As I was listening to a random song on the radio, the crooner predicted that his girlfriend would leave him at the encouragement of her friends, who never saw anything in him. I was often in her position, and still am to be honest. I find myself defending my ex-husband to my friends. Sure, he did some stupid things, worthy of some sort of douchebag award. Am I disenchanted with certain aspects of his personality after time apart? Of course. But was there no reason to love him, nothing good to see in him? I could never honestly say that and we all know how much I despise liars, after having been married to one.
Still, if there is one thing I regret about my marriage and relationship leading up to it, it is not listening to the advice of my friends–none of whom liked my husband and none of whom like him any more now. That isn’t to say that I would have dumped him or even that I wouldn’t have married him but my friends were not biased with their affection for him (and not they’re completely biased by their affection for me, the person he hurt) and they could more easily see some things.
Perhaps, had I noticed how he tended to be immature and quit and had I taken into account how little of the real world he had had to deal with and how someone or something had always provided for him, I would have viewed things differently. Perhaps I could have acted in ways that would have been less bothersome to him or less triggering of his particular idiosyncrasies.
Or maybe I just would have pushed for counseling, before and during our marriage, to ensure a stable relationship. Maybe none of this would have made any difference. Perhaps he would give up anyway. Perhaps I could be nothing but the pursuer in our relationship, pushing him even further from me. I guess that’s why they say it doesn’t pay to ask “What If?” but I would disagree. After all, aren’t these the very questions that help us from making the same mistakes in the future?
