The way that I masturbate

December 16th, 2013

I was recently reading Epiphora’s review of the Magic Wand, in which she examines the way that Vibratex is re-packaging the old favorite and how she has come to prefer the Hitachi.. at the right time. According to her, “the secret to the Hitachi is knowing when and how to use the Hitachi.” Epiphora’s review includes a list of when to use the Hitachi over other sex toys. The first four items on the list describe my masturbation style. Every. single. time.

  • you’re wearing underwear and don’t want to remove it
  • you’re wearing pants and don’t want to remove those
  • you don’t want to have to clean something
  • you don’t want to fuck around and would please like an orgasm in <2 minutes, thank you

Honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me that people masturbate in another way. I know they do. I’ve read the reviews. I just don’t get it. For me, masturbation is almost utilitarian. I do it to get off, not necessarily to feel good. It’s not that those two things are mutually exclusive but, for me, they’re not mutually inclusive.

I masturbate to get off. The sooner the better. If the orgasm doesn’t come easily, I’m almost frustrated by it. When it does come, I typically keep going to see how many I can get. I stop when I get bored.

Certainly, it might be more fun to reach for a Vixen dildo. But If I’m going to use a toy at all, it’s frequently a clitoral stimulator like Siri or Layaspot. I really have to put a lot of thought into a masturbation session if I’m going to use an insertable. This is why it takes so long for me to get around to reviews.

Now that it’s freezing — haha, no it’s not. It’s -8 — and the very idea of taking off my clothes and climbing into my frigid bed to masturbate? I don’t think so. We’re experiencing an especially cold winter, though. I don’t normally stop masturbating for six months out of the year.

But even when I have the option, I’ll probably opp to rub myself through my panties and pants. I don’t want to have to break out the lube or wash anything after. It’s about pressure not precision. I could certainly use something to apply that pressure — the Revel Body actually works better to get me off when it’s not even on because of this — but I usually don’t.

Perhaps if I kept more toys in the living room, within reach of the couch, I’ll use them more frequently. I can certainly stuff them in my hollow pillows. I could keep the Miracle Massager plugged in and ready to use at any time.

It does seem a little bit like a shame to own all these awesome sex toys and not do anything with them. And perhaps that’s why I’ve been in such a reviewing rut (and why I tend to find myself spending less time on sites like SexToys247 looking at new toys) . I truly don’t need more than one toy that does anything. I’m happy with one internal vibe, one clitoral vibe, one awesome dildo, one super-strong wand, et cetera.

Variety, it seems, is not the spice of my sex life.

6 Comments to “The way that I masturbate”

  • Scarlet says:

    I am the same way about it, so you certainly aren’t alone. Especially with the cold right now I am in layers even when I sleep so its almost not worth it to get off. Though I have found for me in the cold its a great way of warming myself up right before sleeping.

  • The O Zone says:

    There is no wrong way to masturbate. Everyone has their own unique way of doing it. So, never be embarrassed by the way that you pleasure yourself. Toy or not, how you do it is up to you.

  • Camryn says:

    Ah, so for you masturbating is a straight to the point affair. That’s interesting. So do you try toys in the hopes of finding the perfect wand/bullet/butt plug/dildo/whatever?

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