I just sort of subdued my body into orgasm but now it’s fighting back. Now those vibrations are too rough, too buzzy, that material too hard, that shape too giving, so on and so forth. Honestly, I think my clit has become more sensitive in a negative way, much like my G-spot has become more sensitive in a positive way. I need to relearn my body but old habits die hard – unless it’s a Rabbit Habit which is a cheap piece of crap.
So here I am, with a pile of rabbits that call to me. Some I’ve had amazing interactions with. Some barely registered on my radar but they all make me a little sad, a little nostalgic for how things used to be. I miss knowing how things were going down. I miss how I could ignore my anatomy, unlike all those women who have never had a rabbit which fit. How did I avoid that? And, god dammit, I miss getting off. So you know what? Go read my review. I’m going to masturbate.
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Does it help?
November 29th, 2009
Last night I saw a post by Essin’ Em in which she discussed a post by Sinclair Sexsmith on the subject of “femme invisibility.” My long-story-short understanding is that femmes are frequently assumed by folks straight and queer alike to be straight based on looks. There’s a lot of judgment that can deal someone quite the mental or emotional blog. I sympathized by Essin’ Em’s account and the countless comments on Sinclair’s post and chastised myself for being guilty of treating people similarly in the past (hey, I’m only human). I had to sign off before finishing them because I should have headed to bed hours before.
Now, I’m not lesbian and, even if I were, probably wouldn’t fall into either category but these comments all got me thinking and think is what I did as I lay in bed for over an hour, still not sleeping. And the thought that struck my was “does the internet help?” I thought of e-mailing Essin’ Em but decided just to blog about it.
Does the internet help reduce this invisibility? Does it allow femmes to congregate, to boost each other’s esteem or just to hear a sympathetic voice? Does it help by allowing issues like these to be discussed? To point out to people who may be participating in this offensive and hurtful behaviour (and who may not even know it), why it’s offensive or hurtful? To pass along helpful hints about how to react/deal when someone does treat a femme as invisible? Does it help because the people you meat judge less based on looks? And, if you meed them face to face, are they more accepting because you knew each other online? Does it help point people in the direction of people, places or groups who do not behave in such a manner? Do any potential lessons actually go farther than the screen?
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Thank You
November 21st, 2009
A few months ago – and it does seem longer than that – I was blogging about the frustrations of, well, blogging. I was burned out and bummed out and entirely unsure of whether or not I would continue with this whole sex blog thing. A few of you commented and I felt a bit better and then I went back to life as usual which, at the time, included looking forward to yet another anniversary without my husband. Thank you deployment.
In the months since then, I feel like things have turned around. I kept working with some pretty awesome sex toy stores who have provided me with countless products to test (many of which I have bashed on this here blog). I am posting this because I just checked my website stats and my daily unique visitor count has crossed 600. I don’t know when I passed 500 but it’s great to see the continuous rise.
And I guess you like reading those scathing comments and ridiculous praises (sometimes) because I was named number 16 on the Top Sex Bloggers of 2009. I hadn’t even realized, deleted the e-mail when I got it because I figure I got maybe one nomination and no one would even put me on the list but to be 16? Number sixteen? Sweet sixteen? I would never have known, had I not been peeking over at Insatiable Desire to see what Cinnamon is up to and see the post about them being listed. I’m sure I looked like a total bitch because I didn’t reply. But now I did click, I did see, I did reply. My jaw did drop, of course.
Thank you, to whoever nominated me and to the judges. I am listed with and even above some amazing people and awesome writers and I’m grateful to even be on the list, let alone so high.
But that’s not all. I was recently accepted as a Sexpert in California Exotic’s new review program and have been contacted directly by other companies to do some reviews. In fact, I received a comment directly from Nomi Tang herself on my Better Than Chocolate review. Wow. Just wow. So thank you to all the manufacturers who appreciate my honesty, whether tactful or not!
I am not a humble person. I am all too guilty of being quite ego centric. I am always right, damn it. The world ought to revolve around me. But I know when it’s time to say thank you. So, thank you! (Perhaps this is the perfect prelude to Thanksgiving.)
And as much as I appreciate the visitors and their comments, the opportunities provided to me by stores and manufacturers who send me product in return for my opinions, there is something which means so much more. Although he may not really be into sex toys, my husband is always supportive and as excited as I am when I tell him my most recent “good news” – sometimes more so. Whether it’s numbers or new opportunities, he is just awesome about appreciating what it means to me. In fact, when I told him about making the best sex bloggers list, he asked me when I found out. When he realized I’d known for almost a day, he demanded to know why I didn’t tell him sooner.
But, really, what I should have told him sooner is “Thank You.”
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Confessions of a Sex (Toy) Blogger: My Multiple Identity Crisis
November 17th, 2009
My titled sounds so provocative. Well, so does anything which starts “Confessions of..”. Except maybe a plumber. Those are some confessions I’d rather nor hear, thank you very much. Not that I have anything against plumbers but it’s a dirty job. Sometimes it’s funny to watch Dirty Jobs, the show with Mike Rowe but that’s completely off topic.
The topic is how sometimes life with a secret identity becomes confusing. You see, while some people are only their “sex blogger” identity, I have two full presences online. I run this blog, post on sex forums, write reviews for different sites, post on Twitter and am a member of some different sex communities. I do that all as Adriana. The web presence I have under my “real” identity is even more complex. I have 4 blogs (one of which is a review blog) and I manage to update at least one every day, I update Twitter, I am active in several communities and post at their forums, I have accounts at Facebook and Myspace, not to mention dozens of other sites, I play a handful of games and sometimes I take the time to enter giveaways every once in a while. The “real” me has had a full internet life for nearly a decade and it was very well established long before I became a toy reviewer.
It’s not like I don’t enjoy it. I have a wide variety of interests. There’s always something to do. I’ve met a lot of people in both worlds and I have seen, first hand, the overlap between the two. If I had a nickle for every time I saw a review for EdenFantasys on a mommy blog (while browsing as the PG-rated reviewer, not the sex toy reviewer), I could get a shiny new toy. It’s not like I do everything all the time. It doesn’t take long to Tweet or switch between accounts. I don’t get so much e-mail that it’s all I do. There are stretches when I don’t write a review at all and my blogs don’t take so much time that I’ve forgotten my husband’s face (nor would I let them). And, let’s face it, it’s not like I have anything better to do.
But in this game of multiple identities, I’ve had several close calls and a few times when I could have even “outed” myself. I’ve e-mailed folks from the wrong e-mail account, not realizing which one was selected in my e-mail client. I’ve retweeted contests under the wrong Twitter account; my other one reposts everything to my Facebook. Oops! Once I left the wrong site URL in a comment form and I’ve signed up using to some sites twice, without realizing it, having forgotten I’d shopped there before all this sex toy reviewing stuff.
But my greatest offense involves “The Google”. I am always signed into my Google account but I only ever use it to comment on blogs so I frequently forget who I am signed in as. I’ve made a comment or two as the “wrong” me. I’ve been lucky so far; I haven’t said anything to give me away. Although, there was that one time I was helping Airlia with her site with my regular Google account and it showed a link to my profile in her blog. Oops, deux.
None of those things have been the end of the world. Sometimes people don’t even notice and even if I were “outed,” I have much less to lose than others. In fact, I have directed friends of the “real” me to of Sex and Love or my reviews at other sites on more than one occasion. It’s just not a link I want to be made easily. Anyway, there’s ways to get around those silly mistakes. I mean, besides actually paying attention, some folks run multiple browsers or instances of the same browsers. Not really my thing, nor does my dinosaur of a computer want to. But I could.
The thing that gets me the most, is I never know how to sign correspondences. Obviously, “Adriana Ravenlust” is not my real name. Sorry to break it to you. It is a name I chose, with help from my husband. “Ravenlust” actually is a take on a name I’ve used as the “real” me so that’s kind of cool. It’s a name I like and it’s probably easy for others to remember because it is a real name. No one ever adds extra letters to Adriana. Well, maybe another “n” but that’s not bad. When I’m signed into chat or a forum, I feel like Adriana.
Which is why I have no idea how to sign e-mails. If you know my real name, do I end with that? If I use one of my “real” identity e-mail addresses, should I just keep my signature as it automatically shows up? Do I need to explain that the name I go by is a nickname of my real name, which I hardly use? Does it matter if we have a business relationship, like if I review for a company? Or is it just okay if I can always be Adriana and just pretend neither of us no any better? I don’t really want to be rude, you know. I just don’t (know).
What do you do?
