Paul and Paulina

January 25th, 2010

Paul and Paulina

Paul and Paulina

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Let me preface this by saying I’d like this rabbit-style vibrator much better if it were called Pauley Perrette because that’s what I always think instead of “Paul and Paulina.” And I love Pauley.

All that aside, Paul and Paulina is an adorable vibrator. I’ve seen it in a beautiful blue, a bright green and the colour I received: baby pink. Both the insertable portion and the clitoral stimulator are shaped like worms or caterpillars that are coming out of an apple, and the soft silicone that coats the toy has ridges to add to the effect (and add texture, too). There are some artistic ‘dimples’ in the apple that may prove to be effective finger holds, but they did not aid me in using them. The worms appear to be smiling and have two embossed dots for eyes. If animal toys are not your thing, then this vibrator will not be for you. The silicone around the shaft is a little loose, so there is give when squeezed, but there is less give around the clitoral stimulator.

Because of the ridges on the shaft, I would recommend using lube (water-based only). The soft silicone has a slightly velvety texture that increases drag. While I found I could feel those ripples, they were not entirely stimulating. Someone with a more sensitive vagina might find otherwise, however.

Like most soft silicone, Paul and Paulina picks up lint, fur etc. Storing it in a ziploc/toy bag or wrapped in a scarf may help. And using a microfiber towel to dry it after cleaning isn’t a bad idea, either. Because of the design of the battery compartment, I would definitely not take this in the bath or shower. A soap and water washing should be safe as long as you keep the battery end out of the direct flow of water. Sprays and wipes may not help to rid this vibrator of the lint that it collects.

From end to end, it measures just under 10″, 5.5″ of which are insertable. It’s bulky, the way many rabbits tend to be and that can sometimes hinder maneuverability, especially if you have short arms like I do. The clitoral stimulator is thinner than many and seems a bit shorter. It’s situated quite close to the shaft and while the angle can be increased if your anatomy requires it to be further away, this may cause it to fall short. It was a bit short on myself and didn’t feel like I could “force” it to sit in the positions I like, the way I can with other rabbits.

The controls are unique but easy to use. There is a master power button and on small, red indicator light when the toy is on. The light confused me at first because it fades very slowly after turning off the vibrator. It looks like the toy is not turned off, but 3-5 seconds to fade before pressing the button a million more times and wondering what’s going on. Both functions have a separate dial, which is similar to the volume wheel on my personal CD player (or even on a laptop). It’s easy to use – slide up to increase speed or power, and when it stops, it’s on a high. Sliding it the other way decreases speed/power until it stops and the function is turned off. These wheels are incredibly easy to use and have The functions can be used separately, of course.

The rotating shaft and vibration are pretty run-of-the-mill, although I’d like to add there do appear to be ball-bearing-type beads toward the bottom half of the shaft. I can feel them but cannot see them because of the opaque silicone. Paul and Paulina is powered by 4 AA batteries, which usually is a good indication of power, but I found that just wasn’t the case here. For starters, the bullet inside the clitoral stimulator is pretty small and emits a high-pitched vibration, and no matter what position the wheel is in, it seems like there is only one setting. In my opinion, it’s totally useless to have any sort of setting control. The shaft rotation is also on the lackluster side.

The shaft rotates in fairly small circles and doesn’t seem to be bendable to increase that circumference of rotation. In use, I couldn’t feel the difference between the beads and rotation. I did squirt, but it wasn’t as impressive as when I’ve been able to ejaculate with toys that have more powerful rotation. The control wheel for the shaft increases the rotation speed. Unfortunately, when both functions are on, the clitoral stimulator seems to lose a little power, and I wouldn’t expect this to stand up to super-strong muscles, either.

For 4 AAs, I expect a lot more. Layaspot runs on AAAs, but this isn’t that much more powerful. Hell, for Fun Factory, I am incredibly disappointed. They are my favorite company and have created several dildos and vibrators which have left me satisfied, but Paul and Paulina just do not measure up at all. I suspect it will be enough for many people, and it has received positive reviews. It’s not a piece of just exactly; I just cannot help but notice how it falls apart when it comes to the details. But I do know that Fun Factory has some more contemporary rabbits coming out, and I wonder if they will be an improvement over this.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Tuyo

January 18th, 2010

Tuyo

Tuyo
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I am a girl who loves pressure. Masturbation sessions that end with cramped fingers that can barely move are no strange in this house, sadly, and toys that are broad enough to press against my body with ease are rare. Small egg-style vibes don’t have a lot of room for my fingers (so they still cramp), traditional vibes aren’t broad, and it can be difficult to get quite the pressure I need from rabbits without detracting from internal stimulation. All of these reasons attracted me to Tuyo, a spherical massager that would certainly be broad enough and easy to hold (and press) for me. Mediocre reviews left me doubtful, but I finally took the plunge and purchased one for myself right before Christmas.

Tuyo is packaged in a sleek black box that is lined with pretty, purple satin material. It looks elegant sitting in the cushy material when the lid is open.

This vibrator measures 5″ x 5″ x 3.5″ and is made of hard plastic with a silicone band wrapping around the center, both in black. The band has some give and slight texture which can help in grasping Tuyo. There are thin silver borders on either side of the silicone band and also around the button on top that could be metal or plastic.

For the most part, these details do not create any crevices except around the button (which isn’t directly pressed to the body anyway). The button sits directly on top, whereas I press the bottom 1/3 against myself. The only mark on the bottom 1/3 is a printed logo that is not discernible by touch.

At first, I struggled with the battery compartment. The top portion of the Tuyo unscrews slightly to allow you to insert 3 AAA batteries. However, there aren’t any finger indentations that would make it easier to take off. When it comes to replacing it, there are also no indicators to line up the pieces, which would be helpful. The batteries sit pretty tightly in the compartment, but there is a ribbon that sits beneath them to assist in removal. Be careful of projectile batteries.

The round shape makes it incredibly easy to clean and, although it’s not waterproof, I washed it with soap and water without issue. There is no O-ring around the battery compartment but the unique cap seals well. The plastic could easily be sprayed with toy cleaner, and a wipe would work as well. The silicone band does pick up a bit of lint.

It only took me about 30 seconds to realize that Tuyo is exactly what I require in terms of shape and size. It’s definitely bigger around than any toys I have with its 3″ diameter; my fingers are not long enough to wrap all the way around. However, this works really well to stimulate the entire vulva, and I have plenty of room to grasp it without squishing my fingers. It’s incredibly easy to press against myself without causing pain that other shapes can cause and, if it switches position, I needn’t worry. It’s still round on every side. I quickly found myself moving my hips against the Tuyo and orgasming.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. The button is about the size of my fingertip and makes an audible click when I turn it out. There does seem to be some slight lag after initially turning it on, however. There are 3 levels of steady vibration that are pretty diffuse, although they are centered toward the bottom of the toy. These are followed by a slow pulsation, a faster pulsation, a pulsation like a fast heartbeat, a fast-fast-fast-fast-slow pulsation and a throbbing pulsation. The settings are all really neat, but I wouldn’t mind two buttons for back-and-forth options or even just a master power button because that’s eight settings to cycle through, and I find myself using the medium steady vibration most. The vibration is not super buzzy (it doesn’t tickle my hand), except on the highest level of steady vibration. It isn’t super deep either, but because of the awesome shape, I have to rely less on vibration to get off.

But my joy was overshadowed by something I could not ignore: the noise. Tuyo is easily the loudest toy I own. It beats for the Miracle Massager and Ideal, hands down. It sounds like a fucking chainsaw. There is no way in hell I can use it if someone else were in my apartment and people outside my bedroom window or wall could probably still hear it even after I pulled the covers over myself to block some of the noise. And all on 3 AAA batteries. This is simply unacceptable.

Especially because this would become my go to vibrator (in place of Laya Spot) if only the noise were not an issue. I love the shape, the vibrations feel great (and I am usually not a fan of AAA), it’s easy to use and hold, has a solid feel and a comforting weight. It’s also versatile and could be used for body massage. It could be rolled or easily pushed across the skin if that’s your thing. Even outside of its box, it doesn’t scream “vibrator” but.. and this is a big but, it’s so loud it’s just not practical to use.

The only thing I have left to say is this:

Big Teaze Toys, please make a Tuyo 2.0 that is quieter!

7 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Not There

January 17th, 2010

At first, I don’t hear the key in the door. I am busy, distracted by the vibrations against my flesh and my soft moans. The door opens and when it closes, I hear it. I know it is him (who else could unlock that door) and that he will soon find me. I debate turning off and covering up but decide against it. I continue to thrust the toy in and out of my cunt, already slick with arousal and lube.

The atmosphere changes as he almost enters the room, stopping suddenly in the door way. My face is turned away and I pretend not to know he is there. I imagine his mouth hanging open and he’ll swallow his words to take advantage of the situation. I strain to hear him breathe just as he must be straining to control it, keep it quiet.

I moan for effect and slowly pleasure myself with the vibrator. I extract it leisurely from my pussy, running the tip along my lips and doubling back. I rest it against my clit, gasping at the sensation before sliding it back inside my body, angling against my most sensitive spots. I feel myself swell and back off, not yet wanting to release that flood gate.

Just in time, he distracts me, having moved from the door to the bed. His weight shifts the mattress and a shiver runs down my spine. From my position, on hands and knees, I cannot see him and I dare not look over my shoulder. I trail the vibrator from my clit toward my breasts, slowly circling my nipples. He moves closer and I can feel his breath, hot on my skin but not a word is spoken. We both know he is there, we both refuse to acknowledge it.

I tense, almost started at the touch of his fingers, lightly caressing my lips. I rest the toy on the bed, still on, and move my now free hand between my legs, careful not to touch his. I don’t want to break the spell. I plunge several fingers into my vagina. They are eagerly taken in and coated in my juices. I pull them out slowly, sure they are glistening and spread myself wide, sure he is watching. I retreat my hand from its revealed position, grasp the vibrator once more.

He takes the opportunity and I am surprised by his tongue on my clit, zoning in exactly where he needs to be. His tongue flicks and swirls; his lips surround my erect organ and he sucks it into his mouth. I respond with appreciative moans and he buries his face deeper, moaning as well, releasing soft vibrations against my flesh.

Still, we don’t speak, perpetuating the facade. He backs away and adjusts his position. I take the time to slide the vibrator back into my cunt, pushing it against my G-spot. This time I am ready and the pulsations begin the flow. Quickly removing the toy, I push the flood of ejaculate out in a healthy stream. I can feel a hand brush my thigh as he holds it between my legs but not for long. His mouth replaces his hands, drinking of me and he sucks and licks every last drop from my lips and my thighs, leaving them wet with his saliva.

I am empty, but not finished. Not yet. The vibrator finds it way between my legs once more, pushing at my clit. I rub, pressing feverishly to build myself to orgasm. This time he doesn’t touch, at least not me. There is the sound of a zipper, fabric rustling and I know his cock is in hand. I imagine its shape, its size, texture and taste. I am licking my lips without realizing, the sudden fantasy bringing me closer to the edge. I remember how his hard cock feels against me, inside me and pretend the vibrator is as good. It’s not but I pretend, anyway.

We pretend we are alone, he stroking his cock and me with the vibrator pressed against my sex. We are both hot and I am more than sufficiently wet. The bed moves with our movements but I ignore it. I am masturbating furiously as he breathes raggedly. We are both close. As I feel myself about to peak, he moans behind me. I imagine the look on his face as he does, a contorted mixture of pleasure and effort and am sent over the edge myself. I feel the contractions of my muscles, a quick succession of orgasm that fades not long after it begins. I am not immediately aware of the hot cum that he landed on the back of my thighs but it cools quickly and gravity pulls it down my skin.

I turn off the vibrator, drop it between my legs. We are still silent, except for the sound of our heavy breathing and his pants becoming zipped once more. He climbs off the bed and quietly makes his way toward the door. As my heartbeat slows and breathing quiets, I hear the door open and close, once more the sound of keys jingling in the lock.

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Categories: Stories

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

January 17th, 2010

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

I read a review describing Black Glove/Elegant Spanking, a DVD containing two short films by Maria Beatty, as “like an artsy amateur porn video that the 2 girls should have kept private.” And I pretty much agree.

It’s not that the visuals aren’t stunning. Both pieces are done in black and white, with more than a subtle nod toward the silent film era (despite being released in 1995). The Elegant Spanking even features “title cards” showing the dialogue between Mistress and slave. The filming is well done, if not simple, and it seems a bit grainy to add personality. The Black Glove is especially heavy with shiny instruments and PVC clothing, while garter belts can be seen in both. The image of pearls sliding between pussy lips in The Elegant Spanking is intriguing if nothing else. Yet, the imagery is very specific, so specific that there can be very little middle ground with Black Glove/Elegant Spanking. Either you will love it, or it will not be your thing. And it’s not mine.

I also can’t say that the acts aren’t realistic or intimate. Marie Beatty portrays a submissive in both films, expressing pain and pleasure well even though we can’t hear her voice or breath. In The Elegant Spanking, she lovingly partakes in watersports. It’s as though someone simply popped a camera into Beatty’s BDSM life and recorded these events. Believable and erotic (it’s hard to call anything with so much BDSM anything else), yes. But rising to any sort of climax (literally or figuratively) or otherwise following any sort of standard film time/plotline, no. We don’t know why anything is happening, just that it is, and it’s over without any real sense of resolution. Both movies are more like extended scenes than stand-alone films, and they move quite slowly. I’ll dare call it boring.

From imagery to music/sound and the speed of progress, these films are both incredibly creative. Yet, that artistry can be difficult to understand and detract from the movie.

Such is the case with the music (by John Zorn), which generally reminds me of haunted house background music or the scores of 80s horror flicks. It suggests seriousness calmly, softly in the background. Yet it also negates any drama in the films themselves, especially in scenes where the actors are clearly speaking, but viewers can’t hear it. Like silent films, this one flashes title cards, but it’s obvious that is not what she said (and I’m no lip reader!). At least in The Black Glove, we can hear some sounds from the scene itself, which I prefer greatly. The sound of buckles and foot steps were appreciated. Yet, toward the second half of this scene, the background music/sound switches to something like burning or crackling. It’s much louder than the previous background music, and I find it completely distracting.

And if kink is your thing, these films have plenty. The Elegant Spanking jumps into watersports pretty quickly. There is spanking, of course, as well as shoe/foot fetish. In fact, that plays an important role in both films. Too bad I hate feet. The Black Glove has lots of appropriate PVC; Maria Beatty is hog-tied, and a cane, Wartenberg wheel, clamps, knife, and wax all make an appearance. Most of these implements are rubbed or run over Maria Beatty’s lingerie-clad body, with the focus on her ass and breasts.

Fans of bonus material will be disappointed. The DVD lists a catalog of other Beatty films but was nothing more than a link to Beatty’s now-defunct website.

While artistic, striking in imagery, BDSM oriented, and incredibly intimate, it seems like these films would best be enjoyed by Beatty & Co. themselves. The artistic eroticism is interesting, and these films would probably lend themselves well to an intellectual discussion (perhaps of D/s dynamics). Still, their limited ability to arouse suggests that this film is simply art, not porn. I know that BDSM doesn’t have to include sex but porn probably should. Sometimes there is a grey area between porn and art, but the black-and-white films on this DVD suggest that is not a place Maria Beatty productions will ever be, and that’s okay. I’m just not the sort of person who can appreciate these films. On the other hand, there were a couple of scenes that would lend themselves beautifully to wall art (something which I can better intellectually appreciate). I would much rather have preferred a handful of stills that sum up the feeling of Black Glove/Elegant Spanking than view the DVD itself.

2 Comments

Categories: Media, Reviews

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Why Ask a Stranger? (or “Go Talk To Your Partner”)

January 13th, 2010

Having been around the internet a time or two, I’ve sought out advice from others. Who hasn’t? But as my knowledge in just about everything expands, I find myself being the one who offers instead of seeks counsel, more often than not. I don’t mind. In fact, I thrive on it. I love helping people and answering questions. And if my advice works? Excellent. I give myself a little pat on the back and feel hopeful that someone has somehow worked over and issue in their life whether it’s communication within a relationship or just finding the right sex toy for them.

But I have come to notice a certain type of question which I cannot answer – not because I am unfamiliar with the territory or even because I disagree with something that gets someone off. No, the questions that bother me most are the questions about relationships and dynamics and communication which clearly should be asked to a partner, not random strangers on the internet. Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to show initiative. If you want to do something a little extra special, I’ve got ideas. So does everyone else and these ideas are not necessarily dependent on your partner’s tastes or relationship status. But I cannot answer these questions

  • Why is my partner less interested in sex?
  • Why does my partner no longer initiate sex?
  • Does my partner still love me or find me attractive?
  • How do I deal with my partners ED/disability/insecurities without talking to him or her?
  • What does it mean when my partner ignores my advances?

Yet, if your partner’s interest in sex has decrease or his or her attitude has altered suddenly, I cannot tell you why. I just can’t. I’m not your partner. I don’t share his or her stress at work or home. I do not react to things the same way nor do I have the same life experiences. My life influences and brain chemistry are, quite simply, incredibly different. I don’t know what makes your partner tick and, if you’re asking me, it seems like neither do you.

Perhaps the internet offers anonymity when it comes to our problems. We can say “this is going on” without saying “and my name is John Smith and I live in Miami with my wife, 2 children, cat and dog.” Sex is not always the easiest thing to talk about and I understand that but sexual and romantic relationships frequently suffer from lack of or poor communication. Sure, some relationships are completely effortless but most are not. You don’t need to talk to the world about your sex life; you just need to talk to the person(s) with whom you are having sex.

Get off the internet (after all, you signed on to ask your question) and have a heart to heart with your lover. Ask about changes in behaviour or reluctance to do a certain activity. Ask why things are different from how they were in the hot and heavy days or why things just never seemed to pick up from the beginning. Ask your partner how he or she feels and offer a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps you will find that your partner has been struggling with something and you can help.

Your partner may be relieved that you brought up the subject. It offers both of you the opportunity to make improvements, something which cannot be done when one or both partners are in the dark about the other’s feelings. Sometimes we forget that our partners have the same fears and aspirations as we may and we can fight them together, not fight one another because of them. Occasionally, you are positive something is a problem when talking can reveal it to actually be a misunderstanding. You may find that knowing more about your partner may make you feel closer and boosts your confidence in your relationship. Conversely, not speaking about these options frequently only exacerbates the problems.

Of course, there are some guidelines to follow when talking about sexual issues and many of them have to do with when to bring them up or, rather, when not to. Don’t bring up your concerns at any of these inopportune times:

  • Right before sex
  • In the middle of sex
  • Immediately after sex
  • In public (or in front of the in laws)
  • During a fight (especially not as ammunition)
  • When there are distractions (computer, TV, kids, phone, while preparing dinner et cetera)

Every effort should be made to express your feelings and concerns without putting blame on your lover. Pay attention to your partner’s responses, both verbal and nonverbal. Body language can serve as a guide to the success (or lack there of) of your discussion. Allow your partner to speak freely and avoid making assumptions; ask for clarification when need be. Finally, be open to suggestions. Ask how things can be improved and avoid dictating measures your partner “must” or “should” do. After all, you probably don’t want to be commanded yourself.

Unfortunately, sometimes knowing what is going on in a partner’s heart or mind (or pants) can pose problems that we cannot overcome. Sometimes talking paints a clear picture but it’s not of a happy ending (Cinderella style, not massage). I think sometimes people reach out to strangers, looking for a way to deal with symptoms of larger problems rather than admitting to themselves or their partners, all so they can continue to avoid the inevitable. But sometimes the inevitable (especially when it’s a parting of ways), although difficult in the present, offers the best possible future.

Either way, talking to your partner will truly shed light on a situation. It may not be the best light. Let’s face it, the truth is not always comfortable but the truth, as they say, can set us free.

I am just a stranger on the internet who has no ideas what is really going on in your head or in your bed.

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Categories: Articles

Pink Silicone Lube

January 7th, 2010

Pink Lube
$10.99 from Amazon

You may not know it, but I like pink—the colour. I’m also sort of a musician, too, but that’s not related. I first heard of Pink Lubricant years ago, but I’m not sure where. The attractive bottles drew my attention, and it stayed drawn for some years. However, I don’t use a lot of lube, so I never needed to buy it. However, I decided it might be the right time to try it out when Babeland offered Pink Silicone Lube for review.

The larger bottles of Pink lubricant are packaged in glass and look much like perfume. The 1.7oz bottle I received, although not glass, still looks pretty classy with its frosted plastic. I like it, but it’s less discreet than the glass style. The bottle is pump-style with a small cap over the pump to prevent spilling, and the whole thing comes wrapped in plastic (yay). I’ll be honest here.. Between unwrapping the plastic and using the lube, I have no idea where the plastic cap went. So, it would be useful if I could find it, but I can’t, and I have no recollection of taking it off. Chances are, the cats go to it, and it’s under some piece of furniture because it’s small and fun if you’re of the feline variety.

Now, my experience with silicone lubes is really limited. I’ve used 2 including Wet Platinum and the one included in Wet Together. The former experience was downright dreadful as I experienced some sort of reaction but the latter was fairly nice in lubricant properties (not so much as a sensation product, though!). Reviews of Pink are generally pretty high and I figured, maybe silicone lube really is worth it.

My first impression was a bit odd. I guess I was expecting the lube to feel like water-based lube does, you know, wet. It didn’t. It felt sort of greasy, and I kept pumping at first because I had no idea how much was in my hand. The next thing I noticed was how incredibly thin this lube is, which is something I usually associated with silicone lubes, although I do prefer lubricants that are slightly more gelatinous in nature. Also, the pump could jut out a bit more, like a long lotion pump does, because now it just sort of dribbles down the side of the pump/bottle. You have to tip it to avoid that.

So I wasn’t a huge fan of this on my hand but, to be honest, it’s quite slick and has much more staying power than water-based lube. A little goes a long way, and it doesn’t get sticky as it dries out. Plus, my hand isn’t my pussy – and I don’t want it to be. For actual toy or penis penetration, this lube did work decently. It made it quite frictionless, but it feels less natural than water-based lubricants seem to feel. It was as if there was a thin layer of incredibly slick plastic inside of me; sure, it reduces friction but I felt as though something was between my husband and myself. I’ve never even felt that way with condoms.

With toys, this was definitely less noticeable. It didn’t feel quite so.. barrier-like, which is great, but I’m not going to pay $15 for silicone lubricant for toys alone, you know? I really wanted this for actual intercourse. Plus, the parent company makes a water-based lube for use with toys.

To be fair, Pink Silicone Lube is not horrible. I did not experience irritation with it like I did Wet Platinum, and besides silicones, the only ingredients are Vitamin E and aloe vera, which seems to make it pretty healthy to me. I just really didn’t love the way it feels, which is entirely a personal preference. Maybe I’m just not built for silicone lubes (are there any that feel.. not so silicone-y? LOL). It is worth a try, however, if you do like silicone-based lubes.

4 Comments

Categories: Lube, Reviews

lingerie

What conspiracy is this?

January 3rd, 2010

At best, my flirtation with dolphin toys has been mediocre. Why is that? And why did it suck this time?

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Categories: Everything Else

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.