Today’s public service announcement is brought to you by Of Sex and Love and sponsored by the letter “Y” as in “You’re doing it wrong.”

For starters. Affiliate program managers, sit down. Let’s have a talk. Affiliate programs are great. I help you make money, I make money. Simple concept. In fact, it’s one that I personally love. You know what I don’t love? When I log into an affiliate account to get some banners and none of the banners are standard size.

Maybe you’re not familiar with the fact that there are, indeed, standard sizes. (I say, maybe you ought to step down from your position as an affiliate program manager). Now, I recognize that standards do vary but even if you stick to the oldest possible list of standard banner sizes–like the ones on this page–you’re not going to go wrong. I personally am a fan of 468×60 and the skyscrapers. I recognize that a lot of smaller banners have become popular, too. In fact, I use a couple 120×60 buttons as you can see exemplified on this page. Now, if you’re feeling extremely varied at the moment, you could even use some of the unique-yet-still-mostly-standard sizes from this page.

Isn’t it amazing how many standard sizes there are? Isn’t it awesome that these standards exist so that the highest number of people/websites can use your banners? Isn’t it ridiculous if you cannot, somehow, manage to use any of those standard sizes?

I mean, my site uses no less than 4 standard banner sizes. And if I cannot find a single banner on your site that fits in one of my allotted banner spaces, I’m not going to bother.

Let me reiterate: I’d rather lose potential money and risk our working relationship that put up banners of mismatched sizes.

Pretty strong argument, I know. That’s how I roll. I recognize that I am in the minority. A lot of my peers will use banners of any old size. It makes me sad. They shouldn’t have to. You should do your job.

Making the internet look like shit–you’re doing it right.

I mean, maximizing your publicity and revenue–you’re doing it wrong.

But you’re not the only one doing it wrong. It has recently come to my attention that it is summer in some parts of the world. I got the memo one day when I walked outside and died. Since then, I have done my best to stay in side and whisper sweet nothings to my air conditioner, you know, so it doesn’t get angry and walk out on me. This is all just a long-winded way to say summer is hot!

I learned this last summer, also, when I requested to view a massage candle and it arrived as massage soup. Awesome! I contacted the review program personnel and didn’t have to review it; the store actually said they would be taking that product off the market during the summer months. A smart decision, thought I. But it’s summer again and people are getting all sorts of melty surprised in the mail and that’s kind of lame. I’m not sure that any location is really much better when it comes to heat and melting products. After all, it gets pretty hot in those delivery trucks. I mean, I got my pinwheel the other day and damned near burned myself on it.

This “You’re doing it wrong” award goes to everyone: consumers, retailers and manufacturers. As consumers, we should be smarter about this sort of thing. Retailers (including review program personnel) should, as well. I don’t expect anyone to remove all their melty stock for half the year but maybe you could just toss up a warning on the site that the stuff doesn’t travel well? And manufacturers. Oh, manufacturers. You could probably save us all the hassle if you just securely sealed your melty products. In fact, some manufacturers do!

When I got my JimmyJane Afterglow candle, it was sealed. Although it had been packaged on its side and had melted off to the side, it stayed in the container. Sure, I had to dig out the wick to burn it but I didn’t lose half the product. But if you’re tossing an open candle holder into a shipping container or pressing wax into a cardboard box and shipping it across the country, you’re asking for trouble. Come to think of it, you’re probably losing money, too.

Forethought–we’re all doing it wrong.

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