Fallen

December 27th, 2009

Fallen

Fallen

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I am a relative porn newbie, I admit it. Most of my porn watching has been done with short clips found for free online and, usually, that covers my needs. I thought I’d get to know porn a bit more with Fallen because the cover really intrigued me. It was well done, and this award-nominated porn flick has been praised for its unique and expensive approach to pornography. Maybe it’s just my lack of expertise or my particular tastes, but I have no idea what these people are praising and celebrating.

Granted, Fallen is presented grandly. It comes in a larger-than-average case that is only slightly smaller than your average sheet of printer paper. The inside flaps give some insight into the bonus discs (there are 4 discs, including the feature title), and a regular DVD case holding these discs sits inside. Both cases feature an image of Jessica Drake – the lead actress – with wings and arms spread in a scant white dress. It’s not exactly family-friendly, but it’s on par with some movie covers, and you could potentially get away with it sitting with the rest of your movie collection – as long as you toss the larger, which is pretty ostentatious.

Fallen is a Wicked Productions film that revolves around the plot of Angel, an angel banished to Earth after her charge met an untimely death. Angel thus loses herself in sex and, in the end, tries to redeem herself. And it works, sort of. I know many appreciate the acting in this film, and there are a lot of non-sex scenes, which makes it seem like they’re aiming for the couple’s and women’s porn market, but the acting is really not all that great. Maybe it’s good when you consider it’s a porn star, and Brad Armstrong does manage to play a generally likable guy in the second half of the movie, but Jessica Drake falls flat and talks with a strangely breathless monotonous voice as she narrates the movie.

And that would be okay if all the sex scenes themselves were not so incredibly uninspired. Most of the scenes involve PIV sex with anus fingering. That seems to be the running theme. Sure, there are position swaps, some lesbian sex, and an MFM trio, but they all seem hash ups of what we’ve seen before. There were only two scenes that really caught my eye – the first scene between Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong where he puts a little more thought into performing oral on her to a wonderful jazzy background and a scene where Angel is watching another woman in a sex booth (which either turns to sex between the two or perhaps Angel just imagines it). But the novelty soon faded after more than a few minutes of the same thing happening in each scene. Maybe I have a short attention span but they seemed to drone on forever.

As did the entire movie which runs almost 3 hours. I really wanted to watch it in one sitting and I know a lot of people don’t do that. I just couldn’t. It took 3 or so sittings and, by the end, I was fast forwarding through it just to see how it ends. The ending actually reminds me a bit of Hancock in theme and revolves completely around the plot, but I quickly grew tired of the plot and poor acting, if you couldn’t already tell.

I am also unsatisfied by the pitiful excuse they call oral sex and manual stimulation on a female. It seemed like it was all just thrown in to look good for the camera but it was always sloppy and short, two things I cannot stand in my own sex life. I found it hard to believe any of the countless stars were having any fun, and the ridiculously fake moans only convinced me more. It’s hard to believe anyone actually enjoyed making this movie. It’s all so contrived. Luckily, there is an option to turn off the moans and only have music play, and I must say, the music is chosen rather well. Still, it’s kind of odd not to hear any moaning.

As long as I’m talking about music, I had quite a difficult time hearing Jessica Drake’s breathy voice over the background music, which is the main reason I lost track of the plot. The sound techs need to do a better job next time.

The box talks about the unique style of Brad Armstrong, who also directed Fallen, and it may be a step above most porn, but it’s also distracting at times. In the scene with Jessica and Brad, which I initially liked, I grew frustrated with all the fading to black, and many scenes are washed out from natural light, which may be on purpose, but I feel that using professional lighting would have really been the better move. On the subject of style, I originally liked Angel’s costume on the cover but soon came to realize that most of her outfits look straight off the Hot Topic website. Uninspired, again.

You won’t find many actresses who stray from the typical blond and big-breasted stereotype, either. Jessica Drake certainly fits it to a T as do most of the countless other porn stars. I don’t know many porn stars from face alone but they all blended together and there were so many actors/actresses simply in for one sex scene that they never struck a chord with me.

I have to say that there is quite a lot of bonus material including a digital copy of the movie, deleted scenes and the ability to choose from multiple endings. You can control Angel’s destiny which I find really cool but I was so wiped from having to watch almost 3 hours of uninspired sex and acting that I honestly could not force myself to watch more. However, if you like Fallen I bet you would enjoy these features immensely.

So, is Fallen really all that and a bag of chips? Maybe if you like your porn typical-but-with-a-bit-of-plot. Maybe if you have a thing for Jessica Drake or Brad Armstrong. Maybe if you want something a little different but still inside the box. Maybe if you like to flip from scene to scene without watching the whole thing. Maybe if you’re not me. Pirates is much more my kind of big-budget porn.

3 Comments

Categories: Media, Reviews

I’m Over Here

December 23rd, 2009

I’ve been a little slow with reviews lately. Mostly I’m just lazy. But you can also find my writing over at EdenCafe. Some of my recent posts include:

Okay, so some of them aren’t exactly “recent” per se. I’m just a slacker in all things but it’s great to have been writing different kinds of posts on EdenCafe and the gift cards aren’t half bad either. As I understand it, Carrie Ann is always looking for more writers so drop her a line if you’re interested!

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Categories: internet, Site

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Afterglow Wipes

December 23rd, 2009

Afterglow Wipes

Afterglow Wipes
$11.09 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Afterglow wipes certainly glow. They come in a bright orange and yellow package with rays emanating from a sun in the center. At first look, the packaging isn’t entirely discreet (bright colours, after all) nor does it scream “XXX.” In small print, it does say “toy/personal tissues,” because these wipes can be used on intimate bit (though not in) and sex toys alike. It makes them useful for a variety of uses in my mind:

  • Cleaning toys after use
  • Wiping lint/dust from toys before use
  • Freshening up before playtime
  • Cleaning up lubes and other fluids after playtime

While I’ve used wipes in the past, they seemed a little unnecessary when they only served one purpose, and while I really like and trust Pjur Med Clean Spray, I have to wipe off physical debris with a tissue, and some materials don’t mix well with tissues. Enter Afterglow wipes to save the day, mostly.

These wipes are 7.9″ by 5.9″ which is fairly big but smaller than your average tissue. These pre-moistened wipes are fabric-like and thicker than your average tissue. They come in a plastic pack which reseals with a sticky flap, like many other wipes. It seals pretty well and would work well in a bag if you’re away from home, but it is great to have on the nightstand. Devine, the maker of these wipes, has formulated them to disinfect, kill bacteria and stimulate with the following ingredients:

  • Water
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice
  • PEG 14m
  • Polysorbate 20
  • PEG-40
  • Hydrogenated Castor Oil
  • Bergamot
  • Chlorhexidine
  • Digluconate
  • Idopropynyl Butylcarbamate

I have used Afterglow Wipes several times and experienced no irritation. They’re really handy to freshen up just a bit or clean up after. Before, I would clean up after sex but still feel a bit sticky; these wipes do away with that stickiness entirely. After using, I just toss ’em. There is a warning on the package not to flush. It would be nice if I could but it’s a trivial point.

I don’t think they have much taste because I’ve used them before oral and my husband has never said anything either. However, they do have a scent even if they are unscented. They smell exactly like baby wipes. This isn’t bad. It reminds me of general cleanliness, but it does make me wonder if I should just buy a tub of baby wipes because I’ll probably save money, and they’ll work just as well. A 20-pack of wipes run $7, or you can get 1 for $1. It only costs $2.39 for 60 baby wipes on Amazon. =/

I don’t know if that’s a real complaint, but I can say that they don’t do much to remove lint from matte silicone and sticky materials. I tried to remove some cat fur to no avail and finally had to pick it off with my fingers. Of course, some materials just attract fur and such but I wish these better dealt with that.

Overall, the Afterglow Wipes are pretty handy. I do like using them over other cleaning methods but they work better with certain materials (basically anything smooth and frictionless) than others. As personal wipes, I’ve gotten a lot of use out of them. A surprising amount, really but, at that rate, they’ll run out soon and then I have to decide if they’re worth the price.

8 Comments

Categories: Non-Sex Toys, Reviews

Sinn-what?

December 21st, 2009

It was a long wait for my Sinnflut Intensity. I didn’t know if I could throw down that much money for an insertable vibrator. After all, I haven’t had much luck with them in the past. And I couldn’t request it to review; too many folks already had. So I opted to try to Reality but, to my chagrin, I was denied. There I was, back lusting at the Intensity until I finally decided to take the plunge with some hard earned affiliate commissions and gift cards from writing at EdenCafe.

Then, the Intensity was in my hands and I wasn’t regretting it. I was drooling over the power, impressed with the design and excited to have a vibrator stored conveniently on the nightstand but, wouldn’t you know, not all stories have a happy middle. It wasn’t long before I noticed the pitiful whining and despite draining the toy completely (what a chore that was for me) and recharging it fully, the sounds remained. When I turned it on for my husband, he actually yelled for me to turn it off! Turn it off! After a while, it sounded like a train was coming straight at me, like some eery music in the back of a horror flick. It was sometimes downright scary.

So I decided to exchange it for another and, like usual, the folks at EF were quick and great about it. I had to wait a couple weeks for my replacement (damned holidays) but it showed up and made considerably less noise. I was relieved. I let myself breath again, among other less PG activities with the Intensity. Then, I wrote a review about it. You should read it.

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Categories: Everything Else

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In Which Adriana Talks About Rabbits

December 15th, 2009

My review for the Double Dare 4-Play was just posted on EdenFantasys. I had a hard time writing it, word constraints and all but think I managed to get everything in there. If you will excuse me, I will take the time to count my rabbit vibes.

Still there? With the newest additions straight from the UPS last night, I have 13 rabbit vibrators. Strictly rabbit style. None of those smaller dual stimulators or pseudo rabbits. I’ve also gone through 2 Rabbit Habits which decided to break on me (so I’ve tried 15 in all). I have used and loved many rabbit vibrators. Rabbits used to be my surefire way to get off.

But I didn’t get off with the Double Dare 4-Play. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was able to orgasm with a rabbit, using it the normal way. I’ve spent a while focusing on squirting which while mentally pleasurable and exciting, has never done a lot for me physically. Actually the Double Dare 4-play offered truly pleasurable G-spot stimulation but that’s not where I’m going with this. I’ve fallen out of practice with clitoral orgasms so every time I get a rabbit up there, my clit is confused. Before, I just sort of subdued my body into orgasm but now it’s fighting back. Now those vibrations are too rough, too buzzy, that material too hard, that shape too giving, so on and so forth. Honestly, I think my clit has become more sensitive in a negative way, much like my G-spot has become more sensitive in a positive way. I need to relearn my body but old habits die hard – unless it’s a Rabbit Habit which is a cheap piece of crap.

So here I am, with a pile of rabbits that call to me. Some I’ve had amazing interactions with. Some barely registered on my radar but they all make me a little sad, a little nostalgic for how things used to be. I miss knowing how things were going down. I miss how I could ignore my anatomy, unlike all those women who have never had a rabbit which fit. How did I avoid that? And, god dammit, I miss getting off. So you know what? Go read my review. I’m going to masturbate.

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Categories: Everything Else

Santa Duckie

December 11th, 2009

Santa Duckie

Santa Duckie
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Most people I know consider the I Rub My Duckie line to be cute. I do. I don’t lust over every single piece, but it’s cute, and I own two: the Paris Duckie and, now, the Santa Duckie. Actually, there is something about the design of the Santa duckie that really appealed to me, much more than most of the other designs, despite the fact that it’s only the mini, travel-sized version (which I have thus far avoided). I definitely think the fact that it comes in a functional Christmas tree bulb holder is part of that draw. After spending a bit of time with the vibrator, I can’t say I will rush out to buy every other duckie, but I can say that I like it a lot. It’s cute but also more practical than I would have guessed.

As I mentioned, the packaging of this duckie is a bit more thought out than other versions. The whole thing is in a plastic box with different snowflakes printed on the front and sides. Inside this sites a tray where the Christmas bulb rests. The front half of the bulb is clear with more snowflakes and the back is solid blue, creating a backdrop for the duckie. The bulb is topped off with a red bow and a silver string which means it could be hung on a tree, if you’re into that sort of thing.

At first, I was disappointed because there were two pieces of tape that seemed to hold the two sides of the bulb together, but those were only there for extra support. When together, the bulb actually has a short, threaded neck on top onto which screws a silver plastic cap that mimics the metal caps on the top of actually Christmas bulbs (this is also where the box and hanging string attach). Without the tape, the globe still stays whole but it’s a bit more secure with the tape on the bottom. In fact, the duckie is uber-secure as there are a couple of places where there are twisty tries threaded through and then taped, just the way Barbies are secured in their boxes.

Of course, the Duckie himself has a bright red suit and hat, complete with black belt and fluffy trim. Although the entire thing is hard PVC, the white parts are textured to look fuzzy. There is quite a bit of texture on the Santa Duckie from his clothes to his wings, break and other body parts. There are a few mostly smooth pieces but there’s no entirely smooth, spacious surface like most vibrators.

Once out of his box, I immediately felt that the more compact size of the Santa Duckie, as compared to my regular-sized one, would be beneficial. That might be slightly detrimental if you want him mostly for decoration purposes, but it just seemed less bulky to me, more like the size of a clitoral vibe like Laya Spot. For me, the tail was the best surface to actually press against my body as it is somewhat broad and there are no immediate obstructions from the shape of the toy. This allowed me to apply firm pressure with the duckie. The tail also comes to a rounded point for those who might prefer a pinpoint sensation.

Besides size, the Santa Duckie has different controls and battery requirements than a regular duckie. The battery compartment is covered by a small plastic cap with a straight indentation to unscrew it. A knife, screwdriver or possibly even fingernail could be used without too much difficultly. Inside is room for a single AAA battery, rather than the AA batteries that they regularly use. I was quite surprised by how much power this lone battery can put out. I think the size reduction actually means that more of the vibrations can be felt. The regular-sized duckie seemed to absorb more vibrations even though it had a stronger power source. The vibrations are a little buzzy and there’s very little variation, if any, but I found them to be sufficient because I could apply pressure.

The control is a knob like the ones which control the burners on my stove. Turning it clockwise (looking at the duck’s belly, head toward the top) turns on the vibrations. The knob can only turn about a quarter of a circle and it kicks in at about half of that distance. Unfortunately, the style makes it seem like the vibrations are adjustable, but they feel pretty much the same to me, even if I turn it as far as possible.

The Santa Duckie is pretty loud for its size and strength, however. Definitely loud enough to be heard in the same room but probably safe to use in the shower or with the door closed. Sometimes I can also hear the battery rattling inside which adds to the noise factor.

During play, I used him through my panties (which I sometimes do with the Layaspot). That will probably be how I play because I do not like the idea of having to clean fluids from him. This duckie’s belly has many embossed words and indentations that could easily pick up liquids but would require a toothpick to fully clean. If these words are completely necessary (and they’re not; most of them are promotions for the company), a tiny informational packet would be a much better option. Even the helpful stuff isn’t really needed. I could easily figure out how to open the battery compartment and turn this thing on without instructions.

I’m happy to say that this duckie performed well underwater. Not a drop made it into the battery compartment, which is more than I can say for my Paris Duckie. So take him in the shower or bath as much as you want. On the not-so-bright side, he doesn’t float upright. Santa Duckie floats pretty much every other way than right side up, but I can live with that.

Even after my first use, I was surprised with the Santa Duckie. I haven’t played with many clitoral toys lately, and my focus on squirting has meant fewer orgasms in general. Santa Duckie reminded me what masturbating used to be like and took me through a session of multiples. He is definitely a better duckie than my Paris Duckie; although, he probably won’t replace my Layaspot.

4 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

lingerie

Alumina Revolve

December 10th, 2009

Alumina Revolve

Alumina Revolve

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

My first impression of the Alumina Revolve is that it’s heavier than I would have expected. I guess when I thought “aluminum” I was thinking something more along the lines of a soda can of aluminum foil but Tantus’ Alumina line is made from aeronautical grade aluminum so I guess it makes sense. After all, I’ve never seen an airplane made out of aluminum foil. That would be a very bad idea. Perhaps the very worst idea ever. (TM).

So the Revolve is heavier than I expected. Probably a bit weightier than a glass toy of a similar design but lighter than, say, the Pure Wand so it’s not quite as unwieldy. It doesn’t feel as unbalanced either, even though the Revolve isn’t symmetrical. The two ends of this metal dildo (one which I view as the intended handle) are almost the same length; the handle is just under 4″ long and the other end just over 4″ (for a total of 8.25″ in length) but are crafted quite differently. The handle is smooth and generally straight, widening to a bulb at the end while the opposite side has three bulbs which increase in size toward the O-ring which separates the sides. While the “handle” side is lighter, I think it would be more unbalanced if the bulbs increased toward the outside instead.

In terms of size, the largest bulbs on both ends are about the same size with a 1.5″ diameter. The smaller bulbs are 1.2″ and .95″ in diameter, respectively and, save for the middle bulb on the 3-bulb side, they’re all fairly found (the middle bulb is more elongated). As you can see, that’s quite the drop in size on both sides. Actually, I would say that’s one of the downfalls of the Revolve. When using the bulby side, I expected to easily feel the size difference, but once I insert this end up to the largest bulb, I literally cannot feel the bulbs when pulling it out. Maybe my vag is just a slow adjuster but they feel like nothing at all because the size decrease is so dramatic. So I could just not insert it that far but then the girth is lackluster. I could instead just try pressing the bulbs against my G-spot – it is a G-spotter after all – but I found it a bit difficult to do this with precision because the bulbs are so close.

All is not lost, however. I found the “handle” end to perform wonderfully for G-spot stimulation. The single bulb on the end, paired with the difference in girth – made finding and stimulating my G-spot to ejaculation a quick and easy job. For me, the simple end was simply better.

But it does leave me a bit disappointed because I thought this pretty, purple dildo (did I mention the deep sheen) would be a little more versatile. I expected it to do more, to have more options. Instead, I only find one side to really be useful. Of course, I could invest in more Alumina pieces to craft my perfect dildo and the fact that you can interchange the halves was originally was one of the things that attracted me to the line but then I’d essentially be paying twice the price (and the Alumina line is not cheap) to get a toy I love (if I could even find the perfect pairing). I’d much rather have a basic G-spot dildo that worked well but had no options.

Like all metal, the Revolve can easily be used for temperature play and I can’t argue the quality, here. The slick metal is easily inserted with only the tiniest amounts of lube and just as easy to clean. The aluminum is anodized to resist corrosion and water as well. There are no seams besides where the O-ring is. I know some have even said the O-ring adds some stimulation but I cannot comfortably insert the Revolve past that point. I’m also curious what the ring is made of. I’d guess silicone but the packaging doesn’t say.

In terms of packaging, the Revolve is cradled for a form fitting foam cutout inside a black box, detailed with silver text and logos. Some like to use it for storage but I’d rather have a small bag to save space. It could serve as a gift box, if you were so inclined because the Alumina Revolve does look quite nice nestled inside. Included with the dildo is a small informational sheet which repeats the text on the outside of the box and also depicts the entire Alumina Line (including Flow, Motion and Thrust).

I don’t hate the Revolve. I just don’t love it, you know? It just doesn’t call to me. Maybe it’s this specific piece because the people who have tried the Motion seem to love it. They can’t praise it enough. And Carrie Ann liked the Flow as well but that offers girth that the revolve doesn’t have, at least not consistently. There are only two points on the Revolve which offer any girth but even then, I’d say it’s only a medium thickness even despite the fact that such a material usually feels a bit larger than it actually is. I suppose that makes the Revolve relatively newbie friendly (just be cautious the nature of metal which can be a bit painful). But I’m not a newbie. I know what I want and need and half of the Alumina Revolve just isn’t it.

6 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

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