Premature Ejaculation: What does it mean?

October 21st, 2008

It might be pretty cut and dry to some what it means but I think the assumption that there is a time when a man can ejaculate too early shows a lot about our expectations and perhaps misunderstandings about sex.

In my mind, assuming there there is a time which is “too early” for a man to orgasm, means that there must be a “correct” time for him to orgasm. To imply cut-and-paste directions to sex is not only futile but potentially harmful. How many problems from people only wanting to be viewed as normal? I think I am fairly educated when I come to sex and reasonable as well. I figure if I want to do it, if he agrees and if we’re not hurting anyone (or at least taking care not to cause irreparable harm) or breaking any laws, then it’s a go even if it’s not  seen as normal.

With that said, I don’t think that any averages are accurate when it comes to judging sex. Who is to take that a the average penis size is 5.3 inches or black men have bigger cocks or sex lasts and average of 15 minutes The fact is sex shouldn’t even be looked at in the terms of average but in the terms of what’s right for you. Why are we so busy obsessing over a model of typical behaviour when, in actuality, that model itself is skewed because people are too afraid to admit how it actually is.

So what is the model in this context? I think the model is that a guy must last a certain time in order to please his partner. Often, this includes helping the partner achieve orgasm as well. While I am all for satisfaction, attentiveness and orgasm, I think it’s impossible to apply a blanket statement over sex. The only person who can set a standard is your partner and, even then, the standard may vary drastically from time to time.

When it comes down to, “holding out” as long as you can or until your partner cums maye actually be less pleasant than you might think. In fact, putting pressure on your partner to orgasm may prevent him or her from being able to do so.

So when is the right time to orgasm? Do you need to last X amount of minutes or provide X amount of orgasms? Ask your partner! Know what it takes to satisfy your partner and be attentive to those needs first, if you feel you might not last as long as you would like. Remember, however, that sex can be completely satisfying without an orgasm for your partner. We don’t know if your partner prefers to orgasm once or twice before you do but she or he does!

Stop listening to everyone else and listen to the one person who matters most in your sex life, the person with whom you are having sex!

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Categories: Articles

Where do you want to go in your love life?

October 14th, 2008

I just stumbled across a “sex map,” that is a visual representation of the realm of sex and the fetishes/interests/lifestyle it includes. It’s an interesting concept, albeit one I would never have thought of myself. And, it’s not even the first time someone thought of it.This is the answer to “What now?” when you feel you want to do something new and have reached the limits of your own imagination (or just need a little more inspiration). You can’t say it isn’t detailed; although humans beings are creative so it may still be missing something.

I do have a bone to pick and that is, it isn’t very sensical. I like the of a map and island could really do a nice job of showing relationship between certain interests. However, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to put “Vanilla Sex” on its own island as thought it’s only distantly related. Granted, there may be greater barriers for those stuck on the vanilla side but isn’t that where everyone starts out? Therefore, I believe it should have a more central position and that all other itnerests would flow more logically coming from that. Perhaps an island in the middle would be a better idea.

Oh well, just my thoughts.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Touch of Fur Rabbit Whip

October 10th, 2008

Touch of Fur Rabbit Whip
from

Tabutoys no longer sells this rabbit fur flogger, but you can buy it directly from the maker in multiple colors.

This Touch of Fur Rabbit whip seems exciting! It looks luxurious and I thought it would be nice for some very tame flogging and sensation play so I went ahead and ordered it despite its price tag. As it turns out, it wasn’t worth it.

Let me say that this flogger seemed well made initially. The handle is very thick with securely wrapped leather and seems quality. At the end is a metal ring that will make the Touch of Fur easy to hang or can be used to add a wrist strap.

However, after one decent swing, over half of the tails came un-sewn and broke off. Further inspection shows that the 7 fur tails of this flogger are not whole pieces but are made up of 1 longer and one short piece each; around 2 inches from the handle, the longer pieces are sewn on. The sewing was very bad and this is where the tails came off. Luckily, I was able to sew them back on myself and all the tails no seem to be holding up well.

The fur tails feel simply amazing running across your skin. For very light flogging or running the tails across your partner’s (or your own!) skin, this will feel great. This would work well to tease if one partner was bound.

Don’t expect any more than that. No matter how hard you throw this flogger, there will be no stinging sensation or thud. I don’t think this would work very well as a warm-up flogger because the tails are simply too light.

Add to that, the poor quality of the sewing and this flogger is simply more for appearance than use. However, I think this would be a bit expensive to be a prop in a photo or to remain hung on one’s wall.

If you’re into sensation play, there are more cost-effective alternatives (even ones with fur!) than the Touch of Fur Rabbit Whip, and if you’re into impact play, there’s something more effective for your desires. I cannot think of a single reason to recommend this product to another consumer!

Looking for something more intense? Read my other flogger reviews.

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Categories: BDSM, Reviews

BNaughty

October 7th, 2008

BNaughty
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The BNaughty egg vibrator by BSwish is definitely a toy for grown ups! Boasting a velvety smooth feel and 4 powerful levels of vibration, all packed into a completely waterproof package, this is a great egg for sex toy amateurs and connoisseurs alike. Of course, every product has some sort of claim, and as often is the case with sex toys, these claims usually turn out to be false. However, I was definitely open to surprises when the BNaughty (a play on the word “be,” as all of the company’s toys are called) arrived in my mailbox.

One of the first things I noticed was the packaging. The BNaughty comes in a sleek red and black box which matches the toy itself with a modern design featuring a woman in lingerie. The clean lines of the packaging are very mature and would be just as fitting on the packaging for consumer electronics, like an iPod. This slick box is a far improvement over the plastic blister-packaging of adult store “novelties” and gives the BNaughty the impression of being a legitimate product rather than something that should be hidden away.

The box contains a description of the BNaughty, describing its “compact oval shape, its silky touch and pitter-patter vibrations” as well as a few notes such as the necessity of 2 AA batteries (not included) and a warning that the vibrator should not be used on swollen or inflamed body parts and also that the product makes no medical claims. Interestingly enough, it seems that the toy itself is not the only silky thing in the package, the box itself feels very smooth.

The package contains the BNaughty egg vibrator, which is attached to its remote, and an additional small, cinching sac, which is perfectly inconspicuous for carrying or storing the toy. First impressions of the bnaughty were good. I immediately noticed was a delicious colour it was: a vibrant cherry red. This is not the colour one comes to expect from sex toys but, rather, the colour one might expect in fashion or alternative hair! I was very impressed with that aspect alone.

Closer inspection revealed several promising aspects of the toy. Both the remote and egg felt very sturdy and secure, and they had a soft, velvety texture as promised (pet owners rejoice—the material does not collect lint!). Furthermore, there were no chips or cracks anywhere that could cause injury, lead to breaking of the naughty, or make cleaning difficult. Also, the wire between the 2 components was well insulated and connected securely, with caps on either end to ensure waterproofing.

The egg itself is pretty straightforward, a very smooth device, and while not exactly seamless, this shouldn’t be detrimental to the experience. On the other hand, the remote has some improvements over other typical ones. For starters, it’s ergonomically contoured to be comfortable to hold and easy to grip in situations where it’s easy to lose the remote – such as in the shower.Also, since both parts are meant to be waterproof, the battery packed which is housed in the remote has a very tight and secure fit.

I tried the BNaughty first in the shower and then outside. I was very pleased with this vibrator. It’s the first of its kind that I’ve used and it’s very powerful despite it’s small stature. In fact, of it’s 4 settings, I didn’t expect to go any higher than #2. I did find, however, that in the shower, I needed to turn the egg up to 3 to compete with the sensations of the water. The BNaught held up very well in the water, with no problems.

I then took it took the bedroom where I was able to experiment a bit more. Smaller vibes like this one are great to use in a variety of ways as they’re so easy to manipulate and I found exploring this to be quite delightful. Outside of a wet atmosphere, I use the BNaughty on the second setting, usually. I found that this pretty little egg did the trick quite nicely once I got the hang of it.

The BNaughty also works well during couples’ play. It can just as easily be wielded by a partner and, because of its small size, can be used during intercourse, between your bodies, and against the clitoris. I found this to be especially delightful and the BNaughty came through again.

The only downside I experienced with the BNaughty – yes there is 1, but only 1 – was that it was perhaps too powerful. Often, the hand holding the toy took the brunt of the vibrations, which became a little uncomfortable. After playing with the toy for a while, both my hand and clit felt a bit twitchy and uncomfortable. Unfortunately, there’s no way around this because egg vibrators have no handle, and I suppose it’s the price I must pay for the enjoyment the BNaughty gives me otherwise.

My experience with the BNaughty, my first with this style of toy, was very enjoyable. This gorgeous, discreet little vibrator is strong enough for even experienced players yet not threatening in the least. For solo or couples play, the BNaughty proves pleasurable and will certainly enhance your experience.

5 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Silicone in Your Sex Life

October 6th, 2008

Silicone is a common ingredient in many things, like sex toys and lubricants. In lubricants, it’s preferred because it feels slicker, lasts longer, and does not get as tacky as water-based lubricants. Silicone lubricants are condom compatible, and you can even use them as a massage product. If you’re looking for a recommendation, Uberlube is the best silicone lube I’ve ever used.

Uberlube
Uberlube is my favorite silicone lube

To some, silicone can feel unnatural, however. For them, a hybrid or water-based lube might be the better option. Silicone personal lubricant may also stain linens, so be careful about spills.

However, silicone lubricants should not be used with some silicone sex toys because they can cause a reaction. It’s most likely to occur when you use lower-quality silicone lube with a softer silicone toy. You can perform a spot test with your silicone lube and toys by applying a small amount on the base and rubbing vigorously for 5 to 10 minutes to simulate use. If the toy becomes tacky, it is not compatible with that lube, although you can protect a toy from a reaction by using it with a condom if possible.

Silicone is a high-quality and body-safe ingredient for sex toys. Silicone toys can be soft like jelly or nearly rigid and retain body heat. This makes silicone ideal for realistic toys, especially those with dual-density formulas (I recommend VixSkin). Unlike jelly, silicone does not contain the potentially harmful chemicals known as phthalates, which cause a rubbery smell. You’re less likely to find translucent toys made from silicone than you are jelly, but silicone is available a variety of colors.

Pure silicone is also nonporous, so toys can be thoroughly disinfected by boiling or running through the dishwasher (top shelf, no soap)–only if they are waterproof and not mechanical, of course. Disinfecting is important when sharing with partners or if you use a toy for both anal and vaginal penetration. Disinfecting this way kills microscopic bacteria that may remain on a toy even after washing with soap and water.

Some people believe storing silicone toys together can cause a reaction, although Dangerous Lilly busted that myth. Your softer toys may become a bit misshapen or want to stick together, but those toys are also the most likely to collect lint, so storing them in some sort of pouch or bag is smarter, anyway.

Manufacturers sometimes use silicone for various BDSM goodies, including blindfolds, cuffs, paddles and impact play toys, gags, and nipple suckers because of the same benefits that make it ideal for insertable toys. 

Because silicone toys are of higher quality than other materials, they may also cost more. However, many companies now make affordable silicone vibrators and dildos.

Remember that a toy must only contain 10% silicone to be labeled as silicone. Be wary if the toy is labeled as TPR silicone, as it is slightly porous.

10 Comments

Categories: Articles

Worth the Wait

September 25th, 2008

What is it about having sex after a break that makes it seem so much better?

Is it simply physical? It’s no secret that a body will experience a stronger orgasm after an extended period of time without release. Perhaps sex is better because the climax is that much stronger.

Or maybe it is that having sex after a dry spell refreshes your memory to how good it is. It’s not any better than it normally is, you simply forgot.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that neither of those is true. It could be an emotional reconnection, solidifying the bond once again in a physical way.

Yet, it could be that a break reminds us of when we first had sex. As we become reacquainted, we may go through some of the same awkward moments and experience how it is to (re)learn about ourselves and our partner. But it’s okay if it’s uncomfortable, silly or even painful.

And there’s always the relief. There’s no more worry about when or if you’ll have sex again because this is it. For now, at least, you’ll be satisfied and you can experience something you love. All the time and energy spent trying to have sex had finally paid off.

Truthfully, it’s more likely a combination of some or all of these things, and then some. It’s a complex relationship between hormones, physical pleasure, emotions and mental clockworks. But whatever it is, it can sometimes make the wait worth it.

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Categories: Everything Else

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Ending the Dry Spell

September 23rd, 2008

It was not nearly a drink of water but a beautiful oasis I encountered after so many days in the desert. It was as if satiating, rejuvenating water flowed down my throat and across my skin, heightening my senses. This was no ordinary oasis, no ordinary experience.

Reluctant at first, I pulled him on top of me, his leg in between mine. A familiar exchange, our bodies rubbed and grinded against each other. His cock was hard against my hip while I rubbed myself against his leg. I felt the return of familiar hormones and feelings. Although I hadn’t wanted it at the beginning, I did then.

His kisses covered my skin, eventually moving south. Ever attentive, he lavishly pleasured me with his mouth and fingers. As heavenly as it felt and although I could feel my orgasm building, it was long and taxing in effort.  He was selfless, as always (or maybe not; he is quick to profess his addiction to performing oral sex on me) and brushed aside my apologies.

His body moved up until his cock slid into me, effortlessly. It felt as though it had been ages since we had last been intimate. Perhaps it hap. There was no discomfort or awkwardness; everything worked together like a well oiled machine (and by that time I was well lubricated by my own arousal and his saliva). His cock felt wonderful and filling in that hard-yet-soft way.

He thrusted, I rocked in return. For whatever reason, his cock felt better than I remembered. Was it simply because it had been so long? Or was it something more?

We continued in our passionate throes, moaning and panting as we did. I was able to lose myself completely in this sexual bliss, one hand snaking below to rub my clitoris and pelvic bone as he thrust in and out of me. But I wanted it deeper, harder knowing all the while that what I wanted would make him orgasm sooner.

But I wanted it and demanded he please me with his cock. I came again for the second or third time and as I commanded him to fuck me harder, to come in me, he moaned in kind. His thrusts came more powerful and I came again, a satisfying and shuddering orgasm as he spilled his hot cum inside of me.

As his semen came rushing into me, a flood of emotions came rushing out and, before I knew it, I was crying. Hot tears ran down my cheeks in a torrent of sudden emotion and I held his body close to mine, physically spent but emotionally charged.

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Categories: Stories

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.