January 2014 - of Sex and Love

LoveLife Cuddle

January 26th, 2014

I’ve read a lot of pretty positive reviews for the items in this line. Indeed, OhMiBod’s official move from musically-enhanced sex toys to plain Jain toys seems to have been pretty successful. There’s less novelty here and more solid function. I give this a thumbs up.

Also, I kinda like the shape of the Cuddle. There’s just the faintest hint of a ridge on the head to provide G-spot stimulation more so than any other toy in this line. This includes the Dream. A more noticeable angle of the shaft also makes finding your G-spot easier. The ridge is made of plush silicone. In fact, the silicone over the shaft is quite plush. It’s softer than any Lelo vibe, for example. You can get pressure you need but it’s not going to make your pubic bone feel like it’s stabbing you from the inside out. Yay for that.

The shaft offers about 4,5 inches to insert with another two inches for grasping. The size of the Cuddle is good all around. However, you might opt for something thicker if you’re a size queen as this one tops out with a 1.25-inch diameter.

But here’s something I don’t like: the name. The cuddle? I want someone to name their toy “Motherfucking vibrator.” Let’s just be out with this cutesy BS, okay? It reminds me of that book about anal where the author was afraid to say anus.

There’s just so much packaging!

I really want to add another positive here, but let’s go on a tangent, instead. This Cuddle comes with all sorts of packaging. There’s this outter sleeve with a cutout heart and you see this cute pattern through it. When you remove the sleeve, there box has a top and bottom that you must separate. Not rocket science, but a lot of packaging. Once you do this, the Cuddle sits on a tray specially made for its. It’s nice packaging, okay. I like pink! I love pink and white! I just wish it weren’t wasted on packaging, which I am ultimately going to throw away. Had I not tried over 9000 Lelo toys, I would be more impressed.

So, Cuddle comes with its own little sleeping bag. I think I’ll call storage pouches this all the time. Mucho good-o. I’d much rather store toys in pouches. In fact, I kind of have to after rearranging my nightstand. I broke up one drawer of toys I really like in two: dildos and vibes. But I digress.

This vibrator has a little heart-shaped control pad surrounded by an LED. The heart shape works well for the three buttons. Plus, minus and tilde (~). I do not get to use that word frequently enough. I like standard three-button controls, but this isn’t it. To turn the toy on or off, you have to hold the ~ for several seconds. I don’t understand why companies don’t understand that we need to be able to turn off toys instantly. This isn’t negotiable, people!

The + and – obviously allow you to change the strength of the vibrations. To be honest, this might be the place where the Cuddle best excels. Even on the lowest setting, the steady vibrations are strong and pretty rumbly. The tilde also switches between settings. Aside from steady vibes, you get:

Pulsation
Fast pulsation
Escalation/pulsation combo
Slow then fast pulsation
Fast then slow pulsation
Fast pulsation, escalation, pulsation again

The strength of the motor makes the pulsation much more interesting than weaker vibes, and I actually rather like the last setting even if it’s difficult to describe. This is pretty high praise coming from someone who doesn’t use those extra settings at all.

The strength does make this toy a little louder than I’d like, however. It’s certainly louder than any of my Lelo rechargeables. I have yet to drain the battery, but it’s running now on full force so we’ll see if it dies before I finish this review (I got 1+ hours before I shut it off cause it was bugging me, too. There was no decrease in power at all). In case you were wondering, my cat does not like this.

The LED serves as a charging indicator, blinking as Cuddle charges. The port is proprietary and surrounding by a soft silicone that’s intended to help waterproof, so you have to wiggle the charger into place. I dislike that this only comes with a USB cable and no outlet adapter. I have some, but I don’t have any place to permanently plug cables to let things charge. According to the manual, it can take 2.5 hours to fully charge, and you’ll get about 2 hours of use.

However, for a USB-powered vibe, Cuddle is one of the more powerful I’ve tried. If this were my first G-spot or USB vibe, I’d probably love it. However, I’m eager to recommend it as a rechargeable G-spot vibe that’s affordable. Pinkcherry has it for just $68 right now. If you wait for one of the store’s awesome sales, it’ll be even more affordable. This makes Lovelife a brand that many first-timers might try, and I can’t argue with that.

11 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

A battle of will.

January 21st, 2014

I am not sure if I can put into words how much I want to climb atop you, to guide you into myself. Maybe I’ll wet my lips are gasp at the first sensations as our bodies meet, your cock so perfectly filling me, your presence completing the parts of me I didn’t even know were missing.

And I’ll stay there in that moment, not moving, barely breathing. I’ll slide my hand down your chest, rest them on your stomach and arch backwards. The sound of my silhouette will be my moans breaking the silence as the moment meets every item on my mental checklist.

Perfection.

The time for silence will pass. So will the time for stillness, as my hands bring yours to explore my body, every curve, every fold, every muscle. There won’t be any need to guess. Your fingers will travel from my mouth down the length of my body, finally delving between my lips like electricity on my clit.

We’ll move slowly together, my hips against yours and my mouth against your own. You’ll taste me on your tongue as it intertwines with mine. When we finally break, you’ll chase my lips, begging from more.

But the sudden crack of my palm against your cheek will let you know that you can’t have it.

The time for leisure will pass.

I will fuck you until we both cum, and neither of us will have words, anymore.

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Categories: Stories, The Bartender

Laws of Attraction

January 18th, 2014

Maybe it’s weird, but I am just not that attracted to people as an adult. I remember being a teenager. I had a different crush every week, it seemed. In middle school, I liked so many people. I don’t even think I could name them. I often thought people were attractive even if I didn’t like their personality. It’s just how it went.

In high school, I suppose that slowed down but only because I was talking to more people online. I noticed attractive people less in person as I focused on the personalities I got to know through chat, IM, email and phone calls.

Even as I watch movies or porn, all of which are full of people that are generally considered to be universally attractive, I find myself looking for people who are attractive to me.. and not finding them. I can even hop on to live sex cams sites like LiveX.com and shrug, unimpressed at what others would find as beautiful cam models. I can literally look at all the porn on Tumblr — and there is a plethora of it — and nitpick every single photo that I come across. I have to remind myself not to do this. It’s just plain rude. (On the other hand, clean your damned room before you take those selfies).

This makes online dating a bit hard. I can scan through dozens of photos and be relatively unimpressed with any of them. When you consider the general lack of effort that most people put into their profiles, you understand how this is frustrating for me. I guess I look at one of two things: do their profiles make me smile or do their photos make me drool? Typically, neither proves true.

This leaves me feeling a little shallow. In fact, my friends haven’t been slow at all to call me such. Do I just have ridiculously high standards when it comes to people? to bodies? to makeup? to presentation? If this is the case, how can I possibly expect to find someone when I wouldn’t meet my own standards?

I guess I am not sure what I am looking for. I’ll know it when I see it, right? It’s not so much something that’s only in the visual. It’s a big picture thing. It’s in the ambiance and the facial expression. And as I’ve found out, I can be wildly attracted to someone who doesn’t display most of the physical traits that I find attractive, and it can take me years to discover this.

Sleepiness and a fever have made this post ramble more than I intended. I shall end here and perhaps return at a later date with more clarity.

3 Comments

Categories: Dating, Everything Else

Shhh Secret Society Lingerie Box Giveaway

January 14th, 2014

I’m happy to announce another giveaway sponsored by Shhh Secret Society. Last time, you guys had a chance to win a Wonderland vibrator. This time around, I’m hosting a giveaway for one of the Shhh Boxes. If you’re unfamiliar with these boxes, you can sign up for a single box or a monthly or quarterly subscription for a box full of lingerie — at least 8 pieces — and goodies. The folks over Shhh work with consumers to get sizes and preferences, so each box you receive is one that you’re sure to love. You don’t have to believe me, though. All of the boxes have positive reviews on the website. Previous customers have called the boxes and items in them “amazing,” “stunning” and “beautiful.” Everyone seems so pleased, and I am happy to provide one of my readers a chance to win the box. Shhh will work with you to provide you products in your size and style. When you’re picking your Shhh Lingerie Box, you can choose the style you’re looking for. Henry at Shhh has helped to create boxes with the following styles:

Shhh Lingerie Boxes Offer Plenty of Options

slutty
classy
modest
slimming

Slutty or risque styles are more revealing and form-fitting like the Anais Judy. Classy styles offer more coverage and are good if you want to leave a little more to the imagination. This sweetheart babydoll is an excellent example of the style. Perhaps you’re just getting into lingerie and you’re not sure how much skin you want to show. Classic and modest pieces such as these thigh highs might be one of the items in your lingerie box. If you want something slimming, you might go for a babydoll or a piece with ruching to hide trouble areas.

The above collage is just a few samples of what you might get in a lingerie box. Of course, the surprise is part of the fun. If you’re the winner of this giveaway, you can specify your style and the box will soon be on its way to you.

Use the widget below to enter. Remember to check back daily for entries such as Twitter, which you can do multiple times.

If you’re entering from the UK use a placeholder such as 11111 for zip code. I’ll get your postal code later if you’re the winner!

Good luck!

Giveaway ends February 2013. Open to US and UK residents.

17 Comments

Categories: Giveaways

SheVibe Affiliate Program

January 11th, 2014

It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed an affiliate program. I’ve been meaning to talk about this one for a while. It is the most recent addition to my affiliate programs.

You can sign up here. Before this, SheVibe had a program that was sort of manually run. You could get commissions, but there was no nice dashboard. I believe you have to be approved to the new setup, but that took a short while for me. The folks at SheVibe were excited for their new program, methinks.

Once you’re approved and logged in, you’ll see some information. Right now, I see an alert about having to sending my W-9. This is standard but I haven’t because I haven’t made any sales. There’s an address, but it would be nice to submit it electronically, which you can do with places like ShareASale. It also doesn’t look like your account will show you whether you submitted a W9 previously, which is always convenient.

The dashboard lists “Account Manage” information, but SheVibe hasn’t entered this information in the most useful way. They simply list the customer support email address and company name as the contact. A dedicated email address an actual name would be far more useful, especially to affiliate newbs.

I like seeing the statistics right away, and this is pretty standard. One thing that seems amiss is there is no “Banners” or “Get links” option in the navigation. I expected to find this under “Resources” in the nav, but this wasn’t the case. That has some other stuff.. that I’ll touch on later.

Banners and Links

To access banners and links, you actually have to click the offers link that only appears on the index. This is confusing to me. It would be even more so to someone who’s new at all this. On that page, you see your commissions amount. 15% is respectable; although, some retailers certainly offer higher payouts. You’ll also see your affiliate link here. I’d really like to see my affiliate link on the index. Most affiliate programs allow this for ease.

Your link is SheVibe.com/ followed by a number. Mine is “#oid=1008_1” for example. You can append this number to any page on the SheVibe store — not community — and your links will work. Nowhere on the page is this explained. Again, not user friendly. All this information really should be directly on the main page. Fortunately, the setup of the manually links was similar and you can simply search and replace those links as Epiphora explains here.

Under “Other Promotion Materials,” there’s a menu with banners. These are all the standard banners you’re used to. They’re split up individually and you can see the banner size, but they all display on one page and you can’t simply view them in groups by size. I’d like to see this feature.

There are no banners for specific promotions or products. If you want to link to these, you can grab the banners from SheVibe’s index or forum, but you’ll have to manually create those links. I find that I link to stores much more frequently when they update their creatives (links and banners) with promotions and products. Yes, you can link to any page on SheVibe. Yes, it only requires some copying and pasting. No, the affiliate program doesn’t encourage you to do so.

You can create campaigns by adjusting your URL by adding an underscore and then a short tag after it. For example, if I wanted to indicate that I am linking from Tumblr, I might use the link http://shevibe.com#oid=1008_1_Tumblr. This data will show up on this page with clicks showing immediately.

But let’s assume you get your links set up the way you like. In the resources section, there’s a tool to track your links. There’s also the link guard feature..

Affiliate Link Guard

The link guard is an interesting feature. Essentially, you can send your visitors to a link on your site that redirects to SheVibe’s main page. You cannot direct them to any other page, but this could be useful if you frequently link to the home page, which I do in giveaway posts and the like. There are three options to creating this page:

HTML
PHP
Javascript

If you’re using WordPress, HTML will suffice. Copy your affiliate link into the form (the default option is your number but not the correct link). Choose “HTML ” and click “Submit.”

Open “file.hmtml” with your code/text editor. Notepad works fine. Copy the code and paste it into a new page. I’m simply calling mine “Shevibe” with post slug “shevibe.” After publishing this page, OfSexandLove.com/Shevibe redirects to my affiliate code. The HTML method isn’t instantaneous, so you’ll see my page load briefly before the redirect. However, this can be beneficial for SEO purposes. You could also create any HTML pages or edit any theme files to paste in the HTML, too.

You may be able to accomplish something similar with PHP, but WordPress is currently stripping the code out of my page despite the fact that I have Exec-PHP installed.

For most users, however, this isn’t going to be an important option.

Payment and Reports

SheVibe’s program has a low payout threshold of $25. Awesome! There’s no information about a cool off period; however. I’m not sure when payments occur. Or even how. There’s no options for payments and I didn’t enter a PayPal email, so I assume they cut a physical check.

This is ALL the information I get because I use custom links

The reports link breaks down traffic view link, banner program and time period. Stats update every week, so there’s definitely some lag with data. All my clicks appear but since I tend to use promotion banners and custom links, there’s no information for tracking my campaign success. As a whole, this is less useful than it could be.

And I guess that really sums up how I feel about this affiliate software. It works but it’s bare bones. It’s not user friendly to me, and it’s definitely not going to be for other users. A couple explanations within the dashboard would certainly go a long way, and I’ve love to see SheVibe be more encouraging with creatives.

If you want to check out the affiliate program for yourself, I encourage you to sign up.

8 Comments

Categories: Reviews

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

January 10th, 2014

I guess I’m at the point in my life where people feel like it’s fine to point out that I’m single. In fact, my best friend’s mother in law recently asked me if I was dating anyone. I didn’t go into the details about the bartender. That’s rather confusing on its own. I just told her I wasn’t seeing anyone.

She went on in a judgmental way about how I had very little time left. It just rubbed me the wrong way. When people say things like that, it seems like there are all these assumptions:

That I’m straight
That I want kids
That I want kids naturally
That I want to get married again
That I even want another relationship

All of these assumptions rub me the wrong way but it’s the idea that I haven’t thought about dating that bugs me. I’ve been on dates. I signed up with OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. I’ve thought about clubs and considered dating friends. I’ve tried looking at everyone I met as a potential love interest.

I just don’t see going on miserable dates as a fun pastime. I am not desperate enough to settle like so many people. Sure, I’d like to have more sex, but I only want that to be good sex, amazing sex. This, I will not get after some random first date. Of this I am sure.

So I’d rather be happy and alone even if I’m not living by someone else’s timeline. In fact, I’d rather be happy and alone than miserable because I’m not meeting some timeline of my own. I don’t like arbitrary goals. It’s why I have no new year’s resolutions.

And if you’re not going to take the time to get to know me, then you certainly don’t deserve any explanation or have the right to make demands of what I do with my own time, with my personal life.

I suppose it does no good to be angry with people whose worldview is so narrow that they need to box me in, too.

6 Comments

Categories: Dating

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

2013 in Review

January 5th, 2014

This might be the third year in a row that I’ve posted a best of list. I figured I wouldn’t just do the wonderful toys but provide you with some of the strange and disappointing, too. I’ll have to fudge the lines of “this year” a bit. I must have written last year’s a little early because there were two reviews in December 2012 that didn’t make it on the list. I waited until January for this post because I really wanted to get one last review in, so let’s start there.

D.1 stone dildo

I liked the design but expected the Ceramix Pleasure Pottery Dildo No. 4 to be a gimmick with its hollow inside for warm. But warming this dildo up far surpassed my expectations. It’s one of the few dildos that I’ve ever used twice, and I think that says a lot.

I’ve been pimping out the Jimmyjane Form 6 G3 all this year even though it was one of those reviews from late last year. The latest version if powerful, versatile and feels luxurious. It’s the first Jimmyjane vibe that I actually like. Maybe it won’t be the last. My review was on the EF, though, so I’ll probably get around to writing something up on OSAL for you to read.

The Delight by Fun Factory was actually my second. I swapped for one of the originals — the ones that came with a charging case — but never got around to using it. When I moved last year, I misplaced the cable. I wound up trying out the Delight for shape to see if I liked it, and I did like it so much that I purchased the new Click n Charge style. Not only do I love the magenta and black, but it fits my anatomy extremely well.

The Decor Stashe Pillow in Velvish Aubergine won’t get me off but it will hide everything that does and in style.

After using the D.1 stone dildo, I have to say that this blows every metal dildo I’ve ever used out of the water. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to use it and see myself using it frequently in the future.

Another new type of toy was the Stronic Eins Pulsator, which has made its way around many of these lists. It feels good. I just need to wash off all that lint, charge it and use it again (and again and again). This was also my first video review, you guys!

Finally, I cannot tell you how much I love my SHE AfterShave Oil. I could show you the nearly-empty bottle, though. I definitely need to purchase another one.

So, there’s the good.

How about the weird? Strange? Disappointing? Ridiculous?

Cat toy or vibrator?

The Sonic Revel Body. Cool tech, totally not going to get me off. And those attachments? WTF!
This costume from ILoveSexy just didn’t cut it. I mean, I kinda hate the cut.
The Revive Energy isn’t terrible but they needed to test the storage pouch, first. Now, mine looks like a sick leopard.
Ovo looked like a promising brand, but the kegel balls fucking hurt. The t1 didn’t hurt. It just sucked.
I got 2 Gigi 2s. I am giving both away. Meh.
I’m not sure that this UFO vibrator works for me.. or anyone.
The U Touch Down and U Touch Up just need.. to be better.
These “keyless cuffs” are so not practical.
This vibrator looks like a cat toy. Pretty sure the cat toy would get me off better.
Bummer..

Why the fuck are companies still making these pieces of shit?
I’d rather fuck the actual Flash, and he’s my least favorite of the Justice League.
But, hey, at least it’s better than vibrating vaginal balls.
Minna Ola is the most overrated, over-hyped, overpriced piece of junk I’ve used.. until the Revel Sonic.
Remember when that glass dildo broke before I even had a chance to use it?

1 Comment

Categories: Articles, Reviews

Adriana

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