The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality: What Turns People On, Why, and What That Tells Us About Our Species

January 25th, 2023

I’ll be honest: I’m not sure when I first discovered The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality and began reading it. Nevertheless, I know it was closer to my return to school, which may have been fortuitous. You see, I initially began the book and found myself confused over both the argument the authors, Malcolm and Simone Collins, were making, and the format of the book, That’s never a good thing. I wound up taking a break from reading The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality while I focused on other books, specifically those for my classes. When I finally returned to the book, I had a better understanding of what the authors were trying to say–and the weaknesses in their argument.

You see, Malcolm Collins views himself as a “gentleman researcher,” and I can’t fault him for that. Who hasn’t had questions about sexuality? And thanks to the Internet, anyone can put up a poll or a survey–or even a Reddit thread if you want to be even more informal–to try to get answers to questions about our weird turn-ons. Not everyone understands how to design and run research that is as ethical, educational, and representative as possible. By the time I returned to the book, I had taken a psychological statistics course and written my own paper, which enabled me to apply a critical eye when reading this book. Malcolm Collins and his wife, Simone, come from a business background, so I suppose it’s no surprise that the pair weren’t able to apply the same critical eye to their book.

Unfortunately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality suffers for it. At various points, I wondered whether and how the authors disqualified participants who were essentially trolling or applied statistical analyses to the data to determine significance, things which were sometimes discussed in passing but the authors failed to make explicit. Furthermore, I noticed inconsistencies in language that weakened the book’s argument. Specifically, the authors seemed unsure whether they wanted to use “males” and “females” as nouns or “men” and “women,” respectively. Although I prefer the use of “women” in everyday language because to call us “females” is often dehumanizing, I understand that researchers typically use the more detached “females.” The Collinses flipped between the two, sometimes in the same sentence or paragraph, in a way that suggested the need for more stringent editing at the very least.

When it comes to what helped me better understand this book’s arguments, I cannot name a reason as easily as taking a class. Perhaps it was simply my time away that made this possible. Nevertheless, I can now sum it up as research based on unusual arousal responses or patterns. Specifically, the Collinses suggest that sexual orientation or attraction is less about gender than it is about dominance or power. For example, straight women are typically attracted to more dominant men, but some women may be attracted to other women who display similar characteristics. I am being reductive, but the main point is that this book suggests another lens through which we can consider sexuality.

It’s not that the ideas presented in this book aren’t worth considering. What is sexual orientation? What if gender isn’t the only or even the most important component of sexual orientation? Sari van Anders, a respected researcher in the field, tackles this very idea in her sexual configurations theory (SCT), which encourages us to expand our view of sexuality past attraction based on gender and has been praised for its inclusiveness. However, van Anders has published peer-reviewed papers on the topic.

Nor would I argue that a book is never the right format to publish research. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, to name just one example, chose a book to write about his research into fantasies in more depth than a paper or even a series of papers might allow. However, the format doesn’t change the scholarly rigor readers would expect from his work. Collins and Collins fail to bring this rigor to their work.

Ultimately, The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality doesn’t make sense as a book. The type of research and results are better suited for a blog post (or series thereof) and some infographics. This would also cut down on some of the redundancies–the research itself is repeated in a section at the end of the book that I personally found more compelling than most of the rest. A change in format would also remedy the problem of confusing organization. Why bother with longer chapters when a shorter post with headings will do, instead?

As far as I can tell, the best reason for publishing their research in a book is to profit directly rather than creating other Web content that might profit them through ads or content creation incentives. However, all proceeds from their books go to “the nonprofit,” which I assume means the Pragmatist Foundation (according to Amazon book descriptions). The website is similarly vague save for describing the Pragmatist “Foundation” that was designed to

  • [C]reate “shepherd free” guides dedicated to assisting individuals in self reflection and challenging their core beliefs without biasing them to specific answers.
  • [R]eview and conduct research with the goal of helping people engage in self reflection and seriously consider new ideas so that they can independently determine—for themselves— the best possible ideas and solutions to adopt.
  • [C]reate a culture in which people are celebrated for exploring new and alternate ideas, engaging in critical self reflection, and intellectually engaging with the views of those who disagree with them.

Maybe Malcolm Collins just wants an excuse to ask questions and posit theories in a way that feels more grandiose than web content.

I suppose the foundation has accomplished at least some of the outlined goals with this book, which has, in some part, encouraged me to “consider new ideas.” I’m not entirely sure that anything about this book was personally pragmatic, however. What do I do with this suggestion? Some people might focus less on gender when seeking sexual partners, but I’m already bisexual, so perhaps I am not the target audience. I suspect that a more comprehensive theory like that under development by Sari van Anders might be more pragmatic for me specifically. In fact, Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker have written a zine offering some questions for self-reflection, among other guidance based on SCT that I find more actionable at less than 20 pages.

Still, if you’re intrigued by The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality, you can purchase the Kindle version for $2.99 (it’s free if you’re a Kindle Unlimited member).  Amazon also carries hard and softcover versions of the book, although I’m not sure the higher price tag is warranted.

Comment


Hire Freelance Sexuality Writer and Education

January 11th, 2023

I’m not normally the person to pimp myself out like this, but I have realized that I may have something to offer you.  If you like what I have to say here, I can write for you, too. I am open to more writing projects than before, so I’d love to give you the chance to hire me! I am open to writing gigs but will also accept work in the line of some social media.

The list of things I can do is as follows:

  • Blog posts
  • Website content
  • Editing and content updates
  • HTML and CSS formatting
  • Content briefs
  • Image acquisition, editing, and posting
  • Research–including access to published journals
  • Inclusivity revisions
  • Monitoring and posting on Twitter/Facebook/Pinterest/Etc accounts
  • Email correspondence
  • Tutorials
  • Data entry
  • Recruiting bloggers
  • Product descriptions
  • Category descriptions
  • Forum posting/moderation
  • Advertising/Paid posts
  • WordPress installations, maintenance, and upgrades
  • Website backups and moves

What do you have in mind? Let’s talk about it!

My Qualifications As Sex Writer with SEO and WordPress Experience 

For over a decade, I have been a freelance writer who has worked through various intermediate websites (Demand Studios, Writer Access, TextBroker, Verblio, and Scripted) as well as directly with clients. I am accustomed to writing for the web, which includes incorporating keywords, creating scannable content, writing meta descriptions and titles, and other SEO best practices. I am also HubSpot Inbound certified. My experience includes HTML/formatting of my own and others’ content and editing others’ content for readability, grammar, and veracity.

As an active social media user, I am comfortable using Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and other social networks along with Buffer to manage them. Let me help you increase engagement! You stick to what you do best and I can help you craft your brand and hone your brand’s public face.

My network has grown since 2008 when I first started writing about sex and reviewing sex toys and sexuality books here on Of Sex and Love. My experience with sex toys means that I can easily and quickly turn around product and category descriptions in addition to creating content for your own pages or sex toy blog.  Sexuality advice, relationship articles, toy how-tos, beginner BDSM information, and guides all fall within my expertise. More recently, I focus on the science of sex and am happy to use my expertise to increase your brand’s credibility.

I have written sexuality and relationship articles for Bad Girls Bible and Cirillas, among others.

I have been using WordPress since 2006 (and create my own themes) and have used HTML since 1999. I am comfortable with CSS, HTML/XHTML and modifying PHP (no original scripts). I am experienced with the WordPress dashboard, PHPMyAdmin, and SQL databases. I understand search engine optimization, HTML and CSS validation, semantic coding, and more! If your website is broken, I can (hopefully) fix it.

Education-wise, I am pursuing my first four-year degree in psychology. I am supplementing core education courses applicable to further my career as a sex educator, including gender studies, science writing, and public speaking. As a lifelong learner, I have read a variety of books about human sexuality, some of which I have reviewed, and can draw from to create quality content.

I write from an inclusive, intersectional feminist point of view and always promote science-based advice and data. Not only I am comfortable matching the existing tone of your brand, but I can suggest improvements to language and imagery to increase inclusiveness.

Adding me to your team as a credited writer, contributor, editor, or member provides access not only to my existing network but leverages my trusted experience in knowledge in the field of human sexuality. As a ghostwriter, I can keep your website content fresh and unique.

Short or long term, I’m available for you. Let your boss know. Tell your mother. Relay the news to your brother.

Hire Me Today

Email me to inquire about rates or for more information.

1 Comment


What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire

January 4th, 2023

Although I meant to sit down to write this review months ago, I’ve actually done it in far less time than it took to actually read this book since placing it on my to-read list (which badly needs and update). In fact, that delay contributes largely to my review as you’ll see when you keep reading…

The field of sex research is an interesting one. Because it was for so long viewed as inappropriate or unimportant, it has lagged behind other fields. This simultaneously means that we missed out on opportunities to learn about sexuality, and now that sex research is well underway, it’s happening at a rapid-fire pace. The downside of this frenzy of activity is that research or publications about research can quickly become dated, even painfully so. This doesn’t bode with for Daniel Bergner’s book What Do Women Want?

Published in 2013, this book isn’t quite a decade old. Yet, I was shocked at how unfamiliar I was with some of the researchers Bergner interviewed or cited aside from Lori Brotto. Some of the names I know indirectly because they’ve been cited by researchers with whom I am familiar. As I read this book, it almost seemed to focus on a different generation of researchers–and thus their research–than the articles, books, and podcasts I’ve consumed about sexuality over the last decade. Without more recent research, What Do Women Want? seems lacking.

Although I hesitate to say it, I think a project of this nature might have been overly ambitious, given the state of research in 2013. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but Bergner’s book just doesn’t stand on its own two feet. Because the author’s ultimate point is that, yet, women do want to have sex and not necessarily in relationships. Yet that hardly seems groundbreaking or all that helpful, at least in 2022 2023.

After finishing the book, I was left wondering, “So what?” What are readers supposed to do with this argument, even if it’s the first time they’ve considered it (and I concede that this book might have been more revelatory when it was first published). There’s no thoughtful analysis about why we’ve come to a place where we believe women aren’t interested in sex, or women may not feel comfortable expressing that interest, let alone suggestions about what to do with this information. If women want to have sex, how do we get them there? Of course,  the answers to these questions are inextricably related.

Rest assured that plenty of researchers and sex educators, often women, have discussed both the causes and potential solutions. They’re written ad nauseam about how society slut-shames women, how sex education has failed us, and how we prioritize men’s pleasure over women’s to such an extent that we view women’s sexuality as lesser than men’s to the extent that we have pathologized it and normalized misogyny and rape culture.

And, you guessed it, all those things contribute to women’s inability to speak up about their desires and get what they want. Advocating for our sexuality can seem a losing battle when the sex we wind up having, the very sex that’s accepted as “normal,” is so subpar that we’d rather do literally anything else.

Of course, understanding these causes directly suggests what we need to do to improve the situation and both Emily Nagoski and Lori Brotto have written useful and timeless books that touch on ways women can improve their sex lives–from desire to orgasm. I’m talking about Come As You Are and Better Sex Through Mindfulness, respectively. Even Peggy Kleinpart’z Magnificent Sex, which is written less for the lay reader, offers more actionable advice.

But Bergner doesn’t touch on any of this. He only cherry-picks data that indicates women want more sex than they’re having or are willing to admit. While I think that’s ultimately true, it doesn’t make for a riveting book in the 2020s. It feels like I picked up a dusty relic, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it became forgotten as so many books do.

Perhaps that’s to be expected. Bergner, as both an author and journalist, doesn’t focus on sexuality–or even health. His choice of research and argument might reflect a base unfamiliarity with the topic, and this might still be true for many readers, even in 2023.

Emily Nagoski once replied to me on Twitter, saying that she and Bergner used much of the same research but came to different conclusions. I am not sure that’s entirely accurate. The two authors stopped their research at different points, which is why Bergner’s conclusion in this book is where the conversation should really begin, not end. It’s why this book didn’t knock my socks off and likely would be frustrating for anyone who wants to better understand their sexuality or that of their women partners.

Fortunately, other books have done both of those things, and there are many more options since this one hit the shelves. That leaves What Do Women Want? for those who are more interested in research that affirms women’s desire or learning about how sex research has changed through the ages, and an actual textbook (Justin Lehmiller’s Psychology of Human Sexuality comes to mind) inevitably does it better.

Comment