Better Than Chocolate

September 21st, 2009

Better Than Chocolate

Better Than Chocolate
$89.90 from Amazon

Let me preface this with a great big thank you to Babeland for allowing me to review this luxury vibrator. I believe I am one of only five reviewers who had the chance, and I definitely appreciate it. Also, pictures will be coming soon. Apparently, something broke.

Jumping right in, I think it’s appropriate to say that anything named Better Than Chocolate had better be leaps and bounds above comparable items if it wants to come anywhere near its claim. I mean, it’s freaking chocolate, right? So I had some pretty high expectations for this vibe by Nomi Tang. It had better look great, be presented well, have all the details covered, be hygienically superior, perform well (including features and ease of use), and do all this in a way that is obviously unique. Let me run down this list and show you how well the Better Than Chocolate did.

Appearance: It’s only right to start with appearance because this is what initially drew me and others to this ergonomic clitoral vibrator. I’m always interested in uniquely shaped clit vibes, and the Better than Chocolate definitely fits the bill. In fact, it is somehow reminiscent of Star Trek and I know I’m not the only one who thinks so. I know I’m going to miss the mark by trying to describe this toy but, from the top, it’s roughly diamond shaped – wider in the center and tapering at either end. From the side, you can see that the wider middle also curves upward and each side curves up more than the rest of the toy, in a wing-like shape, creating a perfect resting spot for your hand while the bottom curves around your pubic mound. If you look at the vibe from either end, it actually looks a bit like a king cobra.

In comparison to other similar vibes, Better Than Chocolate is much larger. It’s definitely wider (2.5″ at its widest), longer (just over 4″) and taller(just under 2.5″) than the Laya Spot (and some people already find that too large for use during sex, so take heed). Their shapes are generally similar but the lines on Better Than Chocolate seem to be more exaggerated. My understanding of Lelo’s Lily and Nea is that they are also much flatter and smaller than the Layaspot so if you’re partial to that size/shape, you might be in for a surprise when it comes to Better Than Chocolate.

The longer end boasts a thin, plastic-covered, white touch censor, which also adds to the Sci-fi appeal, especially when it lights up blue or red. The other end has a small indentation of the power symbol, like a computer’s power button, which clicks the toy on and off but doesn’t add much in terms of visuals.

Available in either fuchsia or blue, Better Than Chocolate is sure to please most.

Presentation and Detail: This luxury vibe is definitely presented well. It comes in a heavy white cardboard box, like Lelo’s boxes, with the Nomi Tang logo in maroon on top (the logo is also printed, smaller, tone-on-tone all over the box). The box flips open from one end like a jewelry box, and the vibe itself sits on a velvet-lined cardboard tray within the box, which adds to the jewelry box feel. The box is also velvet lined and has Nomi Tang printed on the inside top. As is, the box would serve as a nice giftbox, if you gift a Better Than Chocolate vibrator to someone.

Upon removing the vibe from the box and tray, you’ll see it comes with an instruction book, a storage pouch and a message from Nomi Tang printed like a mini greeting card. Like anyone, I’m a fan of storage and because this vibrator is unique, an instruction booklet is a must. Of course, the inventive controls are definitely unique and show care/effort on Nomi’s part. Nomi Tang definitely paid attention to detail with this one.

Hygiene and Material; The booklet says that the surface materials are TPE and polycarbonate. I assume the censor is polycarbonate (a type of plastic), while the rest of the surface is made of TPE. I’m not sure what this means in terms of porosity because the TPE just seems to be a coating over a hard (plastic?) shell but I wouldn’t consider Better Than Chocolate something you can sanitize completely. This also means that Better Than Chocolate is quite rigid. You’d cause some damage if you threw it at someone’s head.

Performance and Features: I was a bit nervous about Better Than Chocolate because it runs on only 2AAAs (and, wouldn’t you know it, I was fresh out). The power button end twists off easily and twists back on very securely, which is important for any waterproof toy (it is!).

One click of the power symbol easily turns on the Better Than Chocolate. It’s easily felt and heard and the “NT” symbol on the touch sensor lights up. It seems that this vibrator starts on its highest setting which might disappoint some because if you’re a glutton for power, the impression is not just a taste of what Better Than Chocolate has to offer; it’s it. I was fairly impressed with the strength of vibration on this one. It’s right up there with the Laya Spot and definitely makes better use of the batteries than many toys. On the other hand, the lower settings are something I’d never have use for.

The vibrations are rather high in frequency but don’t make my hand tickle uncontrollably when holding it. They are focused in the tip but can be felt, mildly, through the rest of the toy. Better Than Chocolate never operates at much more than a low hum which I think is perfectly acceptable.

On to what you all want to know! How is the touch censor? It’s okay. It takes some getting used to. I found that I wanted to press it like a button instead of hold and slide my finger over it but, once I got over that, I quite like it. The censor means you don’t need 8 buttons nor do you have to press one button 8 times. It’s a very efficient way to control a multi-setting toy and I wouldn’t mind seeing use of this type of control more.

When it starts, on high, slide your finger toward the NT symbol to lower the vibrations or do the opposite from low. If you want something other than steady vibrations, hold your finger over the NT until it switches modes. From what I can tell, there are 2 modes: steady vibes, low pulsation and high pulsation. The high pulsation is a very enjoyable, throbbing pulse that surprised me by its power. If you find a setting you really like, you can hold your finger over the opposite end of the censor for 2 seconds to lock it; the NT logo will change to red.

In practice, I thought it would make more sense to increase vibes by sliding toward the logo and I tend to forget this. Also, because it’s a touch sensor, your speed, mode, and even lock status can be changed if something touches the censor on the Better Than Chocolate. My panties, thighs, and blankets changed the settings at one point or another. I think it might have been slightly more logical to make an actual lock switch somewhere on the toy because it’s absolutely necessary with a control as sensitive as this.

Although I will likely not use this vibrator in much water, you can, up to one meter. So if you ever need to get off in the pool or the ocean, go for it. It also means you needn’t be extra careful with cleaning so soap it up all over.

In Use: I found that Better Than Chocolate was just too large, too long. It’s not bulky per se but isn’t palm sized, either. It didn’t fit over my mons as well as I would like so it wasn’t effortless playtime. I don’t see how it would work well during sex at all.

I also found that the vibrating end was just too pointed and hard. I need something a little flatter and wider to provide adequate pressure, but Better Than Chocolate only provides pain if I press. I tried the other end, but the vibrations were much weaker, and this wasn’t any better. On the other hand, I was able to partially insert this vibrator and I found that to be enjoyable. If you like to stimulate the first couple of inches of the vagina and the surrounding area, Better Than Chocolate succeeds there.

I definitely needed to adjust to this vibe rather than use it in my typical way. This also means using lube, which I don’t normally do with clit toys. The TPE is finished soap that it’s sort of velvety, almost feeling like fabric and this creates a lot of friction. But once I applied a dab of lube, it was easy to move the tip of the Better Than Chocolate over, under, and around my vulva and clit.

Payoff: Although I did achieve orgasm, it was difficult and long in coming. After the initial orgasm, however, the following ones were almost effortless and came quickly. When all was said and done, I did feel quite satiated.

Final Thoughts: Nomi Tang’s Better Than Chocolate vibrator is solid and quality but not better than chocolate. It’s unique and, although the touch censor has some way to go before it’s perfect, offers a viable alternative to other vibrator controls. Although it gave me satisfying orgasms, I’d like to see it in a smaller size and perhaps rechargeable. Only then would I consider it to be a truly “luxury” vibe and be able to recommend it whole heartedly, especially at its current price.
Better Than Chocolate Luxury Vibrator Better Than Chocolate Luxury Vibrator Better Than Chocolate Luxury Vibrator

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Female Ejaculation & the G-spot

September 17th, 2009

Female Ejaculation& the G-spot

Female Ejaculation& the G-spot
16.99 (Kindle) from Amazon

It took me some time to finish Female Ejaculation& the G-spot by Deborah Sundahl, not just because it’s a longer book than most sex-ed books I’ve read (it is!), but because the direction she took was both unexpected and unwelcome by me.

Let me explain. By reading the first chapter and the last page of this book (of the actual content, not the very last page), you can get a very good feel for how this book is going to turn out. Ms. Sundahl does little to hide her attitude toward clitoral orgasms (which is that they are inferior) in “A Peek Inside a Female Ejaculation Workshop.” The last page of content is devoted to something I never, in a million years, would have expected from a book on female ejaculation: “A Female Ejaculation Blessing“. It is pages like this and ideas that are too tightly intertwined with the rest of the G-spot/FE content that tell a story of a woman who cannot (or will not) view Tantric/spiritual sex separately.

It’s not that I have anything against Tantric sex. It’s just not something I’m interested in now, nor is it something that I expect to read about in a book about female ejaculation. The two are not mutually inclusive to me and by taking the direction she did, I found Ms. Sundahl actually did a disservice to what is an otherwise helpful book. By the end, I was both frustrated at her insistence that women must have a spiritual experience with FE and amused at yet another flowery description of “feminine waters”. I actually began discussing this with my husband and would say, “Hey, she did it again, listen to this”. Neither of us could help but laugh at some of the ridiculous descriptions she used in the book.

Why do I say this?

I say it because while I do recommend this book, if you’re anything like me, the inclusion of spirituality in an FE book will be something of a hurdle. I strongly suggest you read the first chapter and the last page as well as leaf through Female Ejaculation & the G-spot before making the decision to buy it, lest you wind up with a fresh supply of hamster cage padding. If you think you can get past that or might actually like it, then go ahead and purchase Female Ejaculation & the G-spot. If you think it may be problematic, make one of your new age friends read the book and give you the run down.

That was the one major issue I took with Female Ejaculation & the G-spot, and, unfortunately, there was no way to get around it. Otherwise, I found this book was organized well and, within those chapters (each which started with a fairly useless story that was supposed to be related to the content but was really just laughable), contained information more complete and useful than any other writing on the G-spot or female ejaculation I’ve encountered yet. I think this book will be useful to any woman attempting to ejaculate for the first time or improve her FE experience. Partners may also find the book beneficial. However, if you’re looking to learn how to orgasm from the G-spot, you will not find this here; the inclusion of the G-spot in this book is generally only in relation to female ejaculation.

This book is split into three sections: The Phenomenon of Female Ejaculation, Techniques for a Feminine Fountain and Embracing the Feminine Spring. These sections could be looked at as introductory, theories in practice and improving upon the practice, respectively.

The first section covers Ms Sundahl’s intro to an FE workshop and takes a look at how people historically viewed FE. It’s especially apparent that Deborah Sundahl has spent some amount of time researching this subject and her passion shines through as she gives us our history lesson. In this section is also a chapter entitled “What is Female Ejaculation?”, a rather extensive anatomy lesson which gives the most complete explanation of FE and the prostate I’ve yet encountered. This chapter really takes away the mystery of the G-spot – in a good way! I can only wonder why it is not universally accepted as the view on the G-spot (I am also fond of her view of the G-spot, clitoris, perineum, et cetera as one interconnected female sex organ). The text and included images will introduce the reader to the G-spot, also known as the female prostate and show its different types (which account for how deep the G-spot is in different women).

I did find it interesting how orgasms are categorized in this book. Deborah Sundahl views the three types of orgasm as clitoral, blended, and uterine, as opposed to clitoral, vaginal, and G-spot. Her definition of a blended orgasm is G-spot orgasm and uterine orgasm, of which I’d never heard before this, is a deeper orgasm I suppose. It makes me wonder where there’s room for a vaginal, non-G-spot orgasm in her view. Or is there?

That aside, this introductory section leads quite well to the next, where Ms. Sundahl walks the reader through learning to ejaculate (in a chapter each), first without an orgasm, then with one as well as with a partner. The final chapter in the section is about “Men’s Role in Female Ejaculation”. This section focuses on techniques for finding and stimulating one’s G-spot, and Deborah Sundahl’s experience shows, once more, realistic descriptions of how a G-spot might feel rather than medical-sounding ones. Furthermore, there are personal anecdotes gathered over the years, which help to show the FE experience in all its variety.

“Ejaculate Without an Orgasm” instructs how to check one’s mental and physical readiness for FE. If one’s PC muscles measure too tense or loose, she suggests exercises to remedy the issue. There’s even some information about how menstrual cycle can affect FE, before she sets about helping the reader find her G-spot and locate all its parts. Like other works, Female Ejaculation & the G-spot touches on the difference between FE and urine, which is something I find personally interesting. However, Ms Sundahl basically says, “It’s not urine, but even if it is, oh well!” which I found to be awkward.

The following chapter discusses the types of orgasms and suggests ejaculating by stimulating mostly the G-spot but the clitoris as well, if it’s needed to orgasm. She wraps up the chapter with some information on sex toys for G-spot play. “Ejaculating With a Partner” helps bring FE into partner play, including position suggestions, but is otherwise a shorter chapter. “Men’s Role in Female Ejaculation” should actually be called “The Partner’s Role” and the personal experiences shared here are real and varied. In it, Ms Subdahl gives advice for those who wish to aid their partners in FE, even touching on how men can help by mastering multiple orgasms.

The third and final section has only two chapters, “Heal Your G-spot” and “Connection to Self and Partner”. While reading about G-spot healing was sort of interesting, this chapter is the most heavily focused in new age/spirituality/Tantra. In it, the author discusses emotional blocks, sexual healers, and healing sexual massage. In some places, this chapter comes close to fiction and if you’re not into it, I would advise skipping it completely. The final chapter continues with the Tantric theme in relationships and sums up the book. There are a couple of paragraphs each that explain what the reader (should have) learned in each chapter and suggest how the reader can further explore.jkmnnhbb

The book contains several pages of references, resources and glossary terms at the end. The reader can find the websites of people, places and products which were discussed by the author in this book; however, some of them no longer exist.

As one can see, the book is organized well and once the reader gets beyond that major Tantric theme (if that’s an issue), there is a lot of concrete information which can be helpful. I found that the descriptions really helped me to pinpoint areas on my G-spot and better understand its anatomy. I do have some final criticisms, however.

Deborah Sundahl frequently says things like, “All women can achieve FE just like all women are born with arms and legs.” I think generalizations like that are not only presumptuous but just go to show that, no, not all women can, just like not everyone is born with arms and legs. At one point in the book, she mentions that one should never look at things in absolutes; I believe she should take her own advice.

In the same vein, the author frequently says things like you will be able to achieve FE. While I know she’s trying to be supportive, her book may not help everyone and statements like these, combined with the statements above, could certainly make someone feel defective – especially when she emphasizes that a “numb” G-spot is from “body armoring” or emotional blocks. Could it not be that some people are just less sensitive?

I think that taking Female Ejaculation & the G-spot with a giant grain of salt is almost a requirement to get any use of it. If you can do it, there’s a lot to be had in between flowery descriptions and spiritual metaphors, certainly more than I’ve ever found online. When it comes down to it, I recommend Female Ejaculation & the G-spot to anyone curious about FE, with a couple caveats.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Intimate Organics Hydra Water Based Lubricant

September 14th, 2009

Hydra Water Based Lubricant

Hydra Water Based Lubricant
$19.08 from Amazon

Editor’s note: Intimate Organics is now known as Intimate Earth.

No one could argue that Intimate Organics went wrong when naming their water-based formula. In fact, I can think of no product that is more aptly based than Hydra. Plus, it gets cool points for being a mythical monster. But Hydra’s name is not the only remarkable characteristic about it so, listen up!

Hydra is absolutely, without competition, and I mean no-other-water-based-lube-even-comes-close, the slickest water-based lubricant I have ever used. It is so very slick that even though I knew it was water-based and I knew its name, I still checked the bottle after first use to make sure it wasn’t silicone-based so I wouldn’t accidentally, you know, ruin my toys. Yep, you read that right: it’s water based and incredibly slick and silky. And it’s not just my opinion, either. My husband, who usually thinks “Lube is lube” really enjoys this one because of its texture. So if slick is your thing, and maybe you usually prefer silicone lubes, you might give Hydra a try.

However, Hydra is rather thin and I do find myself always squirting out more from the push-top bottle than I intend to. Unless you prefer thinner lubes for anal sex, I’d skip Hydra for a thicker lube (like Maximus) for backdoor play.

Or if you like lubes that dry so completely that you don’t even feel the need to wash your hands, you might also give Hydra a try. After rubbing my fingers dry of excess lube, I didn’t feel tacky or gummy whatsoever. There was literally no residual lube like there frequently is.

But wait, there’s more!

If you like your lubes animal-friendly, completely vegan, and without harmful ingredients like parabens, glycerine, or DEA, Hydra might just be perfect for you. Like other Intimate Organic products, the company has been careful to use naturally devised ingredients rather than so many chemical ones which makes Hydra a good solution for those folks who have lube sensitivities. I usually don’t and, if you recall, the only other hypoallergenic I lube caused sensitivity (ironic, isn’t it?). I had no issues with sensitivity with Hydra.

Is there a catch? I’m glad you asked. Unfortunately, there is. While I enjoyed the feeling of Hydra right out of the bottle at the end, there were some less-than-desirable effects in the middle of the play. Hydra tends to be sticky as it dries (but, obviously, that fades when it’s dry), which requires reapplication of lube or the addition of water more than other lubes. This wasn’t a problem for vaginal sex, as I usually only need a little lube to get going if my husband hasn’t gone down on me. Past the initial penetration, I pretty quickly produce my own lube.

However, I noticed the stickiness much more when it came to clit stimulation. The hard and fast movements were really impeded by the stickiness of Hydra. I’m certain that adding a bit more lube would’ve freshened it right up, but, to be honest, I don’t like to do that. I’m a one-application-of-lube type of girl, I guess. Of course, I did apply the lube a few minutes before heading clit-side so it had time to dry. When I applied lube to a toy and used it right away, it was less sticky. All I can offer is a warning: If you want to avoid the stickiness of Hydra while it dries, be prepared to reapply fairly frequently or do have sex in an airless environment.

Not everyone minds reapplying lube, though, and if you’re one of those and the rest of Hydra’s properties sound appealing, I would wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s very uncommon for my husband to like a lube as much as he liked this one and I’m fond of its slickness as well. I was really surprised that Hydra is as silky as it is, just your run-of-the-mill lube; it may be the inclusion of aloe that does it. I usually like my lube a little thicker (like ID Glide), but Hydra definitely feels great in the beginning and isn’t messy at the end. This has been my second positive experience with Intimate Organics products and, despite the fact that I don’t care a lot about organic products, the quality I’ve seen thus far really has me intrigued.

13 Comments

Categories: Lube, Reviews

If you’re not ready to put a ring around the finger

September 12th, 2009

You might as well put a ring around the cock with Fun Factory’s Lovering. It was a mixed reaction from this household. I enjoyed this silicone cock ring for its size enhancing properties yet it failed to blow my husband’s mind. Like every other Fun Factory product I’ve tried, it’s high quality product and I may be biased simply because of that. Read my Lovering review at Edenfantasys.

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Categories: Everything Else

Pee Ess

September 10th, 2009

I posted my review for the Sequin Seduction Babydoll on EdenFantasys last week. Stop by and leave a comment.

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Categories: Everything Else

Sex Tarts Tangy Lube Sampler Set

September 10th, 2009

Sex Tarts Tangy Lube Sampler Set

Sex Tarts Tangy Lube Sampler Set
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

When it comes to flavored lubes, Sex Tarts is a pretty common/popular brand and is readily available, so I thought it would make a good brand to review for TabuToys. I decided on the Tangy Lube Sampler set for a couple of reasons, mostly because I wanted to try more than one flavor but also to have a backup just in case I didn’t like what I tasted.

This set includes 1 2 fl. ounce flip top, squeeze tube each of Green Apple Fizz, Strawberry Punch and Cherry Pop lubes – all of which are flavours I generally like. The tubes are bright green, a medium orangey red, and a dark pinkish red, respectively. In the event that you are not down with size, these are much bigger than sample packets, and the “sampler set” might actually be a bit misleading unless you drink flavored lube for breakfast. There’s really a fair amount of product in this set; there’s also more than enough plastic. The 3 bottles are packed in a plastic container as well, and it’s really big. Upon opening the package it came in, I really thought it was wasteful both in space and materials.

Packaging aside, I gave each lube a taste/smell test. Immediately, Cherry Pop smelled most true to life, with Strawberry Punch Coming in second. The Green Apple Fuzz didn’t have much of a scent at all, maybe a sort of generic sweet scent. I found the same to be true about taste. Cherry Pop came in first being the most true to life. Strawberry Punch had a very strong, sweet, and tangy flavor but tasted more like strawberry flavoring than the actual fruit. Green Apple Fizz came up short, being generically sweet and rather unlike anything apple. My husband and I both noticed that the tastes and smells seemed to be covering up something else. I thought it was sort of Nutrisweet-y, but he thought it was more reminiscent of lube or even plastic. In his words, no matter how much the tastes covered it up, “It’s still lube”.

Lucky for him, I seem to have less of an aversion to it and was more than happy to glob some on his cock for the sake of review. While I enjoy giving him pleasure, oral sex is generally pretty uncomfortable for me physically. I don’t need lube for oral sex – although some folks with dryer mouths might – but I figured flavored lube might distract me from my discomfort. I was sort of right.

For starters, this water-based lube was pretty damned thin and came squirting out of the tube like it had a mission. I wound up with way more in my hand than I meant and forgot I had tissues on the nightstand, so I wound up wiping it all over my husband’s thigh. 😉 A smaller hole would easily fix that, however. I also noticed how sticky it was immediately. My hair was constantly sticking to my mouth or his cock, and while it can sometimes be a nuisance, it was generally more so because of the lube. It was also quite sticky for giving oral sex and impeded my efforts a bit. I guess it’s a good thing that it was quickly whisked away by my tongue and mouth, allowing for my saliva to create a better environment. On the other hand, if you want long lasting taste, this is not the product.

I am glad to report, however, that Sex Tarts lube does a good job of masking the smell and taste of ejaculate (as long as there’s still some left). If you’re not a big fan of either characteristic of a certain man seed, this might making giving oral easier for you.

Though, the taste was better on him than straight from the bottle. I did enjoy licking it up and it did make it a bit more fun. I felt more eager than I sometimes am to give head. But this was easily negated by the stickiness of the Sex Tarts lube.

Although you could technically use this lube for penetrative sex, and it is latex-safe, I wouldn’t. Even if you love sticky lubes (but, really, who does?), Sex Tarts does contain parabens and glycerin, which can be problematic for some vaginas. Interestingly enough, the Cherry Pop and Green Apple lubes have “sugar free” labels on them. I’m not sure if this means Strawberry Punch does contain sugar because the ingredients are nearly the same for all 3 bottles.

They all contain:

  • Water
  • Glycerin
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Sucralose
  • Flavor
  • Methylparaben
  • Propylparaben
  • Diazolidinyl Urea

Cherry Pop and Green Apple also contain Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose and Citric Acid, while The Strawberry Punch is the only lube that has Cellulose Gum- which I guess is the sugar. This definitely isn’t a lube for vaginal use for anyone who is sensitive to any of those ingredients and I honestly wouldn’t really want to use it clitorally, either.

Ultimately, I wasn’t thrilled with the Sex Tarts Tangy Lube Sampler Set. Although it isn’t the worst product I’ve ever tried, it wouldn’t hurt if it tasted a bit better, wasn’t so sticky, didn’t gush from the tube, and had more body-friendly materials. While I might recommend the sampler for someone as a starting point, I will probably be looking for better-flavoured lube next time.

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Categories: Lube, Reviews

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

What I like in Reviews

September 8th, 2009

If you’ve read more than one of my own reviews, you’ve probably come to realize me for the Incredibly Picky Bitch™ that I am. Some people appreciate it because they know I don’t give a passing grade to mediocre products. Other probably wish I didn’t nitpick their reviews quite so much to which I could say “STFU” or “Take it like a man”. Or, maybe I could direct them to this post which explains what I find helpful in reviews.

Background/Extra Information

I like to read a little extra information about manufacturers. I recall reading a review on EdenFantasys where the reviewer mentioned that Sinvention, is based out of a gothic church in Canada. Interesting? Yep. I also like when reviewers discuss the credentials of book authors, especially on topics like BDSM. Furthermore, knowing that a toy is made especially for body part X because of reason Y is great.

What I don’t like? A two-page essay on the history of the company. The review is of a product, not a company or perosn.

Size Description

It can be easy to leave out size but this is pretty essential information. It can be in inches/CM measurements or described in terms of a universal object (I used a soda can for reference in my Oil of Love Review) or, preferably, both. This is also important when it comes to lingerie/wearable items. I view anything from American size 12 on up as plus size (mostly because of my own body issues, honestly) but not everyone does. Your definition of “curvy but not fat” and mine may differ greatly.

What I don’t like? Measuring every single aspect of the toy. I don’t need a spreadsheet. Nor do you need to add pictures with a ruler.

Necessary Experience

Sexuality and sex toys are somewhat sensitive subjects, and if you can’t be that vulnerable, you may want to reconsider whether you should really write a review. Similarly, if you can’t explain why you liked a toy or offer any specifics, it’s best to leave the review writing to someone else.

So what do I consider necessary experience? It’s helpful to know if you couldn’t insert a toy without lube or maybe not at all as was the case with the large Passion Wave vibrator. If something broke or caused irritation, it’s also good to note. Remember Uma? My god, was it hard to use! Whenever a toy uses unique controls, like the Vanity line did at the time, explaining your experience is helpful. When something frustrates you — or even when it makes more sense to you — others will find that helpful! If you find yourself consciously trying to arouse the reader, you’re doing it wrong.

What I don’t like? Poorly written “erotica”.

Whether or not it got you off

This can be tricky. It’s good to know if the toy did it for you (if it’s applicable), but it shouldn’t be the focus of your review. I’ve rated toys poorly even when they did get me off because of poor quality or just because it didn’t do it well. On the other hand, I’ve given good reviews to items that didn’t get me off but were well-made and enjoyable in general.

What I don’t like? Reviews that are exceptionally positive (hyper excited) and fail to give other, essential information because the author got off from the toy. And poorly written erotica.

Basic Information

If a review doesn’t include more information than a production description or teaser video, it could be more useful. It’s essential to let us know what the toy is intended for and if you used it otherwise (and that can be a great thing!). Colour, shape, scent, size (as previously mentioned), material (including texture, density, firmness, etc), and functions are all important. I can’t even name how many rabbit reviews I’ve read that didn’t specify what exactly the shaft did. Feel free to suggest alternative uses.

What I don’t like? Reviews that assume you’re familiar with the product.

Significant Packaging Information

I don’t care what you said to your mailman or how long you waited at the door. I suspect no reader really does, honestly. I’ve got 65 pages of reviews, and including this information in every room would take up reading and writing time that could be better spent elsewhere. There is more than enough to say to meet your word count while only talking about the product itself.

Similarly, I assume everything is discreetly packaged as is the norm and only need to know if that’s not the case. For example, some lingerie has shown up in less-than-discreet packages, and both California Exotics and Pipedream add their actual company name to the shipping label.  I do care if the individual product package was so poor that the toy fell out/spilled or, even worse, was damaged during shipping. It’s also worth noting when shitty companies shove everything they can into flimsy envelopes.

What I don’t like? The play-by-play of ordering and delivery.

Did you notice that I didn’t mention photos? I know we’re on the visual Internet now, and I truly try to take the best photographs that I possibly can. Yet, I find the written word to be the meat and potatoes of a review, as it were. And I think the right words can eliminate the need for visuals… even if some people disagree.

If you cover everything above, your review can really only be useful to the masses. Doing so and adding your own bit of flare, perhaps humour, will help make your reviews more memorable.

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Categories: Everything Else

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