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May 2019 Media Recommendations
May 28th, 2019
I’ve got lots of suggestions this month, so I’ll jump right into them.
Listen
Several podcasts touched on abortion in recent episodes. This includes Science Vs, which took a different stance with their episode called The Abortion Underground, in which host Wendy interviews women who required abortions when they were illegal and absolutely terrifying as well as women who provided abortion services. I wasn’t very familiar with how this worked, and this episode was eye-opening and timely.
Sunny Megatron also tackles the topic with a focus on how criminalizing abortion disproportionately affects marginalized groups such as people of color and those who are impoverished on American Sex.
A previous episode of Science Vs looks into the fertility cliff, whether it’s real, and why so many people
Outward hosts talked about sex ed this month. They discuss how many LGBTQ+ issues should be included in sex ed (and whether sex ed should just take that slant to begin with because straight people have so much to learn), how porn fails as sex ed, and why everyone should use lube.
My final recommendation is another Slate podcast: The Waves. Introducing Hi-Phi Nation: For Women Only is a brief history of trans women as feminist activists, the TERFs who exclude them, and how events in the 70s affect us all today.
Lovehoney also has a new podcast that you can give a listen.
Read
I’ve got to catch up on my reviews, including two book reviews. In Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, Kate Devlin really breaks down the state of sex robots, who uses them, and the implications for human and does it all with a side of British humor. One of my favorite books all year!
Watch
I wasn’t previously familiar with Philosophy Tube before this video about sex work came across my screen. It seems like a lot of the topics covered were also addressed in the book Revolting Prostitutes (yes, a review is still coming!) including decriminalizing, marginalized people, and various models the world over, among others. I haven’t watched every second of the video, but it seems like a good intro if you can’t dedicate yourself to an entire book and especially if you listen to it on double time.
Terri Conley discusses myths about sex and specifically casual sex in her TEDx talk at U of M. She draws from her research that flips much of what we believe about sex and a person based on their sexual preferences and activities on its head.
Let me know what you thought of anything on this list or if you have suggestions for me!
Comment
Fun Factory Laya II – Revamped
May 17th, 2019
Betrayal.
There is no other word to describe how I felt after trying the Laya II Black Line.
The shape was similar and the material was upgraded, but the motor was disappointing. Devastatingly so.
While the original Laya Spot wasn’t the most powerful, its medium vibrations were dependable. Deep enough to do the job consistently. The Laya II presented me with high-pitched vibrations that were ineffective.
So I was happy to hear that Fun Factory was doing something about it; although, I almost missed the announcement. I heard it first when Epiphora blogged about the new model and how they it was more acceptable than the last. I also emailed the company to ask about the changes and received the response that they were 30% stronger.
What’s the difference?
For a while, you could find both the Black Line and newer Laya IIs. You still may be able to, which could lead to confusion. The new ones are colorful (purple, pink, or blue) unlike the Black Line, which is black as the name suggests.
Both styles are rechargeable via Fun Factory’s magnetic chargers whereas the very first Laya Spot was powered by 2 AAAs. hard to believe I was such a fan, eh?
Regardless of color, the Laya IIs are the same size and shape, which is a bit difficult to measure. However, they’re not exactly the same as the original. It’s close, to be sure, but Fun Factory states they’ve “tweaked the shape to make it hug your body even better.” The newer Layas are a bit longer, for one. They’re heavier, too, because of the internal motor, and the valley on top where I would have rested my finger isn’t as defined. As you can see in my photo, the original Laya Spot (green and pink) is flatter along the bottom sides while the new ones are rounder.
These things aren’t necessarily bad. The differences aren’t that noticeable aside from the buttons. The three buttons on Laya II are closer to the end of the toy… exactly where I want to press down to achieve pressure. The original only needed space for two buttons so I could place my fingers there. Furthermore, the bubbly buttons of the Laya II are incredibly easy to find and press, perhaps too easy. I would prefer something between the recessed buttons of the original and Fun Factory’s current buttons.
Other than that, you might assume the toys are the same shape if you’re only viewing images online or not staring intently at them in person. Regardless, any Laya is much taller than similar clitoral stimulators — the Lilys and Siris of the world. And the “nose” of the toy is always what’s worked for me. It can penetrate thick labial folds with ease.
It’s firm enough for pressure (but less firm than the original, which was made mostly of hard plastic while the newer versions are coated in a softer silicone), and the bent shape of the Laya Spot sits more comfortably in my hand. It doesn’t leave my hand as cramped as smaller toys, something that’s increasingly become a concern as my pain progresses.
The shape was always my favorite aspect of this toy, and it still delivers. There were times when I’d used my original Laya to achieve pressure without any vibrations at all. I’ll get back to that.
But what about the new Laya II? Compared to the Black Line, the vibrations are noticeably stronger and deeper. It’s not the rumbliest or strongest clitoral vibrator. If you need Hitachi-level vibes, then you should pass on this. The Laya II is absolutely weaker and buzzier than FF’s full-size toys, too, so keep that in mind. Still, it’s an improvement. It’s workable. No, better.
Those vibrations can get me off; although, I usually just skip to the highest steady setting. The new Laya II isn’t as frustrating as the Black Line. Perhaps the biggest sign is that even when the vibrator died, I continued to use the shape to get off.
The Laya II has become a toy that I actually crave using, at least every once in a while. That doesn’t happen much anymore.
It gives me hope because I’ve gone through two original Laya Spots and don’t have one that still works. At least I have something to fall back on that I won’t hate. I call this a win.
I am not quite as much a proponent of the Laya II, partly because there are many more quality clitoral vibes out there, including the Mimi Soft with its deep vibrations. This wasn’t the case over a decade ago when the Laya Spot was one of few. So, while I am glad that Fun Factory has updated my favorite clitoral vibe so that I can use it for a few more years and another generation of users can discover it, I know it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay.
Update: Fun Factory has now released the Laya III.
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10 Wallet-Friendly Alternatives to the Liberator Throw
April 30th, 2019
It’s no secret that many of us enjoy our Liberator Throws. Using them provides us with peace of mind that allows us to truly let go when having sex. While I’m one of many people who has been quick to recommend these products, it’s also no secret that a Throw is hard on the wallet. They’re a hassle to clean, a little crinkly, and the company has had dubious practices with affiliates in the past. Plus, Liberator Throws don’t really absorb the mess. It just sits on top of the blanket.
So if you’re looking for a product that’s more affordable or easier to wash or simply cannot support the company, you’ve got options! You might not need these options if your messes are small and easily taken care of with a few towels, but for those who towels aren’t good enough, keep reading.
Waterproof Blankets
Several other companies make waterproof blankets, some specifically for sex and others for general purposes. Because they’re larger and designed to be prettier and more comfortable than some of the other products on this list, waterproof blankets tend to cost more than other options (this isn’t always the case!). However, you’ve got more choices when it comes to size, material (fleece, velvet, etc.) and colors. These options definitely feel the most like the Liberator Throw.
- Throws of Passion (TOP) Waterproof Bed Blanket — get 5% off with on-page coupon
- NoMoreWetSpot Blanket
- Mambe Blanket
- Sportsheets Pivot is the newest item on this list
- PassionMate Blanket — more luxe appearance than others on this list
- Pawsse Waterproof Dog Blanket
- Teehome Blanket— cheapest option on this list
I’ll take a moment to mention the Avana Waterproof Throw, which comes in the same colors as the Throw. In fact, the description uses some of the same photos and size labels, so it could be an off-label Liberator. However, users say it’s less crinkly than a Throw. It’s a toss-up but markedly cheaper than a Throe if you like the style.
Many of these options simply popped up when I searched Amazon for a waterproof blanket. I stuck to those that had positive reviews and material, size, or color options. There are plenty more alternatives, however, if you search for a waterproof or picnic/stadium/pet blanket. Bonus: outdoor blankets often come with a carrying case of some sort.
Mattress Protectors
Mattress protectors are basically plastic that slips over your mattress, so you need to be sure to buy one that’s the same size as your mattress and deep enough, too. Some are quilted for extra softness. Mattress protectors are not my personal favorite because they don’t protect your sheets, so you’ll still have to wash those. This seems less useful for frequent sex. But you might enjoy them if you’re also looking to keep your mattress pristine from sweat, period blood, etc.
AmazonBasics offers its own version, but you can purchase them in many big-box and home goods stores.
Waterproof Pads
Waterproof pads protect a targeted area on your sheets and mattress. The smaller size is easier to wash, dry and store, and they often come in 2-packs. They’re sold as puppy pee pads, incontinence pads, and bedwetting pads for kids. You can easily buy them for less than $20 if you’re willing to sacrifice the larger size and aesthetic options.
Although the above are washable, you can purchase single-use pee pads that might be convenient if you don’t have access to a washing machine or room to transport a whole pad/blanket. You can buy a whole bunch of them for very little money.
The cheapest options might not seem as luxurious as a Throw but they may be more inconspicuous and can even come in handy if you do have children or pets.
Bonus: a latex sheet like the type you’ll find in kinky stores lies over the top of your bed. It can be kinky, although it won’t absorb any liquids. Be careful around the edges!
This post contains some affiliate links.
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April 2019 Media Recommendations
April 26th, 2019
April is almost over, so I better get this posted. This month’s list of recommendations is longer than I realized. Each month, I listen to podcasts, watch videos and read a bit. If something is especially poignant, I might think that I should jot that down somewhere to recommend to you all, but I often forget. As I went through my history, I realized how much good stuff I enjoyed in April. I hope you enjoy some of it, too!
Listen
Feminist podcast The Waves discussed the current state of sex education in the U.S and whether schools is where people should get all their sex ed.
I think I’ve listened to Speaking of Sex before, but I recently came across it again and quickly consumed three or four episodes. They’re in the middle of a series about stress and sex that include an episode with Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, who has a new book about burning out.
In the most recent episode of Science Vs, Wendy discusses whether the fertility cliff for women is real, if men might experience one as well, and what in the world is happening with sperm.
I wouldn’t have started listening to Outward if it wasn’t broadcast on The Waves channel, but I find that I enjoy it. In a recent episode about the gay scene, the hosts discuss how the scene looks different in various locales. While that was interesting, I especially enjoyed the segment with Shirley Chan about bi culture — what is it, does it exist, and how does it look? Examining bi culture and identities also hits home for me. It’s been difficult for me to identify with the larger queer community when parts of hetero culture still apply to me. Plus, they discuss democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg and whether his being gay should matter to votes when it doesn’t seem to matter to him.
Watch
It seems as though queer issues and sexuality are gaining more traction in mainstream media, so some of my recommendations this month fall under that purview.
Netflix has a new series called Bonding about a couple of friends who work in a BDSM dungeon. I’m only a few episodes in, and it’s a bit silly but enjoyable.
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Good Girls (NBC) since it debuted. Christina Hendricks and Retta nail it. In a recent episode, one of the characters has come out as trans.
While The Bold Type is sometimes white feminism at its worst, the newest season shows Jane taking charge of her reproductive future by freezing her eggs. She’s currently dating someone, and the show has handled it well. It’s compassionate, real, and touching.
Two therapists discuss consent in BDSM in this short video. Somehow they manage to address what people can learn about how the kink community handles consent, knowing yourself before you can ask what you want, and more in just a few minutes!
Read
I haven’t started a new book about sex since I finished Tongue Tied (check out my review). Still, I enjoyed a few pieces online and parts of other books that touched on sex.
I’ve been reading Human Errors by Nathaniel Lents. The author walks readers through all the quirks of the human body as a result of evolution and sometimes random flukes. Although it’s not all about sex, a chapter that discusses the intricacies of reproduction and fertility are fascinating and timely for this post.
Editor, writer and more Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a piece called “I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why” for Self last month. It was honest and interesting. This piece complements her interview on Sex Out Loud quite well. In the podcast, Rachel and Tristan discuss when kink is something we do versus who we are.
Let me know what you think of this media. Do you have some recommendations of your own? I feel like there’s a lot of new shows and movies that are queer-oriented that I hear about but then forget. Feel free to let me know if you’ve got a favorite.
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Science of Sex: Male Squirting
April 23rd, 2019
As I browsed Reddit a week or so ago, I came across the story of a man who had accidentally urinated in his partner’s mouth when oral sex continued after initial orgasm/ejaculation. Many people in the thread were confused as to how OP didn’t know this was possible. Several commenters revealed that people with penises can experience an ejaculatory orgasm and then experience a pleasurable orgasm-like sensation afterward. However, they’re not ejaculating again.
What is happening then? It appears to be male squirting.
It’s not often that I come across a sexual activity that is new to me. Imagine my surprise to learn there’s an entire subreddit dedicated to it.
A study was able to replicate this transmission to produce “translucent misty fluids with a creatine level similar to that of urine.” The patient experienced muscle contractions as well. Researchers concluded that this was urine being expelled because of the contractions.
Personal stories show that people have been able to squirt this way by rubbing just the head of the penis or via anal stimulation. Although, some people are hesitant because of how sensitive they become after orgasm.
Many people have made the comparison to female squirting, which originates in the bladder but doesn’t appear identical to urine. Both can cause the sensation of needing to pee (this is common when the G-spot is stimulated). There can be similar muscle contractions and fluid is expelled. through the urethra. It’s very dilute, however.
We’ve long been taught that an erection makes it difficult to pee; although, morning wood proves that it’s not impossible. Male squirting seems to be another example.
This is a short recap because there’s only one study from October 2018 that focuses on a single subject. However, the Internet is full of videos stimulating their penises to squirt, and you can see the difference between that and ejaculation, which happens in spurts and not streams.
Knowing that anyone may be capable of achieving an involuntary bladder reflex in response to sexual stimulation might lend more credence to what many women experience when they squirt. At the very least, it can expand how people view sexuality.
Further Reading
Male squirting: Analysis of one case using color Doppler ultrasonography
New insights from one case of female ejaculation.
The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate
Comment
JIL Olivia Vibrator
April 15th, 2019
JIL Olivia Vibrator
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
Did you ever know one of those people whose personality was a sponge? They soaked up those around them. But when you remove that person from a group and get them alone, you find that they’re lacking in personality. They try so hard to please that you’re not sure who they are. Without a person or group to mimic, they’re bland.
Even worse, you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. You feel deceived.
It’s this way with Olivia, which tries to do so many things but never really manages to do any of them well. Perhaps I should know better. Almost every single toy I’ve used that wanted to be versatile has failed me.
Remember the bendable, twistable vibrator? No one would blame you if you didn’t. You might recall how much I disliked the Gvibe 2, which was advertised to work in 8 different ways but really only kinda-sorta achieved one.
I guess it comes down to this: I want my sex toys to do one thing really well.
If I can find some second use for the toy, that’s fantastic. Many internal vibes can work for clitoral stimulation.
Truth be told, I feel the same about most of my devices. I prefer an e-reader to a tablet because it’s set up to do one thing and do it well.
Olivia doesn’t do any one thing that well. The shape and curve of the shaft suggest that G-spot stimulation is ideal, but the thin, flexible neck means you can’t get the pressure you might like or thrust with any intensity.
It also means a lack of pressure when it comes to clitoral stimulation.
This vibrator just feels awkward in my hand, too. The neck is sooo flexible that the head flops around heavily. I always underestimate what companies mean when they advertise something as flexible, but this is also a case of the manufacturer overestimating how much flexibility a person would ever need. It makes the toy feel impossible to control once inserted it. You really can’t get a lot of precision with Olivia because it’ll bend any which way.
But it’s partially my fault, you know? Because I see words like “flexible,” and I think this toy does so much and sign myself right up. I should know better by now. Similarly, I should had realized that deep raspberry pink color was too good to be true. It’s a brighter, more run-of-the-mill pink in person.
I’m also flummoxed at the size of this, especially when compared with how flexible it is. There are plenty of reasons why a person might want a shorter toy or even one with a more narrow shaft, but those all seem negated by the flexibility. My fingers inch up the shaft in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, reducing the insertable length.
Although it doesn’t look like that extreme, it feels like Olivia’s shaft narrows suddenly after the head, so only the head provides much stimulation. The rest is too narrow or perhaps lacking in texture to do much at all. This would be fine if Olivia was a good G-spotter (I find those straight and narrow G-spot wands a bit boring but effective), but it’s not. But toys can have a wider shaft and still effectively hit the G-spot.
In terms of motor, Olivia is buzzier and louder than I’d like. There’s that “hollow” sound that some vibrators make (many Fun Factory toys used to) that suggests there needs to be more insulation around the motor. The wider base means your hand won’t buzz right off, however. Actually, I really enjoy the shape of the base for holding, and the single button is placed well to be used via thumb (it also lights up). I dislike the controls on most insertable vibes.
Aside from the three steady modes, there are a few pulsation and escalation modes. Some of these are terribly buzzy, and a few just seem like buzzier and/or weaker steady vibration modes. I am not sure why they’re included. Were the shape designed for my body, I would be fine with the steady vibes. Olivia wouldn’t be my favorite, but it would get the job done.
There’s probably someone out there who wants a toy that’s super flexible, can be inserted less than 5 inches, has a maximum diameter of under 1 1/2 inches, and provides middle-of-the-road vibrations. It’s not me, though. Olivia just fails at being enough for me. It’s not long enough, strong enough, firm enough, wide enough.
If I didn’t have to write about Olivia, I’d likely shove it in the back of a drawer and forget all about it. And that’s no vote of confidence.
Comment
In Dreams
April 10th, 2019
I’ve dreamed about The Bartender often lately. My dreams aren’t about him, though; they’re about what he symbolizes. After all, we have barely talked twice in over two years. We haven’t slept together in closer to five. Hell, he’s not even a bartender anymore as far as I know. My how the time flies.
Yet, I find myself dreaming about him. In those dreams, I am longing, I am angry, I am hurt and confused. Most of all, I am searching. I am searching for solace and respite from the anxiety that has been running so high lately because of my cat’s declining health, increasing bills, lack of work, and the winter that never wanted to end (surprise: we’re getting more snow tomorrow).
The Bartender had a natural knack that allowed him to calm me. He wouldn’t have understood why it worked had he thought about it, which he never did. He could have expanded on his potential if he wanted to, but he didn’t.
Still, very few people have that sort of calming effect on me whether it’s intuitive or developed. And I could use some of those people now — the type of people with whom I can sit in silence and not vent about because I am so very sick of explaining what’s going on. The type of people whom I can hug or cuddle until the anxiety physically melts from my body, perhaps until I fall asleep.
I have so many people who are willing to listen and some who will spend time with me, but no one who currently fills that role. That’s part of the reason why it was so difficult to let The Bartender go.
And even though I am no longer in love with him and it’s been years since I was, my dreams bring back that rush of feelings. They seep into my waking life, reigniting a passion I thought I had forgotten. Sometimes I have dreams of my ex-husband, vivid dreams fraught with emotion. In many ways, these dreams are the opposite because there’s no respite from my anxiety; these dreams only cause more.
But these dreams are similar in that the emotions that evoke feel real. I wake up remembering what it was like to be in love with these people, to pine over them, to hurt when things ended. The emotional residue from my dreams is strong enough that I wonder if I might somehow still have feelings for these people.
The thoughts can linger for days, and just when it seems they’ve passed, I have another dream.
I wouldn’t act on these thoughts. There’s nothing to be rekindled or more closure to have. But my anxious brain just likes to rehash old hurts, perhaps because it’s easier than dealing with my current stressors.
For now, I dream of the day when those are over.
