Finding My Place In All This (Re: Not So Alone)

July 20th, 2014

I have many thoughts in my head, including a fun post I want to write about weird dildos, but took took an unexpected turn on Twitter when I posted this:

Several dozen replies, some new follows, a couple LOLs and one cuddle pile/cuddlePUDDLE (get the Liberator throe!) later, I feel reconnected with many bloggers. In fact, I think I got some perspective. Despite having done this thing for 6 years (help my celebrate by entering to win awesome sex toy prizes!), I sometimes feel like I am so not part of the in-crowd. I haven’t managed to become close friends with some of the more “popular” or “successful” bloggers.

And maybe that’s okay.

There are some people who have turned this into their job. I don’t think I ever wanted to do that. At least, not through sex toy reviewing. My interest in sex and society and relationships tends toward the psychological rather than the analytic but I haven’t yet applied to Widener, tehehe.

Anyway, other people have gone down the “this is the job” fork in the road. I am a little jealous of them. It never even occurred to me. And that’s awesome. For them. It’s not enough for me Of Sex and Love always needs to remain a place where I am comfortable being personal. That was much of the point when I wrote it, and I didn’t feel like I could openly discuss sex toys and my sex life with my ex-husband, who was in the military, on my other personal blog (Blog count 1).

And even though that relationship is no longer, it certainly won’t be my last romantic or sexual encounter, as you’ve no doubt continued to read here on my blog. For the most part, reviews have dominated this space, but it’s coincidental, not on purpose. It’s how it happens. At some point, I may very well stop writing reviews and focus on my personal sex life if need be.

It will serve a wonderful purpose.

But it also serves the purpose of dividing between myself and some of sex toy reviewers, who are less “sex bloggers.” And that’s okay. For them. Starting a large blog (#3 if you’re counting!) that continues to be a time-intensive labor of love leaves less time for writing.. and socializing. It’s why I go days without looking at Twitter and my Facebook page is often pathetic. I apologize. There are just not enough minutes in the day. Priorities are assigned. This blog is not usually in the top 5 when I have family, friends, work, my other blogs and sex (let’s be honest: sex takes precedence over most of those things) to tend to.

Maybe I mention these things too often. Maybe it sounds like an excuse, but I do it because it’s a reminder. Not all of us sex bloggers/toy reviewers look alike. We don’t have the same priorities. We don’t approach things from the same place.

There are NO one-size-fits-all rules when it comes to blogging about sex and toys.

If you look at this crazy thing with that narrow-minded view, you’re not just missing the point, you’re missing out on the opportunity. And maybe you’re part of the problem. I can admit that I often build invisible walls around myself, but I’m writing this in an effort to knock them down. But if you think there’s only one way to do this, you’re alienating others and misrepresenting the community, which is as varied as my sex toy collection. (Okay, probably more so!)

I don’t want to be part of that. I don’t want to be at the top of a popularity ladder just to avoid the spit from others. Okay? Okay!

I do want to feel like I’m surrounded by friends no matter where I may be in terms of numbers, popularity of success. So thanks to TTC, Dizzygirl, Juliettia, Ima Godiva and Reenie for being the type of people to reply to a message like that I posted on Twitter. And I’d love to welcome new people to the fold. Introduce yourselves. Butt in on Twitter. Comment on blog posts. It’s how everyone started whether we remember it or not!

12 Comments to “Finding My Place In All This (Re: Not So Alone)”

  • Scarlet says:

    I know that there are times when I feel like that. To the point that after I had to take a break it has been a little hard getting myself back into they community. Though I have to say that this post has made me feel a lot better about that feeling and knowing that I am not the only one who has felt that way.

    • Adriana says:

      I’m glad it has helped! Sometimes those of us who feel like loners don’t help fix the feeling, but there are plenty of people out there who are AWESOME, friendly and inviting.

      Feel free to bug us at any time!

  • Mr. Will says:

    I know the feeling. I’m not always the best at extending myself to new folks (hardcore introvert) but there are people who I admire from afar and watch/read everything they put out. I think at times each and every one of us feels like we don’t belong, but it’s important to talk to someone when we feel that way. I don’t know how many times I’ve felt like “Oh, no one will care if I just stop” and then I vocalize that feeling and get pummeled with virtual hugs and reminders that I’m good at what I do and everyone loves having me around.

  • Trix says:

    Actually, I can definitely relate…I think there are a lot of us who are interested in sex toys and related topics, but prefer more privacy than some people. Sometimes I get the sense that I’d be seen as prudish because I play things closer to the vest, and that’s not fair, either. It’s not better or worse, just different, and everyone has a place. So, thank you!

    • Adriana says:

      I’ve definitely struggled with the privacy aspect. If I want to go further, I should consider conventions but then there’s no privacy, you know? Your face is out there even if you still use your pseudonym… It’s a luxury some people have to do that, I think.

  • Camryn says:

    Sometimes I feel like an outsider among all the sex toy enthusiasts since I don’t have a blog and my collection is still in its infancy, so I definitely see where you’re coming from. Friendly faces are really helpful at times like that, so I’m proud of you for reaching out and I’m happy that you were answered ^-^

    • Adriana says:

      Experience can certainly build walls! There’s sometimes an attitude about people who don’t know better or haven’t tried as much. Thank you!

  • Juliettia says:

    I’m super happy that you made this tweet, and was really shocked at the responses and conversation it sparked. I too feel the same way as we sometimes discuss. I’m super grateful to have you in my life as you are the only person who I can discuss the ‘other side’ of things with.

  • dizzygirl says:

    Awww, thanks for mentioning me and I’m glad my camaraderie helped a little. I’m not great friends with the popular bloggers either. Some of them tolerate me. Others never even reply to me. But, WTF… yanno? I’ve always been a loner. Always found myself on the outside. Why should blogging be any different? There’s nothing wrong with independence.

  • Apricot says:

    This was nice to read 🙂 I think most people at some point feel a bit excluded from…anything, really, and blogging is no different – minor differences in how you prefer to do things or what your boundaries are can often feel like gigantic rifts.

    Anyway, your blog is great and I love what you do.

Leave a Reply