I guess I’m at the point in my life where people feel like it’s fine to point out that I’m single. In fact, my best friend’s mother in law recently asked me if I was dating anyone. I didn’t go into the details about the bartender. That’s rather confusing on its own. I just told her I wasn’t seeing anyone.
She went on in a judgmental way about how I had very little time left. It just rubbed me the wrong way. When people say things like that, it seems like there are all these assumptions:
- That I’m straight
- That I want kids
- That I want kids naturally
- That I want to get married again
- That I even want another relationship
All of these assumptions rub me the wrong way but it’s the idea that I haven’t thought about dating that bugs me. I’ve been on dates. I signed up with OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. I’ve thought about clubs and considered dating friends. I’ve tried looking at everyone I met as a potential love interest.
I just don’t see going on miserable dates as a fun pastime. I am not desperate enough to settle like so many people. Sure, I’d like to have more sex, but I only want that to be good sex, amazing sex. This, I will not get after some random first date. Of this I am sure.
So I’d rather be happy and alone even if I’m not living by someone else’s timeline. In fact, I’d rather be happy and alone than miserable because I’m not meeting some timeline of my own. I don’t like arbitrary goals. It’s why I have no new year’s resolutions.
And if you’re not going to take the time to get to know me, then you certainly don’t deserve any explanation or have the right to make demands of what I do with my own time, with my personal life.
I suppose it does no good to be angry with people whose worldview is so narrow that they need to box me in, too.
Rest assured that they would still be nagging you even if you weren’t single. I’ve been in a long term relationship for many years, and my partner and I still have people asking us, “Are you married yet?” or “Are you still together?” Somehow how our relationship doesn’t exist to these people until there’s a ring involved. I’m sure that if and when we get married, they’ll quickly move on to the “When are you going to have kids?” nonsense.
You just can’t win with these types. They need to get up in other people’s business to make themselves feel better about their own life decisions. Ignore them.
Beautiful post and comment.
Thought:
What’s the point? I tried to talk a friend out of getting married 2 Yes back;as a test actually. He lived with us at the time…having just left a monastery as a 4.5 yr novice monk. “Maybe you don’t understand me. This is the shortest…surest path for the salvation of my soul.” Wow. He’s married…happy…has a kid…gets laid more than I do…is wildly in love. My, my.
Lovely enough, when I was married, I got -both- comments about when we were going to have kids and why we shouldn’t.
I feel you!
I’m partnered, so I don’t get this exact kind of pressure, but since I’m a woman and 25 I DO get told that I should hurry up and get married and have lots of babies! They don’t care that I’m ambivalent at best right now about being a parent.
I think people just don’t know what else to say sometimes. They have a set script and it’s difficult to deviate from it. Sadly this is a socially acceptable script. Booooring!
Yes, and such a bummer about it because they make themselves unhappy, too.
Oof that last line, that shade
I can relate to you. I’m pretty damn single right now and I’m falling more and more in love with it. It’s kinda a party