Venus Penis

May 16th, 2009

Venus Penis
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. You can buy this similar product, but I’m not sure why you’d want to.

Dear California Exotic Novelties,

Size matters. I’m not sure if you missed the memo or if you’re so sure of yourself that you think the rules don’t apply to you but they do. Let me repeat it: size matters. No, it’s not the only thing that matters. So do quality, forethought, creativity and function, all of which you utterly failed to bring to the table when you decided to make yet another pitiful “hands free” vibrator: the Venus Penis. I know that out of the hundreds or thousands of sex toys you will make, some of them are destined to succeed but is that good enough reason for the rest of them to be so horrid? In short, California Exotic, your toy sucks. You suck.

For starters – and let’s kick it off with the big one – I only chose the Venus Penis after having such a disappointing time with my first (and last, until now) strap on vibrator because it has a penis. At least, I thought it did. Your pictures and packaging make it seem mysteriously larger than it actually is. It almost looks like a nice, meaty cock will well defined head. What it actually is, is a finger which has mutated with the head of a cock. It might be a meaty finger, but it’s not much when it comes to insertion. If any of you have vaginas, stick your thumb in it. Wow! See what that does?

Absolutely nothing!

On the topic of size, I have a bone to pick with toy manufacturers who assume that the vagina, clit and anus are all within some 3″ diameter. They’re not. Really. Add an inch or 2 or, hell, even 4 for good measure and then the “erotic clitoral” stimulator and “superior anal” stimulator might reach their target. I mean, come on, can you really call something that doesn’t touch anything superior? I think not.

On a semi-related note, I guess you don’t like fleshy girls. My mons and labia are pretty prominent, which means if I even want clit stimulation, I have to push my lips aside and hold the toy against me. So much for hands-free, huh? Really, all you need to do is make the clit stimulator longer and soft enough so I can adjust it to where I need it.

And while we’re on the subject of inferiority (we are, aren’t we?), let’s talk about the material. Jelly? Really? It smells out of the box and, you’re lucky, because many folks won’t even touch the stuff anymore, but I’m not so picky. And, I’m not sure how you did it, but the jelly is actually rather stiff. The wings kept poking my poor thighs uncomfortably. What gives? (Haha! Nothing, because if the toy had give, it wouldn’t hurt). And the straps? Cheap elastic, which, while soft and shouldn’t hurt, began to chafe after a while.

So where were we? Creativity? Check – I mean, not really. I liked the idea of overall external stimulation combined with internal vibration so I think you tried to do something a little more original, here, but failed. That’s because you lack my next point:  forethought. I probably think more than most people and it doesn’t always do me any good but your lack of thought, period, does me no good. I mean why put the penis in the middle of the butterfly’s tummy when the toy is designed to sit forward, not really under you? This means the already-crappy penis is inserted at an awkward, yes even painful, angle. Maybe that’s why you made it so short? You knew we’d be feeling it but did you count on us saying “Ouch!”?

It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the thigh and waist strap set up just doesn’t work. The entire time I had this thing on (although I must commend you for making this wearable by a large variety of sizes), the toy pulled up and to the front instead of where I wanted it to sit, y’know, against my clit! I think that straps which mimic the shape of a bikini or even like a G-string would make more sense. Plus, the placement made sitting uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure the position the woman is, on the package, is the only feasible position and, even doing that, the anal stimulator kept stabbing at my perineum.

Furthermore, when is someone going to make detachable straps so we can toss them in the washer? Oh, wait, the customer would never know how to put them back on and it’s not our fault. It’s because the setup is ridiculously complicated (remember when I suggested you mimic a well-known set up like panties? That might come in handy, now). I mean, if we could take off the straps without fearing we’d never get them back on correctly, we might use the toy a lot more because cleaning would be so much easier.

Well, maybe. Except for the part where a wire comes out of the toy through a hole in the belly, near the front. I understand it needs to connect to the control pack somehow (standard, CE dial-style controls), but not only does it make cleaning harder than it should be (and you can certainly rule out waterproof capabilities) but it’s kind of weird for the wire to come out from between my lips.

What we’re left with here is function. I would expect strong vibes from a toy powered by 2AA batteries. This wasn’t really the case. However, I did find that I was left with a pleasant tingle and, with a lot of holding the toy and grinding against it, I did get off. Still, I have toys that can do this better, easier, and faster, like my Laya Spot, and if that was all I wanted from this toy, I wouldn’t have purchased it. I got absolutely nothing from the penis on this toy at best, when it wasn’t being painfully mediocre, literally.

You might be wondering now if there was anything I did like. Yes, I liked the colour of this. It’s a neat dark fuchsia. It’s just too bad the shape of the toy isn’t aesthetically appealing; otherwise, I might just consider not throwing it away.

Also, the awkward pose of the “model” on the packaging makes me smile. I mean, who wouldn’t? The fake breast groping and the forced smile are just so strange. I can’t help but laugh. Thanks for that, California Exotic Novelties, and not much else.

Sincerely,

Me

21 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Pink Magnificent

May 16th, 2009

Pink Magnificent Dildo

Pink Magnificent Dildo

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

There are days when everything seems to go right. Or so I hear.  I cannot specifically recall having one. However,  I do recall a specific masturbation session which went very well. There I was, with a pink glass dildo and some Wet Naturals lube. I wasn’t thinking about the dildo’s propensity to hold heat or the lack thereof (although it is a very nice feature of glass) as it warmed to my body temperature. I had better things to think about than the fact that I could sterilize it, if I wanted, by boiling it or popping it in the dishwasher (top shelf, no soap). No, I was focused on the feeling of the swirled shaft sliding in and out of my body, the smooth, engorged head probing deep inside (with a 3 3/4 ” girth at the shaft, this dildo isn’t like a meaty cock, but the texture more than makes up for it).

My mind wasn’t visualizing the snake-like appearance of the shaft (you can see the swirling on the opposite side of the dildo, which makes it seem crisscrossed, like scales).  Perhaps the magnificent appearance is where its name comes from (the Pink Magnificent). I was relieved because the last swirled dildo I had used was actually a little uncomfortable, but the tightly wrapped, spiral texture extends the full length (7.5″, 7″ of which are insertable) of this glass dildo. While I could easily feel the texture, the swirls were neither so high nor wide that they caused discomfort.

What I felt, instead, was increasing pleasure. I soon recognized my body’s own response to a toy that is not only well made but well shaped; the lube was no longer the reason I was wet and growing wetter by the moment. Even realizing this caused me greater satisfaction. It’s not every day that internal stimulation alone does so much for me. In fact, sex does not consistently produce such a result, so that a dildo could do so on its first try was impressive. Perhaps this is why it’s called the Pink Magnificent.

During all of this, I didn’t consider how the flat base of this dildo made it anal-safe (although I might have thought it made a good handle). After all, I was enjoying it vaginally. I wasn’t considering the affordability (Don Wand’s glass toys cost just a fraction of the price of Pyrex glass dildos) or the thought that went into the toy (Don Wands provides a bulky, pillow bag for storage and protection as well as samples of Wet lube with their products) or its non-porous nature (good for folks like me who only like to wash up with soap and water).  I simply enjoyed the feeling of a glass dildo, larger than the rest of my collection, gracing my sex.

As arousal grew, I knew I would have to switch tactics. I would have to focus on clitoral stimulation in order to cum. The dildo slid easily from between my lips and was soon rubbing smoothly over my vulva, against my clit. Applying pressure, which is easy to do with such a hefty tool, soon brought forth an orgasm or two (maybe more, who’s counting?).

As sex faded from my mind, I was able to easily wash the Pink Magifnicent with soap and water, then let it dry before slipping it back into its storage pouch. I did take the time to consider how much easier it is to dry glass without having to worry about the smooth material picking up lint; it’s also why using glass requires little to no lube (however, I would always use a little lube with this dildo but I can choose silicone or water-based to suit my mood).

I put the Pink Magnificent aside for a few days until I could return to it in a rational, not enamored, state of mind. Currently, I have a few thoughts (almost all positive). The Pink Magnificent is a sturdy, well-made dildo, the color and texture of which give it a beautiful exterior. It feels unique and satisfying internally, and the round, tapered head works well for clitoral play. Vaginal or anal play are both ideal, and because it can be sterilized, this glass dildo is safe for both. 

Frequent soap-and-water cleaning will more than suffice if you don’t plan to share it between holes or partners. However, I noticed that creases between the swirls on this toy are a  little more difficult to clean than other glass dildos I own. I would advise cleaning with a small brush or perhaps just a Q-tip to make sure the crevices are cleaned. Although I thought I had cleaned thoroughly with just my hands, I noticed the dildo retained some dirt and will have to keep this in mind for the future.

Nevertheless, Don Wands has produced a dildo that performs very admirably with their Pink Magnificent. Form and function are both tops here, and the price is very reasonable.

18 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

X: The Erotic Treasury

May 12th, 2009

X: The Erotic Treasury
$18.92 from Amazon

There is usually a book or two sitting on my nightstand and, up until now, they have been inconspicuous. Long novels whose covers are adorned with people on horses and flaming swords are a favorite (I look forward to rereading Weis and Hickman’s Death Gate Series). I have also enjoyed Absolute Sandman, which includes some impressive-looking books by Gaiman (rest assured that his writing rivals, if not surpasses, the look of these tomes!); so I am no stranger to beautiful books. And books are no stranger to my bedroom, even erotic ones. But I’ve never had a book quite like X: The Erotic Treasury, grace my nightstand before. Chances are, neither have you.

On the surface, X shares some characteristics of other books I’ve turned to before bed. Like the Ultimate Sandman, it is hardcover and slip-cased, a reprinting of previously published works. Like 5 Minute Erotica, it is a volume of quality erotic writings from two dozen authors, and it will most certainly turn you on. But the fact that it is like both of those books really makes it something else entirely. I don’t think anyone in the business of producing racy reading material has ever gone this route. I think this gives both the editor (Susie Bright) and the publisher (Chronicle Books) an edge over the competition. Quite simply, they did it first.

What is it that they did, exactly? They published a book of the best of the best, with a sexual twist. Susie Bright compiled two dozen stories, many of which were previously published in collections like Best American Erotica or Best Women’s Erotica, to tease and please us. With over 300 pages of erotic content, there is simply a lot more to this collection than others I have written. There’s really not much of a comparison.

On top of the quality stories, the powers that be also decided to make X a book that was also pleasing to the eyes. Slightly larger than most erotica, this hardcover book is encased in red fabric featuring a floral-esque motif in a not-quite-black pattern. The front and back covers are bare, and I’ve opened the book upside down a time or two, but this is not something about which I am overly concerned. On the spine of the book, you will find the name of both the editor and anthology in a very complimentary gold tone. The book fits comfortably in a slipcase that features the same floral design, with colors switched (the not-quite-black is more predominant). On the front of the slipcase, the letter X has been cut so the cover of the book itself will show through. It’s really quite impressive.

Ms. Bright did a wonderful job editing – I noticed no typos or other publishing errors – as well as picking the stories/authors to publish. The caliber of writing in this book is extremely high. It makes me ashamed when I think my writing is any good. The pieces showcased in X are by talented, articulate wordsmiths who are not afraid to express themselves. You can start from the beginning or end or anywhere in between and find yourself immersed in great storytelling.

The stories are of varying subjects, some of which may be considered taboo. They are not your run-of-the-mill erotica written by a bored housewife; they are each truly unique stories. Some are scenarios more creative than my fantasies will ever be, while others are the result of creative minds, skillfully retelling stories, familiar to us all, in ways that seem refreshed. If I have any criticisms of X, is it not about the quality of the stories?

As a testament to the quality of these pieces, I can tell you that I found myself being aroused, more than once, by situations that I do not necessarily consider erotic because the writer is simply that good. This is the case with Michael Dorsey, whose story “Milk” revolves around a Ukrainian engineer living in Russia, following a harsh winter when milk is in high demand. After searching the entire day for the elusive liquid to sate his thirst. He finds his salvation close to home and suckles from a mother’s breast. I have never been a fan of this scenario. Even as I write, I do not like it. Yet, when I read it, Mr. Dorsey’s words turned me on.

Of course, there were plenty of scenes that are more typically arousing for me and proved to be in this book. One piece, “The Man Who Are Women,” chronicles a night of drunken debauchery in which a young man accepts a dare to perform oral on random women while blindfolded. Oral sex is always a winner for me, and this story was no exception.

I also enjoyed Peggy Munson’s “Fairgrounds,” which touched on disability and gender play, as well as “Red Light, Green Light” by Shanna Germain, whose words paint a picture of women partaking in traditional activities in Amsterdam’s red light district (with a twist, of course).

Of course, I didn’t expect to like every story in this book. I found some pieces sexual but personally sexy. I think the stories I didn’t love illustrate quite well what I see as the biggest faults of this collection. First, unlike 5 Minute Erotica, these pieces are not necessarily short. Some are short (for better or worse), but most are longer. This isn’t a problem if I like the content or at least the style of writing, but a long piece that I do not like, as compared to a short one, seems that much worse. Even pieces that contained arousing parts sometimes took too long to get to the “good stuff” for my taste. I suppose I just like my erotica quick and to the point.

Secondly, because these are simply outstanding pieces, some of them simply are not erotic to me. I followed some of them with interest because the storyteller was gifted and the story itself was interesting, but I thought to myself, more than once, “Well, it’s good, but it’s not turning me on.” This was the case with a futuristic story about some sort of cyborg who got off to computerized women in the form of software (“The Portable Girlfriend”). Another story involved the coming of age of a man who has spent his life with a pair of women who embodied every teenager boy’s fantasy (think classic cheerleader), after being granted a wish (“Wish Girls”). I liked the story and was interested in what happened to the main character. Yet, it was written in such a way that something I would normally find erotic just wasn’t.

The high-quality writing contained within these pages sometimes seems to lack the down-and-dirty sexuality of most erotica. However, these common ideas can be the most arousing. Occasionally, I would find myself wondering if high-quality writing and erotica were not mutually exclusive. It seemed like some of the authors preferred hinting at the sex or writing a story that involved sex but was not necessarily about it. I know this is not always the case, as X: The Erotic Treasury contained many well-written pieces that did involve blatant sexuality, yet others made me wonder why they were chosen with this book.

I suppose it must take just as skillful a writer to take something I would generally consider erotic and turn it into something simply interesting, as it does to take the mundane or anti-erotic and make it arousing. Rest assured, all of the authors who have had work included in X: The Erotic Treasury have written pieces worth reading (as is this collection worth perusing). I’m just not sure all of them belong in an anthology of erotica.

15 Comments

Categories: Books, Reviews

Trojan Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massager

May 7th, 2009

Trojan vibrating touch finger vibe
$11.75 from Amazon

I have now used vibrating products from both the big names in condoms – Trojan and Durex – and while these products seem to be great for beginners, those companies will need to try harder if they want to make the giants like California Exotic run for their money.

For starters, Trojan needs to work on the commercial for its new finger vibe. If you ever tune into Oxygen late at night, then you’ve probably seen the two young women giggling about that new toy from Trojan and whispering to each other what it does. Even though the commercial wants us to believe that it’s okay to be curious about these things (after all, the older woman behind them has one, too!), we can only talk about them while laughing nervously. It seems to me, the commercial would be more effective if the women were talking calmly and collectedly about this product. Really, that’s neither here or there, but part of my motivation for trying out this finger vibe was because I hate the commercial so damned much. LOL

So once you get past the nervousness and purchase this toy, you’ll be staring at a purple box exactly like Trojan’s Her Pleasure line of condoms because the Vibrating Touch is part of it. When I opened my mail, I was actually confused as to why I was receiving condoms before I saw “Vibrating Touch.” I wouldn’t have minded if Trojan made the package a little classier (like Durex does with its Play toys) but am willing to look past this. Like most condom companies, Trojan provided a condom with their toy (Her Pleasure), and while I don’t need it, I could always use it with a questionable toy.

The finger vibe itself is in a plastic/foil bag. Inside the package is also a small velvet, drawstring pouch for storage. This looks exactly like small jewelry pouches, so if someone ever finds your Vibrating Touch finger vibe while it’s in the bag, they probably won’t think twice. Keeping it on or in your nightstand or dresser would seem completely normal, and it wouldn’t be out of place in your purse or even carry-on luggage if you’re traveling. I have noticed that the drawstrings are rather long and my cats like to play with them, dragging the pouch all over my house because it’s so small.

The finger vibe itself is a squishy, purple sleeve with a loop to slip on your finger and a removable, 1-speed mini-bullet. The material of the sleeve, which the packaging does not name (but there was no rubber smell) is really soft and has little ridges along the shaft and whorls, like a fingerprint, on the tip. While these are really fun to feel against my fingers, my clit didn’t detect the ridges and whorls so easily but I think the texture was better than a smooth sleeve. The stretchy loop on top of the finger vibe fit comfortably around my finger, but I found that, during use, the position shifted up and down, just as the toy seemed to slip left to right, and sometimes it wasn’t much better than using a finger to rub myself. I think this is because I use so much pressure.

And the reason I use so much pressure is because the bullet isn’t all that strong. It’s not bad for its size, but it’s definitely more of a gentle touch. I think this would be great for beginners, but I’ve used some strong vibrators and really need something more now. Unlike similar toys, this bullet here is reusable, so you don’t have to throw it away after 30 minutes of use; however, you will need to change the batteries after 30 minutes. Unfortunately, it is powered by 2 tiny battery sizes, which I have never before encountered, called LR41. I accidentally dropped one when opening the bullet, and these could easily be lost, so be careful when switching batteries.

As I mentioned, the bullet is removable, which means you can use the sleeve on your finger alone if you want a really light touch. You could possibly fit a similar-sized bullet in the sleeve, but it is rather small. Or, if you just wanted to use the bullet alone, there is that option. For thorough cleaning, I like this because the bullet is not waterproof; however, it looks waterproof, and I washed the whole thing without problems. It’s also extremely easy to remove and replace the bullet.

The on/off button on the bullet is easy to push with my thumb while on my finger. I actually preferred wearing the fingertip massager on my middle finger because it’s longer. My fingers are rather short so the massager sometimes felt a little unwieldy but not horribly so.

Because this toy is so small, you could use it almost anywhere and you can easily toss it in your purse or luggage for travel. I personally used it for a little afternoon stroll through the land of cybersex but I ultimately prefer my Laya Spot for this.

My final thoughts on this sex toy are that it’s cute and versatile, but its gentle vibrations are better for someone who is either less experienced or prefers their vibration to be really light and it’s extremely quiet.

And after 15 years? I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone who has other options available, especially because it doesn’t feel like it will stand the test of time. Fortunately, the local pharmacy and big-big stores offer that convenience by carrying products by PlusOne! It’s wild to me that this toy is still available. I feel so strongly that you can spend a little more that I almost don’t want to include a link in this review. But here. Here is it. Do yourself a favor and don’t click it.

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

lingerie

Firsts

May 6th, 2009

From birth, we are trained to commemorate our “firsts.” There is an entire self-publishing platform marketed for these firsts. It is called a babybook. And into these books for locks of hair and hand prints and those first tiny baby booties that seem too small to be real. Other, less tangible and sometimes more bulky, memories fit into the baby book in the form of photos or stories and we fawn over the books almost as much as the babies until, somehow, someway, they wind up in the bottom of a drawer or in the back of the attack, gathering dust.

But that is neither here nor there. However it does go to show that, as a society, we obsess over firsts. It’s in our veins, if you will. Sex is no exception, either. In fact, it might be the epitome of firsts. The “big one”. Virginity. Of course, we don’t put pictures of that in a book (well, some might).

There is a fine line to walk. Certainly I think making that the decision to lose one’s virginity should not be done so lightly. On the other hand, it placing too much significance on the cherry poppin’ can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

I told all this to a good friend who felt a bit left out. Perhaps “left out” is not the right way to describe it. She was sick and tired of the world saying “But you don’t know what you’re missing!” and feeling like a freak. Yet, she was also afraid of all of that inevitable stuff; you know, the pain and bleeding, the emotional trauma and heartbreak after he leaves. She wanted it to be perfect, like in the movies.

Having sex for the first time is a lot of things, but perfect isn’t one of them. I told her that. I told her that if she waits forever she may miss out on something worthwhile but if she really wasn’t ready, she didn’t have to prove anything to anyone, not even herself.

“It’s easy for you to say,” she responded. Maybe it is easy for me to say. Maybe the decision was easier for me. After all, I lost it to someone who I loved and who loved me in return. I was in a happy, long term and, until 3 days before the act, long distance relationship. There was never any doubt as to whether or not it would happen, just when (quickly, if you didn’t catch on).

And I married my first, which some might think as a happy ending. Although, truthfully, there’s some sacrifice to it, too. I probably won’t ever have the opportunity to explore my sexuality with anyone else, a fact which is both comforting yet frightening at the same time. Of course, one could argue that he does not get to explore anymore of his sexuality with anyone else but we all know that I am the best he’ll ever have in all ways. 😉 (And really, I like to think that what we bring to the table for one another makes it worthwhile in the end.)

I guess I was lucky, too. My first time wasn’t painful or bloody. It wasn’t necessarily pleasureful and while it was awkward and not glorious, it felt right. It wasn’t a drunken one night stand. He didn’t break up with me the next day and while it wasn’t all fireworks, I wouldn’t call it disappointing. But I think I went into it with realistic expectations. I think that’s harder for females to do. Sex mimics masturbation for guys and most of them have done so by their first time but it’s not like that at all for girls. We hear the horror stories and we expect to feel like a chainsaw is ripping us apart. Apprehension runs rampant when you fear for your life.

I didn’t expect anything to change, and it didn’t. Except that we were now having sex all the time and I could talk about it with my other deflowered friends (Hey, it was cool). That is crucial to making a memory of your first time that will make you smile rather than haunt you from there on out. My friend, like many people, thought that sex will change something, sometimes something that has been horribly wrong with the relationship as long as anyone can remember.

But sex is not a miracle cure. To be cliche, sex is like putting a band-aid over a bullet hole. Even if it does seem to work, at first, it won’t be long term. Frequently, the wound festers even more because of the superficial healing. When everything comes out, it’s that much worse.

Which was why I shied away from telling her to go for it. In a healthy relationship, sex can do a lot for you but he had been pressing for sex for months and she had simply wanted him to apply himself to their relationship. I had my suspicions and, like the good friend who lets others make their own mistakes, kept my mouth shut. Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when the outcome was a little disappointing. Things may have seemed better initially but the same problems resurfaced.

And she felt hurt. She had given him something you could never put a price on and his actions seemed to disregard her gift. Her feelings, while understandable, also reflect the disappointment of countless people who expect too much for sex, either out of desperation or because they simply don’t know what to expect.

In the end, no one can prepare you. You can be prepared for the worst but, then, you won’t ever be able to reap the benefits of sex. You can expect Hollywood with perfect bodies and simultaneous, screaming orgasm. You can put your life on hold waiting for the impossible. Or you can accept that it will happen how it happens, knowing that the fantasies we entertain can never be reality.

A little awkwardness will not ruin everything. It may even make the memory sweeter. In the end, you won’t be left with a photograph of what went wrong, but of the feelings of the moment. If you’re too busy lamenting and picky at the faults, it won’t be much of a feeling.

You only have one “first” with sex but, just like anything else, you have plenty of time to get it right, even if things don’t turn out as expected.

12 Comments

Categories: Articles

Pleasure Tops

May 3rd, 2009

Pleasure Tops
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Most of the time, when I am not completely satisfied with a new sex toy, I develop a grudge against it, and it becomes extremely difficult to see the strengths of the toy. This really isn’t the case with the Pleasure Tops vibrator. In fact, I just can’t help but focus on how close this was to being my perfect toy. It does make the disappointment harder to swallow, though.

When Doc Johnson designed the Pleasure Tops vibe, they went out on a limb. It certainly is a unique toy with its cone-shaped base and thumb-like protrusion. It’s also fairly small. I thought it seemed tiny compared to the size I thought it would be; I know there is always some reconciliation between expectations and the reality of sex toy size, but I had never overestimated size so badly. The Pleasure Tops toy sits in the palm of my hand and is less than 5″ tall overall. The girth at the base is a whipping 7.85″, but only a portion of that is actually insertable.

Even though the size was not what I was expecting, this is not altogether a fault. I enjoyed the size and uniqueness of the cone. Insertion of the TPR-covered toy (I chose the blue over the pink that reminded me too much of bubblegum) was a breeze with just a dab or water or silicone-based lube. Once inserted, I couldn’t really feel the bullet in the tip of the cone because it didn’t really touch anything. Rather than improving upon the size and strength of the bullet or the shape of the toy, I think the cone simply does not need to vibrate. I enjoy cumming around items (like a vibe, dildo, or cock) and have often wished for a sort of vaginal plug, which the Pleasure Tops does nicely. Because the external portion of the vibrator is the largest part, I could easily feel it at the entrance to my pussy but it wasn’t so long or large (only 2.5″ long and 5.25″ around at the widest insertable point) that the inserted portion was uncomfortable, which I sometimes experience with longer toys.

On the other hand, I thought the clit stimulator could use a little more in every sense. This thumb-shaped stimulator is made of the same soft TPR (the material does pick up lint, so beware), which covers a second mini-bullet. Even at the highest setting, this was nothing more than an exciting tingle. A larger bullet is absolutely necessary. This would improve both the strength of the vibrations and the size of the clitoral stimulator, which, I thought, was both too short and too thin. While I could easily manipulate the clit stimulator into place, it didn’t like to stay in place over my clit and would slip down or to either side. I especially wished for a wider clit stimulator.

I tried out the Pleasure Tops both lying and sitting up because it seems like it would be a good toy for use while sitting. Use while lying was similar to using any other dual stimulator toy, but I had a bit more trouble sitting. Because an inch or so of the cone protrudes, I could not sit with the cone flat beneath me but I could sort of squat over a chair, using the arms to support myself. However, I was able to sit more or less normally, with the cone tilted so the back edge rested on the seat of the chair. This was actually fairly comfortable and also provided for hands-free stimulation, but it didn’t bring me to orgasm.

Ultimately, I don’t think this is a toy that can do it for me. It was an exciting tingle, and I liked the overall fit but a stronger and larger clit stimulator would have really pushed me over the edge. As I am prone to say, I enjoyed the way the toy hugged my pubic bone. Had I been able to achieve orgasm, I think it would have felt great.

For those who only need a lighter touch or want a toy for warmup, then Pleasure Tops might do the trick but I kept the vibration on high the whole time, and it still wasn’t enough. For the strength of the vibration, I found the amount of sound to be acceptable. It is noticeably louder on the higher settings, but once pressed against flesh, the sound is muffled. For 2 AAA batteries, the amount of power is reasonable but I would consider a power supply of at least 2AA batteries, if not more.

I would also change the entire control system. I might have tried to work myself up to the highest system is it was not such a hassle to adjust. To insert batteries, the end base, made of ABS plastic, unscrews. Battery insertion is easy and you screw the base back on. However, the base does not like to be screwed on snugly otherwise the vibrations do not work. There needs to be a thin area of space between the base and the rest of the toy itself. I could easily slip a piece of paper folded 4 times between this space. Not only is this annoying, but it made me wonder how waterproof this toy really is. I ran the toy under running water and patted down the outside before checking inside. There was water between the 2 parts of the Pleasure Tops but not in the battery area itself, so I would trust it to hold up in the shower but maybe not completely submerged.

I wish the touchiness of screwing on the lid were the only problem I had. Unfortunately, the controls just suck. The base is also something of a giant dial. Because of this, turning too far toward the “Low/Off” side can cause the base to unscrew and turning too far in the “High” direction causes it to tighten to the point where vibration stops. The only way to ensure that neither happens is to use both hands, which is really a hassle because you pretty much have to remove the toy to adjust the settings. Dial controls should not be so difficult. I would much prefer a corded hand-held control with buttons and specific settings but I’m not a big fan of dial controls, period. Perhaps making this change would also make the Pleasure Tops usable during sitting.

Were the size and strength of the vibrations the only complaints I had with the Pleasure Tops, I would still use it because the shape is really what I have been wanting for a long time. However, the problematic base/controls really seem to thwart any efforts on my part to make the best out of Doc Johnson’s Pleasure Tops. Because this is so close to my perfect toy, I would plead with Doc Johnson or anyone else to take my suggestions into consideration. You have no idea how happy and sated that would make me!

10 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Decadent Indulgence

April 30th, 2009

Decadent Indulgence
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy

Years ago, before we were concerned with environmentally friendly or safe materials in our sex toys, we focused on function alone. The toys which were best loved, like the Decadent Indulgence, came with a high price because they performed so admirably and, even though it may now be considered inferior by some, there were hordes of women who were singing their praise for this rabbit vibrator. Despite the fact that I have tried more than my share of rabbit vibrators, and I usually find a fault, I knew it was my responsibility as a reviewer to try out one of the Decadent Indulgence vibrators. I went with the original because it’s the original for a reason, right?

Back in my early days of sex toy exploration, people raved about the Decadent Indulgence. I never once read a bad review. Women wanted to marry it, despite the fact that it cost over $200. Today, this rabbit vibe costs only a fraction of the price at just under $100. Some wonder if a toy that is made of only TPR is really worth the price, but I have to tell you, it’s not the material that will blow you away! Powered by 4 AA batteries, the original Decadent Indulgence is pretty much a powerhouse of vibration and rotation.

Let me back up a bit. This pink rabbit vibrator by California Exotic, as mentioned, is made of TPR over a rotation shaft and beads, as well as a bullet in the hummingbird-shaped clitoral attachment. The box claims TPR is “hygenically superior” but not only is it spelled wrong, it’s just wrong. Pure silicone or even a silicone composite would be better if hygiene is your concern. Also, considering the stiffness of this material, it wouldn’t make much difference if it were upgraded to silicone. In fact, that is my one major complaint about the Decadent Indulgence. The wings and beak on the hummingbird are cute and vibrate loosely when the clitoral stimulator is on, but they’re rather thin, pointy and sharp. It’s not something that bothers my hands, but I found using the clitoral stimulator to actually be painful unless I was firmly pushing the bullet against my clit so that those appendages were more stationary instead of vibrating freely against me. Because my use of dual stimulators tends to focus on clitoral pleasure, this is a big issue for me. I really wish there were no protrusions at all, just a TPR-covered bullet.

There are two controls for the functions, one for the vibrating hummingbird and one for the shaft/bead rotation. I always prefer separate controls for shaft rotation and beads, so I would like to see that here. The buttons are not the hard-to-press digital kind; they are easy to find and press which I like. In fact, they might be too easy. I hadn’t realized there were 8 levels for each function because the “ultra sensitive control pads” tend to increase 2 or 3 levels at a time. There is also a button in the center that switches modes from basic vibration and rotation to a slower pulsation and back-and-forth rotation and then a much faster mode. The mode applies to both functions so the rotation and beads occur at the same speed as the pulsation, resulting in a more profound effect than if they operated at separate modes. Overall, the combinations are endless.

I found the vibration to be adequate, but the increases were more of speed than size, as is typical with bullets of that size. What I really liked were the pulsation modes. They were incredibly strong, almost too strong at some points, and not at all like the high-frequency pulsation of other vibes, which left me wanting. Even as I lay thinking about how the beak was painful, the pulsation led me orgasm. It was really the first orgasm I had without even trying, and that was vibration-induced alone, so it was something of a milestone, even if it wasn’t the best I’ve ever had. If that doesn’t say something about the value of this toy, I’m not sure what can.

For once, I quite enjoyed the rotation of the shaft. The 3 tracks of 3 beads each move in the same direction and at the same speed as the shaft and were noticeable, but the overall effect felt like there was only one internal function. The rotation was also rather powerful and stood up to clenching but it was hard to tell if both the shaft and beads stood up to my muscles or if it was just the shaft or beads. Either way, I have had few rabbits that stand up at all to clenching, so it was nice.

One of the things I especially like about rabbit vibes is how they hug my pubic bone, and the Decadent Indulgence did a decent job. The TPR, while pliable was stiffer than some jelly I have experienced, and helped with this. I wouldn’t complain if it was a more snug fit. The bullet seemed to be a little further away from the shaft than in some rabbits I have used, resulting in a clit stimulator which is a bit too flexible. I found that in order to place the bullet as high as I like on my vulva, the beak was simply in the way, poking at my mons, and the shaft did reach a little further than I prefer, but this was less of an issue than the beak.

A few other thoughts on this toy. The TPR will attract a little lint and has a slight rubbery smell, but it’s really not offensive. The battery pack is closed with a slide-on cover which doesn’t seem super secure. This toy should not be submerged and you should only use water-based lube. However, TPR should be safe with both water or silicone-based lubricants, so I am not sure why this would be the case.

In the end, I loved the functions of the Decadent Indulgence. The pulsation truly lived up to the name of this toy. However, I could really do without the painful clitoral stimulator. California Exotic does have a lot of toys with similar functions so I will definitely keep my eye out for something that has all the strengths of the Decadent Indulgence without the bite.

7 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.